The Cost of Living This Life
by Psyched
Summary: Speculation on Season 8 spoilers: Kensi is hurt during a mission, resulting in a life-altering condition.
1. Chapter 1

**The Cost of Living This Life**

 **AN:** This is my first story in this fandom (and I've never attempted anything this long before, but after reading spoilers, this grabbed me and wouldn't let go). I only really got into the show at the beginning of Season 7, and pretty much watched the entire series (not necessarily in order) this summer. Big fan of Densi.

I had originally planned to start posting this week with the realistic hopes of completing the story by the time of the original October premier date. Of course, the only bad news as far as I'm concerned now that they've moved the date to September is that I probably won't be finished with this by then. Hopefully there will be enough interest for people to keep reading after that.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

 _Don't your wild, wild heart weigh you down sometime?_  
 _Well my, my, my, ain't it the cost of living this life?  
~Rob Thomas: My, My, My_

As Kensi Blye woke, she heard the creaking of bent and broken metal rubbing against metal. She smelled acrid smoke and engine fuel. She felt aches beginning to radiate through her body, converging into a burning pain in her right thigh. When she opened her eyes, she looked around at the destruction that surrounded her: broken glass, twisted metal, hanging wires. It took her a few moments to get her bearings. She closed her eyes again and tried to concentrate on what events had led her down this particular rabbit-hole.

Syria. She was in Syria with her team. They had been sent to apprehend a high-value target and had been in a helicopter heading from one base camp to another when all hell broke loose. Kensi remembered hearing the pilot curse as several of the systems started to fail in rapid succession. He'd tried his best to land the chopper, but it was clear to Kensi now that he hadn't been entirely successful. Not that she was complaining; if he's failed completely, she'd likely be dead.

Kensi looked toward the front of the helicopter to the pilot's seat but couldn't see anything. The seatback was blocking her view. Same for the copilot's seat, where Callen had been sitting. Either they weren't there or they were slumped over and out of her line of sight. Sam and a marine who was accompanying them had been in the second row of seats, Corporal Maynard behind the pilot and Sam behind Callen. The marine was now laying against the back of Callen's chair and seemed to be unconscious. Sam was gone, as were the seats they had been sitting on.

In fact, that whole section of the helicopter seemed to have crumpled in on itself, and Kensi appeared to be resting in the accordion-like result, where the back of the helicopter now met the front. She was propped up against what was now the back corner of the cabin, furthest from the sliding side door across from her. Her right leg was basically engulfed in a V of metal, and the sharp pain in her thigh made her suspect something was imbedded in it. Part of …something metal and relatively heavy was laying across her thigh and blocking her view, so she couldn't determine the extent of the damage just yet.

She and Deeks had been sitting on jumper seats in the back of the bird, and as she finished her perusal of the scene, she realized that her partner was also missing. He and Sam had likely disappeared out of the missing door next to which they'd sat. Hopefully on their own steam.

Panic started to rise in her throat as she called out, "Deeks!" When she did not hear him quickly call back with "I'm good," she tried again, louder.

From the front of the chopper, Kensi heard her name. "Callen?" she replied. She looked toward his seat and saw him now, sitting up and rubbing his head. "Are you alright? I don't see Deeks or Sam. Corporal Maynard is right behind you, and he doesn't look too good."

She thought she heard the pilot, Master Sergeant Stone, starting to move around as well, attempting to disengage his harness. Callen still seemed to be trying to orient himself to what had happened as he looked around. "Callen? Talk to me. You good?"

"Yeah, I think so." He turned in his seat to look at her. "You?"

"Same here. Not sure I'll be able to get out from back here on my own, though."

Callen took a few moments to focus on Kensi's situation. She could tell he was trying to assess the damage and find a way to get her out. She was in the corner farthest from him and the exit, but the floor between her and, well, everything, was torn up, rippled, or crushed. There were any number of sharp edges and loose wires in her immediate vicinity that would make getting to her tricky. "I see that. Sit tight, Kens, let me see what I can do."

"Don't worry about me. If you can get out, check on the others. Maynard's still unconscious back here, and where the hell are Deeks and Sam?" Kensi's voice rose at the end, both in volume and urgency. The pain in her leg was getting worse and her worry for her partner was becoming harder to control. Kensi managed to get a hand under the metal piece that had landed on her and felt around her thigh. She hissed in pain when she touched a particular spot, but it wasn't heard over Master Sergeant Stone speaking into the radio, alerting home base that they were down and in need of assistance. Her hand came away bloody.

"It's going to take them at least an hour to get someone out here. Let's see what's what in the meantime." The pilot, now finally free of his restraints, tried several times to push his door open. "Got it!" he shouted as it groaned its final resistance. Callen's door was too damaged to open, but his window had imploded in the crash, and he was able to climb out when the pilot came around to his side to offer a hand.

Callen moved away from the downed helo, calling out, "I see Sam and Deeks!"

Kensi sent up a prayer that they were alright, taking the black and tan keffiyeh from around her neck to apply pressure to her wound. As she did so, she got a sense of the extent of the damage and her stomach sank.

Stone appeared where the main door had been and could easily access Corporal Maynard. As he felt for a pulse, the Master Sergeant looked at Kensi and slowly shook his head. "He's dead."

Kensi closed her eyes for a moment of silence in honor of the fallen Marine. She opened them when the pilot spoke again, "I'm going to help with your other guys. I think it's going to take more than just me to get you out of there. You okay here for a little while longer?"

She really didn't think there was much he could do for her at the moment. "As long as the fumes I smell don't mean this thing's in danger of blowing up."

Taking a whiff of the interior, Stone said, "Let me just take a look around and make sure nothing's sparking. Pretty sure we'd know it by now if anything was actually on fire." He winked at her in an attempt to alleviate her concern. "Be right back."

Kensi nodded her agreement and offered him a tight smile. "Not going anywhere." And yeah, it was definitely going to take more than him to get her out of this mess.

Assured that the crash site was safe for the time being, at least in terms of flammability, Stone left to help Callen. Deeks and Sam couldn't have been too far from the chopper, because Kensi could now hear their voices, though she couldn't make out words. Deeks sounded whiny, which made her feel a little bit better. Sam, on the other hand, sounded angry. It was several long minutes later before she finally heard Deeks' voice clearly call out, "Kensi? You good?"

She let out a sigh of relief. "Much better now. Are you okay?" she yelled back.

"I will be."

Before Kensi had a chance to ask what he meant, she heard Deeks howl in pain. "Deeks!" When he didn't respond, she tried again, "Deeks! Callen! What's wrong? What's happening?"

When Deeks spoke again more than a few tense minutes later, his voice was pained but coming closer; he was moving toward the helo. "Don't worry, Princess. Your knight in shining armor had a dislocated shoulder, but my serfs popped it back into place." He arrived at the side of the chopper and rested his hip against the doorway. His own keffiyeh had been fashioned into a sling for his left arm, which he waved at with his right hand. "Almost as good as new."

When she finally saw him, she smiled widely. He looked like hell: cuts on his face and neck, a torn shirt, and a layer of dust on top of it all. But Kensi didn't think she'd ever been happier to lay eyes on him. "Is that what the howling was all about? I thought maybe they gave you a needle," she teased, the relief palpable.

"This from the woman who stayed _in_ the helicopter the whole way down."

"Yeah well," she coughed, the fumes from the fuel that must be leaking nearby irritating her throat. She winced as another stab of pain from the slight motion jolted her. "I didn't really have much of a choice."

Deeks' mood shifted immediately when he saw her discomfort. "Kens? What is it? You really okay? Callen said you were kind of trapped in here, and that you'd just need a little help to get out."

"Yeah, no. I think I'm more than kind of trapped, Deeks."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think my leg is caught on something."

"What the hell, Kens? What do you mean 'caught on something?' Way to bury the lead," he said as he started to haul himself into the chopper.

"Deeks, please be careful. We don't need you any more injured than you already are."

"Like I'm going to leave my Fern in here when she's hurt."

A thought suddenly occurred to her. "Speaking of, how is Sam? I thought I heard his voice earlier."

"Sam looks like he has a broken ankle. And probably a concussion, so you can imagine the mood he's in right now. I'd much rather be here, walking over this minefield, so to speak, to you. We were both thrown from the cabin just before the crash. I'm pretty sure Sam landed on the ground first and I landed at least partially on him; probably the only reason I didn't get concussed too." After a few missteps, he was close enough to reach the debris that was on her. "Is it this?"

"No, I'm pretty sure that's just resting on me."

"Okay, then, I'm going to try to move it. Can you help? I'm a little short-handed here." He grinned and Kensi rolled her eyes as she nodded and got a grip on it with her left hand, her right still underneath applying pressure to her leg. "You ready?"

He counted, and on three they lifted it flipped it to her right, where Deeks was able to lean it against the back wall.

Deeks looked down at Kensi's leg and saw her bloody hand holding the compress to her thigh. He glanced at her quickly and ran his hand from his mouth to his chin before squatting beside her and softly speaking. "Let me see."

They both grimaced as she removed the keffiyeh. "Son of a bitch," Deeks swore. What they saw sobered them even more. Sticking up through the right side of Kensi's thigh was a narrow rod of some sort. The top was jagged, but the rest of the piece of metal was smooth, from what they could see. About two inches peeked through the top of Kensi's pant leg. The good news was there did not appear to be too much blood seeping from the wound.

Deeks rubbed his hand on the back of his neck for several moments as he tried to assess the damage. "So, uh, how far in do you think this goes?"

Meeting his eyes, Kensi explained, "I don't think this is where it goes in, Deeks. I think this is where it came out. I have a lot of pain on the other side of my thigh as well."

He sighed, "Yeah, I was afraid you'd say that." He let out another long breath and took her left hand with his right. "Listen, baby, we've got to figure out somehow if this thing has you pinned to the floor or if we can just pick you up and carry out of here. Either way, it's probably going to hurt like hell."

"Yeah. I was afraid you'd say that," Kensi repeated with a sad smile.

Deeks pressed a brief but solid kiss to her lips before whispering, "You'll be okay." Then he turned toward the open side of the helo and shouted "Hey guys? We need some help in here." A few minutes later, Callen and Stone approached, supporting a hobbling Sam between them.

Sam greeted Kensi, "I was beginning to wonder why you hadn't come to visit me yet. I didn't believe it when G said you were just sitting around over here." He winked at her.

Deeks gave away his anxiety by being the serious one. "Kensi's got this thing through her leg, but we don't know if it's still connected to the chopper or not. We need to figure out a way to get her out of here."

Stone replied, "I might be able to tell if I recognize the part. But first things first, we need to move Corporal Maynard."

Sam hopped over to the side of the doorway so Callen and Stone could remove the corpse of the Marine. Everyone remained silent while they quickly but respectfully worked to move his body to a nearby patch of ground. Returning to the chopper, Stone climbed in. Taking in the heavy odor of the fumes, he suggested that Deeks work with Callen to try to find the first aid kit in the debris field. They would probably have to limit their time in this corner of the cabin if at all possible, since it was closest to where the fumes originated. "It was under the center row of seats, so search a radius as far as you guys landed."

He looked closely at Kensi's leg, and then studied her face. "How are you feeling, Agent Blye?"

"I'd feel much better if I could get that thing out of my leg and get out of here."

Stone looked carefully around the area, clearly trying to determine where the piece of metal could have originated. "Unfortunately, I don't think that's going to happen any time soon." He pointed to the rod sticking out of her leg. "This here looks like the internal support rod from the landing gear. It probably pierced through the skin of the chopper and the flooring when we crashed. Can you hang on a sec? I want to check outside."

"Sure."

Kensi watched the pilot leave and disappear around the back of the helicopter. Through the wall behind her she heard him moving some debris around before he called out, "I'm going to tap on what I think may be the other end of that rod. Let me know if you feel anything." He paused for a moment before continuing, "I'm sorry, but this might hurt some."

"Don't worry Master Sergeant; do what you have to do." Moments later Kensi heard the sound of metal striking metal and almost immediately felt the quick jerk radiate pain through her leg. She hissed in response before calling out, "Yup. That's it."

Less than a minute later, Stone returned to the cabin. "Bad news. The wheel is gone and the other end of that support rod is pretty well imbedded in the ground. Good news is that the rescue team has plenty of experience with impalement wounds and extractions." Studying her face again, he asked, "How's the rest of you feeling?"

"I have a killer headache; these fumes are brutal."

"Yeah, you're right next to the leaking fuel tank." He nodded his head toward the back wall, on the other side of which was the fuel tank. "The fumes are rising into the cabin through the broken floor all around you. Hopefully in the search for the first aid kit, your team will come across the emergency oxygen canister. In the meantime," Stone removed his keffiyeh and gave it to Kensi, "Breathe through this. It's not great, but it'll help some."

She nodded her thanks as she took the fabric and covered her mouth and nose. "How long until someone gets here?"

Stone checked his watch. "Forty-five minutes at the best."

Understanding what would happen then, Kensi frowned beneath her mask. "And then the fun really starts."

About ten minutes later, Stone was outside watching Callen and Deeks quickly approach while Sam sat just inside the door and kept Kensi company. As he was leaving the chopper earlier, he noticed a rivulet of blood running from Blye through one of the channels created by the accordion-like floor. The team was not going to be happy when he filled them in.

"The first aid kit was ripped open, but mostly intact," reported Deeks as he put it on the floor next to Sam.

"And I see you found the oxygen. Good, she needs that now, the fumes are getting pretty bad." Stone briefly explained what he had discovered while they were gone.

"Unfortunately, the knob must have dislodged some when it hit the ground. The tank is less than half full according to the gage," said Callen

Wasting no more time, Deeks grabbed the hand-held cylinder from Callen and jumped into the helicopter, making his way to Kensi quickly. "How you doing there, Princess? Your Prince Charming is here with the elixir of life." He kissed her on the top of her head as he positioned the facemask and the attached oxygen tank so that Kensi could hold them easily. Turning the knob to start the flow of gas, Deeks commented, "Let's put this on the lowest setting possible that will let you breathe comfortably, yeah? Make it last as long as we can."

Turning, Deeks asked Sam to pass the first aid kit to him.

"How's she doing?" Sam asked as he complied with the request.

Deeks replied with false enthusiasm. "Are you kidding me? This is Bad Ass Blye here! It takes more than a chopper crash in the Middle East to keep her down." He cocked his head as it occurred to him. "Well, I guess that's not entirely true, is it, Kensalina? This is pretty much _exactly_ what it takes: being impaled to the floor of a crashed helo. Well, now that we know what will keep Kick Ass Kensi down, let's be sure never to do it again, okay?" Deeks was babbling and he knew it. He didn't care.

As he dug through the bag of first aid supplies, Deeks realized he'd reached the end of his usefulness with one arm. "Callen, Stone? You guys want to come try to pack her wounds?"

Deeks moved to Kensi's far side and took her hand while the other men got to work. The top of her thigh, being easy to access, was dressed first. The act was hardly pain-free, but it was nothing compared to the agony Kensi felt as Callen wiggled his arm in the channel beneath her leg and placed wads of gauze around the bar where it penetrated the underside of her leg.

Once they were finished, Deeks wanted to stay with Kensi, who was sweating and breathing hard from the stress of the pain and another coughing fit. She took off the oxygen mask to convince him to leave for a little while. "Go, baby, please. I can tell the fumes are giving you a headache. I'm going to focus on some yoga breathing to distract me from the pain, maybe stretch the oxygen out even more."

"Alright, but you call if you need anything." He kissed her cheek this time before reluctantly leaving.

Joining Callen, Sam, and Stone outside and near the nose of the chopper, Deeks let his frustration show. "So there's _nothing_ we can for Kensi do but wait for help to get here?"

"You've staunched the blood flow, and she has oxygen, so she's not being affected by the fumes anymore. That's the best we can do for now, Deeks." Sam put a reassuring hand on his arm. "She'll be okay."

He ran his fingers through his hair and scratched his head. Lowering his voice to a harsh whisper so as not to upset Kensi, he said, "Yeah, assuming she doesn't bleed out when they lift her off that rod. Because they can't cut her out of there and risk sparking an explosion with all those fumes. And that also assumes she doesn't die or suffer brain damage from those fumes if they don't get here before she runs out of oxygen!" He wanted to punch something, and only managed to refrain from doing so because he was already down the use of his left arm for the time being.

Callen tried to calm Deeks down next. "Hey, you said it yourself, it'll take a lot more than this to bring Kensi down. She tough and she's strong. She didn't survive Afghanistan just to die in Syria."

They spent the next forty minutes taking turns keeping Kensi company inside the cabin for five- to ten-minute shifts before the fumes made each one leave. As it turned out, she did run out of oxygen before help arrived. The headache returned shortly thereafter, and when Kensi began coughing more regularly, it also served to increase the pain in her leg when her body jerked.

When the rescue team finally came, they worked swiftly. More oxygen was provided, an IV was inserted, her leg was assessed, and a pain killer and muscle relaxer were administered prior to extraction. Deeks knew that Kensi was more than ready to be free of her prison, but recognized the look of fear on her now pale face, likely of the pain that was about to come. While he wanted them to lift her as quickly as possible, these men had seen their share of impaled limbs and knew there was a possibility that the rod may not still be straight. As such, they needed to move her slowly enough to follow the path of the rod should it be bent at all, but quickly enough to avoid excessive blood loss. It would be a delicate balancing act.

The rescue team wouldn't let Deeks stay with Kensi while they worked on her; there was simply not enough room, and they needed to concentrate on their patient, not her upset partner. He paced just outside the helo, listening as the medics spoke calmly and with authority, telling Kensi what to expect every step of the way. When they finally announced that they were about to lift her, they offered her a strap to bite down on, which she accepted. Despite the barrier, Deeks could hear Kensi's high-pitched moans of pain over the voices of the medics directing each other's movements. He wasn't sure if he felt relief or not when she finally passed out from the agony of it.

* * *

AN: I don't know anything about military ranks, especially as they relate to specific occupations (if they do), and the internet was of very little help. Please forgive my errors; I mean no disrespect.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Cost of Living This Life**

 **AN:** Thanks for the reviews, faves, and follows. They are a lovely welcome for my first NCIS:LA story.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Marty Deeks was exhausted. The team had already been awake for about twenty hours when they'd boarded the helo to a secondary base camp in Syria. They had been encouraged to sleep while they could during the flight, since they would have to be game-ready when they expected to land about two hours later. Deeks hated flying in a helicopter, though, and had trouble relaxing enough to do much more than doze off occasionally. As far as he knew, Kensi and Sam had a solid hour's nap before all hell broke loose. Callen, in the co-pilot's seat, stayed awake to assist Master Sergeant Stone if need be.

Not being a pilot, Deeks didn't know exactly what had happened to the chopper. He was reasonably certain they hadn't been hit by ground fire, but all of a sudden some sort of an alarm started buzzing from the cockpit. It seemed as if one emergency had been managed when another alert sounded. Kensi and Sam had woken at the sound of the first buzzer, and Deeks had grabbed Kensi's hand then. At first she didn't appear too worried, which calmed his nerves some. But as one system after another seemed to fail, the concern etched in Kensi's face morphed into upset and finally fear was the pilot issued a mayday over the radio.

Deeks recalled wondering at the time, and wondered again now, if this was just bad luck, or the work of the mole they had been sent to uncover. Not that he really cared at this point. All he cared about was lying in a hospital bed, still unconscious.

Kensi was hooked up to monitors that checked her pulse, her oxygen level, her blood pressure, her temperature. Various tubes disappeared under her blankets: some providing fluids and medication, some draining other liquids. She wore an oxygen mask that obscured some of her beautiful face, but gave her healthy air to breathe instead of poisonous fumes.

Deeks' chair was pulled as close to the hospital bed as possible, the bedrail down so he could occasionally rest his head on the mattress next to her arm. He hadn't let go of Kensi's hand since she'd come out of surgery a few hours earlier. It wasn't comfortable, especially since his left arm was in a sling. Soon after arriving at the hospital, Kensi was whisked off for scans and then to the operating room and Deeks consented to have his arm checked out. Callen and Stone had done a good job of popping the joint back in place, and aside from the expected residual swelling, he was fine. He could have used the painkiller he had tucked away in his pocket, but he didn't want to be zoned out when Kensi came out of surgery, or when she woke up.

Kensi hadn't been awake for longer than a few minutes at a time since being extracted from the chopper. The rescue unit was well-prepared, and had started to replace the fluid she'd lost as soon as they had her on the medevac chopper. They wrapped her leg wound to control the bleeding, but she had lost a lot of blood as they pulled her off that rod. He knew she was lucky, though, because the piece of metal hadn't torn any large blood vessels either going in or coming out. Had that happened, she would be dead right now.

He picked his head up at that thought to look at her face again. Just to reassure himself that Kensi was, in fact, still alive. Still with him.

Her eyes were open.

"Kensi." He stood up so he could get closer to her. He kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear, "You're okay, baby. You're good. It's going to be fine. I love you." The assurances were as much for Deeks' own benefit as hers.

She said something, but between her weak voice and the mask, he couldn't make out her words. Kensi's hand came up to remove the offending piece of plastic, but Deeks stopped her. "No, Kens, leave that there for now. I'm going to get someone in here so they can check you out, then we'll talk, yeah?" He kissed her again. "I'll be right back."

True to his word, Deeks returned less than a minute later, and a nurse followed just a little while after. She began by copying the information from the monitors into the computer on a cart in the corner of her room, and then lifted up the blanket to check the bandage around Kensi's thigh. Deeks took a peek when she did, and saw that a fair amount of blood had seeped through.

"It's good to see you awake. I'm Colleen, and I'll be your nurse for the remainder of today. Let's take off that oxygen mask for a bit so we can chat." Colleen did just that, also helping Kensi adjust her bed and pillows to make her position more conducive to being awake than asleep.

"While we wait for the doctor, can you tell me your name?"

"Kensi Blye." Her voice was rough, and speaking initiated some coughing.

"Can she have some water?" Deeks asked anxiously.

"Yes, but small sips, okay Agent Blye?"

Kensi nodded as Deeks poured some water from the pitcher on the bedside table into a plastic cup that already held a straw. He held the cup for her as she drank, despite Kensi's effort to take it away. "I got it, Princess."

Clearing her throat, she insisted. "Give me the cup Deeks. I have _two_ working arms, you know."

"Wow, you must be feeling better, you're one-upping me already." He thought her voice still sounded a little raspy.

"No, I'm not. But if you're holding that cup with your one available hand, what's going to be in my other one?" She successfully pulled the cup from him with her left hand as she held up her right for him to take.

He smiled as he entwined their fingers. "Touché," he said quietly.

Nurse Colleen, who stood there and watched the exchange with great amusement, cleared her own throat. "Are you ready to go on, Agent?" At Kensi's nod, the nurse continued the questions to assess mental status. "Do you know where you are?"

"A hospital, obviously. I'm guessing the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center?" Kensi knew that military personnel injured in the Middle East were usually brought here for assessment and initial treatment before being sent back to the US. She had been glad she was deemed healthy enough to fly straight home from Afghanistan a few years ago rather than having to stop here first.

"Correct. Welcome to Germany."

"Danke," said Kensi automatically.

"Thanks. No offense, but we'd rather be in LA." This from Deeks.

"So would I. No good beaches here or in Idaho where I'm from," said Nurse Colleen with a smile.

"Make you a deal: you take good care of my Kensalina here, we've got a guest room and a dog who loves long, romantic walks on the beach ready for you whenever you want."

"I ever get to the west coast, I might just take you up on that, thanks. Now that I'm done making my vacation plans, can you tell me the date, Agent Blye?"

"You can call me Kensi at this point, since my partner is probably going to have to open up our home as a B & B before my stay here is over. He's Marty, by the way. Or Deeks. Whichever." She tilted her head toward the man in question. "Oh, you wanted to know the date. Last I remember it was September 17th." Looking out the window she observed it was broad daylight. It was nearing late afternoon when the chopper went down in Syria, so it had to be the next day. "So today is hopefully the 18th."

"Got it in one. Good. How is the pain in your leg? On a scale of zero to ten, with zero being no pain at all and ten being the worst possible pain?"

"Um, like a five maybe? But I wouldn't really call it pain at this point, more a dull annoying throbbing."

"Sounds like the painkiller's staring to wear off. I'll make sure you get another dose soon. It's always easier to address the pain before it gets too bad."

"Please don't try to be a hero." Both Kensi and Deeks looked up at the doctor who had just walked into the room. "The less pain you're in, the more rest you get, the quicker you heal and get out of here." He smiled and extended his hand, "I'm Dr. Patel. And you are…?

"Alert and oriented to person, place and time, considering I answered all of Nurse Colleen's questions accurately."

"And clever, apparently."

"Stop flirting, Kensi. Monty will be jealous when he hears about this." Deeks kissed the back of the hand he was holding for good measure.

"I'm not flirting. I'm trying to impress the doc here so he'll let me go home as soon as possible."

"Well then, let's get started with the physical exam. Would you like your friend to stay?"

"Myboyfriend," at that Kensi squeezed Deeks' hand, "definitely needs to be here. He'll be the one helping me during my recovery."

At that, Deeks introduced himself to the doctor.

The nurse drew the curtain around the bed for privacy from the doorway as the doctor began a cursory exam, starting with Kensi's pupillary reaction to light.

"I know you've been basically unconscious since you were brought in last night, so I'll fill you in on the damage and what we've done for you. Stop me if you have any questions."

Kensi nodded for him to continue.

"The most immediate threat was from the perforating wound to your thigh. An x-ray showed no fragments of the rod that impaled you and no damage to your femur. The object penetrated through your thigh distal to the bone, which is good news. The MRI showed there was some tissue and muscle damage, which we repaired in surgery. We also irrigated the entire wound track and stopped some bleeding from minor blood vessels. We'll be giving you at least one more bag of antibiotic, just to make sure you don't develop an infection. Can you move your foot for me?"

She did, wincing some at the discomfort.

"That's good. We didn't think there was any nerve damage, but that pretty much confirmed it. How did it feel?"

"I could feel a pulling deep in my leg. It didn't hurt so much as ache."

The doctor nodded. "That's expected, and will improve as your body heals. You've also got a number of stitches to close both the entry and exit wounds." He moved the blanket from Kensi's leg and looked at the bandaged area on the top of her thigh, then made her shift onto her left side so he could check the back of the thigh. "Looks like there's still some bleeding going on. Nurse Colleen will change your dressing and check the wounds later on tonight."

He turned to look at the computer for a moment to refer to her chart. "Do you have a headache?"

"Yes, but not as bad as before."

Dr. Patel noted something in Kensi's record. "I know you were exposed to the fumes from the chopper fuel for longer than we would have liked, so I want to be alert to any signs of neurological impact. Your pupils responded normally, and as you noted, you are alert and oriented times three. So far I'm not seeing any signs of problems. Mr. Deeks, over the next few days it would be helpful if you could keep an eye out for unusual memory loss or tremors, particularly in Ms. Blye's hands. And Ms. Blye, you need to report if that headache gets worse, particularly while you're on painkillers."

"We will," Kensi promised. "All that could happen from the fumes?"

"They are the most likely possible side effects of exposure to such toxins, yes. The other area to be concerned about is your lungs, also due to the fumes. We performed a chest x-ray when you first arrived, and didn't see any significant or irreversible damage. But sometimes that doesn't show up right away on the scans."

He moved to the bedside stand and pulled a contraption from a drawer. "This is an incentive spirometer. I'd like you to make sure you are breathing normally, then after an exhale, put the end of the tube in your mouth and inhale slowly and deeply. You want to see how high you can get the marker to go up while keeping the little ball in this range." He pointed to specific markings and then stood back to watch Kensi perform. Patel seemed surprised by the results, and asked her to repeat the task a few more times.

"What's wrong?" asked Deeks, who also caught the look.

"Nothing, actually. What you just did is nearly typical for a post-op patient. To be honest, I was expecting more impaired function."

"Why?" This from Kensi.

"Your blood oxygen levels have been dropping, presumably since the oxygen mask was removed?" He turned to the nurse for confirmation, and she nodded in agreement.

"Even with the mask on, she started at the low end of normal: 96% when she first woke up."

Pointing out a number on one of the monitors, the doctor picked up the discussion. "It's at 93% now, so let's put the mask back on while I explain my surprise."

Kensi made a face of displeasure while Deeks helped her readjust the equipment. He sat down and took Kensi's hand again before turning his attention back to the professionals. "Okay, doctor, what's going on?"

"I'm not surprised that Ms. Blye's blood oxygen levels are low without the support of additional oxygen from the mask. I had assumed there would be some impact to your lungs from all the fumes you inhaled. But the spirometer suggests near-normal lung capability. Do you get much aerobic exercise?"

"Kensi's very active. She runs regularly and is in great shape. And I don't just mean to look at her." Deeks winked at his girlfriend and partner.

"That could explain the discrepancy. I'm going to order a lung function test, then, and we'll confirm whether there's been any damage. Do you have any questions?"

Kensi took the mask off and asked, "When can I eat and when can I get out of here?"

Deeks smiled, shook his head, and whispered, "That's my girl," as he placed his hand on hers to return the mask over her nose and mouth.

Nurse Colleen said, "I can get you lunch fairly soon. Doctor, are there any dietary restrictions?"

"No. As for leaving here, it will be a couple of days at least. We need to monitor you for infection, and I'm not prepared to allow you to spend more than half a day on a plane until I'm more confident you don't have lung damage."

Off came the mask again. "Can I at least get up and walk around, with crutches, maybe?"

He looked at Kensi like this was an odd request. "Where do you want to go, exactly?"

"I don't know, up and down the hall? To the cafeteria? I don't do staying in bed very well, and I'd bet that the more I'm up and around, the happier I'll be, the better I'll sleep, and the faster I'll heal."

Deeks gestured for her to replace the mask. "That and she wants to be able to find donuts."

"You would need to have a portable oxygen tank with you, which you can't manage with crutches."

Once more Kensi lifted the mask. "Then it's a really good thing the love of my life here still has one working arm." Kensi threw her winningest smile at Deeks and he gave her a pointed look until she put the mask back on.

Doctor Patel sighed. "How about this? I'll get you a portable oxygen tank starting tomorrow, and as long as you have Mr. Deeks or a nurse with you, you can walk around this ward. But you have to stop immediately if you get dizzy or short of breath. If you go any further, I want you in a wheelchair with the oxygen."

"What about using the bathroom toady?" Kensi replaced the mask without prompting this time. She could sense they were all getting frustrated.

"I'll have the catheter removed and crutches brought in this afternoon. You don't need to bring oxygen, but you do need to have someone accompany you from the bed to the bathroom, and then back again. Except for those few minutes, you need to have that oxygen mask on."

This time she simply pulled the mask away from her mouth enough to be heard and understood. "How about one of the ones that goes under my nose? This thing is really annoying."

Now the doctor looked at Deeks, who answered the unspoken question. "Yes, she is always this stubborn and argumentative."

Kensi opened her mouth to argue that she was _not_ argumentative, and then realized how futile it would be, so she kept quiet.

Patel tried to stare Kensi down. "I'm sorry, but no, right now that won't provide enough oxygen." When it became clear that Kensi wasn't going to push for anything more, the doctor and nurse excused themselves with a list of promises to fill.

* * *

Three hours later, Kensi and Deeks lay asleep in her bed. In the hour after the doctor left, she had gotten another dose of pain killer, eaten, had her crutches delivered, and her catheter removed, in that order. While she hadn't needed to use the toilet, Kensi wanted to brush her teeth and try to freshen up at the sink as best she could. A male nurse's assistant came in first to teach Kensi how to get out of bed and Deeks how to best support her while she did so. Getting into and out of bed and then to and from the bathroom had been a bigger production than Kensi had anticipated, even with Deeks spotting her and wheeling her IV/monitor stand behind her, and she was ready to take a nap. She hadn't been surprised that she was mildly dizzy when she was upright, and figured it wasn't unusual given that she hadn't stood up in nearly a day.

Upon returning to the bed, Kensi stayed as far to the right as she could so that Deeks could squeeze in on her left. He hadn't wanted to, but Kensi knew he hadn't slept much while she'd been unconscious, and probably wouldn't sleep well in the chair at her bedside either. He turned slightly onto his right side and slid his right arm under her pillow so he could keep an eye on her, happy to watch her sleep. It wasn't long before he drifted off himself.

"Aww, Sam, how come don't you cuddle me like that?" Callen kept his voice low enough not to wake the agent and detective if they were sleeping deeply.

"Because I'm the injured one." The Navy SEAL kept his volume down as well as he spoke from his wheelchair. His left ankle was in a brace.

"So you're saying you want _me_ to cuddle _you_?"

"I think you'd have to lay on top of him, because you sure couldn't fit next to him in one of these beds," whispered Deeks, who still had his eyes closed, but turned his head away from Kensi so as not to wake her.

"You saying I'm fat, Deeks?"

"I thought we agreed that 'husky' was the correct term?" Callen supplied helpfully.

"I'm sitting here in a wheelchair and my teammates are making fat jokes."

"That's because they know they could never get away with it otherwise." All eyes turned toward Kensi, who had taken the mask completely off her head to speak.

"It would be wise for them to remember that I have a long memory, then," threatened Sam as he glared at the other men. Looking back at Kensi, his tone changed and he smiled at her, "How you doing, Kensi?"

"Not bad, considering."

"What's the verdict?" Callen asked.

This time Deeks spoke, wanting Kensi to preserve her oxygen. "No permanent damage to her leg, but they're not sure yet about the side effects from all those fumes. They'll be doing some test on her lungs tomorrow to see if there's any problem there, because apparently there's not enough oxygen in her blood unless she's got that mask _on_." He stressed the last word in the hopes she'd take the hint and put the device back where it belonged.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, partner. We have company and it would be rude of me to just sit here and not participate in the conversation. For example," she looked at Sam, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Ankle was a clean break, so no surgery. And the concussion was mild. But the combination of the two means they don't trust me with crutches just yet."

"Kensi bullied her doctor into letting her use crutches to go to the bathroom," Deeks said before he stopped and looked confused. "Wait, why only a brace if your ankle is broken? Shouldn't you have a cast that we could be signing?"

"The swelling has to go down some more, especially since G and I will be flying out tomorrow. I'll see a specialist when I get home and probably have a cast fitted then."

"Excellent! Save us space to sign it when we get back, yeah? Actually, I think I'll compose a poem since I have the time. Maybe a limerick. How about an acrostic using my name, because yours is too short? No! I got it—a haiku! Sam Hanna is definitely a haiku type of guy."

"I'm going to haiku _you_ , you don't quiet down," warned Sam.

Callen added, "Kensi, I'm not sure why you even bother to take that mask off. It's not like you can get a word in edgewise with Deeks here."

Sam and Callen stayed and chatted with them until Deeks noticed that Kensi's blood oxygen number was getting low again and made her put the mask back on. They wished each other well and the senior agents returned to Sam's room to try to get some sleep in anticipation of the long day of travel ahead of them.

* * *

Bright and early the next day, an orderly came to take Kensi, bed and all, for her lung function test. Breakfast was waiting for her when she got back, and Deeks had managed to fold up the cot they had provided him for the night.

"They didn't bring you Jell-O, so I got you a donut from the cafeteria. Interestingly, the hospital does _not_ consider sugared gelatin to be an appropriate breakfast food," he said as he slid the tray in front of her.

"You are the _best_! No wonder I love you." She tugged on his hand to bring him in for a kiss.

His hand now on the side of her neck, Deeks sat on the bed next to her, "I love you too, Kens. So much."

Kensi heard her boyfriend choke up as he spoke. She pulled back enough to look him in the eyes and whispered, "I'm okay, you know. We were in a helicopter crash and we lived to tell the tale."

"Yeah, but for a time there, when you were stuck in the chopper, I was so scared for you."

"I know. But you did a great job hiding it from me. I saw how calm you seemed and it calmed me. Thank-you for that." She offered him a sweet smile.

"That's what partners do. What _we_ do." As Deeks leaned in to kiss her again, they heard someone clearing a throat and looked up to see Dr. Patel walking toward Kensi's bed.

"Sorry to disturb you," he gave them a friendly smile. "I'd like to take a look at your wounds today, if you don't mind. How are you feeling?"

"My leg is very sore and tender, but no major pain. The headache is a steady, dull throb. The mask is still a pain in my ass."

"Did you get to wander the halls at all yesterday?"

"No, my trip to the bathroom in the afternoon wiped me out, and then the other members of my team came by for a visit in the evening. I was actually hoping to venture out there this morning."

The doctor moved away the blanket over Kensi's leg and began cutting away the bandage. "Didn't someone change this dressing last night?"

"Yes, Nurse Colleen woke me up to do it. She said everything looked fine."

He examined the area closely. "And you didn't walk around at all?"

Deeks spoke up this time. "She got up to go to the bathroom twice; one in the afternoon and once in middle of the night. Is something wrong?"

"There's more bleeding going on than I expect, though the wound does seem to be healing properly." He had Kensi shift onto her side to examine the exit wound. "Less blood here, probably because you've been laying with the back of your leg against the mattress this whole time. But still more than I'd like to see." Patel sighed as he seemed to think for a few moments. "I'm going to get a nurse in here to re-wrap your leg while I check to see if the results from your lung function test came back yet. Excuse me for a few minutes."

Kensi and Deeks looked at each other and shrugged.

"You could practically hear the gears turning in his head. I wonder what he's thinking?" said Kensi.

"I'm sure it's nothing horrible." He was looking at the stitches on the back of her thigh. "Roll back over, I want to see the top."

"You sound like a five-year-old excited to be looking at something gross."

"Nah, not gross. But cool, definitely cool. That's going to be an awesome set of scars, babe. Very sexy." He whispered the last words as a nurse came into the room.

After introductions, they remained silent as a different nurse, Raul, cleaned the areas and applied a topical antibiotic before redressing the leg. Kensi had put her oxygen mask back on because she needed to breathe deeply from the discomfort of the procedure. Deeks kept peeking at Kensi's face, checking for signs of more pain than she was admitting to, but didn't see anything that worried him. What did worry him, and what he suspected Kensi was thinking about too, was the look he had seen on the doctor's face. Something was telling Deeks that Kensi's recovery was not going to be as simple and straightforward as they had thought.

* * *

Of course the test results weren't ready. When Dr. Patel had returned with that news he told them he had ordered some blood tests but was reluctant to share what he was looking for. "I'll have a better idea when I get more information. I'll be back later this afternoon." He left soon after, encouraging Kensi to get out of bed and walk around a bit with her crutches. He asked that she be on the lookout for any dizziness or fatigue and be prepared to report back to him later.

Kensi didn't need to be told twice. As soon as a dose of painkillers was in her IV bag, she and Deeks took off for the other end of the hallway. It was awkward and slow-going, but it felt good to be out of her bed and out of that room. Kensi was not permitted to put any weight on her right leg, so she needed both crutches to ambulate. Deeks, her one-armed sidekick, walked alongside her, pulling her IV/monitor stand, on which also hung her portable oxygen tank. He'd joked that this was what they'd be like in the Super-Secret Agents Old Folks Home in fifty or sixty years.

When they made it back to the room Kensi was too tired to eat lunch. She told Deeks he could eat it but warned him to leave her the Jell-O.

She'd been awake for about an hour when Dr. Patel returned. "So, how was your walk?"

"It was great to get out of this room for a while. I think I mentioned already I don't like to be cooped up." Kensi rolled her eyes when she heard Deeks mutter something about lasers.

"Any dizziness or lightheadedness?"

She nodded. "When I first stood up, and then when I turned around. Also when I stopped to rest at the end of the hall."

"How about unusual fatigue or loss of energy?"

"I know I don't have my usual level of energy, but I'm pretty sure that's because I've been in bed for the past two days."

"Not to mention your body is recovering from a trauma," Deeks added.

"Right. But I needed to rest at the end of the hall, almost to catch my breath. So we made sure to walk back even slower. And when we got back here, I wasn't just tired. I was exhausted. I mean, like someone drugged me kind of exhausted."

"And that's not typical for you?"

"Not really. My doctor at home told me I have adrenal fatigue. Our jobs are very high-stress, and sometimes I crash after big adrenaline rushes. But walking down the hall couldn't have caused a surge of adrenaline like that, I don't think."

"I noticed earlier that your IV site had developed a bruise. Do you tend to bruise easily?"

"I wouldn't say that. Our jobs can be very…physical at times, and I may get more bruises than the average person, but I don't think I get them any more easily." She looked at Deeks for confirmation, and he nodded his agreement.

"So you don't just find bruises and have no idea how you got them?"

"No. Why? I don't understand what all of this has to do with a perforating leg injury."

The doctor sighed, "It doesn't. I was just hoping that some of your symptoms and test results could be explained by something simple, like anemia." He began palpating different areas of Kensi's abdomen.

Kensi could hear the panic creeping into her partner's voice when he asked, "What are you getting at, Doc? What's wrong with her?"

"I'm not entirely sure yet. Your lung function test was basically normal, so that's not the problem. But the blood test shows a number of things that concern me. Several of your blood counts are low, which would explain your reduced blood oxygen levels, fatigue and dizziness, the bruising, and the fact that your wounds are bleeding more than they should be."

"Wait, so the crash caused this?" Kensi was having trouble putting two and two together; none of this made sense.

"Maybe. I'd like to send you for some scans to check for internal bleeding. Many of these symptoms can be explained if you've been losing blood we're unaware of. That would be the best case scenario, since it's probably the easiest to treat. But given that you have no tenderness in your abdomen, I really don't think that's the case."

"And if you're right?"

"Then we need to start considering conditions that may have predated the trauma."

"Like what?" Deeks' voice was quiet and serious.

"Some cancers and leukemias would need to be ruled out. Lupus, aplastic anemia, and hypersplenism as well. It's possible that what your doctor thought was adrenal fatigue was really early symptoms of one of these."

"But wouldn't those have shown up in the bloodwork she ordered at the time?" Now Kensi could hear the panic in her own voice. Cancer – he said cancer.

"Not necessarily. But let's cross that bridge if we get to it. Let me get you scheduled for a CT scan, and an ultrasound study if needed. Look, I know this advice will be impossible to follow, but try not to worry right now. We don't know what exactly is going on, so don't let all the possibilities overwhelm you." He smiled gently at them. "Why don't you take another walk after dinner? That should help you sleep soundly tonight."

Kensi looked at Deeks as the doctor left. At some point, probably during the last few minutes, her partner had taken her hand. She hadn't noticed until now. She was stunned. She had survived being impaled in a helicopter crash only to find out she might have cancer? Kensi opened her mouth to speak, but found she had no words. She must have looked…she didn't know how she must have looked to Deeks, but all of a sudden he was sitting next to her, pulling her into the hardest hug he could with the use of only one arm.

He whispered into her ear, "Hey, no, it's okay. It's going to _be_ okay. You know what? No matter what it is, you'll beat it. And I'll help you beat it, yeah? Whatever's going on, Kens, we'll get you through it. I promise."

Kensi knew Deeks was making a vow he had no power to keep.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN:** Sorry, but this will be a long note. I've had some reviews commenting on how intense or dark this story is. For some, it may be too much. Thank-you for your honesty, and I'm sorry if you won't be able to read further (but please be aware that I usually write pure fluff, so don't be afraid to try other Densi fics I may write in the future!) I know when stories are too close to our own life experiences they may be too difficult to read, even if they are fictionalized and we're pretty sure they'll have a happy ending (which this will, I promise!). I suppose my own experiences with loved ones in the past dozen or so years since I've written fanfic have left me primed to take on the spoilers of "seriously injured" and "life-altering condition" and run with it in this direction.

That said, after this chapter the story shifts away from the medical intensity and more toward the emotional drama of dealing with a medical condition that takes over one's life. But the medical drama will return eventually (I'm just about to start writing that chapter now).

One more thing, since I seem to be all about giving heads-ups today: as I currently am planning this story, there will be an (original) character death (not Kensi, or anyone you already know). This assumes I continue the story in the direction I had originally planned, and don't just skip that character and plotline altogether for the sake of shortening the story. I haven't decided which way to go yet, and likely won't until I actually get to that part of the story. Feel free to weigh in on this particular issue if you're kind enough to leave a review.

Wow, does anyone even want to read this anymore? Thanks so much if you still do (and still are after this ridiculously long author's note). I know this one is a shorter chapter than the others, so maybe I'll show my thanks by posting another one tomorrow…

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Two-and-a-half days later, Kensi and Deeks were home. Well, in LA, at least. At the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, to be specific.

The scans Dr. Patel had ordered found no internal bleeding, just as he had predicted. The real issue remained finding a diagnosis, but Kensi didn't need to remain in Germany for that. She was transfused with red blood cells and platelets to improve her oxygen levels and blood clotting ability pre-flight, and was put on a medical transport back to the states.

They had just met with the hematologist-oncologist who had been assigned to Kensi's case. Dr. Popa was a petite middle-aged woman who had an exotic look to her. Deeks, ever the charmer, managed to find out without offending the woman that her mother was Chinese and her father Greek.

Blood had already been drawn for a new battery of tests. Dr. Popa was hopeful they would have initial results back by the next morning. Kensi was also scheduled for a bone marrow biopsy for early the next afternoon. It was now late afternoon, and at this point, all there was to do was settle in and wait.

They'd both been quiet since Dr. Popa had left, needing to absorb still more information. Kensi had taken opportunity to study her man. At Landstuhl, he would have reminded her by now to replace the oxygen mask. But her blood oxygen levels had improved since the transfusion, and Kensi had noticed the difference, for the better, in the amount of energy she now felt.

She thought Deeks still appeared somewhat shell-shocked by the most recent turn of events. The thought that Kensi might be seriously ill had thrown them both for a loop they continued to ride. Deeks had spent the better part of five days at her bedside, being her cheerleader, support system, and advocate; in short, being her partner in every sense of the word. He'd had her back and there was no doubt in her mind he would continue to do so. But he looked more than haggard now. Kensi was certain he had slept less than she had in the time since her hospitalization. Unlike when they were in Germany, there was no reason for him to stay on a cot in her hospital room. Now that they were back in LA, she wanted him to go home and get some real sleep in their bed.

Deeks was playing with the television remote, quickly flipping through the channels, when he finally spoke. "Now that we're back in the great US of A, trash TV abounds. What are you in the mood for, Princess?"

"Sweetie, you look like hell. Why don't you go home?"

He looked surprised and a little hurt. "Are you kidding me? I'm not going anywhere."

"Deeks." Kensi took the remote from her boyfriend and shut off the TV. She put her hand in his. "There is no reason for you to be here tonight. Go home. I have to call my mother and let her know what's happened anyway, so I'll ask her to bring Monty home. You should pick up some Yummy-Yummy Heart Attack on the way and spend a nice night with your other best friend. Take a long, hot, luxurious shower in a non-hospital bathroom. Get a good night's sleep in our comfy bed. Maybe take Monty for a walk on the beach in the morning since you can't surf with your arm in a sling. Then call Hetty and fill her in on the most recent goings-on, or stop by the mission and tell everyone in in person. There's probably paperwork she needs completed, between your injury and mine. And somewhere in all that, have a good cry, because I know you want to."

He considered her for a moment or two. "Is that what you're going to do?"

"Yup. Except for the part with Monty, and the too-good-to-be-bad-for-you-food, the nice shower, the comfortable bed, the beach, and the paperwork."

"You can cry in front of me, you know."

"I know. And so can you, but I know you won't because you think you need to be strong for me and you don't want to scare me. But it's been a long week for both of us, and I think we just need to let it out and regroup, alone, right now." She gave him the smile she knew he loved and squeezed his hand. "I promise I'll cry on your shoulder some other time before this is all over."

"So will I, if you want."

"I want."

"Then you've got a deal." Deeks kissed the back of her hand. "I love you, Kensi. Don't ever forget that."

"I know. And I love you too." He looked so sad, probably because she was making him leave. "You know it's not that I don't want you here, right? I know you would spend every minute with me, but baby, that's no good for you. You have to take care of yourself too, okay, for me? I can't be worrying all the time that you're going to collapse from exhaustion."

"I know, I get it. I agreed to go. But I don't have to like it. And I don't like the idea of you here all alone."

She rolled her eyes, "Please, like my mother's not going to race here the moment she brings Monty home." She thought for a moment, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Although…it's rush hour, so there's really no point in you leaving right now. Why don't you hop up here with me and help me talk my mother down when I tell her where I am. We can hang out until she shows up, then you can go."

"Hang out? Like watch TV?"

"If you want. Or we can cuddle. Or fool around." She shrugged her shoulders in feigned indifference. "Whatever."

There was the smile _she_ loved. "Well, yeah, but I do tend to leave you breathless. So you might need to put that oxygen mask back on after all."

"So totally worth it. Now come up here."

"Anything to make you happy, Sugar Bear."

* * *

"Anemia? I thought Dr. Patel already ruled that out in Germany?" Kensi, Deeks, Julia, and Dr. Popa sat in comfortable chairs around a small conference table in a semi-private area of a sunroom at the end of hematology-oncology ward two days later.

Kensi was still hooked up to her IV and monitors, and her crutches were propped nearby in a corner. Deeks rubbed his left shoulder, which was now free of the sling but slightly sore. Julia, relatively new to world of what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-Kensi-and-what-can-be-done-about-it? was trying her best to hide her nerves and had volunteered to take notes.

Dr. Popa sat, closed laptop in front of her, and looked around the table. "You're thinking of iron deficiency anemia, which is the most common type. When you don't have enough iron in your body, you don't produce enough red blood cells. Your red blood cells are what carry the oxygen throughout your body. Kensi, you didn't have enough red blood cells, which is why you were so tired and easily winded before the red blood cell transfusion in Germany. But the cause is not a lack of iron."

"What is?" Deeks asked. His and Kensi's entwined hands rested on the armrest of Kensi's chair.

"First let me explain more about _aplastic_ anemia, which is what Kensi is suffering from." The doctor turned her attention back to Kensi. "Not only did you not have enough red blood cells, but your white blood cell and platelet counts were also low. Platelets are responsible for helping your blood clot, which is why there were issues with bleeding and bruising. This also improved after they transfused your platelets. White blood cells are key players in the immune system, and fortunately you haven't had any problems as a result of that. Most likely because of the antibiotics you were given."

Popa looked around the table to make sure everyone was following her. No one seemed to have any questions, so she continued. "All three of those types of blood cells, red, white, and platelets, are made by your bone marrow. In the case of aplastic anemia, the bone marrow does not make sufficient amounts of those blood cells." She looked back to Deeks. "As to the question of why, reviewing Kensi's medical records and history, I don't believe this is something that was already brewing, so to speak. Rather, it was caused by her exposure to the toxic fumes after the helicopter crash. We know that long-term exposure to low levels of those particular chemicals can disrupt the functioning of bone marrow, and that this can sometimes be reversed by ceasing exposure. Unfortunately, we do not know what the outcome will be for exposure like Kensi's."

Everyone was quiet for a few beats, all eyes on Kensi. "Let me make sure I understand. I have aplastic anemia caused by the chemicals in the fumes from the chopper, but there's no way to know if it's permanent or curable, or not?"

"Almost. _Right now_ we do not know if the damage to your bone marrow is permanent. At this point, we need to take a wait-and-watch approach. The transfusions you were given in Germany were absolutely necessary to stabilize you before transporting you back here. However, all the improved numbers we're getting now, like your blood oxygen level, are because of that transfusion. Until the effects of the new blood components are no longer being seen, we won't know if your bone marrow is doing its job. That means we monitor your blood counts and physical symptoms for the next week or so."

"I have to be here for another week?"

The doctor smiled, "No, we can have you come in every few days for a blood draw. The red blood cells should last about a month post-transfusion, but platelets have a much shorter life span. We should know within a week if Kensi is making her own platelets."

"Meaning if my bone marrow has recovered or not."

"Exactly."

Deeks cleared his throat before speaking, "What if her counts don't get better?" He asked the question none of them really wanted answered.

"That depends on how low they get. Plenty of people lead relatively normal lives with mild aplastic anemia. Some changes to your lifestyle would need to be made, and you'd need to be monitored regularly. But it wouldn't necessarily be fatal."

Kensi's heart stuttered and her eyes widened at those words as she felt Deeks' hand tighten in hers. She heard what sounded like a quiet _"Oh my God"_ from her mother. "But it _could_ be fatal?"

"Yes, even mild cases have been known to be lethal if the patient didn't take care of him or herself. Because of your low white blood cell count, you are more susceptible to infections and they will take longer and more aggressive treatment to recover from. You can't just allow yourself to get over an illness without medical intervention such as antibiotics or antivirals because your immune system is impaired."

"OK, so I'd need to keep away from sick people and get to the doctor at the first sign of illness. What other lifestyle changes are we talking about?"

"I understand that you are a federal agent, and I know that you were injured in a helicopter crash overseas. Can I assume that your job is typically that dangerous?"

"Well, I don't usually crash in helicopters on the other side of the world, if that's what you're asking." Glancing at her mother cautiously, Kensi continued, "But yes, it can be dangerous."

The doctor considered her words before she spoke again. "I have a brother-in-law who used to be an FBI agent, so I know enough not to ask specifics. But is it fair to say there's a routine risk of forceful physical contact and that you don't work regular hours?"

Kensi nodded, not liking where this was going.

Popa met Kensi's eyes, "Then I'm sorry, but there is no way you would be cleared to return to that kind of work right now with your diagnosis."

Kensi and Deeks' mouths fell open and they both seemed to sink further into their seats, while a small gasp could be heard coming from Julia.

The doctor continued her explanation, "Aside from your reduced immunity, your energy level and ability to physically exert yourself will remain significantly limited. Also, your risk of excessive blood loss from even the smallest of wounds is heightened. If you were punched in the stomach, for example, you might suffer internal bleeding."

Kensi looked down at the table for several seconds before asking quietly, "So if staying away from toxic fuel fumes doesn't do the trick, is there an actual cure? You know, so I can get back to my normal life?"

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No, the only close blood relative I have is my mom." She met Julia's eyes briefly.

"Well then if we can find a donor, you may be eligible for a bone marrow transplant."

Julia spoke immediately, "I'll do it, if that's what it takes. That's not a problem, honey."

"We'll keep that in mind, but it's not likely to help, unfortunately."

"Why not?"

"Bone marrow donors need to be a perfect or near-perfect match on several antigens in order to have the best chance of being successful. A parent being a such a match is no more likely than a random stranger, statistically speaking."

Kensi had reached her limit. She let out a deep breath. "I can't listen to any more of this right now. What's the point in hearing about every little possibility unless and until it becomes necessary? Let's just get through the next week first and then see if I need to start thinking about giving up my job, and bone marrow transplants, and dying –" her breath hitched and Kensi couldn't go on as she struggled to hold in the sobs that threatened to take over.

Deeks was up in a heartbeat, moving his chair aside so he could pull Kensi up from her chair and into his arms. She could hear him murmuring to her but couldn't take in his words. But his embrace grounded her, and eventually Kensi was able to rejoin the conversation. She remained standing, but pulled away from Deeks just enough to face the doctor while keeping his arm around her waist.

"I'm sorry –"

"There's no need, Kensi. I just gave you a great deal of upsetting information. And you're right, there's no reason to go down the road of every 'what if' right now. Let's concentrate on some good news, shall we?"

Kensi let out a watery chuckle, "There's good news in all of this? Maybe you should have led with that, doc."

"As soon as I leave here, I'm going to write up the orders for your discharge tomorrow. The surgeon who is consulting on your leg wants you to stay on an antibiotic, which should also help to cover you if your white blood cell count falls. Someone from physical therapy will stop by later on this afternoon to show you some stretches they'll want you to do, and the next time a nurse changes the dressing they'll show you and Mr. Deeks how to do it as well. And I'll want you back here in two days for another blood test, but otherwise you don't need to be in-patient at this time."

When Dr. Popa left a few moments later, Julia looked at Kensi as if she wanted to say something, but couldn't. "I'm going to get some water. Would you two like some water?" she asked instead.

"Yeah, Mom. That sounds good, thanks."

As soon as Julia exited, Kensi turned back into Deeks' arms fully, and they let the tears fall.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** Gotta love weekends that allow time to post two chapters! That said, the next chapter probably won't be up until Wednesday. Thanks again for all the reviews, follows, and favorites.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Ten days after being impaled in a helicopter crash, Kensi was released from the hospital. What should have been a happy occasion was overshadowed by the fact that she might have an even bigger ordeal in front of her.

For the moment, until they knew if the aplastic anemia was here to stay, Dr. Popa insisted on restricting Kensi's activities as if it was. While her blood levels were at the low end of normal now, she wouldn't know until her next blood tests came back if they remained there. And in the event that they dropped in the meantime, it was better to be safe than sorry.

Right now Kensi was enjoying basking in Monty's joy at seeing her again. Kensi wanted to spend some time outside in the nice weather, breathing in fresh air after spending the better part of two weeks in hospitals. She, Deeks, and their favorite canine were in their small backyard playing fetch with a tennis ball. They sat on comfy patio chairs, side by side, close enough for Deeks to lean over periodically and bump her arm with his, hold her hand, or kiss her sweetly on the lips.

Kensi had wanted to take the pooch to the beach or the park to play Frisbee, but Deeks had vetoed that idea. The fewer people she was around right now, the less likely she would catch something. Even though she was on an antibiotic for her leg, Deeks reminded her there were all kinds of run-of-the-mill viruses she still needed to avoid.

Deeks' mother was due to visit later in the afternoon. She wanted to come by while Kensi was in the hospital, but was on the tail end of a cold, so they didn't want to take the chance. Instead, they promised her the honor of the first visit when Kensi was released. In exchange, Roberta promised to bring a pan of lasagna for them.

"I think I'm going to call Hetty and tell her I can't come in tomorrow." Deeks had had a quick follow up appointment with an orthopedist while Kensi was waiting for her discharge paperwork that morning, and had been cleared for fieldwork.

"Deeks, you need to go back to work. You heard Nell when she called yesterday, field operations have basically been suspended with me, you, and Sam being sidelined. Callen's practically out of his mind not being able to go out in the field."

"Right, and Nell's not really available to partner with Callen because her focus is on the mole right now."

"Besides, you need to save your PTO hours in case we're looking at a worst case scenario with me. There might be a lot of doctors' visits you'll want to be at." Kensi glanced at Deeks and could tell he wasn't convinced, despite the fact that they had already discussed it on the way home this morning. "C'mon, it'll feel good to get back in the game after a week-and-a-half of being cooped up in hospitals with me."

"No, what will feel good is being back at work with my partner." He turned his head and leaned in slightly to kiss her.

"And there's no place your partner would rather be." She kissed him back. "But you've managed without me before."

"At least this time I'll know where you are."

"And get to come home to me every day."

"Hopefully your blood tests continue to come back normal and this will only last as long as it takes for your leg to heal."

"Which reminds me, I need to ask Dr. Popa if I can be cleared for desk duty in the meantime."

"Yeah, because that wouldn't drive _you_ insane."

"It's got to be better than sitting around the house all day."

"But think of all the train-wreck TV you could watch!"

"Uh-huh, as I slowly balloon to 300 pounds working through every Twinkie, donut, and quart of rocky road I can get my hands on. No, thanks. I'm sure I can be useful at ops."

"I'm sure Eric wouldn't mind having you there to rub his shoulder again." Deeks winked and Kensi rolled her eyes. "Although, he might have been onto something. You could be our own personal masseuse! You know, we come back from a day of chasing baddies, maybe I have a kink in my neck, and you could work it out for me."

"You realize I'd have to provide the same services for everyone, right?"

"Yes. But only _I'd_ get the happy ending…of getting to go home with you." He winked at the look on her face. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Fern."

"Speaking of happy endings, are you going to the drug store later?"

Somewhat confused by Kensi's statement, Deeks replied slowly, "Yeah, I was thinking of going after my mother gets here. I need to fill your prescriptions and pick up bandages and tape for your leg."

"You can skip the painkiller; it makes me groggy. Just make sure we have plenty of Tylenol and Advil, please. Most important, though, make sure we have condoms since I haven't been on the Pill since the crash."

"Ah, yes, now I get the happy ending/drug store connection." Deeks smiled broadly. "One of the only physical activities that's not restricted. Unless of course we were really going to get that trampoline…"

Kensi let out a small laugh. "The trampoline will have to wait. But I will not. I want to have sex with my boyfriend tonight."

"Tonight?" he whined. "We have to wait until tonight?"

"Well, your mother is coming by in a few hours, so if you want to run to the pharmacy now, I'm sure we'll have some time before she gets here."

"Yeah? You'll be okay by yourself?"

"First, I'm not an invalid; I'm on crutches. And tomorrow I'm allowed to start putting some weight on my leg, so I probably won't even need both crutches soon. And second, Monty's here. He'll have my back while you're gone."

"And then I'll have your back, and your front, and your top, and your bottom." Deeks kissed Kensi on the cheek as he stood from the chair.

Kensi laughed, a real one this time. "Go, perv. And hurry up. If you and your mom don't wear me out too much this afternoon, maybe we can even have an encore tonight."

"I'm going to try to pretend you didn't just mention me and my mother in the same sentence as sex."

She threw Monty's ball at him as he headed toward the house.

* * *

"Want to place a bet on how many more times Claudia there is going to touch Callen's arm before she invites him back to her place for a little afternoon delight?" Deeks asked.

"She is a little touchy-feely, isn't she? And it's Cl _au_ dia." Nell pronounced the name with an intonation so that it sounded like 'cloud-eeya.'

The detective and the analyst were in the SRX keeping a discrete eye on Callen, who was across the street at an open air café with gorgeous Portuguese national who they hoped would lead them to the Marine they believed was selling intel about current missions. He probably wasn't the mole, but might be a connection to him or her.

Deeks had been back at work for three weeks. Much, but not all, of that time was spent trying to get a handle on who else in NCIS was a traitor.

"Touché. And nice accent. Kensi would be proud. Although she probably would have given you a couple of tips about your use of open-syllabic organization or trochaic speech patterning."

Nell smiled, at both the compliment and the reference to Kensi's skill with languages and willingness to help Nell improve hers. "Thanks. I caught up with her for a few minutes by phone yesterday. She said she's good."

"Yeah, she's good." Deeks nodded but didn't make eye contact with his diminutive temporary partner.

"Wow, either I'm getting really good at spotting lies, or you two are getting really bad at telling them." When he didn't respond, Nell pushed. "Seriously Deeks, how is she doing?"

Deeks let out a sigh. They hadn't been sharing all the gory details with the team, because there was so much information to take in that by the time he and Kensi had processed it together or separately, they really didn't feel like talking about it for a while. "I'm pretty sure you're up to date on the medical end of things, at least the broad strokes. After that first week out of the hospital we found out that Kensi's bone marrow has, in fact, failed, and her doctor skipped right over the first usual course of treatment for aplastic anemia and went straight to the next one."

"Why'd she do that?"

"Aplastic anemia, or AA, to those of us in the know, is typically an autoimmune disease. All of a sudden one day your body wakes up and starts attacking its own bone marrow, and poof! you've got AA. So they start you on immunosuppressive therapy to keep your t-cells from killing your bone marrow so it can go back to work. But Kensi's bone marrow was weakened, if not destroyed by the toxic fumes on the chopper, so dealing with her immune system like that won't help."

"What will help?" Nell was almost sorry she'd started the conversation. Deeks didn't sound like himself as he was sharing all this. He sounded tired, unhappy, and scared; definitely not qualities she usually ascribed to her favorite detective.

"Well, in the past two weeks, she had another transfusion of platelets, because it's always a good idea not to bleed out if you bump your head or something equally innocent. And she's also started taking growth factors to try to encourage platelet and white blood cell growth in whatever bone marrow may still be functioning. They're hormones that leave her nauseated and tired, give her headaches, and are starting to make her joints ache. Oh, and one is an injection…Kensi had to learn how to give herself a shot every day." He paused for a moment, "But on the positive side, her leg is healing nicely and she can walk on it for short distances without using a crutch."

"God, Deeks, I had no idea. I mean I know this is serious and things seem to always be changing, but..." she trailed off, not knowing what she wanted to say.

"Listening to myself just then, I don't know if it sounds more or less depressing than it actually is."

"It's got to be terrifying for both of you. I'm glad you told me. I really wish Kensi would have."

"Please don't take it personally, Nell. We kind of decided not to go into too much detail on a regular basis with you guys. Kensi doesn't want us distracted at work, and really, it's just such a freaking downer to talk about, you know?"

"I do now. How are you guys handling all of this, emotionally, I mean?"

Deeks chuckled and smiled for the first time since they started the surveillance. "Kensi's incredible. On good days, she gets up with me, takes Monty for a walk, then comes home and vacuums – for real! – or does laundry, or cleans the bathroom or kitchen before she needs to take a nap. You can tell the world has been turned on its axis if Kensi Marie Blye is so desperate for physical activity that she's cleaning nearly every day!" A real laugh escaped him this time. "Some days she goes to her mom's or my mom's for cooking lessons, and then she brings home whatever they made for us to have for dinner. Another sure sign of impending Armageddon."

"And on bad days?"

"On bad days she's too tired to do much more than eat cereal by noon. Or even vacuuming makes it hard to catch her breath, so she takes it easy. She likes to hang out in the backyard a lot lately."

"It sounds like she's trying to make the best of a bad situation." Nell said, hopefully.

"She's hating every minute of it. Because it's all just a reminder of what she's not allowed to do, as if the blood draws every few days and their resulting bruises aren't enough of a memento. She started badgering Hetty this week, asking if there's anything she can help with at the office."

"Maybe she should see someone, like a therapist. This has got to be a really hard adjustment for someone like Kensi." Nell tried to make the suggestion delicately, knowing Kensi was not typically the type of person who liked to talk about her feelings or ask for help.

Deeks nodded, "She does that already. Hetty contacted Nate, who gave Kensi the name of someone who understands our line of work and chronic illness."

"That's good. I'm really glad to hear that." Nell was quiet for several seconds before asking her next question. "How much longer is the treatment going to last? Kensi's always so vague when I ask her when she thinks she can come back to work."

Deeks glanced at Nell briefly, weighing how much to tell her just now. "There's the rub. This might be about as good as it gets for her. Ideally these meds and periodic transfusions ultimately raise and maintain her blood levels and she can try to live some semblance of a 'normal' life with some careful adjustments."

"But we don't live normal lives." Nell whispered sadly.

"No, we don't," Deeks agreed just as unhappily. "Which brings us to the nuclear option."

"Which is?"

"A bone marrow transplant. If the current course of treatment isn't effective, Kensi's best hope may be that a stranger who is a match to her in terms of blood antigens happens to be in the donor registry and is able and willing to donate his or her bone marrow. Of course, Kensi might decide this new 'lifestyle' just isn't doing it for her and opt to try the transplant route anyway. The good news is that a bone marrow transplant could actually cure her."

"That's great news!"

"Maybe. You ever heard that expression, 'If the disease doesn't kill you, the cure might.'? That's Kensi in a nutshell right now."

* * *

Kensi, meanwhile, was in her mother's kitchen helping to prepare meatloaf with potatoes au gratin and glazed carrots. Besides the cooking lessons giving her something to do, Kensi took on this Herculean task because there were many foodborne pathogens she wanted to avoid. The amount that she and Deeks typically ate out or brought in their meals made that difficult to control. Meat that was slightly undercooked or raw fruits and veggies that hadn't been washed properly might cause mild stomach upset to a healthy person, but it could kill an immunocompromised Kensi.

It also had the added benefit of allowing her to spend some time with her mom and Roberta. Deeks' mom had been beside herself with joy when Kensi asked if Roberta could show her how to make Deeks' favorite lasagna and anything else they thought Kensi could handle. Kensi had come to look forward to her visits with Roberta, as they often allowed her to hear stories of Deeks' misadventures as a child and adolescent. It also surprised Kensi that mother was more open than son about they abuse they'd suffered at the hands of Gordon John Brandel.

Julia was demonstrating the use of a mandolin to cut the potatoes to a consistent thickness. If she used the hand guard, Kensi could try it herself on the next potato since there would be very little chance that she would cut herself that way.

"Gee thanks, Mom. Way to make me feel like I'm twelve," Kensi commented mildly sarcastically.

"Someone whose blood doesn't clot properly because her body doesn't make enough platelets has no business using sharp implements otherwise."

Which is why Julia would only let Kensi watch when she used an actual knife to cut anything else. Kensi found it ironic that she was taking lessons on knife skills from anyone. Oh, the things she could teach her mother about other ways to use a knife!

Conversation focused mainly on instructions and technique until the meatloaf and potatoes were placed in the oven.

"How are you feeling today?" asked Julia, handing Kensi a mug of coffee as she sat down at the breakfast nook next to her daughter.

"The same: tired and achy. Glad I can walk without the crutch, though. I'm hoping to hear from my boss soon that they'll at least clear me for desk duty."

"Should you be doing that?"

"There's no reason not to," she shrugged. "It's good for me to be as active as I can, which isn't very active, really. I need to keep my body from getting used to doing nothing. If I'm doing that at work, at least some other good can come from it. No offense, but there's only so much cleaning and cooking I can do."

"Plus Marty can keep an eye on you. I'm sure he's not happy leaving you while he goes to work."

"That would actually help both of us. I find I'm not so good at being a cop's wife, so to speak. I'd much rather be at the office, so at least I'll know when to worry, instead of doing it the entire time he's gone like I do now."

Kensi's phone rang and she excused herself from the kitchen to take the call. She returned about ten minutes later, closing the small spiral notepad she carried with her to keep track of all the information she needed to manage now.

"Everything alright, honey? You look upset."

"Just more to think about. Who knew one illness could branch out into so many different areas?"

"What do you mean?"

Kensi paused, debating how much to share with her mother. While she didn't hide any of this from Deeks, she knew it upset him to hear some of it. Just like it would upset her mother. But hey, isn't that what mothers are for? She guessed she'd find out exactly how strong her relationship with Julia had become in the course of the next several months. They'd already grown closer in the past few weeks, for which Kensi was grateful.

"There are a lot of ways things can play out in the near future, and I'm trying to be ready to deal with the most likely ones. Like appointing Powers of Attorney, and preparing a will."

Julia did a decent job of hiding the fear in her eyes, but wasn't quick enough. "Is that really necessary? The will?"

Kensi sighed, "I should have had one long before now given what I do for a living, but I don't own much, and had no one to leave it to anyway. I just kept a handwritten note in my file at work stating my wishes. But now…" She took a breath, "Now I could be dead in a couple of years if we can't get this under control. And even though I still don't own much, there are people I love who I want to make sure have certain remembrances of me. Should worse come to worst, I don't want Deeks to deal with all of that on his own."

Julia studied her daughter for a few beats while both women tried to control their emotions. "I understand, honey. And I have a wonderful lawyer I use for estate planning; I can take you to meet her. I know there are a lot of questions you need to be ready to answer before a will can actually be drawn up. Maybe we can have lunch with her and she can review those with you first."

"That would be nice, Mom. Deeks ran through a bunch of them with me already, but that wasn't his specialization, so lunch might be a good idea."

Julia smiled. "Great. What else can I do?"

Kensi considered her mother for a few seconds. Why not accept the support? Certainly there had been no lack of people offering to do whatever they could to help: everyone at work, Roberta and her boyfriend Jim, Kat, Mindy, Mandy, Tiffany, and Tiffani. One of the things her therapist recommended was letting others shoulder some of her burdens. It would do her no good to try to tackle it all herself. She opened the little notebook and started turning the pages, searching for things she still had to do that her mother could handle or at least help with.

"What is all of that?" Julia's eyes were wide.

"Notes from conversation with a lot of people about a lot of things." She randomly flipped to one. "This, for example, is from the afternoon I spent on the phone when I called to change the beneficiary of my life insurance policies to Deeks." Another page. "From the next day when I thought to ask if my death would be considered line of duty or accident, because that affects the amount of the payout." Flip. "The always changing list of medications I'm on." Flip. "Types of foods to avoid." Flip. "What else? There's a whole alphabet soup of acronyms I've been learning more about: FLETC, IVF, BMT, GVHD."

"IVF? You mean in-vitro fertilization?"

Damn. Kensi hadn't necessarily intended to mention that to her mother, at least not at this stage. Oh well, what could it hurt? "Yes. If I need to have a bone marrow transplant, that was the BMT I just mentioned by the way, the chemotherapy I'd need beforehand could leave me infertile. I need to know what the options are so Deeks and I can figure out if it's something we want to pursue."

"Why wouldn't it be? Don't you and Marty want to have children?"

Kensi smiled a little. "That answer seems to change for each of us depending on the day of the week." At her mother's confused look, she explained further, "We've yet to be on the same page at the same time when the topic of children comes up."

Julia put her hand over Kensi's on the table. "I'm sure one day you will be. And I'd hate to think that you'll both decide to have a family only to discover that you can't."

"We can still have a family even if I can't get pregnant, Mom. But I know what you mean. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just deciding that this is what we want to do."

"Why not?"

"Timing, for one. My health, for another. Then there's the money, of course." Kensi wasn't going to say more, but did so when her mother stared at her expectantly. "In order to preserve my fertility, I would have to have my eggs harvested, fertilized, and the embryos frozen. That whole process can take up to a month, depending on where I am in my menstrual cycle if we decide to do it. If I end up needing a transplant because the current treatment fails, I might not be healthy enough to do it."

"So why don't you just do it now, even if you don't know if you'll need the transplant? Certainly your health is good enough now."

"I can think of eight to twelve thousand reasons why." Kensi could tell her mother was getting excited by the idea of grandbabies, and was beginning to regret saying anything about it.

"That's how much it costs for IVF?"

"No, that's the range for the cost of one round of harvesting eggs and fertilizing them. Freezing and storing any embryos that result is extra, of course. It's a lot of money for something we may never decide to follow through with." _Or get the chance to_ , Kensi thought but didn't say.

Julia looked as though she was about to say something, but Kensi cut her off, "Look Mom, I told you there's a lot of moving parts Deeks and I are trying to manage right now. This IVF thing is just one small piece of the puzzle still, and it's something we're only thinking about. So please don't get all excited, okay?"

"I won't, I promise. Whether you give me grandchildren or not, what's most important is your health." Julia reached over to give her daughter a hug.

"Thanks, Mom."

* * *

 **AN:** Hope this wasn't too heavy on the medical-speak, but Kensi, Deeks, and I are becoming quite knowledgeable in a lot of fascinating topics. Most of the medical information I've presented here is accurate, but not all. So if you ever find yourself suffering from aplastic anemia due to being trapped in a downed helicopter, don't use this story for medical advice!


	5. Chapter 5

**Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Kensi was beat, so she closed her eyes, leaned her head against the headrest, and relaxed a bit as Deeks drove them home. The fingers of her left hand toyed with the medic alert bracelet she wore on her right wrist, which advised anyone who cared to read it that she had a blood clotting disorder. Deeks hadn't wanted her set foot in a car, much less drive on her own, until she agreed to wear it. He reasoned that if she was involved in an accident and was unconscious, the EMTs would need to know immediately to be on the look-out for internal bleeding and take proper precautions with any open wounds she may have. Kensi couldn't argue with Deeks' logic, so as much as she resented the bracelet and what it stood for, she wore it. Besides, if it offered Deeks some peace of mind, it was worth it.

Kensi might not have been able to argue with Deeks' logic, but that hadn't stopped them from arguing at the time.

" _What do you mean, 'I'm not letting you get in a car until you're wearing it.' I'm a grown woman, Deeks, I don't need you to tell me what I can and can't do!" Deeks had come home a few days after returning to work and presented her with the bracelet, and basically told Kensi she needed to wear it at all times. It was clunky and ugly, and Kensi hated it on sight._

 _When Kensi had balked at the idea, he suggested a compromise that she could wear it whenever she left the house. That went over like a lead balloon. "Oh, how gracious of you, to offer me a choice."_

" _Then stop acting like a child and behave in your own best interest, Kensi!" They were getting louder._

" _Really? I brush my teeth and wash my hands so often I may as well live in the bathroom. I had to give up all of my favorite food trucks and fast food places and I've asked both of our mothers to teach me how to cook. How is that acting against my own best interest? You already don't let me go to the beach or the park because there are too many people around. Clearly that was my first mistake, allowing you to think you_ _could_ _ **let**_ _me do anything. And now you want me to wear that ugly thing to announce to the world how frail and broken Kensi Blye is. Why don't I just get it tattooed on my forehead?"_

 _Deeks shrugged his shoulders but replied calmly, with a smirk on his face, "Because I won't_ _ **let**_ _you get a tattoo."_

" _What the hell –" It was then that Kensi realized he was joking. At least about the tattoo. She clamped her lips together, squinted her eyes at Deeks, and huffed a breath out through her nose. "You're an ass," she finally let out on a chuckle._

" _That may be, but I also happen to be the ass that loves you and just wants you to be safe. And I have a feeling if I walk out that door and back in again so we can start this discussion over, I'll be able to convince you of that."_

" _You mean you want to handle me."_

" _No, I just want to try again so I can do it right this time." Deeks held his arm out toward the door. "May I?"_

 _Kensi nodded her acquiescence, and he did just that._

 _In the calmer version of the conversation, Deeks expressed his concern that there would be many opportunities for Kensi to suffer what otherwise would have been minor injuries when she started filling her days with Monty-walking, cooking, driving, and any number of everyday things they took for granted before she got sick. He asked her to consider wearing a bracelet to identify her condition in case something happened, stressing that it would make him feel better._

 _Kensi conceded that even though she didn't like the idea that she had to wear something identifying her as sick, it was a valid suggestion and reasonable request. She added that she really didn't like the bracelet Deeks had picked out, however. It looked too much like what old people wore. They ultimately agreed Kensi would wear the one Deeks brought until she could find one she preferred._

Kensi smiled to herself as she recalled that evening; they'd had a good time making it up to one another. She and Deeks never really argued much, at least not seriously. But adjusting to her new way of life was definitely taking its toll on both of them. They'd gotten over additional bumps much more gracefully since then, for which Kensi was grateful. For a couple whose communication skills were less than stellar at first, she knew they'd come a long way.

She and Deeks were both learning how to navigate these uncharted waters, and Kensi was proud of how they've been doing. It helped that they both knew, in their hearts, that they only wanted the best for one another and this relationship. That was why, Kensi thought, Deeks ultimately didn't push back (too much, anyway) when she had the opportunity to go back to work.

Today had been a typical day, at least typical for her life as it was for the past two weeks since she had returned to light duty. She didn't even go in every day; some days she was just too tired, or the headaches or shortness of breath were so relentless that it was an accomplishment to get out bed and get dressed before noon. On days she felt well enough to go in, Kensi stayed in the office while the others went out in search of the baddie-of-the-week, and tried to keep herself distracted from the fact that her partner was out there without her to back him up. No, he wasn't alone; he frequently partnered with Callen while Sam was still recovering from his broken ankle, and had occasionally been Callen and Sam's third wheel once Sam came back on modified duty last week. Sometimes he paired with Nell. He was safe, but still, she wasn't with him, so she worried.

Given the present state of her health, Kensi was rather limited in what she could do keep herself occupied at the mission; there was only so much paperwork a person not on an op could legitimately complete. It became her habit to work out in the mornings. While she was restricted in what she could safely do in the gym, Kensi kept up what she could. No combat training, but she could lift weights and work on the universal equipment to preserve her strength. No running, but she could still use the exercise bike to try to maintain at least some endurance and stamina, as long as she didn't exert herself too much. She was thrilled when one day an elliptical machine turned up in the gym; she still had no idea who was responsible for it since Hetty denied any involvement, but Kensi wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Thankfully there were no restrictions on her use of firearms. So after working out, Kensi typically moved to the gun range and laid waste to as many paper bad guys as it took to work through her emotions. Anger at the unfairness of the situation she was currently in. Worry for Deeks, both because he was out there without her and because of what she was putting him through. Anxiety that this might be as good as her health was going to get, that this might be her new normal. Cold fear that this might just be a brief plateau, and that in fact, her life may soon be measured in a small handful of years.

If she made it through this, though, she might just end up an ambidextrous shooter. Kensi was becoming more than proficient at weak-hand shooting. On good days – hell, she's not sure she would classify any day right now as good…better days, then? – on better days, she felt like having a little more fun at the gun range, trying some of those trick shots Deeks loves. She was pretty sure she could beat him now shooting from behind her back.

By the time she was done cleaning her weapon of choice, Kensi was usually ready for a break. Who was she kidding? She needed a nap. So she allowed herself some quality time on the couch by the bullpen, and then generally ate when she woke. Deeks usually packed her a lunch – he found this to be a good way to participate in maintaining her health – and always included a dessert.

Afternoons were spent doing something that actually resembled work, but what Kensi believed was actually Hetty's attempt at making her feel useful, combined with a justification for her "temporary modified assignment." She followed up on any current leads she could from the safety of the mission. She reviewed the team's paperwork on their most recent cases, dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's. She evaluated cold cases, looking for anything that might have been missed the first time around, an angle they hadn't already thought of. She called witnesses to see if anything new had come to mind since the investigation.

So went most of her days. Nothing compared to what she might have done or accomplished on any given day before her world came crashing down. And yet it wiped Kensi out. Every. Single. Day.

Sometimes she needed this time on the way home to rest again. Sometimes, she badgered Deeks about his day, craving the information, the excitement by proxy. Kensi learned early on in her new "assignment" that she didn't do well up in the ops center with Eric and Nell, especially when the team was actively involved in something. She couldn't stand the stress of knowing what was going on and being unable to be there, to back up Deeks, to be part of it. And if Kensi was being truthful, sometimes it made her a little jealous.

No, Kensi preferred hearing all about it afterwards from Deeks, when she knew he was safe and he had made it through whatever he was going to tell her.

Deeks. Aplastic anemia had thrown her life into a tailspin, and by association his as well. But he was dealing with it, with her, like a champ. This had to be so hard on him, Kensi mused. She had offered Deeks the chance to speak with Meg, her therapist, but he preferred to keep in contact with Nate through the occasional phone call and more frequent texts and emails. Deeks said that was enough for now.

Kensi wasn't sure she could be as understanding if their situations were reversed, to be honest. Not that she wouldn't be supportive, it's just that Kensi was sort of glad that she was the sick one, because she believed that had to be the easier role.

She didn't think she had the strength to watch Deeks suffer like this and be able to have his back at the same time. In the darkest, most well-hidden part of her mind, Kensi wondered if that was why she let Deeks avoid her for so long after Sidorov had him tortured. By the time she'd "tricked" him into opening his door that night, he'd been pretty much physically healed. No more gruesome reminders for _her_ of what he'd been through.

One thing Kensi knew for sure, if one of them was going to die, she would rather it be her. For the simple, selfish reason that she never wanted to live in a world without Marty Deeks in it. She was confident Deeks felt the same way; he wouldn't want to be the one left behind without her. As such, Kensi considered it her sole job right now to make sure that didn't happen, at least not anytime soon.

With that thought, Kensi directed her musings back to something more positive. When she got through this, was cured, or at least when she was able to confidently define what "normal" would be for her and hopefully even accept it, she was going to have to find a way to let Deeks know exactly how much she appreciated all of his efforts.

Kensi wished she was better at the grand gestures, but at least the bar was set relatively low. After all, Deeks called her purchase of a six-month supply of Soylent to share with him after The Big Earthquake hits the "most dangerously romantic" thing Kensi had ever done for him. And since he still hadn't opened The Box, she didn't have to compete with that just yet. So yeah, definitely low expectations. But the time for grand gestures was still a long way off (at least if she was linking it to her health), so she'd have to work on more frequent little gestures instead. Or at least more moments of fun; they hadn't had much of that in too long.

Maybe she'd challenge him to a shooting competition soon, when things were quiet for the team again. That would definitely be fun for both of them.

Speaking of which, Kensi decided there was no time like the present to address another item that had been on her wish list lately. She refused to think of it as a "bucket list," because, well, the obvious connotation was something she was not willing to allow into her thoughts that often.

Her eyes still closed and her face turned toward the window when they pulled into their driveway, Kensi spoke, "Hey, Deeks?"

He glanced over at her quickly, checking that she wasn't in any kind of distress. "I didn't realize you were awake. Everything okay, Kensalina?"

"You know what occurred to me recently?"

Her tone didn't seem sad or overly serious, so he decided to go with his natural inclination of bantering with her. "Wow. There's an opening. Umm, how it's not humanly possible for so much awesome to be packed into one Marty Deeks?"

Kensi turned her head toward him, still leaning it against the headrest. She opened her eyes long enough to roll them at him. "Good lord, would that mean there's another one of you somewhere out there?"

"I notice how you didn't argue the fact of all this awesomeness."

She'd give him that, one of those little gestures she could offer. "Nope, not going to argue your awesomeness. Though I will deny it if you ever bring it up in front of the guys."

"Naturally. Can't have them getting any more jealous than they already are."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night." She gave him a small smile as they exited the car. Approaching the front door, she continued, "I realized I've never seen you in your uniform."

He paused for a moment, key in the lock, surprised by her comment, "Sure you have, in my graduation photos." Pushing the door open, Deeks stepped through first to take the brunt of Monty's enthusiastic welcome. Kneeling and rubbing the mutt, he said, "But seriously, this is what you think about during the day? Baby, we really have to find something else to occupy your mind. How about we get you a book of Sudoku?"

"Nah, that gives me headaches now. And don't try to change the subject. Your graduation pictures barely look like you! Short hair, clean shaven, like 15 years younger…" She collapsed onto the couch and started taking off her boots.

"Ouch, are you saying I'm _old_?"

"I'm _trying_ to say I'd like to see you in your dress uniform one day. Soon. Like maybe tonight if you think you can still fit in it," the dare was clear in Kensi's tone.

From the kitchen as he refilled Monty's water bowl, Deeks called, "Ok, but for the record, if I can't fit in it, it's only because I'm so much more awesome than I was then."

"Yeah? I'd think it was from all those extra muscles."

Deeks poked his head out through the kitchen doorway and studied his girlfriend for a beat. "I'm trying to figure out if that comment was serious or sarcastic."

"Completely serious," she said sincerely. "So what do you think? You'll show off all that muscular awesomeness in your dress blues for me tonight?" She added what she hoped was a flirty wink. Since one of the activities Kensi did not have to limit was sex, she'd been trying to take advantage of it, and Deeks, whenever she felt well enough after a long day hardly working.

Deeks hated to turn this conversation serious but the only reason he would have to wear his LAPD uniform anymore would be for something like an award ceremony or a funeral. He hoped Kensi wasn't thinking he'd wear it to her funeral one day soon? If that was the case, then no way would he grant her request. Sitting on the couch with her, thigh to thigh, he took her hand. "Can I ask why, before I agree to anything?"

 _Really? Did he not see the wink?_ "Because there's something about a man in uniform. And I'd really like to appreciate _my_ man in uniform."

He smirked, "Ah, so you want to _appreciate_ me tonight, huh? I can get behind that." Deeks started to rise from the couch, froze for a second, and then sat back down. "Wait. I asked you about this once before, and you said a uniform is overrated."

"C'mon, Deeks, I wasn't about to admit that to you then. I never would have heard the end of it!"

"Not to mention I would have shown up at your place in my dress blues the very next day."

"Exactly. And at that point in our relationship it would have just creeped me out."

"That's true. What about when I was undercover as the security guard at the power plant?"

"We were at work – what would you have me do? But it was definitely a turn on. You had to give it back before we went home, but if you remember, I was pretty _enthusiastic_ that night." Kensi nudged his shoulder with her own.

"So you really do like a man in uniform, yeah?"

She put her head back, relaxing more into the cushions. "How could I not? The first man I ever loved, and by that I mean my father, was a Marine. Nothing better than seeing him in his dress uniform."

"And the second man you loved was also a Marine." _What the hell?_ _The love of your life is basically requesting you play dress-up tonight so she can undress you, and you bring up her former fiancé?! Get your head back in the game, Deeks!_

Kensi gave him a somewhat confused look as she tried to redirect the conversation. "You know what's funny about that? Jack was in uniform the day we met. I think it was the first thing that attracted me to him, in fact."

"Aha! Bewitched by the uniform, not his looks, not his height, not his— "

"Sweat-soaked body and bad attitude toward me?"

"Touché. Even though I was undercover, I will give you that one."

"Damn straight. But back to the uniform, please?" Kensi paused to give him a chance to speak. Miraculously, Deeks silently nodded his invitation for her to continue. "I realized that yes, I've historically been attracted to a guy in a uniform, but the guy I'm _most_ attracted to, the man, in fact, that I love? I've never seen him in his dress blues. Seems like a no-brainer to me," she shrugged.

"So here's Marty Deeks, already scorching hot in your esteemed opinion. And in my dress uniform? Wow, I'm not sure a woman can handle that level of hotness, Sugar Bear. Especially you, in your current condition," Deeks teased.

Kensi shook her head slowly, awed in equal measures by his ego and his ability to bring silliness and joy into any situation. "Why do I even bother to speak?"

"So I'm right, yeah? Seeing me in my uniform would be like the cherry on top of this delicious sundae. The icing on this scrumptious cake. The bow on top of this fine, _fine_ package. The – "

She narrowed her eyes at him. "If you don't shut up soon and put your dress blues on, I'm going to be too tired to unwrap that package, you know. No matter how fine it may be."

"Yes ma'am." Deeks gave Kensi a long, passionate kiss that promised more before he jumped off the couch and ran up the stairs. God, how he loved this woman.

* * *

Early the next morning, Kensi woke and couldn't go back to sleep. She thought about getting up, but why bother? She couldn't go for a run, and was already in the habit of taking Monty for a nice long walk on an almost daily basis. She turned onto her left side and snuggled into Deeks, her hand on his heart and her leg thrown over his. His arm automatically moved to pillow her head. She pressed a gentile kiss to his chest, careful not to wake him.

Deeks didn't have to get up for work this morning since he was accompanying her to an appointment with Dr. Popa. After more than a month on the current treatment regimen, the hematologist was ready to evaluate whether or not she thought it was fruitful to continue or if something different should be tried. Kensi hoped for the latter; she wasn't particularly satisfied with her life as it had been recently, and really wanted to be at a place where she could be more active and less restricted before being told that was as good as it would get.

Kensi felt like she was being sucked back into the spiraling pity-party she often shared with Meg, and occasionally with Deeks. She knew she was lucky to be alive and needed to get herself out of this funk. She tried her new tricks: self-talk, visualization, deep breathing. Finally, inspiration struck.

She eased out of bed and padded to Deeks' nightstand to check the surfing app on his phone. Despite her attempt at shielding the glare of the screen, Deeks started to come awake.

"Kens? 'Smatter?" he mumbled.

She sat as his hip and brushed her fingers through his hair. "Nothing. I was just looking to see if today is a good day for surfing."

That got his attention. "You can't surf. Wait, can you surf? I don't mean _can_ you surf, I mean are you allowed to?"

"Probably not; my body would be one big bruise soon after my first wipe-out. But I'm really more in the mood to watch you ride the waves, anyway."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, it's been a while since you've been out, and even longer since I've enjoyed the view. What do you say, want to hit the beach? I'll go make a thermos of coffee while you get ready."

Deeks showed off for Kensi for about an hour before joining his ladybird and dog on the shore. She was sitting with her knees bent, arms hugging them. He leaned down and kissed her as he unzipped the top of his wetsuit and started to dry off. "That, Kensalina, is the best idea you've had since, well, last night."

"Yeah, I'm just full of great ideas lately." She took a deep breath before continuing. "Why don't you sit down? I actually want to talk to you about some other thoughts I've been having."

Deeks ran to the car to quickly change into street clothes then returned and sat as close as her could: shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. He took one of Kensi's arms and linked his own under it so he could hold her hand. "What's going on in that pretty head of yours? You worried about the meeting with Dr. Popa later?"

"A little. Mostly I'm worried that's she's going to say I'm stable and that I can maintain my health like this for the rest of a normal-length life."

"Would that be so bad, Kens?"

Kensi stared out at the horizon for a bit before answering. She knew what she wanted to say, but was sure Deeks wouldn't be happy to hear it. "Honestly, I don't know. I don't want to spend the next fifty years living with the current set of restrictions and side effects, but is it because life is so bad like this or just because it's not _my_ life?"

"You've made it your life for the past month or so."

"Baby, I've been treading water and biding my time, nothing more. We both know that Hetty can't keep me in this role forever. And being a happy homemaker is not for me either."

"What about being an analyst? With Nell out in the field more, Eric can use the support."

She shook her head slowly. "One thing I've learned since being back is that I don't have what it takes to be up in ops watching you guys in the field. I don't know how Nell and Eric do it, but I've come to realize that if I can't be _out_ _there_ with you, I can't be _up there_ just supporting you. It's too difficult. I'm sorry, but I'm not strong enough."

Deeks looked at her and noticed a tear running down her face. With his free hand he wiped it away and then cupped her cheek. "Kensi, no. You are the strongest person I know. If it makes you feel any better, I don't think I could do that job either, especially not if you were the one in the field."

"I've spent a lot of time these past few weeks trying to figure out what to do with myself if I can't go back to NCIS, depending on how limited I really am on a day-to-day basis."

"You've mentioned some of them to me already. Would it help to run through them again with me now? Think them through out loud?"

"Can't hurt. But let's get up and walk around, okay? My joints are starting to ache sitting in one position for too long." They set a slow pace, walking hand-in-hand while Monty followed, occasionally distracted by low-flying birds. "The thing is, I feel like I need to be doing something that makes a difference, you know? I mean, I don't think I could go from being an NCIS agent to being a librarian, even if that is more my speed these days."

"Though you did rock the sexy librarian look that one time. But, yeah, I understand."

"Not to mention, I really can't risk working with the public because of the increased exposure to illnesses. Which means no employee discounts at Starbucks or any of my favorite donut shops either."

"Now there's a pity."

"Same goes for meaningful but non-taxing, possibly part-time employment like working in shelters or food kitchens, meals-on-wheels, and that sort of thing. Back-office work for some company might not be a bad gig, except I get headaches when I read or sit at a computer for too long."

"So even if you wanted Nell's job you probably couldn't manage that."

"Nope. And of course an automatic and enthusiastic 'No' to being a housewife…do they even use that term anymore? Even if I do clean now and am learning how to cook."

"Both of which you improve at daily, I've been meaning to tell you."

"Smart ass."

"Don't forget cute. It's a really cute ass too."

"Moving on. Even if we were in agreement and ready for it, I can't safely be pregnant with active AA, so that's not an option. I thought about surrogacy, adopting, or fostering too, but the way things are now, I don't have enough energy and stamina to care for a newborn, run after a toddler, or keep up with the day-to-day activities of an older child."

"We could hire a nanny, or an au pair."

"With what money, Deeks? If I'm not working, that cuts our income in half. Even if I'm eligible for permanent disability, that would help with the expenses of a child, not professional help in raising it."

"How about our moms?"

Kensi let out a chuckle, "Thought about that too. Very seriously, in fact. But that wouldn't be fair to either of them. They both have lives of their own, and while I'm sure they'd be willing to pull babysitting duty whenever we asked, helping to raise a child is another thing altogether. Plus, I like our moms too much to stress my relationship with either one of them like that."

"You really have though this through."

"Yup."

"What does that leave, then?" Deeks could hear the dejection in her voice; he'd had no idea how much thought she had been giving this and how it had been affecting her.

"Basically, I've narrowed it down to two options: professional house-sitter and trainer at FLETC's LA program."

"Kens, FLETC is a great idea, you'd be terrific at that."

"Maybe. I could probably handle instructor duty in the classroom, but not much in the way of physical training. The problem is there are no openings at the moment. I called one my former instructors at Glynco, who is now in a supervisory position for several FLETC locations. He said there might be a couple of slots opening up in LA in a year or two due to anticipated retirements, but nothing right now."

"Thus the house-sitting."

"Got it in one, detective. Of course if I really did that, we'd be spending a lot of nights apart."

"Ah, but if you can manage to book houses back to back to back year-round, and of course only the best neighborhoods, we could rent out our house and live together in the lap of luxury. A different lap every few weeks, but still. Sweet idea. Oh, and we'd be even cooler than Hetty and her five different homes. And we could lord it over Sam how much more security-conscious we are that we don't even live in the same place for more than a few weeks at a time!"

"You are such a goofball."

"Yeah, that's probably not so realistic, is it. And you're not happy with the idea anyway, are you?"

"No, but who says I have to be happy at work? Plenty of people don't love their jobs. I guess I could sit in someone else's house all day and do nothing as easily as I can do it in our home."

"But it's hard when you're being kept from the job you do love."

"Exactly." Kensi was grateful he knew her so well. And she was certain Deeks understood where she was coming from. "Which is why I'm having such a hard time teasing out if I'm unhappy at the prospect of house-sitting while waiting for an opening at FLETC or just unhappy because I can't be an agent anymore."

"Have you discussed this with your therapist? Maybe you need to change your mindset, you know? No, you probably can't be a super hero anymore, but all kinds of jobs make a difference in people's lives, Kensi – sexy librarians help people every day, too."

"I suppose I could talk with Meg about it. But settling for some possibly unfulfilling job doesn't have to be my only option."

"What do you mean?" Although Deeks was pretty sure he knew what she was getting at.

"Should we be thinking about a bone marrow transplant and a shot at a cure?"

Deeks stopped walking and turned to face Kensi. "I'm going to be honest with you, here, Kens. If I got to make this choice for you, I'd pick the less active life over the risks of a bone marrow transplant. I'll support you no matter what, but plenty of people die in the process or as a result of it."

Kensi had suspected he felt this way. "But the majority don't, and it would be the only way I could have any chance of getting my life back."

"That result wouldn't be a certainty, though. Assuming you make it through the way they have to poison you before the transplant…not all transplants take, which could leave you worse off than you are now if it doesn't kill you. You'd be at constant risk for rejection, which could also threaten your life. Plus a lot of the reading I've done mentions a higher than average occurrence of some cancers and leukemias as a result of the chemotherapy."

"You're right, not all transplants take, but if I have the choice to do it or not, I'm in the position now to do it only with the best possible match, right? So if a perfect match can't be found now, maybe I don't do it just yet. As for rejection, there's also a lot of research out there saying that a short course of chemo _after_ the transplant has been cutting those rates. So if I'm going to have to suffer through chemo beforehand, I may as well do it afterwards too. In for a penny, in for a pound, right?" Kensi took his other hand and moved a step closer. "I've been doing a lot of reading too, Deeks. You're right, chemo and radiation do heighten the risk of cancer later on in life. But do you know what the biggest risk factor for cancer is?"

He shook his head, fearing her mind was already made up.

"Aging. Growing older. Dying is the cost of living, Deeks. And dying of cancer seems to be a cost of living longer. I sure as hell don't want to die this young, baby. But I'm not sure I want to live this way either; not when there's a chance for a cure. This might be a risk I'm willing to take." Kensi whispered. "I know I just said I don't have to be happy with my work situation, but I _want_ to be, Deeks. I want to be bold again, and I want so much to be in the field, watching your back, being your partner."

He pulled her into a tight hug. "I want that too, Kens, more than you know. But you and I will _always_ be partners in some way, shape, or form. And you can't be happy, or unhappy for that matter, if you're not alive."

* * *

In the end, it didn't matter. As difficult as deciding what to do was proving to be, there was comfort knowing the choice was hers, Kensi thought as she and Deeks sat holding hands in Dr. Popa's office a few hours later. Instead, the choice was made for her.

"I'm sorry, Kensi." The physician wasted no time after she and Deeks took their seats across from her desk. "We should have seen more improvement by now if the growth factors were effective enough."

"But she gets better after the blood transfusions." Deeks gripped Kensi's hand tighter.

"That is true, but blood transfusions are not a long-term treatment option, particularly for platelets."

"So what does this mean? I won't get any better than this if I stay with this treatment regimen?"

"Kensi, at this point I have to classify your AA as severe, which means that your blood counts drop to life-threatening levels without frequent intervention. With medication as you are currently prescribed, they rise, but not to normal limits. Typically, patients with this profile succumb to an infection within two to three years. I'm so sorry."

"Am I still a candidate for a bone marrow transplant?"

"Yes. In fact, I have the paperwork here to add your name to the National Marrow Donor Program's registry. If you complete it today, we'll have your name in the database tomorrow looking for potential matches."

"How long will that take?" Kensi asked, as Deeks looked like he was in shock.

"The average time is about three months, but it can be as short as a few weeks or they may not find an adequate match at all."

"Where do I sign?"

* * *

 **AN:** Just in case you've never seen it, the reference to Kensi's purchase of Soylent is in a deleted scene from episode 6 x 21 and is too adorable. If you haven't had the pleasure, check it out on YouTube. Also, the National Marrow Donor Program is a real thing in case you've ever considered registering to be a donor.


	6. Chapter 6

**Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Deeks went into work by himself the next morning. Kensi wanted to stay home and continue making concrete plans now that they had a definitive direction for her treatment. As frightened as Deeks was at the prospect of a bone marrow transplant, Kensi appeared to be boosted by the news.

She had called Julia when they got home yesterday, and they confirmed a lunch date for today with Julia's lawyer. Deeks knew that Kensi had wanted to talk; there were still plenty of decisions they had to make together, but he needed time to himself to process their new reality. Kensi was understanding when he asked if she'd mind if he went to Kip's for a while. His friend wasn't home, but the housekeeper had standing instructions to welcome Deeks at any time.

He worked out his frustrations on Kip's indoor court for a while before exhausting himself doing laps in the pool. Deeks had brought his laptop, and when his mind was sufficiently cleared of all the buzzing that had taken residence in Dr. Popa's office, he sat down to focus on what he needed to do next.

When Deeks arrived home, Kensi was asleep on the couch. He took Monty for a walk and then managed to carry his girlfriend into their bedroom without waking her. She was awake when he came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. He felt guilty about it, but Deeks still wasn't up to talking. So when Kensi asked how he was, he silenced her with kisses and made love to her until she was too tired for conversation.

The team knew of Kensi's appointment yesterday, so when Deeks walked into the bullpen, he shouldn't have been surprised to find everyone waiting for them.

"Where's Kensi?" Nell was the first to ask.

"Not coming in. She has some things she wants to get done."

Most of his colleagues glanced at one another before looking back to Deeks. They probably realized something was wrong by the brevity of his response. He wondered who would be the one to ask.

It was Hetty. "May we ask how Ms. Blye's appointment went?"

"Good news is we finally got some definitive answers. Bad news is, it's just more bad news."

"What does that mean?" The concern in Sam's voice was clear.

Deeks sighed as he sat as his desk and rubbed the back of his neck. "It means that if a donor can be found – and there is no guarantee one will be – Kensi needs to have a bone marrow transplant or she will probably be dead inside of three years." He didn't have the desire to try to soften his words at this point.

No one spoke for several seconds. Finally, Eric's quiet voice was heard. "What can we do?"

"I'm glad you asked Eric, because I do have a favor for you all." Deeks opened and booted up his laptop as he spoke. "Two actually. First, Kensi has a much more positive attitude about the transplant than I do right now, so follow her lead. And kick me if my feelings become too obvious, yeah?" He tapped at his keyboard while he continued his monologue. "Second, I did some research last night. The bone marrow donor registry that will be looking for a match for Kensi already has access to more than 20 million potential donors world-wide. I know that statistically speaking this won't increase her chances of finding a match, but I want as many people as I can get to register as donors. I need to be able to do something that might actually help her, you know?" Deeks shrugged and looked up at his and Kensi's friends. "That's where you come in."

"Of course we'll get tested, Deeks," said Callen. There were nods and murmurs of agreement all around.

"Thanks, man. It's really simple, and no needles for big babies like me. A cheek swab is all they need. Oh, but there's an age limit – no younger than 18, no older than 60." He eyed Hetty and Granger apologetically.

Hetty smoothly replied, "I'm sure we can find other ways to be useful."

"In fact you can. This is actually what I want all of you to do. I just sent an email to you. It's a letter I wrote last night basically asking people to join the registry. I provided some very vague basics about Kensi, obviously leaving out her name, but each of you should personalize it as you see fit for your audience. Then send it to as many people as you know. I figured between all of our connections, we can access people in LAPD, NCIS, the CIA, FBI, Navy, and Marines, not to mention lawyers, snipers, cupcake lovers, hackers, drone flyers, and whatever other communities the Wonder Twins are part of." Nell and Eric smiled and bent their heads together, coming up with more friends and acquaintances they could target.

"It would be wise to mention that Kensi's father was a decorated Marine in any communication to military personnel," added Hetty.

Sam supplied, "I'll contact the commandant of Aiden's school and ask him to forward the information to the faculty and current cadets or recent graduates who are old enough. Most of them saw Kensi in action, I'm sure they would like the opportunity to help her if they could. Aiden told me the way Kensi took down Khaled's man was the topic of conversation for days after the rescue."

"You can cover the DEA too if you forward that to Talia," suggested Callen.

"Good ideas, all of them. Thanks. I'll call Talia this morning," said Deeks.

When the conversation died down, Granger asked, "Are we done here?" At Deeks' nod, he continued, "I believe we have things we need to be working on."

With that, Nell and Eric turned toward the stairs, and Hetty and Granger made their way to her office. Callen and Sam went back to the files they had been reviewing for evidence of the mole's activities. Deeks took the opportunity to make himself a cup of coffee behind the bullpen.

"You _do_ help her, you know."

Deeks almost jumped, and was proud that he hadn't. "You know Nell, you get more and more like Hetty every day. She teaching you her stealthy ninja skills now too?"

"To quote our favorite operational psychologist, 'I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.'"

They looked at one another and said, "Nate!" at the same time.

"Yes, I need to add Nate to the list of people to contact about recruiting donors. Thanks for the reminder. Feel free to let me know if you think of anyone else I need to ask."

"Will do. But that's not actually what I came back here for."

"Right. You wanted to give me a pep talk."

"You kind of sound like you need one. You okay, Deeks?"

"I will be when Kensi is. Until then…" he shrugged.

"I meant what I said, you know. You do help her."

"I know what you mean Nell, but you're wrong. I support her, just like the rest of her friends and family do in their own way. It's probably even fair to say I give her the most support. But I can't _help_ her. I'm her partner and I can't save her life this time. I'm her boyfriend and can't actually _do_ anything to make her better. Hell, I can't even inject her meds, because it turns out it's even harder to stick a needle in someone you love than into yourself." Deeks shook his head in disgust.

"Oh, no wait, I make her freaking lunch when she comes in to work. And I chase after everyone with antibacterial gel. That's all I can _do_ for Kensi, and that's just not enough, Nell. So maybe I can help by getting Kensi's perfect match on the registry."

Nell was heartbroken by the pain she heard in Deeks' voice. She crooked her finger so that he would bend down a little, and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "I bet you'll do just that, Deeks."

* * *

"How's it going, Kensalino?" Sam asked as he sat at his desk across from her. He had just returned to the mission. Callen and Deeks were out running down a lead on their current case.

Kensi saved the file she had been updating on her laptop. "Same old, same old, but I think the more relevant question is how's it going for _you_ , Agent Hanna?

He smiled, "Real good."

She smiled in response. "Yeah? Does that mean you're back? All the way back?"

He pulled a folded sheet of paper out of his pocket and waved it at Kensi. "Medical clearance to return to full duty."

"Sweet! Congratulations," she said as she got up to give him a hug.

"Next one will be you," Sam whispered as the embrace ended.

"Not for a few more months, at best, but I'm counting on it."

"Any word yet on a donor?" He nodded to her laptop, knowing she'd been checking the registry's website daily for changes. Sam remained standing while Kensi returned to her chair.

"No. There are several potential donors that come up in the Be The Match Registry, and I know there are a few more that my transplant center has found on other registries. We just have to wait to see if any of them match to the degree required for my transplant."

"So you were working on a case? You looked very serious when I came in."

"Actually, no. Updating my notebook and calendar."

"You finally got rid of the little paper one, huh?"

"Yeah, I needed to switch to a different method to manage all the information coming in on various arms of the beast that is my life right now. The actual notebook got too messy and hard to find stuff in after a while. Much easier this way, especially when it comes to accessing things on the internet directly from the notes. Plus I keep the notebook and the calendar in cloud storage so Deeks can check and add to it any time he needs. He does research when he can't sleep at night."

"The two of you are becoming experts in aplastic anemia."

"I wish that was the only topic we could speak volumes on now."

Had Kensi showed him her screen, Sam would have seen tabs dedicated to a pantheon of doctors and other medical professionals, insurance companies of all types, lawyers, banks, and fertility clinics. Not to mention websites about dozens of related topics such as treatment options, medications and their side effects, support groups, meditation and relaxation, nutrition, and so much more. The lists were practically endless.

Ever since learning two weeks ago that a bone marrow transplant would definitely – hopefully – be in her future, Kensi had set about making sure that what needed to be done, got done. Her will, living will, and powers of attorney for both medical and other matters had been finalized, and she'd spoken with Deeks and Julia about her wishes. She'd made lists of things she would need for the hospital, but Deeks told her she was not to purchase anything. Kensi suspected Deeks had given Julia and Roberta that responsibility, both to take it off their own plates and to give their mothers something productive and helpful to do.

Kensi was currently researching and making phone calls investigating loans for the purpose of embryo banking prior to the bone marrow transplant. She was also contacting her list of acceptable fertility clinics about appointment availability for the next few weeks in case they were able to get funding. Kensi and Deeks needed to decide go or no-go on this ASAP or she might run out of time if a donor was found sooner than later. If they couldn't secure a low interest rate loan, it looked like preserving Kensi's fertility would be a no-go.

" _Kens, I'm sorry, but no matter how we crunch the numbers, we just don't have a spare ten grand sitting around that we can dedicate to this right now."_

 _They were lucky, compared to most, that Kensi's aplastic anemia was caused by a work-related incident. As such, the Division of Federal Employees' Compensation was footing the bill for her medically necessary treatment. However, that wouldn't cover expenses for fertility preservation. More importantly, it would not cover any medical treatment that was deemed experimental. Kensi and Deeks agreed that keeping most of their money in reserve for experimental treatment, should it be needed, was a higher priority. Plus, Deeks wasn't convinced that the DFEC wouldn't one day in the future try to recoup some or all of Kensi's expenses by arguing that her condition was pre-existing. If that happened, they'd need money to fight that battle, and in case they lost the argument._

" _I know. I'm sorry too."_

" _What do you have to apologize for?" They had been sitting at the dining room table, financial papers spread out in stacks in front of them. Deeks took Kensi's hand and looked confused at her comment._

" _For being the cause of all this," Kensi waved her other hand in the direction of the table. "For being the one who won't be able to give you a child when you come back around to wanting one." She was coming dangerously close to breaking down in tears, again. Even though she knew, in her head, that she was not to blame, Kensi felt immense guilt for what she was putting Deeks through now, and what this might cost him, and them, in the future. Her heart hurt at the thought of it._

" _Look, you know as well as I do that if we do decide one day that we want children, there are other ways to go about it. We'll make it happen."_

" _I've been doing some research on adoption. If we want to adopt a baby, it can cost even more than this. We might have to consider being foster parents to older children first and then hope to adopt them."_

" _Is that such a bad thing? Those kids need love too, and I think you and I have very unique perspectives on what they might be feeling."_

" _No, I didn't say I thought it was a bad thing; I just want you to be aware that we might have to limit our options. I don't want you to be disappointed later on."_

" _Princess, as long as you're the one raising a family with me, I'll never be disappointed."_

"Kensi? You okay?" Sam's voice was concerned.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I'm fine. Just got lost in thought there for a minute." She gave him a small smile and he walked back to his desk and sat.

"Hey, Sam? Can I ask you a question?" When he nodded, Kensi continued, "How's Deeks? I mean, how does he seem to be handling all of this?"

Sam was thoughtful for several moments before he responded. "I think it's a good thing he has a sense of humor and tends to be laid back to begin with, and if you ever tell him I said that, I'll sic Michelle on you." He winked. "Watching what you're going through, I can't help but think sometimes, what would I do if it was me that was sick? Or Michelle or the kids? If I was sick, Michele would handle it just fine, because the CIA and motherhood have prepared her well for dealing with a multiple high-emotion, high-stress events at one time. But if I had to help her or one of my children get through this, you'd all see the chinks in my armor, because 'more being, less doing' wouldn't cut it in that situation. Deeks is more like Michelle; he's adaptable and able to go with whatever comes along."

Sam Hanna was favorably comparing Marty Deeks to his wife? Kensi was surprised. "Aww, you really do like him!"

"Let's not get carried away, now," he joked. "But I have to say I'm impressed with how involved Deeks is in everything, and what he's been able to do for you so far."

Kensi nodded her agreement. "He's been my rock, Sam. I'm not sure how I'd be doing this without him." Their eyes met in a moment of affection and camaraderie before Kensi decided to lighten the mood. "Though you know Deeks would make you all submit to a buccal swab, blood draw, and urine sample every day if he could get away with it to make sure no one gets me sick," she smiled.

"Oh believe me, I know it. But I was thinking about the bone marrow registry."

"What about it? I know he's not thrilled with the idea of me having a transplant."

"He's scared for you. This is a big deal with no small risk and Deeks knows it. I'm not planning on telling him this, but Michelle's cousin had leukemia a few years ago and she had a bone marrow transplant. It was pretty brutal." Kensi nodded in understanding. "But he's still doing all he can to make sure you get the best match possible."

"What are you talking about?"

"He didn't tell you? Deeks came in here a few weeks ago with this letter he wanted all of us to send to everyone we know, basically. Asking them to sign up for the registry."

"He really did that? I thought he was kidding. He's found all these stories online of people who've needed organ transplants and stuff, and their perfect match ended up being their spouse, or lifelong best friend, or co-worker, or next-door neighbor. The chances of an unrelated donor actually being someone you know are astronomically low, though."

"I think Deeks secretly wants to be your match, even as scared as he is of needles."

"Oh, no secret at all about that in the Deeks-Blye household. He keeps teasing me about how, and what, I would owe him for the rest of my long, long life if he gave me his bone marrow."

"Okay, I really do not need the details of _that_ conversation."

"Trust me, I wasn't about to share." Kensi raised her eyebrows in amusement. "Then I remind him of the husband who was a match for his wife and donated one of his kidneys. He demanded it back in the divorce."

Sam shook his head at what he knew people could do to one another, especially those they claimed to love. "Seriously though, Deeks will bend but I don't think he'll break. We can see the cracks every once in a while, because he loves you, and when you hurt, he hurts. But he'll go to the ends of the earth for you and with you, Kensi, no matter what."

For better or worse, Kensi knew that was the absolute truth.

* * *

A few nights later they were cleaning up from dinner when Monty started barking and the doorbell rang. Deeks and Kensi looked up at each other, momentarily confused. "Are we expecting someone?" he asked.

"Not that I'm aware of. Maybe it's a delivery?" Kensi headed for the door.

When Deeks made it into the living room a minute later, he was more than a little surprised to see Kensi there with both of their mothers. From the look on Kensi's face, she was equally unprepared for their visit. "Mama? Julia? Everything alright?" he asked as they exchanged hugs and kisses.

Declining his offer of anything to eat or drink, Julia and his mother sat on the couch while he and Kensi took the chairs across from each other, waiting for the older women to speak. As far as Deeks knew, they hadn't been in contact since Christmas dinner at the Hannas' house. Clearly, he was wrong.

Julia took the lead, "Roberta and I apologize for just dropping in on you like this, but we knew you'd be home and we didn't want to worry you by calling first."

"Because we're not freaking out right now trying to figure this out," Deeks quipped.

"Then I'll get right to it," Julia continued. "First, we just want to ask you to listen to what we have to say before you tell us no." She waited until both Kensi and Deeks nodded their acquiescence. Julia then pulled an envelope from her purse and laid it on the coffee table in front of them. Deeks couldn't quite make out the logo in the upper left corner. "That is a bank check for $12,000."

Deeks opened his mouth to object; he was not taking money from their mothers. And what did they think he and Kensi needed that kind of money for, anyway? A glance at Kensi revealed that she may know a bit more.

His suspicions were confirmed when she put her head in her hand and muttered, "Mom, no."

His mother cut him off before he could utter a word, "Martin, you promised you would listen first."

"Sorry. Please continue, Julia."

"Kensi told me about the concerns regarding being able to have children after her treatment, and that one of the reasons you might not be able to bank embryos before her bone marrow transplant is the money. Roberta and I would like to help."

His mother picked up the thread. They had coordinated this well. "You are our only children. You'll each be getting everything we own after our deaths anyway, so you can think of this as an advance on your inheritance if you want. You are also our only chance at having grandchildren, so you can consider this a favor to us. Finally, as your mothers your happiness is ours, and we don't want you to be denied the joy of have children of your own one day." When she finished speaking, he and Kensi did nothing but stare at one another. As well as he knew her, he had no idea what his girlfriend was thinking just then. "Will somebody say something?" Roberta finally exclaimed.

"I think Kensi and I need to discuss this, in private." Deeks got up and grabbed Kensi's hand on his way toward the stairs. "Excuse us for a bit," he called back into the living room.

As soon as the bedroom door closed behind them, Kensi started, "Crap, Deeks, I am so sorry. I never meant…It just came up in conversation, I didn't ask…I never wanted – "

"I know." He took her in his arms. "Did that really just happen? Did our mothers just offer to finance me masturbating into cup?"

Kensi pulled back enough to look him in the face, "There's a lot more that goes into it than that, you know."

"I do know, but that's the bulk of my role in the process."

She shook her head, smiling. "I love you."

"I know that too." He kissed her sweetly. "I also know they put a lot of thought into their sales pitch."

"Right? An 'advance on our inheritance,' seriously?"

"That had to be my mother's gem."

"It's not a bad point, though. None of them are, actually."

"Are you saying you want to accept their offer?"

"Are you saying you don't?"

"I don't know what I'm saying. I mean, it seems silly to turn down money for something we both want."

"Meaning the embryo banking, not necessarily subsequent IVF treatments, right?"

"Right, didn't we decide we would only discuss preserving your fertility now, so that we'd at least have the option whether or not to do IVF later, if we ever both agree on it and actually need it?"

"Yes. I just wanted to make sure you weren't saying you've decided you definitely do want kids."

"Babe, I can barely think about tomorrow, much less what I might want a few years from now. All I want right now is a healthy and happy Kensalina."

"Back to the matter at hand, then. I agree, it seems logical to accept this gift. But…?"

"But do you think we'll feel obligated to go through with IVF later because the embryos are there and were paid for by our mothers?"

"You think we'll feel pressure to have children to return the favor, so to speak?"

"Maybe. Or maybe they'll start guilt-tripping us into it, even if they don't mean to. Though I wouldn't put it past my mother to do it deliberately." Deeks cranked up his voice into a falsetto, "So Martin, when are you and Kensi going to pop out those babies Julia and I paid for?"

"Wow. That would be awkward. So maybe we lay down some ground rules with them. I know! Remember what Callen said that time about lending money, that he would have a written agreement? We could do that."

"And say what, we'll take the money and make the embryos but you can't bully us into turning them into your grandchildren?"

"We can agree to give the money back to them if we decide not to pursue IVF. This way we won't feel pressured into it. I mean the problem is that we can't spare the money now. There's no reason to think we won't have it a few years from now, especially if we elect not to have children."

"I like the way your mind works, Fern."

They spent some more time discussing their plan before rejoining their mothers.

"Took you long enough, Martin. I thought maybe you two were trying to make a baby the old-fashioned way up there," his mother said playfully.

Kensi and Deeks both shivered at the thought and sat in their chairs. He looked at Kensi to start them off.

"First, thank you for coming here tonight and making this generous offer. I can't tell you what it would mean to us to have this particular option remain available for now. That said, we'd like to make you a counteroffer, of sorts." Kensi nodded at Deeks to continue.

"We will use your money to harvest and fertilize Kensi's eggs." Deeks looked at the love of his life, "And that is something that I just said. To our mothers."

"Welcome to our new reality, babe. You're doing great. Keep going."

"As soon as it's done, we will refund you any money not spent on that procedure. And _we_ will cover the fees for freezing and storage, since that's an expense we can swing. We will also pay for any and all IVF procedures we may decide to try when the time comes."

Kensi took over again, "As I mentioned to you, Mom, Deeks and I aren't sure we'll ever decide to have children; we wanted to do this to keep our options open. So if we ultimately decide not to go through with IVF, or if by some chance we can get pregnant the old fashioned way, we will repay the money that we spend on the embryo banking."

"That's not necessary," Julia said and Roberta nodded her agreement.

"That's not negotiable," Deeks replied gently. "Kensi and I are in total agreement on this."

"Fine, but if you do try IVF and it doesn't result in a grandbaby, we're not taking the money back." This was from Roberta.

He looked at Kensi, as they hadn't discussed that particular outcome. She subtly nodded, so Deeks replied, "Agreed. And thank you." He took a breath, debating whether to mention the next item. Kensi didn't think it was necessary, but Deeks knew his mother. "Also, your financial support in this matter does not give you any kind of naming rights to our potential children."

"Damn," Deeks thought he heard his mother mutter.

Julia patted Roberta's knee, "It was a nice thought, Roberta."

Kensi appeared stunned to learn they had actually discussed this.

"Come on, Kensi," defended Julia. "As if we wouldn't be pushing for names no matter how you get pregnant."

"You can push, but don't think you can buy preferential treatment, that's all," Deeks clarified.

"So you'll take the money?" His mother sounded so excited.

Kensi added, "Yes, but Deeks will be writing this up and we'll all be signing it, understood?"

Happy tears joined the nods of agreement as hugs were shared all around.

* * *

 **AN:** The mention of spouses wanting donated organs back in the divorce is true; I read about a man in the US and a woman in the UK. The man in the US said in lieu of his returned kidney, he'd accept $1.5 million. Prince of a guy.

Happy Season 8 Premiere Eve to all who can watch it tomorrow! Next update probably on Tuesday, when I suspect I will officially have to classify this as AU.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** Just as Deeks had a favor to ask in Chapter 6, I have a favor to ask _about_ Chapter 6. Fanfiction seems to be holding my reviews from that chapter hostage. The counter indicates that I received 8 reviews, but I can't access them on the site, and they hadn't been sent to my email for a while (which didn't bother me, since I could see them on ). And even though I don't do this solely for the reviews, knowing there was feedback but not being able to read it has been killing me! So please, if you left a review for Chapter 6, can you copy it from your Review History and leave it again at the end of Chapter 6? Thanks so much! (Oh, and I changed my email addy, so at least I hope to get them there now if all else fails.) And fingers crossed that I'll get any reviews that are left for this chapter as well.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

"I'm pretty sure the guys have noticed something different about you." Deeks' comment welcomed Kensi back into their bedroom one morning several weeks later.

"What do you mean?"

"Callen keeps looking at you lately. Like he knows something's changed but he can't quite put his finger on it. He keeps looking you up and down. If I weren't there, or if you and I weren't together, I think he'd be focusing even more on your boobs. I wonder if Sam hasn't figured it out but is too afraid to say something."

Kensi stood at the end of the bed, towel-drying her hair. "Let's hope neither one of them says anything when I'm near a gun. I'd probably shoot them before I could stop myself."

"Maybe you should leave your knife at home for the next little while, yeah?"

"You probably shouldn't have mentioned this to me. Now I'll be waiting for Callen to give me the once-over so I can go all Amy Schumer on his ass."

"Now that I might pay money to see."

Kensi shrugged, unamused, and tossed the towel in the general direction of the hamper.

They'd started the process of harvesting Kensi's eggs right after Thanksgiving. The holiday itself had been better than Deeks expected. Julia and Roberta, now very much aware of the power they could yield together, declared they would be preparing a feast and that everyone from the team would attend the celebration at Julia's house. Their friends were more than happy to agree, which Deeks took as a silent acknowledgement that if Kensi's bone marrow transplant failed or didn't happen, there wouldn't be too many Thanksgivings left for her.

Kensi was now more than halfway through an almost three-week-long regimen of various hormones meant to stimulate the growth of multiple eggs but put off their ovulation so they could be harvested "at the peak of freshness," as Deeks liked to joke.

Kensi, who had to inject herself multiple times a day now between the new hormones and the growth factors she continued as AA treatment, did not find that humorous. To be fair, she was dealing with some added unpleasant side effects of the new course of meds. The nausea she already suffered from the growth factors was made worse by the follicle stimulants and the headaches became more frequent. Her breasts and her pelvic area were tender, and they were both pretty miserable with the effects of her hot flashes. Kensi tried her best to cover the acne that had developed on her face, but there was no real way to hide the swelling of her breasts without buying new clothes. And then there were the mood swings. But to Kensi's credit, and much to Deeks' misfortune, she did try to reserve those for home.

The fact was, they hadn't shared this particular course of events with the team, so no one at work knew about their plans to create and freeze embryos in the hopes of maybe having children one day. Since Kensi's diagnosis, they had disclosed a lot more about their day-to-day lives than they would otherwise, and that was saying something considering Callen and Sam were already treated to occasional snippets of their relationship. It seemed natural, since their colleagues were concerned and had a genuine interest in Kensi's health. And frankly, it felt good to share and receive comfort and encouragement in return. But Kensi and Deeks agreed that this topic was a little too personal, and had decided to keep it private.

Kensi crawled into the center of the bed, positioning herself at Deeks' side and crossing her legs. "I'm sorry I woke you," she offered, contrite. She had tossed and turned, throwing the covers off and on for nearly an hour before finally giving up just before dawn and taking a cool shower. Kensi had been so frustrated as she tore out of bed that she had slammed the bathroom door behind her.

"You're forgiven," Deeks replied quickly and sincerely in what had become a ritual that played out several times a day when her moods were in full swing. "Only about a week to go before the harvest, and then no more of these hormones."

"Thanks, Farmer Deeks," Kensi closed her eyes in self-loathing at her snippy tone.

"Don't, it's already forgotten," Deeks cut her off before she could apologize again.

"I hate what this has done to me. To you." Now she seemed on the verge of tears.

Deeks pulled himself up to a sitting position against the headboard, his legs stretched out in front of him. He held his hand out so that Kensi would come closer, and she scooted over until she was sitting next to him at the head of the bed, her shoulder against the headboard. He didn't let go of her hand.

"You've already got most of it behind you; you can handle another week standing on your head, Wonder Woman."

"I wasn't talking about the fertility drugs…well, not just about that." She took a steadying breath before continuing. "Deeks, there's something I've been thinking about, and now's probably the worst time to mention it given the hormones and everything, but I just really need to get it off my chest."

"O-kay," he responded, somewhat reluctantly.

"But I need you to promise me you won't freak out."

"Kens, any discussion that starts with 'Don't freak out' almost guarantees a freak-out. You know that, right?"

"Promise me you'll try, anyway."

"I promise."

"Thanks," she took another breath before charging on. "You know I love you, right?"

Deeks nodded, already not liking where this was going.

"Ever since Syria, you have been by my side in this. Every single step of the way. I knew you'd be there when I woke up in the hospital, and you were. I knew you wouldn't leave me there alone, and you didn't. You have held my hand, literally and figuratively, through every piece of bad news and I never doubted that you would help me keep it together whenever I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown. And now you just take it from me when I'm being a bitch and accept my apologies, no matter how late they are, without being nasty back to me. I don't know how I would have managed without you. Marty Deeks, you have met and exceeded my expectations throughout these past three months, but we've still got a long way to go."

"Kensi, I –" Deeks really didn't know what he was going to say, but Kensi didn't let him continue anyway.

"Just let me finish getting this out, okay? Please? For my part, I've tried not to take advantage of your generosity and your heart. I've tried to keep an eye on you, to make sure you're doing alright and taking care of yourself. I give you space when I think you need it, or when you ask for it. I try to tell you and show you how much I love you, every day. This has been a completely overwhelming experience for me, for you, and for us. I really don't know how you manage to back me up like this all day every day without breaking yourself. If this was happening to someone else, I'd be thanking my lucky stars and keeping my distance.

"That said, I'm going to offer you something, and I know how you're going to want to respond right away. You're going to want to dismiss me, or give me an answer now and not talk or think about it anymore. And I love you for that. But I need you to _not_ answer me now. I want you to take today and think about it, really consider what I'm about to say." Another deep breath. "I'm offering you an out. A one-time opportunity to walk away from the stress and the worry, from the doctors' appointments and hospitals, from the hormones and the side effects, from my bitchiness and my crying. The opportunity to take a break from things now while we can do it calmly rather than some time in the unforeseeable future when we might not have the ability to handle it well."

She could see the emotions run across his face, the last and remaining one being hurt. "Tomorrow morning, if you tell me you still want to be in this with me, then I'll never bring it up again. And I'll hunt you down and kill you if you ever do leave me," Kensi forced a smile. "If you decide this is too much, that you need a break, I can stay with my mother for a while or until this is over and then we can see how we feel." Kensi's voice trailed off.

"Can I ask a question? What kind of break are you talking about here? Like, I need a weekend to get away or like breaking up?"

"That would be up to you, I guess. Look, what I'm trying to say is we've been focused pretty exclusively on me for the past three months, and I know it hasn't been easy on you. And the next few months will probably be even harder, assuming a donor is found. And if a donor isn't found, then do you really want to sit around and wait for me to get sick and die of some stupid infection or something equally inevitable? I recognize how much I've come to depend on you, Deeks, in a way I have never depended on anyone in my adult life. And if you feel like you might not be able to continue keep doing what you've been doing, the same way you've been doing it, I think the best thing to do is figure that out now. Before I'm in the midst of chemo and am in no shape to survive the loss." Kensi had wanted to clarify, but her last statements didn't come out right. "I think I'm getting further away from what I mean, I'm sorry."

Too calmly, Deeks finally spoke. "No, I think you made your point. And I think you're right; I need some time to think about everything you said. I'm going for a run before I head in to work. I'll see you there." He gave Kensi a distracted kiss to the top of her head as he got out of bed, grabbed some clothes out of the dresser, and went into the bathroom to change.

* * *

Deeks had never wanted to scream so badly in his life. As he pounded along his favorite beach-side trail, he reviewed the past months in his head. What had he done, or not done, that would make Kensi think she couldn't rely on him to continue to be by her side? What more could he _possibly_ do to prove he wasn't going anywhere?

When she started her little monologue this morning with, "You know I love you," Deeks thought for a second that Kensi was going to tell him she was wanted to forget about the egg harvesting or the bone marrow transplant. He never suspected she was going to ask if he wanted to cut and run. He didn't know if he felt more anger or hurt at her "offer."

Kensi hadn't said anything that was untrue, though. Deeks had been supportive to the best of his ability, even if not the best of his desires. He accompanied her to every appointment. He read whatever relevant information she found online and then researched more on his own. He played devil's advocate when that was what she wanted and backed her up unconditionally when it was what she needed. He told her the truth, even if it was painful for one or both of them. He held her when she cried, and pretended he didn't see when she preferred to hide the tears. He made her lunch on the days she came into the mission. He annoyed the crap out of everyone at work to keep Kensi from being exposed to illness. He wrote a freaking contract between them and their mothers outlining the details of Julia and Roberta paying for the creation of their potential children, for heaven's sake! Yeah, Deeks thought he'd been doing a pretty damned good job of it.

Apparently so did Kensi, if he understood her correctly this morning.

And Kensi had been looking after him in own her own way as well. She never pushed him away while they were in the hospital in Germany, understanding that he needed to be near her while her situation was still tenuous. Right after they got back to LA, Kensi made him go home and take some time for himself, but she made sure Julia would be there so he wouldn't worry the whole time he was gone. She was learning how to cook, so he didn't have to be afraid she would end up in the hospital with salmonella or some other foodborne illness. She cleaned, which meant he didn't have to when he was mentally and physically drained. She never so much as flinched when she gave herself all of those injections, absolving him of the guilt of not being able to do that one simple task for her. He was welcome and expected to be an active participant in every doctor's appointment, so he didn't have to wonder what was really going on with Kensi's health. She didn't push when he wasn't in the mood to talk. She made love to him as often as she could, whenever she felt well enough. According to Kensi, she did those things because she loved him and wanted to lighten his burden, and take care of him the best way she could right now.

So they were in agreement, right? They were both doing everything they could to help the other through an overwhelming and frightening time. And neither one of them had any serious complaints. Hell, if they made it through this, they should write a book teaching other couples how to do it, Deeks thought.

Then it hit him like a ton of bricks. Deeks supposed he would have seen it sooner had Kensi not started by making him promise not to freak out. That had really knocked him off kilter; he'd have to talk to Kensi about that for future reference.

Because yes, there was a future for them, no matter what she may fear right now. Despite her father dying and her mother not coming back for her. Despite Jack leaving. Deeks knew Kensi had "abandonment issues" (how he hated that phrase!). Now here she was at probably the most physically and emotionally vulnerable time in her life, and while Kensi didn't really expect Deeks to leave, if it was going to happen she would make it happen on her own terms so she could feel some semblance of control.

"Take that, Dr. Phil!" Deeks really did scream this time, as he continued his run feeling much better than when he started.

* * *

At 6:00 the next morning, Deeks' alarm went off. He'd set it because he had promised Kensi he would take a full day to think about her offer. And while he really only needed to mull it over for the length of his run yesterday morning, he wanted her to remember that he was a man of his word. And damned if he wasn't going to get this over with as soon as possible so they could get back on with their lives, such as they were.

Unfortunately, Kensi had difficulty sleeping again last night due to hot flashes. _Mental note to self: figure out a better way to deal with these before Kensi hits menopause._ The last Deeks had seen her, Kensi was on the couch with an ice pack on the back of her neck and an oscillating stand fan about two feet from her.

When he saw Kensi wasn't in bed with him, Deeks took care of his morning routine in the bathroom before ambling out to the living room, freshly showered and dressed in sweats and a Poison t-shirt. He found his princess still on the couch, with a cotton sheet under her and another haphazardly thrown over her abdomen. A probably now-warm ice pack was resting on the center of her chest, on top of the oversized LAPD T-shirt of hers that she was wearing. Walking past her, Deeks went to the kitchen and poured a cold glass of water.

The part of him that was still a little perturbed at Kensi wanted to dump it on her. The much bigger part of him won out and quietly placed it on the end table nearest her head. Deeks then bent over and kissed Kensi's forehead and whispered in her ear, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty, time to get up."

"Time is it?" she mumbled

"Six-thirty."

"In the morning?"

"Yup. I dutifully thought about your proposal for the requisite twenty-four hours, and it is now time for you to hear my answer." Deeks lifted her legs and sat on the other end of the couch, dropping Kensi's legs down onto his lap. "Although as sticky and sweaty as you are, I think we can postpone the talk until after you take a shower."

Kensi grunted something unintelligible as she got up and headed for the bathroom. Deeks took the opportunity to throw the sheets in the wash and the ice pack back in the freezer. He also grabbed a Twinkie from the stash he kept hidden in the garage and left it for Kensi next to the glass of water. Deeks ate a quick bowl of cereal while standing against the kitchen sink and was just closing the back door after letting Monty out when Kensi returned, wearing a T-shirt from sniper school over a pair of boy shorts.

"Shall we?" he invited as he waved her to the couch.

Noticing the water and Twinkie, Kensi smiled briefly. Just Deeks being his considerate self, or a last meal, of sorts?

Kensi sat first, her back against the arm of the couch, one leg bent, the other hanging off the side with her foot on the floor. Deeks mirrored her stance directly in front of her and took her hands.

"First, you're not armed, are you?"

Kensi rolled her eyes. "No. But you of all people know I don't need a weapon to take you down."

"Why do you think I'm holding your hands?" Deeks winked, or at least tried to, before turning solemn. "I want you to know, I took your request very seriously. I did a lot of thinking yesterday, admittedly most of it on my run. But even at work, and through dinner last night, what you said kept creeping back into my thoughts. And I came to a pretty important realization."

Deeks paused for a breath and pushed a hand through his hair, and then picked up her hand again. "I never in a million years thought I would say these words to you," Kensi's eyes widened, and Deeks could read the alarm in them. "But Kensi Marie Blye, you are an idiot."

"Deeks, I…wait, what?"

"You're an idiot if you think I'm ever going to leave you, much less when we both need each other so much."

Slightly offended but indescribably relieved, Kensi said, "That's your big revelation? That I'm an idiot?"

"No, my 'important realization,' I believe my exact words were, is that you just need to feel some control over your life again." He saw Kensi's look of incredulity. "Let me explain, Princess. While you don't actually _believe_ I'm going to leave you, because, really, no one can be _that_ big of an idiot, you can't help but have that fear anyway. Which is completely understandable given your history. So in order to get some sense of control over this vague but insistent concern, you decided to push the envelope rather than wait for me to wake up one morning and decide I've had enough. You offered me this "out" now, when things are relatively calm, because if I choose to leave later, when you are really counting on me, you don't think you'll be able to handle it." Deeks took in his ladybird's now only slightly shell-shocked expression, "So, what do you think?"

Kensi's mouth opened and closed a few times, and Deeks thought she looked completely adorable. He really wanted to kiss her right now and whisk her back to bed, but figured they ought to discuss this first.

She shook her head slowly. "I think you're right. I'm an idiot."

"Well, if I'm being completely honest, I think the added hormones made you do it."

She chuckled, "Again, I think you're right. I admit I've occasionally had the thought that maybe this would all get to be too much for you, but before this round of hormones, I'd been able to quiet that little voice. Because I know you, and I know what kind of man you are." Kensi dropped her head in embarrassment for several seconds before seeking and holding Deeks' eyes again. Once more, she was on the verge of tears. "I'm so sorry, Deeks. You're right, I never really thought you'd leave. I trust you, with everything."

"Maybe you just needed a little reassurance?" Deeks offered gently.

"Since when am I such a girl?" Kensi heard the whine in her voice and wanted to punch something.

"Since you have all those extra lady hormones floating around in that bigger-boobed-body of yours?"

"Touché. And they really are a bitch, aren't they?"

"The boobs? No, they're great. At least to look at, since you won't let me touch them right now."

"No, doofus. The hormones, which, as you know, cause said boobs to hurt."

"Oh, yes, definitely a bitch. Not that I'm calling you a bitch, because isn't that one of those things that a woman can call another woman and it's fine, but if a man says it, he better run? And good lord, are you going to have to go through this again if we decide to actually do IVF?"

"I haven't researched that far ahead. God, I hope not!" Kensi snorted, and it felt good. Once again, Deeks managed to bring laughter and joy into what had been bleak and frightening only minutes before. Kensi wondered, and not for the first time, what she had done so right in her life to deserve him.

Deeks took his hands from Kensi's, pushed her hair back behind her ears, and rested his palms on either side of her neck while his thumbs caressed her cheeks. "You know you've got a really big grin on your face?"

"It probably matches yours." Kensi drew her other leg up on the couch and pushed herself to a kneeling position as she put her arms around Deeks' neck. "You as relieved as I am?"

"Relieved? Nah, I'm too impressed with my psychological acumen." He dropped his hands to her hips.

Kensi sat on his lap and wrapped her legs around Deeks' waist. "Your acumen is pretty impressive. Almost as impressive as when you talk detective."

"So we're good?" He asked, winding his arms around her.

"You're incredible. I'm okay. I guess that makes us a combined good."

"Is that the new math all the kids have been complaining about?" Deeks rested his head against Kensi's as he whispered, "For the record, if a donor isn't found and we only have a couple of years, I'm going to spend every day making sure you don't get sick so we can enjoy as much of our time together as possible. I'm not going anywhere, Kens. I promise."

"I believe you." She sealed her statement with a lingering kiss. "And not just because I'm sitting on your lap."

"Not that I'm complaining, but why _are_ you on my lap, Princess?"

"You can't figure that out, Detective Psychological Acumen?" Kensi pressed a brief kiss to Deeks lips this time. "It's a great position for those of us who need to be in control." The next kiss nearly took his breath away.

He never got to whisk her back to bed, but he finally got to touch her boobs.

* * *

 **AN 2:** Several people have commented over the course of this story that they enjoy the way Kensi and Deeks have been leaning and relying on each other (which I truly appreciate, because that is what I'd like to see them continue to do in the show). I hope this doesn't come across as a step back, or like Kensi's putting up those walls again. But it just seemed to me that it's natural to have some ups and downs, and even some doubts and fears over the course of a life-threatening illness.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** Shortly after I posted Chapter 7 I was rewarded with the missing reviews for Chapter 6 (and 7). I just want to thank everyone who reviewed for your kind, kind words. They really made my day. I confess to putting off writing Densi because I was afraid I couldn't do Deeks' humor justice. So when this plot bunny hopped into my head, I thought it would be a good way to get my feet wet because it would be more Serious!Deeks than Funny!Deeks. To read the comments that I have been getting Deeks' and Kensi's characters right makes me feel all warm and gooey inside, so thanks again!

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

For the two New Year's Eves they'd celebrated since going all-in, Deeks and Kensi had not done anything spectacular or extravagant. Given the unpredictability of their jobs, they never bothered to try to make a reservation for a fancy dinner or nightclub. Both years, they'd managed to drink a bottle of champagne huddled together on the beach where they could catch a view of the nearest fireworks display.

Sharing a kiss with Kensi at the stroke of midnight was a significant act to Deeks. He liked the promise it suggested, the circle it closed. It was as if they were saying to each other, _We've ended another year as we start the next one: together. And we'll do the same a year from now._

A year ago, Deeks would never have anticipated that he'd be spending this New Year's Eve in an isolation ward wearing a hospital gown, mask, surgical cap, and gloves while watching Kensi fight for her life.

Deeks was angry. Not at Kensi, and probably not even at himself. Angry at fate, perhaps, for putting them on a helicopter in the Middle East that was doomed to crash; for driving a piece of metal through Kensi's leg so that she was trapped and forced to breath in fumes that destroyed her bone marrow; for forcing her give up, hopefully only temporarily, a career she loved and completely re-create her life to a degree that she no longer recognized it as her own; for making her so pale, tired, and unhappy that she was barely a shadow of the woman he loved.

As Deeks held Kensi's hand and watched the numbers on the various monitors change periodically, he tried to put a finger on how this had happened. What had led them to be in the ICU when they should be on the beach getting tipsy and waiting for midnight?

He'd been so careful, and made sure Kensi was too. Ever since her diagnosis, Deeks was hyper-aware that Kensi was susceptible to the slightest bug in her immunocompromised state. From the day she was released from the hospital, they both took their temperatures at least twice a day. If Kensi showed the slightest sign of illness, they kept a close eye out for possible symptom development and remained in frequent contact with Kensi's medical team in case additional medication was necessary. If Deeks was feeling even mildly unwell, he would quarantine himself until he was sure he wasn't a danger to Kensi.

They washed their hands more than regularly, and Deeks reminded Kensi to brush her teeth four times a day to ward off oral bacteria, which was apparently a bigger threat than either had known before. He helped Kensi and their mothers decide what types of food to avoid, and how to best prepare meals that wouldn't risk foodborne pathogens. Deeks smiled now as he remembered how Kensi argued for a Twinkie- and donut-heavy diet since no one had ever gotten salmonella, e-coli, or botulism from them, which was more than could be said of most "healthy" foods.

While Kensi did a more than respectable job keeping the house vacuumed and as dust-free as possible, Deeks took antibacterial wipes to every common surface on a daily basis: counters, doorknobs, handles, remote controls, and any buttons or dials they might both have occasion to touch. Kensi liked to joke that she was glad her illness could allow Deeks' inner germophobe run unfettered and unashamed.

Once Kensi returned to "work," Deeks' protective instinct kicked into overdrive. Callen and Sam probably would have tossed him and his wipes in the burn room's furnace if they didn't care for Kensi too. As it was, they merely rolled their eyes and told him he'd make Kensi a great wife one day when they watched Deeks perform his daily ritual of cleaning all shared items such as the coffee machine and blender. And when she joined them up in ops, Deeks would almost slap Kensi's hand away if she reached to touch a screen where dozens of others ran their fingers routinely. He purchased a case of hand sanitizer and left a bottle on everyone's desk or workstation, in addition to placing them in all common areas. Instead of greeting the random staff he passed through the course of the day with his typical, "Hey," "Hi," or "What's up?" He addressed each one with, "Don't forget to wash your hands!" Deeks figured it was a good thing most people in the mission already liked him and had learned to expect the unexpected from him.

As those with whom Kensi had the most contact at the mission, Callen, Sam, Nell, Eric, Hetty, and Granger were dutiful about keeping an eye on their own health as well. They would text Deeks and Kensi if they woke with symptoms of a cold or any other illness so Kensi could either keep her distance at work or stay home. Sam had the added responsibility of needing to remember to alert them if Michelle or Kamran were sick or getting sick as well. When chicken pox broke out in Kam's class, Deeks told Kensi she could only come into the office if she wore a mask and gloves. She took a few extra cooking lessons with the moms that week.

The advent of flu season had them all on their toes. Deeks was downright annoying about finding out if his colleagues got live flu vaccines so Kensi could steer clear of them for a day or so. Deeks himself braved the shot this time around rather than risk exposing Kensi to the live flu of the nasal spray, which he vastly preferred. They declined Christmas dinner at Sam's last month because there would be too many children and people whose behavior and health Deeks couldn't control.

Instead, they'd spent a lovely Christmas Eve by themselves followed by a relaxing and surprisingly enjoyable several hours on Christmas Day for dinner at his Mom's house with her boyfriend Jim, Julia, and Monty.

 _They devoted the afternoon to cooking together, which was a new but fun experience. Before Kensi's aplastic anemia, Deeks tended to be the chef in the family, and Kensi typically wanted nothing to do with it but the eating. Since her illness, Kensi had learned a lot about cooking from her mother and Roberta, and had spent many days in the kitchen with each of them. But Kensi and Deeks hadn't had the pleasure of really cooking together before this._

 _Their mothers had decided, inexplicably, to serve a modified Feast of the Seven Fishes for Christmas dinner the next day, so Kensi and Deeks chose to spend Christmas Eve day jointly preparing his favorite lasagna, along with meatballs, grilled veggies, and garlic bread. Kensi even wanted to try her hand at her mother's rice pudding recipe, a favorite of hers and her father's back in the day. If it turned out alright, she planned to bring the bulk of it to Roberta's for dessert._

 _Later, they bundled up against the relative cold of Los Angeles – Deeks because he was an LA-area native and didn't have any concept of real cold, and Kensi because she didn't want to argue about it with Deeks on Christmas Eve – and took a leisurely after-dinner walk with Monty along the beach._

 _When they returned home, Deeks turned on one of the many radio stations that had been playing Christmas music since Thanksgiving and they settled in on the couch, huddled together, illuminated only by the colorful lights on their tree. They didn't speak of work or illness. They discussed what they wanted to be doing this time next year, and Kensi couldn't disagree that it sounded like a fine time to travel. Perhaps to New York – yes, Kensi would allow Deeks to drag her to a Broadway show or two; or maybe to Hawaii – but only if Deeks would agree to try Kensi's version of camping for one night. They debated which superhero it would be best to get a bone marrow transplant from. Even when they tried to limit the choice to just DC or Marvel characters, they had no luck; pretty much anyone would offer major advantages either in their line of work or day-to-day living._

 _They slept in on Christmas morning, waking only at Monty's insistence that someone let him out before he left them his own very special gift under the tree. Deeks made Kensi's favorite frittata while she brewed the coffee and set the table._

 _Still in the clothes they'd slept in, Kensi and Deeks made their way to the living room after breakfast to open gifts. They had decided, given the desire to conserve money right now and the added stress of Kensi's illness, that they would purchase one small, inexpensive gift for each other and then create gift certificates for whatever else they wanted to give._

 _Sitting on the floor with their backs against the couch, they exchanged presents. Reading the first rectangle of paper from Kensi, Deeks smiled and commented, "Wow, Kens. This is going to be difficult for you, don't you think? A day in which you only call me cute nicknames?"_

" _You'd be amazed at the ones I've already come up with, given all my spare time lately."_

" _Oh you think so? Lay one on me, then."_

" _I will not. Unless of course you're redeeming your gift certificate now?"_

" _No way. I'm holding on to this one until you're back at work for real. And we're stuck on a stakeout. With Callen and Sam." Deeks' grin was quick and devilish as he kissed her, "Thanks. I love it. Now one for you." He handed her an envelope._

 _Kensi gasped when she read her slip of paper, "Really? You mean it?"_

" _It says so right there, doesn't it?"_

" _You're finally going to dance for me!" Kensi had been wanting Deeks to shake his college and law school money-maker for her pretty much since they day he'd told her about it. But since they'd been in a relationship and she could actually ask him to do it, he'd been reluctant, claiming he only wanted to heighten her anticipation for the moment he ultimately did perform for her. "This is great. I'm going to have to remember to collect a bunch of singles before I use this."_

 _Deeks feigned insult, "Singles? Baby, I'm worth at least a fistful of fivers!"_

" _And how would I know that if you've never shown me your stuff, Hot-Cheeks?"_

" _Touché. But at least have some of both and prepare to be awed."_

" _Deal," Kensi laughed. "And thank you. This is exactly what I wanted."_

 _They amassed quite a haul of paper-promises: massages (full body and specific parts), back scratching, a picnic, and a night of dancing and mojitos at the Apex Hotel from Deeks; and massages of both types (proving that great minds think alike, Deeks said), a joint bubble bath, a night of controlling the TV remote, and a morning of surfing together from Kensi. And that didn't include the bedroom-related coupons they both also gifted the other._

 _Kensi laughed when she unwrapped a box to reveal a stuffed baby tiger. Included in the box were a picture of a real tiger, an informational card, and an "adoption" certificate stating that Kensi Marie Blye was the proud, if symbolic, "parent" of a wild tiger somewhere in the world._

" _I know, I should have gotten you that last year Sugar Bear."_

" _No, it's perfect. I love it." She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "And now for yours." Kensi bent over and slipped her hand under the couch to pull out a gift-wrapped box that she presented to Deeks. But she didn't let go when he tried to take it from her. "Before you open it, you need to know I arranged for this over the summer, so it was before we made our agreement about gifts. But I only paid for the parts, not the labor."_

" _O-kay. Color me officially burning with desire to know what this is now." Kensi released her grip, and Deeks shook the box excitedly. He tore off the wrapping and the opened the cardboard box to find soft foam padding. Removing that, Deeks was struck mute. He blinked back tears of emotion for several moments before he could finally speak. "Is this…? Kens, is this what I think it is?"_

 _Kensi nodded. She had been so excited to do this for Deeks. The look on his face as he picked up the knife she'd had made for him was priceless, and exactly what she expected: love, awe, and pride all showed clearly in his beautiful smile. She wasn't sure she could have loved him more than at that moment._

 _Not long after Kensi had come back from Afghanistan, Deeks had told her about meeting Tuhon, a Kalinga headhunter and friend of Hetty's who had made a knife for another friend of his: Kensi's father. The very knife – that was sometimes just a knife – Deeks had carried while Kensi was away. Soon after Deeks had given the blade back to her, Kensi asked Hetty to help her get in contact with Tuhon. It took some time, but ultimately Hetty was able to facilitate a meeting. Tuhon was more than happy to see what Donald Blye's daughter had grown up to become, and Kensi was eager to learn more about her father. Especially from a man who was basically an assassin. She got back in touch with Tuhon earlier this year when she had the idea for this gift._

" _You knew I met up with him, but I never mentioned what he told me about my father's knife." She looked at Deeks, who was captivated by both the object in his hand and what his girlfriend was saying. He nodded at her to continue. Before she did, Kensi got up and ran upstairs before returning with her father's knife in hand. She held it out in front of Deeks as she spoke._

" _Tuhon drilled holes in the tang, the metal that runs through the handle and is actually the same piece of metal as the blade, in order to reduce the weight, and make it better for throwing if need be. He filled some of the holes with pieces of things that were important to my dad. There's a few strands of my hair and my mom's hair in this knife, as well some brass from one of Dad's sniper bullet casings. Also a small snippet of cloth from the first medal he received. The handle itself was carved to resemble rock to signify my father's love of all things outdoorsy._

" _Your knife is fashioned after my Dad's. The size and shape are the same, as are the materials for the blade and the handle." Kensi paused, seemingly lost in thought as she turned her father's knife over in her hand. Mismatched eyes met blue as she continued, "Your knife, however, has a few strands of my hair, and yours. And some of Monty's fur. There's also brass from one of your spent shells and one of mine, as well as a little bit of sand and a piece of a seashell I picked up from our favorite beach. The handle – "_

" _It looks kind of like waves." Deeks' voice was a whisper._

" _Yeah." Kensi smiled proudly, happy that Deeks was able to see it. "I asked Tuhon if he could manage something like that and still keep a reliable grip. I think he did a great job." When Deeks said nothing, Kensi asked, "Did you see the inscription?"_

 _Deeks looked confused, not having noticed anything on his first perusal of the weapon. He turned it over and checked the other side. Sure enough, there along the top of the blade closest to the handle, one word was etched into the steel: Everything._

 _When she was sure he had read it, Kensi explained, "Because sometime a knife is just a knife, and –"_

" _Sometimes it's everything," Deeks finished._

" _Do you like it?"_

 _He met her eyes intently, "Like it? Kensi, this goes so far beyond like, that I can't….I have no…I mean…" Overwhelmed, Deeks closed his mouth and his eyes for a few beats before gently returning his knife to the box and taking Kensi's from her hand. This too, he placed in the box. He smiled when he saw the picture it made and wondered momentarily if there was such a thing as "knife-booking."_

 _Deeks turned his body so he could face Kensi and place his hand on either side of her neck, his thumbs able to rub gently between her cheek and ear. "Kensi. I'm not sure I have to words to tell you what this means to me. That you would have thought to replicate your father's knife for me, but with details that are so me, so_ us _…the words 'I love it' and 'I love you' just don't do justice to this, to you." Deeks pulled Kensi closer so he could kiss her properly. If his words couldn't express his feelings, he'd make damned sure his actions did._

 _When their lips broke apart a few minutes later, Deeks kept Kensi in his embrace. He nuzzled his face in her hair and whispered, "Thank you baby. This is incredible. I can't think of a better gift that I've ever gotten. Ever."_

" _That's just because you never opened the other box," she whispered back._

 _Deeks laughed out loud, and finally pulled away from Kensi. "God, I love you. Do you have_ any _idea how much I love you?"_

" _About as much as I love you?"_

" _Yeah, probably about that much."_

 _They sat, barely any space between them on the couch, arms and fingers intertwined, heads leaning against each other, looking at their Christmas tree and thinking along parallel paths. How lucky they were to have been paired together, to become so much more than work partners. How scared they were about Kensi's future, but how much comfort and support they received from each other since her diagnosis. If Kensi or Deeks had ever had a doubt in recent years that they could help each other through anything, such thoughts were annihilated by this experience._

 _As they got up some time later to get ready for the afternoon at his mother's, Kensi said, "Oh, do me a favor and don't buy a sheath for your knife. I may have also planned for that for your birthday. You can use mine in the meantime."_

 _Deeks smiled like, well, like a kid at Christmas. "Good to know. One question, though – what's in the box?"_

It was two days after Christmas that the first signs of trouble arose. Kensi had woken up with a sore throat. That in and of itself wasn't completely alarming; sore throats had been an occasional side effect of one of her medications. Her temperature was slightly elevated a few hours later, and the chills began at about the same time as the cough. A quick conversation with the on-call nurse at Dr. Popa's office sent Deeks off to the pharmacy to pick up a few prescriptions and resulted in regular check-ins as the day wore on.

During the night, Deeks checked on a sleeping Kensi to find she was much warmer to the touch than he was happy with. The thermometer confirmed a full-fledged fever, and when he spoke to the next shift of on-call staff, Deeks was advised to get Kensi to the hospital. Waking and getting Kensi from the house proved to be more difficult than Deeks had anticipated. She was groggy and mildly argumentative, insisting she was, or at least would be, fine. But when Kensi attempted to get out of bed, the aches in her body simultaneously convinced her that she was actually sick, and made it all but impossible for her to accomplish the task on her own.

Deeks wrapped the blanket around her and carried Kensi out to the car, where he buckled her into the front passenger seat for the ride to the hospital.

In the four days since her admission, Kensi steadily grew worse. What had likely begun as a flu quickly deteriorated into pneumonia. Deeks stood helpless and all but paralyzed as they intubated and sedated Kensi last night because she was having so much difficulty breathing.

Deeks had been alone throughout most of this experience. Kensi was highly susceptible to further illness in this condition, and even though the fact that she was in an isolation ward was enough to keep most people from wanting to visit, his mother and Julia each insisted on coming by at least once a day.

But Deeks was not in the mood for company. After one of the moms showed up, freshly dressed in her hospital gown and wearing a mask and gloves, Deeks would spend just enough time to fill her in on Kensi's condition before excusing himself and leaving the room. Doffing his own protective gear, he beat a hasty retreat for anywhere but there.

The latest course of medications seemed to finally do the trick, as Kensi was deemed able to breathe on her own late this afternoon and was removed from the respirator. The sedation was discontinued as well, and Kensi had woken up for brief periods since.

He had finally managed to get Julia to leave a few minutes ago. He knew that she and his mother had been almost as worried about him as they were about Kensi these past few days. He was terrified because nothing the doctors did seemed to help, and he feared he would lose Kensi before she even got a shot at a cure.

He was angry because all of the preventative measures they had taken meant nothing in the end. Dr. Popa had stopped in for a visit one day and told him that the fact that Kensi had avoided a minor or major illness for as long as she had since her diagnosis was a testament to all their hard work and precautions. Most people, she assured him, are hospitalized once, if not twice in the first two months as they adjust to the restrictions. Kensi had made it more than three months without incident.

It didn't make Deeks feel any better. Nothing would until Kensi was awake for longer than a minute and he could look into her beautiful eyes and hear her say that she loved him. Until then, he would continue to wallow in the bitter darkness that was so unlike Marty Deeks. It should have bothered him, that he was not able to see a light at the end of the tunnel or find some hope to hold onto. That his usual, easy, carefree nature had abandoned him was a surprise; no matter how dire the situation, Deeks had always previously been able to see a bright side.

But Kensi was his heart, and he had spent three days watching her get paler, weaker, and sicker. Until finally she needed machines to help her breathe. She became a shell of herself. No wonder he was a nothing more than a shell of himself now too.

Deeks felt his phone buzz in his back pocket at the same time he thought Kensi's fingers tightened on his. "Kens? Kensi, can you hear me?" Her eyes opened slowly and after a few moments seemed to focus on him. She looked confused, though, like she didn't recognize him. Then he remembered he was wearing all the hospital garb. He shucked off the cap and pulled the mask down just long enough to see the realization dawn bright in her eyes. "There you are." He smiled, the first real one in days. "How you doing, Princess?"

"Deeks?" Kensi's voice was weak and rough, but it was the best thing he'd heard in too long. "Why do you look like Dr. Deeks, DDS?" At that he laughed out loud.

They would have their kiss at midnight, even if separated by a surgical mask.

* * *

If Kensi's decline was fast and steady, her recovery was slow and erratic. But as soon as her white cell counts were high enough to allow Kensi to safely exist outside of an isolation room, she was released to finish her recovery at home. A hospital was no place for a sick person to be, even with quarantine precautions in place.

Kensi insisted that Deeks return to work the next day, even though there were only two days left to the work week. He had not stepped foot in the mission since she went into the hospital, instead communicating her status with the team via text message. Deeks was reluctant to leave her alone, so Kensi finally agreed to have one of their mothers with her while he was gone, even though she argued that most of what they would be doing was watch her sleep.

She knew the toll her recent downturn had taken on Deeks. Kensi heard from her mother that he had basically sequestered himself from everyone and spurned every attempt at comfort and support, even from his mother. When Kensi asked about it, Roberta admitted that she hadn't seen this scared, angry version of her Martin since he was a child. Kensi was dismayed and felt tremendously guilty.

Kensi believed the best thing for Deeks was to get back to his routine, to spend time at work with people he liked and with whom he could be himself again, or with whom he might at least pretend to be himself. This coming Sunday was his birthday, and Deeks insisted all he wanted to do was spend a quiet day with her. Of course, that was pretty much all she could do right now, but Kensi was happy to pass the day with her boyfriend, hopefully without the specter of her sudden illness hanging over them.

But she was going to make sure he had some actual fun for his birthday as well. While Deeks was at work, Kensi went about making her plans.

Saturday afternoon, Deeks and Kensi were in the backyard playing fetch with Monty when the front doorbell rang.

"I thought you gave our moms the weekend off?" Deeks asked as he walked toward the back door with an excited pooch behind him.

"I did. I guess that must be for you." Kensi stepped inside just as Deeks opened the door to find Callan, Sam, and Eric.

Kensi stayed just inside the back door while the men kept to themselves near the front entrance. They waved and greeted each other across the dining room and kitchen. "What's going on?" Deeks said, his head moving from their friends to Kensi, and back again. A slightly panicked look was on his face.

"The guys are staying over there in deference to my better-but-still-low white blood cell count. They're not sick and they feel fine, but why take chances, right?" Kensi watched as the alarm Deeks had first displayed faded. Now there was only confusion.

"Am I missing something?"

"Not today, you're not." This from Callen.

"Kens, what's going on?"

"The boys are here to take you out for your birthday." When she could see Deeks was about to object, Kensi put up her hand in the international sign for "stop." He did. "You said you wanted to have a quiet birthday with me tomorrow, and you will. But _I_ want you to have a fun birthday tonight, even if it's without me. The boys here are taking you out for an early dinner, _that had better not involve strippers_ ," she put her best warning voice on and glared at their co-workers. "And then you are heading to the Staples Center where you will be a guest of Kip's for the rest of the evening. Now, why don't you grab a fast shower and get changed so you can get out of here."

Again, Deeks looked like he wanted to argue, so Kensi extended her arm and pointed to the stairs. "Go," she ordered. "I'll be up in a little while so you can try, but fail, to talk me out of this."

Deeks nodded his acceptance, never letting go of Kensi's eyes.

After they all watched Deeks climb the stairs, Sam whistled lightly. "It's like being at my house. Michelle has that exact same look."

Crossing the kitchen so that they were only a dining room apart, Kensi smiled at their friends. "Thanks for doing this for him, guys. He really needs a distraction."

"We're happy to do it, Kensi. We know this hasn't been easy on either of you…" Eric said.

"But I'm the one who's been getting all the attention," Kensi finished. "He's been so focused on me and stressed out over me. I know what it's doing to him. I just want him to be able to forget for a little while, you know?"

"Kensi, unless we beat him about the head until he gets amnesia, you're not going to be far from his mind tonight. But we'll try to get him to have some fun anyway," Callen said with a sweet smile.

Scooting past them and up the stairs, Kensi called down, "Give me ten minutes to bully him into this, boys, and he'll be down."

Kensi was searching through Deeks' closet when he entered the bedroom from the shower a few minutes later, towel around his waist. He stopped short when he saw her. "Listen, Kens, I don't think this is a good idea."

"Why not?"

"You shouldn't be alone, in case you start to relapse."

"Well then it's a good thing I won't be alone, and that Nell knows how to read a thermometer too."

"Nell's coming over?"

"Yes, sweetie. Nell and I haven't had a lot of girl time lately, so I figured this would give us that opportunity and would also reassure you." Deeks still looked unconvinced. Kensi took his face in her hands and made him look her in the eyes. "Do you remember what I told you when we got back to LA and I sent you home that first night?"

"That you didn't want to have to worry about me."

"Right. I know now how naïve I was to think that I wouldn't worry about you through all of this, just like you're going to worry about me. But baby, we just went through a really rough patch, and I slept through most of it. So in reality, _you_ went through a very rough patch, mostly by yourself. You deserve some fun tonight, and I want you to have it. I want you to forget for a little while what's hanging over our heads, and then not feel guilty for forgetting."

Deeks shook his head slowly, a small smile appearing. "You know me too well."

Kensi kissed him firmly but quickly before running her hands to his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. "I know what I'd be thinking if I was in your shoes right now." Pulling back a little so she could meet his eyes again, she continued, "Deeks, you've been amazing through all of this. I couldn't ask for anything more, really. I'm not worried about myself because I know you've got my back, no matter what. And I've got yours. No matter what." She brought her hands around to the front of his bare chest and laid one against his heart. "Now go out with our friends and enjoy a loud, fun birthday tonight. Get drunk if you want. Come home as late as you want. Nell's bringing an overnight bag just in case."

"You're pretty amazing yourself, you know that?"

"Yup. That's why we make such a great team. Bad guys, aplastic anemia, nothing can beat this much amazing." Kensi swatted his towel-clad behind as she walked past him and toward the door. "Get dressed and be downstairs in three minutes, Shaggy. The guys are waiting."

Less than ten minutes after Deeks left with his entourage, Kensi opened the door for Nell. Her petite friend was laden down with grocery bags, one of which Kensi quickly grabbed from her.

"Were you able to get everything?" asked Kensi as they started unpacking the bags in the kitchen.

"Yes, but are you sure about this, Kensi?"

"No, but I figure between the two of us, we can manage."

"Well yeah, but…" Nell's reluctance was clear in her tone.

"C'mon, where's your sense of adventure? I've been doing a lot more of this lately, and you're a freaking genius. What could go wrong?"

"You've been taking _cooking_ lessons from your moms. Baking is completely different, Kens. It's much more of an exact science."

"Which is why I found a recipe that pretty much spells out everything we need to do. If it makes you feel any better, I already reviewed it with my mom. She's actually good at baking too, and she's on stand-by tonight in case we need her."

"Okay then. We can do this."

"No doubt in my mind. And Deeks is going to love it."

* * *

Deeks woke the next morning to the feeling of nature calling. He was spooned behind Kensi and too comfortable to get up, but his bladder was insistent. When he returned to bed and draped his arm over Kensi's waist again, he heard her speak softly.

"You're not getting up to surf, Birthday Boy?"

"Nah. This is exactly where I want to be right now."

"No decent swells this morning, huh?" Kensi took Deeks' hand and entwined their fingers.

"Well, that too. Maybe later we'll head to the beach for a walk?"

"Sure, that'd be nice. What time did you come in last night? Or was it this morning?"

"Not late, really. About one, I think."

"Have fun?"

"Actually, yes. Dinner was great, and the game was close. Clips pulled it out in the end, though. Kip took us out for a couple of drinks after, and some of his teammates joined us. I think Sam, Callen, and Eric have a whole new level of respect for me now."

"As well they should, and not just because of your NBA connection. Nell go home?"

"Yeah, I offered her the guest room but she was Eric's ride, apparently. You two have a good time last night? What'd you do?"

"It was really nice, and I'll show you later what we accomplished. What time is it? You tired?"

"Quarter after seven, and not particularly. Why, you have something in mind?" Deeks slid their joined hands down slightly and then back up to slip under Kensi's nightshirt, and slowly traced a circular path on her belly.

"In fact, I do." Deeks could hear the grin in her voice as she made to get out of bed. "Stay there, I'll be right back." As she rounded the bed, Kensi crawled back in on Deeks' side, behind him. She dropped a kiss onto his cheek and whispered, "Happy birthday, baby," before climbing out and heading toward the bathroom.

Deeks shifted onto his back and put one hand under his head, a smile creeping onto his face at the thought of morning sex. With the woman he loved. On his birthday.

"Wipe that smirk off your face, Shaggy, you're not getting sex right now," Kensi declared as she swept back into the room several minutes later, hands full.

"Wha-? Really?"

"But clothing is optional. Get on your stomach, shirt off, shorts are optional."

Deeks stared at her, confusion written all over his face.

"Andiamo, let's go." Kensi put her supplies on her nightstand and motioned for Deeks to roll over. "If we're going to be spending time in the kitchen today making spaghetti _aglio e olio_ and all the related fixings for your birthday dinner, I want you in top form after your night out."

Deeks sat up and yanked his shirt over his head before lifting his hips to pull off his shorts. He wiggled his eyebrows. "As you can see, I'm well on my way to top form."

"I will not be distracted by your sexy talk, Magic Marty. Over. Now."

"It's my birthday, why do you get to be the boss?" Deeks whined and pouted, but rolled onto his stomach as he did.

"Hey, you're the one who said you wanted a quiet day today. Sex? Us? Definitely not quiet." With that, Kensi climbed on the bed and straddled his legs, just below his butt. Face down as he was, Deeks didn't see when she removed her shirt.

Deeks grunted as she sat down, and then moaned gently in appreciation as Kensi began rubbing her hands from his lower back, up to his shoulders, down his sides, and back again. "Oooh, a birthday massage. This is nice too. But maybe I need to qualify what I meant by a 'quiet day.' Maybe 'laid back' is a better description."

Kensi trailed her hands up his spine once more, leaning forward so that her bare breasts made contact with Deeks' back as she reached into his hair to gently scratch his scalp. She whispered into his ear, "If you don't shut up and start enjoying this massage, it's not going to have a very _happy ending_ for either of us."

"Shutting up. Commencing now."

Not another word was spoken, but the ending was decidedly happy and definitely not quiet.

* * *

Later, Deeks chopped the veggies while Kensi cracked and whisked the eggs for a frittata. "You really are getting good at that, you know."

"You shouldn't be so surprised, with all the time I've been spending in the kitchen lately."

"Not surprised at all. My Kensalina can do anything she puts her mind to."

"Speaking of, why don't you peek under that towel over there?" Kensi angled her head toward the covered cake plate tucked away at the far end of the counter.

"Yeah? What's that? Another birthday surprise for me?" Deeks' excitement was palpable, and seemed to take about ten years off his face.

"You're the detective, go detect."

Deeks removed the tea towel from the glass dome and then picked up the cover. "Holy crap, Kens! This is awesome." He studied the dessert in front of him. It was three layers, but he couldn't tell the flavor of the cake itself; it looked darker than yellow but lighter than chocolate. From between each layer oozed chocolate ganache and a white concoction that Deeks suspected was a marshmallow sauce. The top of the cake was drizzled with more of both frostings, and was further garnished with toasted miniature marshmallows and large broken pieces of graham crackers.

"It's a s'mores cake."

"Yeah it is. It looks great, I mean, seriously great. Is this what you and Nellosaurus did last night?"

"Yeah, it was the first scratch cake either of us ever made. Oh, and we need to bring slices of that into work tomorrow for everyone. Nell can't wait to try it and show off our newly-found talent."

"Wait, you're saying you baked this from scratch? As in with flour and sugar, not some mix from a box." He walked back to Kensi and turned her around, placing his hands at her hips.

She ran her hands up Deeks arms to his chest. "That's what I'm saying. We made the cake, the ganache, and the marshmallow buttercream, all from a recipe, not a mix. And for the record, some of the flour in that cake is graham flour, which is used to make graham crackers. It gives the cake a nutty flavor that mimics the flavor of the graham crackers."

Deeks pulled Kensi further toward him, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling her neck. "You know how you like it when I talk detective? I find I really like it when you talk baking. Listen to you, tossing around words like ganache and nutty flavor."

"Yeah? Then maybe I shouldn't tell you that I stole that line right from the recipe. And I had to look up what ganache is online. Why don't they just say frosting? You know what ganache means in French? Jaw – that's what I was thinking when I first read it. There's a similar word in Italian, gan – "

He kissed her firmly. "Don't ruin the mystique, Sweet Cakes."

* * *

 **AN 2:** I love the internet! To check out how Kensi's knife was made, Google "Kensi's knife on NCIS LA" and look for Guruharley's blog. Also, the s'mores cake recipe I referenced, along with a picture, is from mybakingaddiction. I don't own or have anything to do with these websites, so no money is being made by me. I just think this stuff is really cool!


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** This and the next several chapters are going to be shorter than anticipated because I am rapidly catching up to posting what I already have written (though not edited or revised). So it was a toss-up between cutting the next two chapters roughly in half and posting them as four on the same schedule I've been maintaining (one on the weekend and one mid-week), or changing the schedule to once a week and hoping to keep up with that while I write longer chapters. Personally, as a reader of fanfic, I really appreciate it when an author manages to sustain the pace they start with (though believe me I understand that's not always possible), which is why I made this decision.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

The rest of Deeks' birthday was both quiet and laid back. After cleaning up from breakfast, Kensi let Deeks decide what he wanted to do. Of course, he wanted to open his gift.

"I baked you a cake and gave you a _very_ special massage, what makes you think you're getting more than that?" Kensi teased as they sat on the couch.

"Okay, one: you and Nell baked that cake, and everyone knows joint gifts don't count for your boyfriend. Two: that massage was as much a gift for you as it was for me, because who wouldn't want to worship this bod? And three: you said at Christmas that you got me a sheath for my magic knife. Now give it." He put his hand out expectantly.

"You know, I think I liked your attitude better the year I got your birthdate wrong. A lot less cocky." Kensi said as she stood up and started climbing the stairs. When she came back a few minutes later, she was carrying a wrapped box larger than Deeks had expected for a knife sheath. Kensi dropped it on the floor in front of him.

"Is this another box within a box thing? Did you intuit I was going to be cocky and do this to punish me?"

"Intuit? Who uses that word as a verb?"

"People who liaise, apparently."

"Touché."

"Wow. This birthday officially can't get any better, Kensalina. You just used touché correctly."

"Well then we can end it right now." Kensi moved to pick up the box, but Deeks grabbed her and pulled her to sit across his lap.

"No, no, I'm sorry," he said quickly, kissing the side of her neck. "I want you and my gift to stay right here."

"You're not going to be able to open your gift if I'm sitting on your lap." Kensi immediately put her hand to Deeks' mouth. "Whatever perviness you were just about to speak, don't."

Kensi slid back and onto the cushion next to him, crossing her legs so Deeks was free to hold the box on his lap. He picked it up and ripped the envelope from the top. Inside Deeks found a birthday card and another homemade gift certificate, this one for knife throwing lessons from Kensi.

"Cool, now I'll be able to add ninja to my list of job skills," Deeks said as he began tearing the wrapping paper from the box. Looking inside, he commented, "I was close! Multiple boxes."

"Yeah, I didn't feel like wrapping them all. You going to open these?" Kensi teased.

"Ha, so not funny. And yes, definitely, since I know what's in one of them."

In actuality, he knew what was in all of them. Kensi had gifted Deeks with not one, but three sheaths. Two for his belt, one horizontal and one vertical; and one that would attach to his tactical gear.

"Why'd you get me two for my belt?"

"You'll probably only end up using one of them regularly, but you need to decide which one works best for you. Took me a while to figure it out, at least for the one I keep at my back. Got to make sure my man is well protected. Wait, did you say _magic_ knife before?"

"Took you long enough to notice my masterful literary reference."

Kensi looked confused. "To what?"

Deeks' shook his head in disappointment. "Come on, even if you didn't read the books, you had to have seen the movies. I know for a fact you saw at least one of them."

"Deeks, I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Harry Potter!" he all but shouted.

"They used knives in Harry Potter? Weren't they witches and wizards? What would they need knives for?"

Deeks dropped his chin to his chest. She was hopeless. "Woman, I hope when you get a bone marrow donor, he or she can give you an appreciation for popular culture." He took a breath to summon his patience and looked at Kensi again. "The cores of their wands were from magical creatures, and imbued the wands with their power. So like, Harry's for example, had a phoenix feather as its core. They also used dragon heartstring and unicorn tail hair, stuff like that."

"Imbued? Who says that? Wait, let me guess, only people who liaise?"

Deeks squinted his eyes and considered his girlfriend. "Are you seri – wait a minute. Kensi Marie Blye, are you yanking my chain right now?"

Kensi had a smug look on her face, "And you fell for it."

Deeks pulled her closer and wrapped his arm around Kensi's waist. "Wow, that's a relief. I was about to reconsider our whole relationship…"

"Oh, shut up. Michelle gave me and Callen what seemed like the entire history of wandlore at Kamran's Harry Potter birthday party when Callen made the mistake of calling them sticks in front of one of the kids. I remember stuff." Kensi put her head against Deeks' chest and her arm around his back. "And I think it's sweet that you think our knives are _imbued_ with magic because they have pieces of us in them."

* * *

Later, after some time tossing a ball around for Monty, Deeks took the dog for a walk while Kensi took a nap.

They made and ate an early dinner. Deeks thought they worked well together preparing the meal; at cooking too, they had become a good team. If pressed to find something positive to come of Kensi's illness, Deeks believed this would be his first answer, strange as it may seem. They'd really enjoyed working together in the kitchen on Christmas Eve, and again this morning. Deeks hoped it was something they would continue to do so, even after Kensi was recovered and back to work.

After dinner, Kensi was ready to cut into the s'mores cake, but Deeks wanted to take the walk at the beach she'd promised him this morning.

They held hands but didn't talk while they slowly strolled near the shore. Another thing Deeks had noticed since Kensi had gotten sick was that they had become much more comfortable together in the silence. They didn't need to talk or have the TV on for background noise; they could be with each other and just follow their own thoughts without it being awkward.

The sun was just dipping down into the horizon when Deeks stopped suddenly.

"What's up?" Kensi asked, turning to face him.

"I've been thinking." Deeks started, then trailed off. He continued to hold Kensi's gaze.

"About what? Are you okay, Deeks? You seem kind of…weird tonight."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Good," he quickly corrected. Deeks ran his free hand down his face before taking Kensi's other hand. He drew in a breath and let it out slowly before speaking again.

"I love you, Kensi. I have never loved anyone the way I love you. You're my partner, my best friend, my lover, my Princess. You're my life, really. These past few months have been pretty lousy, and the next couple are going to get worse before they get better, assuming a donor is found. Before we go through that, I want you to be my wife too, Kens. Soon, like next weekend if you want." Deeks pulled something out of his jacket pocket as he dropped down to one knee on the damp sand. Opening the small box in his hand, he asked, "Kensi Marie Blye, will you give me the best birthday present a man could ever want? Will you marry me?"

Kensi should have seen it coming. The beach, sunset, a more contemplative than usual Deeks. She really wished she had seen it coming. So much for being able to intuit his behavior. If she had, she might have been able to forestall his question.

She must have been quiet for longer than she thought, because suddenly Kensi heard the man she loved say, "Kens? Kind of freaking out down here."

Kensi smiled and hoped Deeks would see the sincerity in it. "I love you too, Deeks. You know I do. But I need to ask you a question, and I want an honest answer, okay?"

He nodded, and he looked so earnest there on his knee, holding a beautiful engagement ring in his hand, that her heart broke a little. "Why don't we go where the sand is a little drier and sit down first," she suggested.

As they settled down further up the beach, Deeks looked as if he was heading to the executioner, so Kensi grabbed him and pulled him into a long, loving kiss. "Stop freaking out, I am not about to ruin today, birthday boy."

"Then why haven't you said yes yet?" Deeks sounded so sad and confused that Kensi's heart broke the rest of the way.

"I need you to answer my question first, and then we'll get to yours. But I need to know: would you have proposed to me tonight if I wasn't sick?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but Kensi interrupted. "Remember, I need the complete truth about this."

He shook his head, "No. But Kensi, that doesn't mean I don't really want to marry you."

"I know that. And you need to know, and believe, that I really do want to marry you, too."

"But?"

"But not right now. Not like this. I don't want us to feel we have to get married because we're afraid of what might happen to me."

"It's not like that, Kensi. I bought the ring before we even went to Syria."

"Then why did you wait to propose? Why did you pick this very moment to ask?"

"Well, we have been kind of busy, what with helicopter crashes, hospitalizations, doctors' appointments, blood transfusions, and planning for bone marrow transplants that might never happen, oh and you were in the hospital again last week, where you _almost died_." Deeks snapped his mouth closed. "Kensi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

"No Deeks, you're right, I did almost die," she whispered. "Keep going."

"And while I was sitting there, holding your hand begging you not to die, one of my biggest regrets was that we weren't married yet. That I hadn't asked you, despite everything you were going through."

"I'll tell you a secret, Deeks. Since we found out that this could be fatal, I've planned, in the back of my mind, on proposing to you if it looked like things were going sideways. I don't want to die without being married to you either. At least once a month I've thought, 'Why don't you and Deeks just get married now, in case you don't make it.'"

"I don't get it Kensi, then why aren't you accepting my proposal?"

"Because every time I have that thought, before I can mention even it to you, I realize that's not why I want to get married. I want to get married because we can't bear the thought of not being married any longer, or because we finally decide we want to have a baby."

"Not as a fear-response to almost dying." Deeks added

"Exactly. I don't want there to be a bittersweet cloud over our wedding because everyone, including us, will be wondering how much time I have left. I want the warm sunshine of everyone knowing we'll be happy for the next fifty years. I don't want to begin our marriage in sickness, I want to come to you in health. I don't want to spend our honeymoon on an isolation ward.

"I want, no I _need_ something to look forward to and fight for while I'm going through chemo and all the rest of it. How will that ring feel on my finger? What kind of dress do I want to wear? Do I even wear shoes if we're having a beach ceremony? Things like that, I want to think about them when I'm alone in the hospital puking my guts out and watching my hair fall out."

Deeks cringed at the images Kensi planted in his head. "I get that, I do. Part of it was also just wanting you to be happy, and I hoped this was a way to accomplish that."

"Baby, you make me happy every day. Our circumstances may not be what I want right now, but I've never been happier since I've been with you."

They sat quietly for a while longer, side by side, holding hands. Deeks' other hand rubbed up and down Kensi's arm. Kensi finally broke the silence. "How about this? We can get married now, just the two of us, just in case. And when I'm better, or if we know I won't be getting better, we can have that beach ceremony with our friends and family."

"Would we tell people now?"

"I'd rather not. But we could if you want."

"Kens, the day you become my wife, I'm going to want the world to know." She looked at him and beamed at the way that made her feel. "Or we could hedge our bets. Maybe get the marriage license now, and keep it in a drawer in your hospital room in case we need it," Deeks suggested.

"I like that idea." Kensi leaned her head against Deeks'. "And I don't plan on needing it. At least not if I'm in the hospital for a transplant."

"Well this isn't how I expected this to go. My first proposal and I get a 'Not yet.'"

"How about the Magic 8 Ball stand-by: 'Ask again later?' I promise I'll accept next time." Kensi grinned and bumped Deeks' shoulder with hers. "We can pretend you didn't ask, so you can do it like this again, because it was just about perfect, I have to say."

"You think? I was pretty nervous."

"You didn't look it. In fact, you looked kind of sad. Which is another reason I don't think we should get engaged right now. I want us to be overjoyed at the thought of it."

Deeks nodded, "So we'll act like this never happened, then. Strike it from the record. Dismiss it without prejudice."

"If that's what you want, counselor."

Deeks stood and helped Kensi up. She stepped into his embrace and they held each other for several minutes, Deeks taking comfort from the fact that they were still okay as a couple, and that the next time he asked, she would say yes.

"Um, Kens, for future reference, when should I consider doing this again? After your transplant?"

Kensi thought for a few moments before answering, "How about after I'm cured? So that'll be a couple of months after a transplant, if all goes according to plan."

"So just to be clear, if, on the day Dr. Popa tells us that you are considered cured, I ask you to marry me, you'll say yes?"

"I'll say yes. Kensi Blye guarantee. Oh, and while you don't have to ask the same day we find out I'm cured, you shouldn't wait too long."

"Why is that?"

"Because I might ask you first. I _really_ want us to get engaged, once I'm healthy."

They started walking again, lost in their own thoughts until Kensi was the one to stop. "Deeks?" Her voice sounded uncertain, even to her own ears.

"Hmm?"

"I really do want to marry you. I want to die, a long time from now, as Kensi Blye Deeks. And right now, I need to believe that's what's going to happen."

Deeks was reassuring, "I get it, babe, I do. I'm not upset."

"I know. If I thought you couldn't handle it, I probably would have accepted your proposal tonight. But that's not a reason to get engaged either." Kensi was relieved when Deeks shook his head in agreement.

They were quiet until they reached the door to the house, when Kensi said, "I'm sorry if I ruined your birthday, sweetie."

Deeks took her face in his hands and kissed Kensi sweetly. "You didn't. I'm good. We're good. You still came home with me tonight, and you'll wake up next to me tomorrow. What could be wrong with that? Not to mention, you made me that s'mores cake that I cannot wait to dig into." He started to walk her into the kitchen when Deeks stopped and turned around to face Kensi. "Although I am disappointed about one thing."

"What's that?"

"I was looking forward to being introduced to everyone at the hospital as your husband."

Kensi's eyes watered immediately. She thought it was one of the sweetest thing Deeks had ever said to her, "Really?" Her voice cracked with emotion.

"Really."

"Maybe we can come up with something else. Some other term that describes how important you are to me."

"Like what? You know every time we use 'partner' people just look at us funny."

"How about this? 'This is Marty Deeks, my everything.'"

* * *

 **AN 2: SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't seen episode 8x03!  
** For what it's worth, I went with Kensi not immediately accepting Deeks' proposal based on a snippet of an interview with DR and ECO. He commented that we'll get an engagement this season, and she corrected him, saying that we'll get a _proposal_ (not necessarily an engagement). And now that I've seen The Queen's Gambit, I'm going to say I like my proposal-but-not-engagement better because at least Kensi's conscious and it's not nearly as heartbreaking for poor Deeks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ch. 10**

 **AN:** Deeks has some unhappy stories to tell in the second half of this chapter. If you're sensitive about cancer-related deaths, you might want to skip the five paragraphs after Kensi and Deeks sit on the couch. Nothing graphic, but they may be startling if you don't know what's coming.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

"Omigoff, fis is fanfasic!" Eric gushed, both literally and figuratively, as crumbs came flying from his mouth.

"I think that means he likes it," smirked Nell. "And he wouldn't be the only one. Lady, we kicked some serious ass with this cake, if I do say so myself."

Kensi held up her hand to the analyst for a high-five. "And I would agree with you." The group was standing by the bullpen, scattered around the kitchenette area behind Deeks' and Sam's desks. Kensi handed out pieces of the s'mores cake she and Deeks had reserved for their friends.

"You two really made this? From scratch?" Sam looked at Kensi and Nell, dubious.

"Yes, Sam. While you all were out partying the other night, Nell and I were slaving away in the kitchen."

"Wait a minute. You can't play that card, Kensi, since you were the one who wanted to get Deeks out of the house for the night for the purpose of baking this cake." This was from Callen.

"Touché," said Sam.

Kensi and Deeks looked at each other, shocked that Sam had stolen their line. "Hey!" they called out simultaneously.

"Kensi told me you used that once, Sam, but I thought she was making a bad joke." Kensi's look had Deeks taking a step closer to Eric, who continued to shovel the treat in his mouth.

"But seriously, this is really good." Callen gave Kensi and Nell appreciative looks. "We could make a weekly habit of cake for breakfast. What do you say, ladies? Maybe a nice Russian Honey Cake for next Monday morning?"

Nell held her hands up in opposition. "Love to, but I have plans this weekend."

Kensi wasn't sure whether to be terrified at the prospect of making another cake, and by herself this time, or pleased because the team actually enjoyed her first foray into the baking arts. She supposed she could be both, so she just shrugged, "I could maybe check out a few recipes online and see how difficult is it. But I think I'll shoot for Fridays instead of Mondays. I've got better things to be doing on the weekends when Deeks is home."

Deeks sidled back over to Kensi and whispered silkily in her ear, "Yeah, you do."

"We don't want to know!" Sam interjected quickly, watching he exchange.

Eric finally stopped eating. "If you're taking heritage-based requests, how about a date and walnut loaf for me Scottish side or a German chocolate cake for Mom's family?"

"Whoa…my ladybird, my cake first." Deeks jumped on the idea of Kensi finding something else she was good at and might enjoy spending time doing. "Kens, you've got to try your hand at a kvæfjordcake. It's sponge cake layered with vanilla custard and topped with meringue. De-lish!"

"Mr. Deeks, I believe this delightful s'mores cake counts as _your_ cake. And I would like to cast my vote for a banana or pumpkin loaf. Either would fit well with the 'cake-for-breakfast' theme Mr. Callen suggested, and I have the perfect teas to accompany both of them," Hetty said.

"Yeah, but see, I didn't pick this cake, as wonderful as it is," Deeks attempted to argue.

Nell interrupted before Deeks could bury himself any deeper, "I'm a mutt, but I really enjoy a good carrot cake."

"You people are going to give us all diabetes, you know. Kensi, how about a nice, heart-healthy version of a pound cake, with some fresh fruit on top?" Sam ignored the looks, ranging from incredulous to annoyed, that were directed at him. "My mother has a recipe she makes for the Colonel. I can get it for you."

"Way to be a wet blanket, Dr. Oz," complained Deeks.

Kensi realized they hadn't heard from everyone yet. "You've been awfully quiet, Assistant Director."

"Don't get me wrong, this is good," he commented, holding up his plate with a mostly un-eaten piece of cake still on it. "But I'm not much of a sweets person."

The looks that the team gave each other at that statement seemed to scream, _No, really!?_ But everyone kept silent, even Deeks, who suddenly had Kensi's boot heel pressing on the toe of his foot.

"But if Deeks wants to make his Swedish nachos again, I'd be more than happy to have those for breakfast while you all are eating your way around the world in cakes."

"Now that's what I'm talking about!" Deeks strode toward Granger, hand held up for a high-five, but the other man simply stared the detective down, unflinching. Deeks attempted to play it off and ran his hand through his hair instead.

Kensi was fighting back a chuckle when her butt began to vibrate. Pulling the phone from her pocket, she saw the number for Dr. Popa's office and walked away from her colleagues and toward the couch.

"This is Kensi."

"Hi Kensi, it's Elena from Dr. Popa's office."

"Oh, hi Elena. Did I miss an appointment?"

"No, don't worry. But Dr. Popa would like to see you. Tomorrow evening if possible?"

"Sure." Kensi angled her head toward Deeks, who was watching her. She shrugged her shoulders to indicate she wasn't quite sure what was going on herself. "Was there a problem with my last round of bloodwork or something?"

"No, not that I'm aware of. We received word from the National Marrow Donor Program just a few minutes ago. They found a match for you!"

Kensi turned around fully and put her other hand to her ear, leaning against the nearest arch as she did so. She needed to concentrate on what she was hearing. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

"The registry found a donor, Kensi. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you. Dr. Popa wants to discuss the next steps and details of the treatment plan with you and Marty." When Kensi didn't respond, Elena continued, "So we'll see you tomorrow? Is six o'clock good for you?"

"Sure, thanks. See you then."

Kensi disconnected the call but didn't move from the support of the archway. She started slightly when she felt a hand on her lower back.

"Kens? Everything okay?"

Kensi turned to face her partner, best friend, and lover. She was a little concerned about how Deeks would respond to her news. She knew he wasn't thrilled about the risks of a bone marrow transplant. "Yeah. Better than okay, really." She drew in a deep breath and spoke quickly on the exhale, "They found a donor."

"Wow." Deeks ran a hand through his hair quickly, his expression unreadable to Kensi just then. "Uh, wow. So this is really happening."

"Looks that way," Kensi said optimistically. "Dr. Popa wants to see us tomorrow after work to discuss what comes next. I guess we'll get a date then, you know, for the actual transplant."

Kensi's eyes narrowed in confusion at what she could now clearly read on his face. Deeks looked like he was barely holding back tears, and not the happy variety. She pulled him in for a hug. "Baby? What's wrong? This is really good news, please don't worry."

Deeks wrapped his arms around Kensi and allowed himself to be calmed by the familiarity of her scent and the beat of her heart against his chest. He swallowed a few times before he could speak. "I know. I am happy for you, Kens. I mean it."

"You going to tell me about the rest? About why you've been so reluctant for me to have a bone marrow transplant? I know it's not just what you've researched online."

He nodded, his head against hers, "Yeah, I guess I should, huh? Tonight?"

"Sounds like a plan." Kensi tightened the embrace for another moment before letting Deeks go, both of them now needing to wipe their eyes.

Kensi and Deeks returned to their colleagues less than a minute later, and everyone had the good grace to pretend they hadn't noticed something happening between the couple. But they all watched Kensi expectantly.

"Bad news, guys. Looks like I won't be able to take us all on a confectionary tour of your ancestral homelands anytime soon."

"Kens, stop teasing them," Deeks chided before looking at their teammates and sharing the news, "They found a donor for Kensi."

The announcement was met with the happiness and excitement that one would expect of a room full of friends and de facto family: hugs, hand-shakes, congratulations, and some tears of relief and happiness. Deeks found himself standing away from the group, watching everyone celebrate with the woman he loved. Deeks was glad Kensi was able to have this moment with somebody, even if it couldn't be him just yet. He was in the middle of mentally berating himself for not being able to give Kensi what she deserved when Callen quietly approached him.

"You alright, Deeks? You look more pale than Kensi, and that's saying something."

"Yeah, no, I'm good. It's just a lot to take in right now, you know?"

"Well, I don't, but I can imagine, watching what you two have been going through." When Deeks didn't respond, Callen tried to lighten his mood. "You can admit it, man. I know you're relieved not to be the match. I hear that's some big needle they have to put into the donor's hip to collect the bone marrow."

Deeks' eyes flashed with a heated anger the team leader hadn't seen in a long while, and he knew he'd said the wrong thing. "I would do anything for Kensi. Anything. I would give my life if it could somehow guarantee her a cure."

Callen placed a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder and steered them further away from the group, toward the couch. "I know that, Deeks. We all do. I apologize, I was just trying to get a laugh out of you. Everyone's over there happy for Kensi and you're looking like you want to beat someone up."

Deeks dropped his head in shame. He knew it was the truth and hated that Callen could see it. He was relieved that he already promised to tell Kensi what his concerns were about the transplant; hopefully she wouldn't hate him for his behavior this morning.

"Hey, remember when you came in here a couple of months ago and told us Kensi was going to need a transplant?" Deeks lifted his eyebrows, indicating that of course he remembered. "You told us you weren't as keen on the idea as she was, and to kick your ass if your feelings started to show."

"I don't think I mentioned my ass. I'm pretty sure I was envisioning a small kick under the desk, or something. But yeah, I did say that. Can I just consider this my ass-kicking Callen? Because I really don't want to go into that gym with you right now, man."

"I actually think I have something better than that, Deeks. Wait here a minute, okay?" Deeks nodded his agreement and watched as Callen walked to and spoke briefly with his partner, both men glancing at Deeks occasionally during the course of their discussion.

When the two approached Deeks, Sam addressed him. "Look, I wasn't going to say anything just yet because I can't be certain. But G seems to think you really need to hear this right now." Sam checked to make sure no one was close enough to overhear and lowered his voice to a whisper. "I think you did it."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Sam."

"You came in that day and said you wanted to help Kensi by getting her donor on the registry. I think you did it, brother."

"You can't know that. How can you know that? Wait…is it you?"

"No, but I got a call from Aiden yesterday. Several of his classmates provided their DNA samples after reading your letter. One had to wait a couple of weeks to turn 18, and he just told Aiden that was asked to be a donor."

Deeks' heart skipped a beat. "But that could be for anyone. They wouldn't have told him Kensi's name or anything about her. And they won't tell us the name of the donor for a year, assuming he or she agrees to share his or her identity."

"Well, Ben was told he would need to be prepared to have the actual procedure in the next few weeks, and he got the impression that the recipient was relatively close because they said there was no need to plan for a lot of travel time for the marrow cells. Like I said, I wasn't going to say anything until I knew if the dates aligned, but –"

"No, Sam, thanks. I appreciate it. You too, Callen. I mean it. I've got to go talk to Eric and Nell." Deeks smiled brightly as he shook hands with his teammates and moved quickly across the room toward the Wonder Twins.

Deeks stopped mid-step, turned back, and hurried over again. "I guess I should have this information first: what's Ben's last name? And was he willing to let his identity be known to his recipient?"

* * *

Later that evening, when they had finished cleaning up from dinner, Kensi broached the subject she'd known they would have to discuss eventually. She had been debating whether or not to bother, since Deeks seemed in much better spirits after his little pow-wow with Callen and Sam this morning. But Kensi knew he had been keeping something from her from the first mention of the possibility of a bone marrow transplant, and before his talk with the guys, Deeks looked like he really needed to get it off his chest.

Standing against the kitchen counter after she closed the dishwasher door, Kensi asked, "So, are you ready to tell me?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

Kensi held out her hand and Deeks took it. She led him into the living room and sat on the couch with her back against the arm. Her left leg was bent and rested against the back of the couch, while her right leg hung off the front. She pulled him down and drew up her right leg, so that Deeks was cradled between her legs, his back against her chest. Kensi ran her hands slowly up and down Deeks' arms and placed her chin on his shoulder.

She gently kissed the space between his ear and his neck before quietly asking, "Who was it?"

Deeks' laugh was without humor. "The better question is probably, 'Who wasn't it?'" He took a deep breath and for the second time that day took comfort in the feeling of Kensi's body touching his. Deeks really hadn't wanted to have this conversation with Kensi; he didn't want her to scare like he was.

Letting the breath out, Deeks began, "Ray and I were good friends with a kid named Jackson back in the day. This was his last name, before Jackson was a cool first name. Jackson's first name was Eugene, which he hated, and who could blame him? Anyway, Jackson's mother got cancer and had to have chemotherapy. She made it through, and got well enough to come home, and then one morning Mr. Jackson woke up next to his wife's dead body. The ME said the chemo damaged her heart and she had a heart attack in her sleep."

Kensi considered her words carefully before she spoke. "Deeks, that was a long time ago. I'm sure there have been a lot of advancements in what they know and how they use chemotherapy since then. Plus you don't know what other health issues she may have had."

"Maybe. But about ten years later my younger cousin Christopher, crazy Aunt Barbara's son, was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. He was 17 when he got sick, 21 when he died after going through chemo and radiation twice, and then a bone marrow transplant from his brother Matty. He was getting better. I was in law school at the time, and I remember hearing from Aunt Barbara, this was before she went a little nutty, that Chris was doing well, his numbers were coming up and he'd probably be able to leave the hospital soon. Two days later his new bone marrow attacked his body and he died within hours; there was nothing they could do for him."

"God, baby, I'm so sorry." Kensi tightened her embrace.

Deeks continued as if he didn't hear her. "I know there are plenty of people who've gone through chemotherapy, radiation, and/or bone marrow transplants and have survived, even thrived. I've done the research, just like you have. And I've seen the happy, smiling faces the hospitals put on their websites. I've read the testimonials. I listen to everything Dr. Popa says and I don't think she's blowing smoke up our asses. But Kens, my first and closest experiences with these things did not end well at all, and I'm terrified at the thought of you not coming through this. And let's not forget the people who are 'cured' only to get cancer or leukemia later in life as a result of the treatment."

"Deeks, I wish I knew how to make you feel better about this, except to say that _I'm_ feeling really positive about it. I'm not looking forward to going through chemo and radiation, but I'm generally healthy, and I think I have a good shot at a cure here. And if I get sick again, I'll get up and fight again, as long as you're there with me. Honestly, my biggest fear was that a donor wouldn't be found and I wouldn't get the chance to fight at all. You know me, I don't back down from a challenge."

"I do know you, and I have no doubt, Kensi, that if this was completely under your control, you would beat it."

"Is there anything I can do, or say, to make you okay with this?"

"Kens, they're going to poison and irradiate you. You're going to get even paler and sicker than you already are, and you're probably going to look so frail that I'll be afraid to touch you at times. There is no way I will ever be okay with that, even if it came with the Kensi Blye Guarantee that it would cure you."

"Well, when you put it like that…"

Deeks pulled himself away from Kensi's embrace and turned so his back was against her left leg. He pulled her other leg across his lap and then reached out to run his hand down her hair. "Baby, I'm sorry that I'm upsetting you. Most of the reason I didn't tell you about this is because I didn't want to do that."

"That's just stupid," Kensi said plainly, with no anger or malice. "We've been in pretty much a constant state of upset since our helicopter fell out of the sky, wouldn't you say? And you can't think that I haven't had these same fears. Trust me, Deeks, there's nothing you can come up with that I haven't already thought of and worried about. But I think it's pretty obvious you've been more bothered by the thought of a bone marrow transplant than I have. And now I know why, so thank you for telling me." Kensi pulled Deeks to her for a soft kiss. "Please try not to worry so much about this. Now that I have a donor, the wheels are in motion and all there is to do is get through it. Which we will."

"How are you not freaking out at the thought of what's about to happen?"

"I don't know, maybe because there's nothing we can do can to change it, so why bother worrying so much about it? Meg recommends catching myself in the negative thought and focusing on something else."

"That sounds easier said than done."

"You'd be amazed how good I'm getting at it. Especially now that I have something really great to redirect my thoughts to."

"Really great, huh?" Deeks smiled, "What's that?"

Kensi smiled back. "The fact that when all of this is over, you and I are getting engaged. And not too long after that, we'll get married."

His smile widened, "Yeah, that is pretty great."

They sat for several seconds, grinning at each other like idiots, Kensi thought. But she didn't care. In the midst of this uncertainty and fear, she'd take all little the moments of joy they could get. They deserved them.

"You seemed to have a good talk with Callen and Sam this morning," Kensi said, when her cheeks started to hurt from all the smiling.

"Oh!" Deeks couldn't believe he'd actually forgotten about this for a while. "Yeah, you're not going to believe this! I know who the donor is."

"What? How is that possible?"

"It's one of the cadets at Aiden's school. Sam offered to contact the commandant so that any of the students who were old enough or staff could be tested if they wanted. Sam figured since you helped to save their lives, some might want to return the favor. Anyway, Cadet Ben Hughes told Aiden very recently that he's been asked to be a donor."

"That doesn't mean it's for me, Deeks. You know that potential donors don't get to just pick who they want to be tested for, or donate to."

"This is true. But Eric and Nell may have accidentally found a back door into the registry computer system to find out who Ben's match is, or at least that person's internal ID number…"

"And since you know already what my ID number is…"

"I was able to confirm that Ben is, in fact, your donor."

Kensi was silent for a few heartbeats, considering. Her voice was quiet when she spoke, "Deeks, do you know what this means?"

"Well, for one, that you don't have to worry about picking up the character traits of some boring accountant."

"Or lawyer."

"Ouch. Touché, but ouch."

"No, doofus. It means that, assuming this transplant cures me, _you_ will have saved my life, Deeks."

"Not really, or at least not alone. I mean, it was Sam's idea to contact the school. And you were the one who impressed those kids with your mad skills. And let's not forget Cadet Ben, who'll have to have minor surgery for this."

Shaking her head, Kensi gently argued, "But Deeks, it was _your_ idea to have our friends reach out to people they know, and you did it even though I told you the odds were ridiculously low." She kissed him sweetly once, twice, and again. "Nell told me about your conversation, that you were upset because you couldn't do anything to help me. And we'll talk later about what kind of idiot statement that was. But you _did_ it, babe. _You_ found the person who can cure me." A tear ran down Kensi's cheek. "Thank you."

* * *

 **AN 2:** Rest in Peace to my own cousin Chris, whose story is somewhat mirrored in this chapter. You've been gone longer than you were with us, but we still love and miss you.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** I just want to thank everyone for the continued support and wonderful reviews and PMs. I'm kind of floored by how many people are following this story, and I hope you continue to enjoy it. Help me get over the mid-week slump and review if you can!

This was originally the second part of chapter 10, so it starts a little abruptly. Just to remind you, Kensi finally got a donor at the end of the last chapter.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Meeting with Dr. Popa the next day, the news got even better.

"Wait, you mean Kensi doesn't have to go through all that chemotherapy and radiation?" They were seated across from the doctor's desk and she had just mentioned an alternative to the debilitating and toxic treatment that Deeks had been dreading. He was thrilled beyond words at the prospect of Kensi not having to suffer through it.

"Not quite. Chemotherapy and radiation are still necessary. Their purpose is to suppress her immune system so that her own body's defenses don't interfere with the new cells, and also to literally make room for the new cells in her bone marrow. We call it conditioning, because we are conditioning the body to be ready to accept the new blood-making cells. However, because most people who receive chemotherapy and radiation are doing so to fight cancers, its other role is to destroy the cancer cells. Since Kensi doesn't have any underlying malignancy, it may not be crucial to administer the full course of the conditioning regimen. I would still recommend the short burst of the traditional-dose chemotherapy a few days post-transplant, however, since the point of that is to reduce the risk of graft-versus-host-disease."

"So what does that mean, exactly?" Kensi asked, a little apprehensively.

"In your case, it means that we have a choice. You can certainly undergo a traditional, myeloablative conditioning regimen, knowing that the potential short- and long-term side effects will likely be more severe. However, Kensi, given your age and good health before you developed aplastic anemia, you are an excellent candidate for non-myeloablative conditioning. This is also referred to as reduced-intensity conditioning, or sometimes a mini-transplant, in case you've seen that in your reading. You would still receive chemotherapy drugs, but at much less toxic levels. And the radiation would be low-dose as well. The benefits of this type of preparative regimen are fewer side effects, both long-term and short-term."

"What are the risks?" Deeks was afraid this would be too good to be true.

"It's still relatively new. While no longer considered experimental, there's simply not as much research on long-term outcomes, positive or negative. This type of conditioning used to be performed exclusively with older and sicker patients who would not have been able to withstand traditional conditioning, but more and more studies have been showing it can be very effective with certain illnesses and patients."

"Like Kensi."

"Yes, Kensi is just the type of patient who we believe can most benefit from this course of conditioning. The other reason this option is available to Kensi is because her donor is an excellent match and is quite young."

The doctor turned her attention back to the woman in question. "As you know, when looking for an unrelated donor, we require that a minimum of five out of six specific human leukocyte antigens match yours in order to lower the chance of rejection. For reduced-intensity conditioning, we like to have seven out of eight of these HLA markers match. Kensi, your donor matched on all eight HLA markers, which is wonderful news. Also the younger the donor, the better the outcome can be because younger donors produce more and higher quality cells. So really, you are in an ideal situation, as far as reduced-intensity conditioning goes."

Kensi beamed a huge smile at Deeks, "The ways you keep saving me are never-ending, babe."

"What do you mean?" Dr. Popa was confused. As far as she knew, Marty was not the match, and he certainly didn't fit the profile she was given of the donor.

Deeks answered the question with a half-truth. "We're pretty hopeful that our friend's son is the donor. He contacted us the other day and told us he'd been matched with someone, and then the next day we got the call about Kensi. He just turned 18, so that seems to fit."

"Deeks – sorry, Marty pretty much asked everyone we know to consider joining the registry, even though I told him it would be pointless." Kensi added, proud of Deeks' accomplishment.

"Well then, this is even more special, because this donor was not the one we were originally going to go with."

"He's not?" Kensi asked, confused.

Dr. Popa explained, "He or she was a little late to the party, so to speak, and as of two weeks ago we had a good match for you. A six of six and six of eight match on the HLA markers, but that donor was about 20 years older than the other. So we probably wouldn't have been as enthusiastic about offering you a reduced-intensity conditioning regimen. But literally the morning we were going to call you about that donor, the other came up as a potential match. When I saw the preliminary profile, I decided to wait to see if that one would be a better match, so follow-up testing was requested. Obviously you know the rest of the story."

"Ben had to wait until after his birthday to be tested, which was why he may have registered later than the rest of our friends," Deeks supplied.

"So it really could be your friend's son, then. As you know, the donor's information is kept confidential for at least a year, and then is released only with both parties' consent. However, exceptions can be made when the donor and recipient know each other. If you give me his name, I can have Elena check with the registry while you're here." Deeks told her and Dr. Popa excused herself to confer with her assistant.

"So what do you think?" Deeks asked Kensi when they were alone. He hoped she was as enthusiastic about the less toxic conditioning as he was.

"Like all I had was an RPG and you came and handed me my TAC 20."

Deeks laughed out loud. "Only you, my Kick Ass Kensalina, would equate this to having the correct weapon."

"Ah, but that analogy might not be far off, Marty. Let's hear it, Kensi," encouraged Popa as she walked back in the room.

Kensi tried to think of a more civilian-friendly way to describe her comparison. "Say we have to neutralize a specific target and we have his address. We can use a rocket-propelled grenade and take out not only him but the entire house and anyone else who may be in it, or we can be cleaner and much more elegant, and just hit him with one very well-placed sniper's bullet."

Dr. Popa's eyes widened, and she choked out, "Yes, that sums it up quite nicely." She cleared her throat. "I'll have to remember that one the next time I have a federal agent as my patient."

"It would also work with military personnel," Deeks added with a proud grin.

By the time they left the office, Kensi had a new to-do list and Deeks was on cloud nine. Kensi had agreed to utilize the "more elegant" option of the reduced-intensity conditioning regimen. Not only was Deeks relieved that Kensi would not get as ill as he had feared, but the risks of her dying during the course of the chemo or developing another illness later on as a result of it were also believed to be greatly diminished. Add to that the fact that he really did have a hand in this good turn of events because Elena had officially confirmed that Ben Hughes was Kensi's donor, and Deeks was pretty sure he hadn't been this happy since some time before they went to Syria.

There was very little information on the non-myeloablative regimen's effects on fertility, however, so it was probably still a good thing they had created and banked those embryos. Deeks didn't like the thought of all that money being spent by their mothers, not to mention going through three weeks of Kensi's hormone-induced hell, for nothing.

In preparation for the conditioning treatment, Kensi would need to have a central IV line inserted into her chest so that the chemo drugs, other medications, and ultimately the transplanted cells could be infused. That required a minor surgical procedure, which was scheduled for the upcoming Monday. Between now and then, Kensi was slated for a complete physical and some additional tests to make sure she was still healthy enough for the surgery and the bone marrow transplant. She also needed to call the radiation department to schedule her radiation "simulation" appointment, at which they would basically map and mark Kensi's body so they can quickly align her with the radiation therapy equipment during the actual treatment. If all went according to plan, Kensi would be admitted to the hospital on Monday January 30 to begin the preparative regimen for her transplant, which meant that Deeks now had some plans of his own to put into motion.

* * *

"Ms. Blye, why don't you go home? You look very tired, and it doesn't appear that your team will be returning any time soon."

Kensi sighed, trying to hide her disappointment. "I guess. I just wanted to say good-bye to everyone before Monday." Two weeks had flown by and suddenly Kensi was face-to-face with her admission to the hospital for her conditioning and bone marrow transplant. Today was Friday, and Deeks had let it slip earlier in the week that Nell had organized a small "going away" gathering for Kensi here at the mission right after work this evening. The fact was, Kensi was stalling in the hopes that it wouldn't have to be cancelled as a result of the new lead that had just developed.

"Kensi, I'm sure everyone will be in contact with you over the weekend since they missed you tonight." Hetty offered a reassuring smile. "And I know we all plan to visit when time and circumstance allow. You will not be forgotten, my dear."

"I know, Hetty, and thanks. I'll miss everyone, though." Kensi knew her operations manager was right, she needed to head home. She was exhausted. Dr. Popa had forgone what would have been her most recent red blood cell transfusion since her transplant would be occurring soon. But as a result, Kensi had even less energy than usual lately.

"Well, there's no need for you to miss me just yet. Why don't I drive you home, so you can leave the car for Mr. Deeks?"

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. It would really suck if I fell asleep at the wheel and wrapped my car around a pole this close to my shot at a cure."

"Indeed, Ms. Blye. We should try our best to avoid that unpleasant scenario. Let me just get my bag. Maybe a ride in my Jaguar will reenergize you a little bit. Perhaps we can even put the top down."

As Hetty turned away, Kensi started to sling her messenger bag over her shoulder. She heard Nell rush down the stairs a second later. "Kensi! I'm so glad you haven't left yet!"

"What's wrong?" Kensi was immediately alarmed.

"Oh! Nothing, I'm sorry, it's nothing like that. I just wanted to catch you to say goodbye before you left."

"Thanks, Nell."

"Listen, I had planned on having a little toast to you after work tonight; I even have a couple of bottles of sparkling cider chilling in the fridge. But the guys caught this lead, and they're still following up on it. I'm so sorry we couldn't do it."

"No worries. Why don't you save it for when I come out of the hospital?"

"That's a promise, lady." Nell gave Kensi a hug and whispered some encouraging words before turning to head back upstairs. "I'm sorry, I have to get back up there. Eric wishes he could have come down, but we're in the middle of something."

"Then give Eric a hug from me." Kensi teased.

From the second level, Nell called down, "What are you doing this weekend, maybe we can stop over for a proper good-bye?"

"Saturday night is open, as long as I can stay awake," Kensi replied. She and Deeks had lunch plans with their mothers and Jim on Saturday afternoon, and had decided they wanted to spend Sunday alone together.

"Okay, I'll be in touch, then," the petite analyst said before she was swallowed up by the sliding doors to the operations center.

* * *

Deeks and Kensi walked hand in hand toward her mother's backyard gate. Julia was planning to barbecue and had told them to come around the side of the house and straight into the backyard. Deeks stopped short and began to turn away, pulling Kensi with him. "Oh, wait a minute, I left the meat thermometer in the car."

Kensi tugged back, "Deeks, I told you, my mother has a meat thermometer already."

"But what if it's broken?"

"Then you can go to the car and get ours later. But I'm sure hers is fine. Let's go." Kensi tried to turn back toward the tall gate that would grant them entrance to the yard.

Deeks continued to resist, and wouldn't let go of Kensi's hand. "Okay, but I left my jacket there too, and it's kind of chilly out here."

"What is wrong with you, Sally?" Kensi was getting mildly frustrated with her man and firmly pulled her hand from his. She grabbed the top of the gate and reached over for the latch that was on the other side. "You go get whatever you need from the car, I'm going to see if my mother needs any help." With that, Kensi shoved the gate open and walked through, her eyes still on Deeks. When she faced forward again, Kensi was flabbergasted by the group of people standing behind her mother's house yelling "Surprise!" in unison.

Deeks was now close behind Kensi, hand on her waist, before she fully registered what was happening, and whispered in her ear, "Gotcha."

A scrubs-clad Nell came rushing over, the bottom half of her face covered by a hospital mask, and pulled Kensi into a hug, "You didn't really think we'd let you go into the hospital for a month or more without throwing you a going-away party, did you?"

"Nell, are you sick? Is that why you're all covered up? You seemed fine yesterday."

"Nooo, but Deeks was a _little_ nervous about having so many people around you so close to your transplant, so we decided a themed party was in order."

Kensi took the time to really look around, now that the shock of the surprise had worn off. Her mother's yard was filled with more people than just the team from work. She thought she could make out Kat and her new husband standing next to Sam and Michelle, and was pretty sure that was Astrid behind Hetty. Kensi wouldn't be positive until she moved closer to the group, because every single one of them was wearing some sort of hospital clothing: nurses' uniforms of varying colors and designs, hospital gowns, surgical scrubs under their jackets. And most of their faces were partially obscured by surgical masks. The rest still wore them, but hanging below their chins.

Deeks' arms wrapped around Kensi from behind as she felt him gently push her forward. "Don't just stand there Fern, let's go say hello to your adoring fans."

Kensi couldn't have asked for a better day. She chatted and caught up with everyone, even though she had been in touch with them all at some point through the course of her illness. Kensi took a few minutes to relax after finishing her second burger, cooked perfectly to Deeks' specifications, to survey the scene.

Sam and Roberta's boyfriend Jim manned the grill and seemed to be continuing the football debate that had begun at Thanksgiving.

Anna Kolcheck, who had been working with the team on the most recent case, was there and sitting with Callen at the far end of the table, largely ignoring the food on their plates. Kensi and Deeks both suspected, and today did nothing to change her belief, that there was something brewing between those two.

As they ate, Hetty was deep in conversation with Astrid, who was in her final year as a computer science major at Caltech. She knew Hetty was interested in recruiting the young woman to NCIS as an analyst, but Astrid had confided to Kensi that was leaning toward the NSA. Kensi still had to write a letter of recommendation for Astrid's FLETC application, but she had no doubt the girl would be accepted.

Granger was helping Julia replace bowls of salads: tossed green, pasta, and potato to go with the burgers, dogs, and chicken the men were cooking. Kensi made a mental note to keep an eye on the pair; she might have to run interference soon. Hopefully the assistant director was just being polite and not trying to make a move on her mother. Kensi shuddered at the thought.

Deeks and Kamran were running around with Monty, who was busily attacking the bubbles Kat and her husband were blowing.

The rest of the cupcake girls, except Tiffany, were star-struck by and hanging out with Aubrey Darva, who seemed to enjoy their company as well. The last Kensi saw, Tiffany was inside flirting with one of Deeks' LAPD buddies.

Flirting with another LAPD friend was Talia del Campo, who it seemed just couldn't help herself. At least she wasn't throwing herself at Deeks this time, Kensi thought wryly.

Eric and Nell were having fun with Mindy, Mandy, and Tiffani's significant others and Nell's drone.

Roberta Deeks, Michelle Hanna, and David Thompson made an odd little triad, Kensi thought. She wondered what they could possibly be talking about as they enjoyed their meals. _Deeks' mother, a former CIA agent, and man who was about to be ordained as a minister walk into a bar_ …there was a joke in there somewhere, Kensi was sure. She'd have to let Deeks actually come up with it though.

Kensi was surprised to see David here, because she knew he was just a few weeks from his ordination ceremony and was busy preparing for it. She and Deeks had been invited, and until her donor was found, Kensi had been hopeful they'd be able to attend. But chances were that Kensi would still be in the hospital.

Even Nate had been able to come back into town for the occasion, though he seemed to be spending most of the party chatting up Rose.

There was a table piled with gifts that Kensi had been surprised to come across earlier. So maybe Deeks hadn't asked their mothers to get her supplies for the hospital. She couldn't imagine how long this production had been in the works, but was more than slightly overwhelmed by its significance. This was her family, and she was so glad to be spending one of her last days of freedom for a while with them.

"Penny for your thoughts, Kay-Kay." Deeks offered as he put his plate of food on the table and took a seat next to Kensi.

"Oh, they're worth more than that."

"Like another serving of potato salad?"

Kensi brightened. "You know me so well." She slid her plate over so Deeks could scoop some of his salad onto it.

"You having fun?"

Kensi nodded, "This is incredible, Deeks. When did you have the time to plan this?"

"Ha! I know better than to try to pull off something like this and keep it hidden from you. This was Nell and the moms, which sounds like the name of a new age band now that I say it out loud. Though I will take partial credit for the dress code. Nell was being kind before. I was freaking out at the thought of all these people around you right now. I wanted everyone to wear masks, but it was Eric who suggested the rest of the hospital garb. Genius, in my opinion."

"I'll have to remember to thank him for that." They concentrated on their food, watching the important people in their lives for several minutes before Kensi spoke again. "If I close my eyes, you know what this becomes?"

"What?"

"Our wedding reception. These couple dozen people, this is all we really need, isn't it?"

"And don't forget Monty."

"Of course not."

Deeks looked around the party. "You would invite Talia to our wedding? At the part where the guests are asked if anyone has any objections, she might stand up and beg me to run away with her," Deeks teased.

"Okay, maybe not _everyone_ here would be at our wedding. Though I think it might be the only way to get Talia to back off you for good; if she has proof you're mine," Kensi joked. "But who knows, she seems pretty into Rudnicki over there. Maybe the bloom has finally worn off the Marty Deeks rose."

"Not sure that's possible, babe. Once the ladies have been bitten by the Marty Deeks bug, there's no getting over it. I mean look at you, the perfect example." Deeks put his mask on to kiss Kensi quickly on the cheek. Even he was not taking any chances at this point. The mask came down again when he pulled away from her. "Oh, Kip is out of town, by the way, otherwise he would have been here too."

"Good thing he's not here. Poor Rudnicki wouldn't stand a chance, otherwise."

"True, that." Taking the last bite of his food, Deeks stood up. "Come on, you ready to go have fun with some more with your loyal subjects, Princess? I'll accompany you, to make sure you don't get attacked by enemy germs." Deeks held out his arm, bent at the elbow and Kensi linked hers through as they made their way to rejoin their friends.

* * *

 **AN 2:** If you don't remember who David Thompson is, he'll come visit Kensi in the hospital and you'll figure it out then.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN:** One last brief, fluffy, sappy day together before Kensi's off to the hospital for treatment. Next update should be Wednesday.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Early Sunday afternoon, after a lazy morning in bed and a long brunch, Deeks helped Kensi unwrap her gifts and make a list of who had given her what so she could write thank-you notes while in the hospital. Kensi was more than impressed with what Nell and their mothers had coordinated with their guests. Knowing there wouldn't be any time for gifts to be returned or exchanged, they had somehow managed to organize it so that every item on Kensi's list of hospital wants and needs was accounted for, but with no duplicates.

Except where multiples were needed. Which explained the "wishing well" full of already laundered button-down shirts: short-sleeved, long-sleeved, sleeveless, plaid, patterned, solid, denim, flannel, and even linen. Several pairs of jogging and yoga pants were also added in the mix. Kensi was glad to see them; she hadn't wanted to bring too many of her own clothes and risk them being destroyed by the various fluids that would no doubt be coursing in and out of her body in the coming weeks. She had been relieved to learn that she would be permitted to wear comfortable, loose-fitting clothes and not the typical hospital gowns as long as the tops were button-down so as to allow easy access to her central line.

Kamran had given her an adult coloring book and several different coloring materials: crayons, markers, and pencils. "Sam said Kam chose the colors of the crayons herself on their website, but he managed to talk her down from making them all variations of pink." Deeks noted.

"She's so sweet…let's see what we got, then." Kensi smiled as she opened the 64-count box of crayons to reveal only one sleeve of pinks. The others were neon, glitter, and metallic. She turned the box around.

"They don't make them with the sharpener in the back anymore." Deeks correctly guessed what Kensi had been looking for. He chuckled, "Sam and I were disappointed by that fact, too."

The cupcake girls had given Kensi yet another book by Bernie Siegel (they'd already given her two others), as well as a yoga ball and mat; from Aubrey she received a small carryall full of hypoallergenic and unscented soaps, lotions and lip balms; Astrid gave her a book on improving her poker game and a deck of playing cards from Caltech; a collection of small, hand-made, laminated posters was from David, each with a different inspirational poem. Talia gave Kensi a sleep mask, earplugs, a pair of slippers, four pairs of spa socks with rubber treads, a cooling towel, and a couple of packages of instant chicken broth. And Kip gifted her with all kinds of Clippers gear, enough to fill a logoed duffle bag: sequined flip-flops – "He does know these are for the shower, right?" asked Kensi – a bright red fleece bathrobe, a zippered hoodie, a ball cap and a knit hat; a headband, a sequined wristlet purse, a travel mug, and an official Clipper manicure kit complete with bottles of red and blue polish and nail decals of basketballs and the Clippers logo.

"Looks like he went a little nuts in the gift shop," remarked Deeks.

"I'd say so. Because every patient needs a little sequined purse and nail polish."

"You'd better hope there are no die-hard Lakers fans on the ward with you."

Sam and Michelle put together a tote bag filled with several packages of peppermint tea, ginger snaps, and Queasy Drops. "Michelle's cousin found these things worked well for her when she went through chemo a few years ago," Deeks explained.

"This is from me," Deeks stood up and unfurled a blue Slanket in front of him. It had the body of Wonder Woman on it, right up to the neck. Positioned correctly, Deeks made a very interesting looking superhero; his shaggy face and hair on the Amazonian's svelte body. "But I suspect it'll look much better on you."

Kensi snickered and pulled out her phone. "Wait, I need a picture of this." Deeks put his arms in the frock and posed, one hand on Wonder Woman's hip.

"And this is from everyone else," Deeks said as he presented Kensi with the last item. It was the latest tablet, complete with an easily-cleaned keyboard, stand, and a pair of wireless headphones. As Kensi perused its contents, she saw it was preloaded with all of her music, subscriptions to her favorite magazines, the audio and video files to be used with the yoga equipment, what seemed like every kind of game a single-player could play, as well as a few that she and Deeks enjoyed together.

Deeks told her about the rest. "The direct line to the ops center is already programmed into Skype. There's a document on there with the passwords to our Skype, Netflix, iTunes, and other accounts in case you forget them due to chemo-brain. I also had Eric download Titanic for your anytime viewing pleasure. Oh, and there are couple of video files and photo albums labeled 'Open on a Bad Day,' which you shouldn't open unless, you know..."

"I'm having a bad day." Kensi finished for him.

"Yup." Deeks nodded. Kensi didn't know that they had set up a station in Julia's guest room at the party yesterday so that their friends could record encouraging video messages for her. Nell and Eric transferred them onto the tablet just before they left the Julia's house last night, and had previously uploaded videos from their colleagues. The Wonder Twins had been collecting these messages at work since immediately after Kensi had been told there was a donor.

"Wow," Kensi said, surveying all of her new possessions.

Deeks caught what he thought was a slightly overwhelmed look on Kensi's face. "Lot of people love you, Kens. And we'll all be there for you."

"Yeah, with cupcakes, donuts, Twinkies, ice cream, and chocolate, if every offer I received at the party was legitimate."

They went about packing all of Kensi's goodies and the rest of what she would need into the car for transport to the hospital in the morning. Deeks noticed that Kensi's mood had changed. "You alright?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Yeah, I guess. I think it's hitting me all of a sudden. Seeing all of this, it just got real, you know?"

"Like you said, all there is to do now is get through it, Kens. And you will."

"Damn right I will."

"That's my girl." Deeks placed a kiss on Kensi's cheek. "You look tired. Want to take a nap?"

Kensi shrugged her shoulders, "I guess."

"You don't sound very convincing there, Kensalina. What's up?"

"I don't want to spend my last day of freedom sleeping, or even inside for that matter. Maybe we can just sit out in the backyard?"

Deeks smiled proudly, placing his fingers to the sides of his forehead as if concentrating, "Well then it's a good thing your future fiancé is as talented as the Amazing Kreskin." He took Kensi's hand and walked her though the kitchen to the back door, which he then opened. Standing aside, he waved his arm in a flourish, "Voila."

Kensi's eyes and smile widened as she saw what Deeks had done. A fire pit had been placed in front of their two patio chairs, and a tent had been pitched on the other side, making the fire pit the center of the inviting space. A cooler was located just outside the tent. "Wow. When did you do this? _Did_ you do this? Since when can you put up a tent?" Kensi asked suspiciously.

"Well, the camping equipment and fire pit are loaners from Sam. In case you haven't figured it out yet, that lead we got Friday was bogus; we needed a little more time to get things ready. Sam, Callen, and I brought this stuff here, and then they had to teach me how to pitch the tent. Literally, of course, not urban dictionary colloquially."

Kensi chuckled, "Of course."

"And I wouldn't be surprised if there's a video of the lesson in that 'Open on a bad day" file since Callen couldn't seem to put his phone down while all this was happening."

Now she let out a full-blown laugh. "So good to know."

"Oh, and those bottes of sparkling cider Nellosaurus claimed to have bought to toast you that afternoon? I forgot to pick them up when I went shopping for today. She ran out and picked them up for me. Tucked them in the back of the SRX after you left."

"Which is why Hetty offered to drive me home."

"It probably wasn't necessary, but they thought it was a nice touch."

They spent the majority of the day outside, bundled against the cool of the late January day. Kensi fell asleep almost immediately after she and Deeks slipped into the two-person sleeping bag and he slid his arm over her waist from behind.

Deeks drifted off occasionally, but never for long. He let his thoughts wander to what would be coming their way in the next weeks and months. Kensi would enter the hospital in the morning and be there for the next month at least.

Technically, Kensi really didn't have to be in-patient for the conditioning since they had elected the reduced-intensity option, which wouldn't cause her blood counts to drop as low as the traditional-dose chemotherapy and radiation would. But Dr. Popa pointed out that Kensi's numbers would fall to dangerous levels on their own anyway once all the other treatments, like the transfusions, antibiotics, and growth factors, were stopped. Everyone agreed it was safer to have Kensi constantly monitored by medical professionals throughout her conditioning.

The conditioning regimen would begin tomorrow, as would the literal countdown to transplant day. Kensi was scheduled to undergo five days of conditioning, so her first day in the hospital would be referred to as day "minus five." The day of her bone marrow transplant would be called "Day Zero," and every day thereafter would be counted as a positive number. If all went according to plan, Kensi's Day Zero would be Saturday February 4. Less than a week away.

Ben Hughes was scheduled to undergo the surgery to harvest his bone marrow on Thursday. He was having the procedure at a hospital near his and Aiden's school, and his mother was flying down from Washington State, where they lived, to be with him. Deeks and Kensi had had quite an emotional phone call with Ben shortly after Dr. Popa's office had confirmed he was Kensi's donor. Ben's father, Marine First Sergeant Hughes, was currently overseas but had been notified of the current events. According to Ben, he had briefly called his son to let him know how proud he was. He was especially glad to know that his son was helping the daughter of another Marine. Deeks had also reached out to Mrs. Hughes to offer to pay for her travel and hotel expenses for Bens's procedure and recovery. She declined, noting that her sister lived nearby and she would stay with her.

After the transplant, Kensi would be dosed with colony stimulating factors to encourage the growth of her new bone marrow, as well as several immuno-suppressants to make sure any of her own remaining T-cells don't attack the new cells. Around that same time, Kensi would undergo another couple of chemotherapy treatments to reduce the risk of graft-versus-host-disease, so that Kensi's new immune system doesn't one day attack her native cells. It was a delicate balancing act, Deeks mused, making sure her body doesn't attack the new cells, and vice versa.

Graft-versus-host-disease, or GVHD, or something similar, was what had ultimately killed Deeks' cousin Chris. When Deeks had asked, Dr. Popa confirmed that the protocol Kensi was going to receive had not yet been developed when Chris was ill, and that the chances of dying from GVHD were greatly reduced today. For most patients in whom this complication did arise, it was not fatal. If acute, it could be treated. If chronic, it could be managed. However, chronic GVHD might make it impossible for Kensi to return to being an NCIS agent, depending on its severity. Deeks had also been relieved to hear that the better the match of the donor to Kensi, the less the chance of GVHD developing. As they knew, Ben Hughes was considered an excellent match.

While watching to make sure her cells weren't attacking one another in the days and weeks post-transplant, they would also be keeping an eye on Kensi's blood cell counts. During this time, they would be looking for signs of engraftment, when Kensi's blood-forming cells would hopefully grow and begin to make healthy white and red blood cells and platelets. This typically happened sometime in the first 30 days after transplant.

Now that the day was almost upon them, and because Kensi would be undergoing a less toxic conditioning regimen, Deeks was looking forward to starting the process so that Kensi could finally start getting better. He too was optimistic that she would beat this, that they would get engaged once she was cured, that Kensi would return to work as his partner, and that soon after they would become partners in marriage as well. Deeks was confident they would figure out the children issue one day too. Which reminded him, there was something he wanted to run by Kensi before tomorrow.

When Kensi woke nearly two hours later, they lit a fire and tossed a Frisbee around for Monty for a while. Deciding on an early dinner, Deeks surprised Kensi yet again.

"Okay, Outdoor-Man Marty has quite the campfire dinner treat for his ladybird tonight."

"We're camping out all night?"

"Oh, hell no. It's dropping down into the 40s tonight. But we are going to prepare and eat dinner and dessert out here, basking in the glow of this toasty fire." Deeks stood from his chair and planted a kiss on Kensi's hair before reaching for the cooler and heading for the door. "Why don't you stoke the fire and put the grate on the pit while I go get the fixings for our meal."

A few minutes later, Deeks returned, dragging the wheeled cooler behind him with one hand and carrying a skillet in the other. Deeks put the pan on the fire and reached into the cooler for a couple of things wrapped in tin foil.

"So we're having corn on the cob," Kensi remarked when she recognized the shape of the foil-wrapped items as he tossed them on the grill.

"Can't get one over on you, can I?" Deeks teased. "But you will never guess the main course."

Considering what looked like seasoned ground beef Deeks was now browning in the skillet, Kensi deduced, "Sloppy Joes?"

"Nope. Seriously, don't even bother, you'll never get it."

"Deeks, I grew up camping with my dad. I doubt you can come up with something I've either never heard of or never made." Kensi's tone was matter-of-fact.

"Oh ho ho, ye of little faith," Deeks scoffed. "Turn that corn, will you? And then would you get the rest of the supplies from the cooler?"

Kensi did as she was asked. Looking in the cooler, she found the two bottles of sparkling cider and four containers of sour cream on ice on one side of the divided compartment. On the other side she spied plastic cups, sporks, napkins, and several snack-sized bags of Doritos and Fritos. Pulling them out, she found graham crackers, chocolate bars and marshmallows underneath.

"Well I know what we're having for dessert!" Kensi practically sang in excitement.

"Oh, yeah. I know it's not nearly as original or creative as a s'mores cake, but we are roughing it."

"We get to go inside to pee, Deeks. This is not roughing it."

"This is as rough as I've ever intentionally gotten. And you can go pee next to the fence if you'd like. Though I'm not sure what Monty will have to say about you marking his territory."

Kensi rolled her eyes and changed the subject back to dinner. "I didn't see taco shells in there, so not tacos, at least not in the traditional sense." This got Deeks' attention. "However, not even you use enough sour cream to justify four containers, which means they're holding something else. Like maybe diced tomatoes, shredded lettuce, and shredded cheese? And the bags of chips, might they be used as the basis for…walking tacos?"

Deeks looked stunned, and slightly disappointed. "Really? How did you know that?"

"Come on, you obviously got this idea from my mother."

"No, I didn't. I found it online, actually."

"Seriously? This was my favorite thing to eat when my dad and I camped out in the backyard."

"Yeah?" Deeks was smiling now.

"Yeah. I liked to pretend they were regulation MREs when I was younger. Dad always said he wished the real MREs were anywhere near that good." Kensi shrugged as she smiled, "Just goes to show how well you really do know me. Even when you don't actually know a detail, you nail it anyway."

"Well, they don't call me Detective just because my shield complements these golden Viking locks," Deeks tousled his hair with his hand.

Deeks and Kensi both heartily enjoyed their pretend-MRE walking tacos, which consisted of using the bags of chips as both a holder and taco shell. Into them they spooned some of the ground beef mixture, and then added sour cream, tomatoes, lettuce, and cheese, mixed it all up and ate it with the sporks. They toasted to Kensi's health, Deeks' support, and Ben and his bone marrow with cups of sparkling cider. Then they toasted marshmallows and gorged on s'mores until after the sun went down.

After dessert, Kensi draped herself sideways across Deeks' lap in the patio chair as they kept warm next to the fire. She rested her head against his, her arm on the back of the chair, bent so that she could run her fingers through his hair.

Enjoying the warmth of the fire and Kensi against his body, Deeks was reluctant to disturb the tranquility of the moment.

But he did. "Hey, Kens?"

"Hmm? You need me to get up?"

"No, you're perfect right where you are. I wanted to ask you a question. But, um, I need you to promise me you won't freak out."

Kensi pulled back so she could look Desks in the face. "Wasn't it you who said starting a discussion with that request would practically guarantee a freak-out?"

"Yes, but I believe I then promised I'd try not to."

"Fair enough. Okay, I promise I'll try not to freak out."

"Thanks. And listen, I know this is never going to happen, so my saying this doesn't mean I believe anything bad…but I just feel like…"

"Just in case things go sideways. I get it. It's okay, Deeks. You're allowed to have the thoughts. You're even allowed to say the words." And yet neither of them really did. Kensi could only think of one time in recent history that one of them had actually used the words "die" or "death" in reference to her illness. And Deeks had looked horrified that he'd said it and immediately apologized. Instead, they used euphemisms like "go sideways," "go wrong," and "don't come out of this" to name just a few.

Deeks knew Kensi was right, but still. He hated to think about what might happen if she didn't make it through this, but sometimes he simply couldn't help it. "Yeah, just in case. Alright, here goes. You know how you made sure to tell me about the insurance payout, and that I'd better use it for something good, like that trip to Australia?"

"Yeah."

"Well, if the worst happens…I was wondering what you'd think if, sometime in the future…I were to take that money and…hire a surrogate to have our baby."

Kensi's gasp and the tears that filled her eyes were almost instantaneous, and quickly followed by her hand reaching to cover her heart.

Deeks responded just as fast, "God, Kensi, no. I'm sorry, forget I said anything. I didn't mean it…I'm an idiot and that was the stupidest – "

"Deeks, no." Kensi's voice cracked, but the hand that had been at her heart now moved to his face to comfort him. "I'm sorry, I was just startled, I guess. By the suggestion itself, because it had never occurred to me, and then by how it made me feel."

"Which is?" Deeks was still not sure where Kensi was headed.

"At peace." The tears fell from her eyes when Kensi closed them momentarily. "Loved."

Deeks' exhale was a sigh of relief. "So you'd be okay with this?"

Kensi nodded hastily. "I was kind of overcome, for a second there, by how _right_ it felt. How _good_ to know that even if I'm not here, a part of me can be. And that part of me would have you to raise him or her, and tell them about me, and keep a piece of me…alive."

"Oh, Kens," Deeks wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly while they both cried.

Several minutes later, after the tears subsided, Kensi found her voice again. "Two conditions, though." She kept her head tucked next to Deeks' neck.

"Anything."

"First, if it's a girl, you can _not_ name her Fern."

Deeks chuckled, "How about as a middle name?"

Kensi considered for a moment or two before responding, "If you must."

"And second?"

"Don't feel the need to raise her, or him, alone."

"What are you talking about? Our moms will be here to help, and I'm sure Auntie Nell, Uncle Eric, and everyone else will back me up as needed. We've got the whole village, Kens."

"True, but I meant I don't want you to think you have to stay a single father forever."

Deeks pulled back to look Kensi in the eyes, unable to even consider what she was suggesting. "Kensi, you're it for me. You know that. I'm not going to be looking for someone else."

"I appreciate that, baby. I really do." She gave Deeks a peck on his cheek. "But a long time ago, I thought someone else was 'it' for me. And I certainly wasn't looking for 'it' when I found you. So just keep an open mind. And an open heart. Where would we be right now if I thought I couldn't fall in love again? I just want you to be happy, and if you find that with another woman, a long, _long_ time after I'm gone," Kensi winked, "I'm good with that."

* * *

 **AN 2:** Apologies again for all the medical-speak.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN:** Now that she's in the hospital, we'll be hearing some from Kensi in the first person. Long italicized sections are her journal entries.

Also, I just want to express my continued gratitude to those of you who have reviewed, particularly the last chapter. Many of you noted that the ending brought tears to your eyes, which I take as a _huge_ compliment [feeling all warm and gooey inside now].

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Bright and early Monday morning, Deeks and Kensi pulled up to the main entrance of the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center. They both moved to the back of the SRX to grab some of Kensi's bags for her extended stay. Kensi took one while Deeks took two. They each probably could have handled another, but they didn't know how long it would be until Kensi was in her hospital room. They had pre-registered her, but had no idea how long the check-in process would take today, and they didn't want to be left lugging around extra baggage if they didn't have to. Deeks would go back to the car later to get the rest.

As the valet drove away with the SRX, Deeks started toward the entrance. He'd gone about five paces before he realized Kensi wasn't behind him. Looking back, Deeks saw his ladybird frozen in place, her hand on her chest, staring at the doors past him. "Kens?"

Kensi made no indication that she even heard him, and as Deeks returned nearer to her, he noticed that her breathing was rapid and shallow. While at a distance she looked as still as stone, up close Deeks could see Kensi was actually trembling, and he recognized that she was having a panic attack. Knowing Kensi would be embarrassed for anyone to see her like this, he gently took the bag from her hand and put it on the ground next to her, where he also placed his two.

Gently taking her face in his hands, Deeks turned Kensi's head so that she could see only him. "Kens, you're okay. I think this is an anxiety attack, that's all. Let's see if we can find somewhere to sit for a few minutes, yeah?" With that, Deeks bent to pick up all three bags and hooked them over his left shoulder. He put his right arm around Kensi's waist and took a few moments to look around before spying what looked like a breezeway to the right of the entrance. Guiding her in that direction, Deeks quickly walked Kensi toward what turned out to be a lovely space that was called the Garden of Peace, according to the placard they passed on the way.

The area was peaceful, without a doubt. Two low-walled fountains extended out into narrow waterways that effectively divided the space. Young trees lined both sides of the concrete and brick concourse. There were no benches, which Deeks immediately thought was odd, until he realized that people were probably meant to sit on the sides of the fountains. Seating himself next to Kensi on the nearest wall, Deeks began rubbing soothing circles on her back and offering reassuring words. Her chest was still heaving, and she seemed to have more and more trouble catching her breath.

"Kensi, I need you to listen to me and do what I say, alright? You're having a panic attack. It'll be over soon, but you need to try to slow your breathing. Can you do that?" Kensi's eyes were tightly closed, but she managed to shake her head. Deeks held her hand with his free one, and her grip was fierce.

"No? Okay baby, that's not a problem, I'll walk you through it and we'll do it together. Let's take a nice slow, deep breath in through the nose." Deeks demonstrated and then watched as Kensi complied. "Great, baby. Now hold it for three…two…one, and let it out, _slowly_ through your mouth." Deeks finally felt the muscles in Kensi's back relax as he talked her through a few more deep breaths.

When Kensi was breathing normally again, Deeks asked, "Better?"

Kensi nodded but didn't speak.

"Kens? You want to tell me what happened?" Deeks still had one hand on her back, which he tucked around her waist as he pulled himself closer.

Kensi finally opened her eyes and looked at Deeks, discomfited. "I can't believe I just had a panic attack."

"Honestly? I kind of can't believe one or both of us hasn't had one sooner."

A small smile graced Kensi's face, but didn't reach her eyes.

"I was looking up at the building as you closed the hatch on the car, and the reality of what's about to happen just hit me. Again."

"You nervous about it?"

"That's putting it mildly, babe."

"You know what, I figured you'd need a little pep talk one day, something profound and life-affirming, so I came prepared. I've been carrying this around pretty much since you were diagnosed, in fact." Deeks stood up and reached into the front pocket of his jeans.

Kensi's smile was knowing, and now her eyes lit up with the memory.

Pulling a piece of paper from his pocket, Deeks unfolded it, cleared his throat, and read, "Omnia erit bonum."

Kensi laughed out loud.

"See, I knew it would sound better in Latin. That was a much heartier laugh than when I said it in English. Although, I'm thinking last time could probably be classified as more of a chuckle. But it still worked."

"You've really been carrying that around for months?"

Deeks nodded. "Of course I didn't anticipate I'd be using it to calm you down after an anxiety attack, but the timing couldn't have been better. Humor is a good way to distract yourself from the cause of the panic."

Kensi looked at her partner curiously. There was something she was missing here. How had Deeks become such an expert on anxiety attacks? He'd masterfully talked her down just now, as if he'd done it plenty of times already. Then it clicked. "The dentist?"

"Yeah." Deeks returned to his place next to Kensi. "You wouldn't have known, because…well, you know, I wasn't exactly letting people in then, even my fantastic partner. But I was having a really hard time going to my dental and oral surgery appointments. The dentist actually helped me through an attack I had in his chair. Said he'd had a lot of practice. And it obviously worked, because you know I love going to the dentist again."

They sat quietly for a while, listening to the soothing rhythm of the babbling water behind them.

"Almost five years," Kensi broke their silence with a seeming non sequitur.

"What's that?"

"It was almost five years ago, in fact it'll be five years in a few weeks, that you barged into my apartment uninvited, started poking through all of my stuff, told me you never thought for a second that I was guilty of murder, and read that note to me."

"You're leaving out the fact that I then brought you back to the mission so Granger could put you in custody."

Kensi could hear the self-recrimination in Deeks' voice. "We both know that's not why you brought me in, or why I let you." Deeks nodded in acknowledgement, and Kensi took his hand this time. "We've come a long way since then."

"Have we really, though?" Deeks teased, "I still don't think you'd commit multiple murders. And that note is the same…well, I guess I did translate it into Latin." He shrugged.

Kensi shook her head and chuckled, "And you're still a doofus." She gave Deeks a quick peck on the cheek. "But now you're my doofus. I was referring to the fact that we kept secrets from each other then. For all the trust we may have had as partners, we were still light years away when it came to the personal stuff. I hadn't told you the whole story about my father, or even my mother for that matter. And in fact, I specifically kept it from you that I was investigating my dad's death."

"You wanted to protect me from any possible backlash."

"Just like you wanted to protect me during the IA investigation."

"Yeah, well, but that wasn't all that long ago, Kens."

"Maybe not, but I understood why you kept it from me, so I wouldn't be in a bad position legally. I wasn't thrilled with your decision, but I got it. And I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing in your shoes, to be honest. But the fact is, Deeks, that you did tell me. And you told me when there was absolutely no need to; the case was over and you were basically cleared. As far as you believed at the time, I would never have known if you hadn't said anything. _That's_ trust.

"And I think that's why I got so scared when we pulled up here. For all the trust we have in each other now, we both have to trust that Dr. Popa and all the staff in there know what they're doing. We have to have faith that this procedure will work and that Ben's marrow is a good enough match. There really isn't anything you or I can do at this point to affect the outcome. I'm just not used to that, you know?"

"I do know. I'm not either. This is that control issue rearing its ugly head again, yeah? You and I usually have a lot more influence over what happens in our lives on a day to day basis. Even when we're in a really tight spot in the field, we have options. We _make_ things happen. But we've been doing that too, to some extent, since you've been sick. We've changed our habits where we could, and kept you healthy, with one notable exception. We've researched everything possible, so we're confident this really is the best course of treatment for you."

"You found me one kick-ass bone marrow donor." Kensi's smile made Deeks feel as if he'd hung the moon.

"And if it helps, you know I'll be running background checks on every staff member who'll be having regular contact with you."

"Are you serious?"

"As a bone marrow transplant."

Kensi snorted. "Thanks. I needed that."

"A bone marrow transplant? You sure do, that's why we're here Kensalina."

"No, I meant the laugh. And the talk, and the time to settle my nerves before going in there."

"Anything for you, Princess. And don't forget what we have to look forward to when you're cured." Deeks kissed the back of Kensi's left ring finger and squeezed her hand gently. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be." She stood up and waited while Deeks grabbed their bags again. This time Kensi led the way, their hands still joined, "Andiamo."

* * *

 _January 30, Day -5_

 _I've kept a journal for most of my adult life. Maybe I'd admit to calling it a diary when I was younger, but probably not in front of Deeks. I've never been one to write in it every day, even with all the crap that's been going on since coming home from Syria. But I decided, and my therapist Meg agreed, that I'm going to try to keep up with it at least somewhat regularly while I'm in the hospital for my bone marrow transplant. Meg thinks I need to jot down my feelings. I think I'll need to combat boredom. Although with all the goodies on my new tablet, maybe not._

 _My room is pretty big, as far as hospitals go. Plenty of space for my yoga ball and mat in the corner. I might actually try to do some stretching before bed later. No roommates for those of us on the isolation ward. The good news about having the entire ward on isolation protocol is that I don't have to stay in my room 24/7. No one is allowed through the doors down the hall until they've had their temperature checked, scrubbed their hands, and put on a mask. Then before they can actually go into a patient's room they have to stop in the positive-pressure anteroom to wash their hands again, put on a gown and gloves, and replace the mask._

 _So I made it through the first day of conditioning. Deeks left a few minutes ago, after I promised him that I would at least try to eat my Jell-O later. The rest of the hospital dinner wasn't all that appetizing, and not just because I'm mildly nauseated from the chemo this afternoon._

 _This morning, before chemo, I had a little radiation. And I do mean a little. Literally, it takes them longer to position me and the machine correctly than it does to deliver the treatment. Not that I'm complaining, since this is the lower-dose version._

 _The chemotherapy itself wasn't too bad, as these things go. They came in and hooked me up to a couple of bags via my central line and monitored me the whole time. If I felt the least bit sick to my stomach they gave me another drug to help fight it. But they did warn me that the effects of the chemo tend to be cumulative, so I might actually be puking by the end of the week._

 _Deeks was allowed to stay with me throughout the entire process, which took a few hours. He is nothing if not a great distraction. Kept chattering on about whatever popped into his stream-of-consciousness. I think he was more anxious than I was at that point. We really are yin and yang; all that time early on he was stressing out about the bone marrow transplant and I was fine with it. Then I started worrying around the time he became okay with the idea. This afternoon he was nervous again but I was calm._

 _As much as we knew what was going to happen today, there was no real way to prepare for it, mentally or emotionally. Which I demonstrated by that glorious panic attack this morning. Thank God for Deeks. After I had some time to think about it, I was really impressed by how well he handled the situation. I made sure to tell him that just before he left tonight. The man never ceases to amaze me, and I told him that too._

 _We agreed that he would stay with me today, for both our sakes. But he'll be going in to work for the rest of the week now that we know what to expect. Mom or Roberta will probably come by during the remainder of my chemotherapy sessions, and hang out for a while to help me through whatever sickness follows. Deeks plans to come by every evening after work, assuming nothing comes up._

 _In deference to Meg, I will now write about my emotions. It was a roller coaster day today, that's for sure. But right now, I think I feel relief more than anything else. Relief that I finally started on what I hope is a path to a cure, and that I made it through the day. With Deeks' help, of course._

* * *

Tuesday morning, Day -4, an orderly came in early to bring Kensi down to radiation. Breakfast was waiting for her when she returned. Scrambled eggs and toast, definitely on the bland side. Kensi ate it all, because she knew it was important to keep her strength up, but she'd have to remember to ask Deeks to bring in a bottle of hot sauce.

Bored already, Kensi grabbed her tablet and phone and decided to take a walk to the far side of the ward, where there was a sunroom for patient use. If she was out of her room, even if she was staying on the isolation ward, Kensi had to wear gloves, a mask, and a gown over her clothes. She felt like an idiot, but everyone else would be wearing the same things, so that was something at least.

Arriving at the solarium, Kensi found it was empty. She claimed a sunny spot next to a window and took a selfie with the sky at her back. Checking the time, she sent it to Deeks, who should still be at home. _All dressed up and no place to go,_ she texted.

 _You still take my breath away_ , was his quick reply.

 _You're such a sap, but I love you anyway. Stay safe today._ Kensi kept the exchange short or she feared she'd want to text Deeks all day long. They had decided that unless it was an emergency, she wouldn't reach out to him during typical work hours. He would text or call her if he had time or was bored on a stakeout, but she didn't want to distract him otherwise. They'd maintained this routine pretty much since Deeks had returned to work and Kensi hadn't.

 _Always. Luv u too. Cu later._

Kensi smiled, and then turned to her tablet, deciding to check the latest issue of Cosmo online. About five minutes into an article on tips to make the bedroom look less cluttered, the door opened and Kensi glanced up quickly. She was unsurprised to see another patient, dressed in the same ensemble Kensi herself wore. Though she couldn't see more than the eyes, Kensi estimated the woman to be on the young side. Early 20's, she'd guess, though it was hard to tell since she was completely bald. She carried a small beach bag with her and walked with a slight limp. Kensi did a double-take, however, when she realized the young woman's mask wasn't identical to her own. Instead, it had bright red pouty lips that would make a Kardashian jealous right where the girl's mouth would be.

"Hi," the stranger said.

"Hi. Love the lips," was Kensi's reply.

The girl's eyes scrunched up a little, so Kensi assumed she was smiling under her mask. "Thanks. My friends gave them to me, figuring they'd distract from the chrome dome, but around here that's not such a big deal. But I wear them because they seem to make people happy."

"Well I think you made _my_ day."

"Considering it's not even eight-thirty in the morning, I hope your day gets a lot better than this. I'm Emily, by the way. I'd offer to shake hands, but then we'd just have to change gloves, and that would be a pain in the butt."

Kensi let out a small laugh. "I'm Kensi."

"Ooh, pretty name."

"Thanks."

"So what are you in for?"

"You mean like what treatment? I'm having a bone marrow transplant."

"Ah, so you're a newbie. This is your first time around the isolation ward, isn't it?"

"How do you know that?"

Emily sat down in a chair next to Kensi's, dropping her bag to the floor. "Because even in the peds and tweens units, which is where I've been the last few times, people usually answer that question with an abbreviated medical history."

"Peds and tweens? How old are you?"

"Just turned 18 a few weeks ago. All I wanted before my next recurrence was to make it to the adult ward."

"Huh. I pegged you for your early 20's, and I usually have a good eye for that."

"It's the hair, or lack thereof," Emily quipped.

"How many relapses have you had – no, I'm sorry, don't answer, that was so rude of me to ask."

"Nah, that's why the history, so no one has to ask. I have recurrent osteosarcoma. First diagnosed when I was 10, when they found it in my right fibula. Had what they call 'limb-salvaging surgery' to remove the cancer and part of the bone, which was replaced by a prosthesis, followed by chemo and radiation. Was in partial remission until four years later, when they found a tumor in my lung. Did chemo pre-and post-surgery for that one, as well as for the one they found two years after that. Only that time they took part of my lung too. Discovered another tumor, other lung, a few months ago. Did high-intensity chemo to shrink it, surgery to remove it, and another round of mega-chemo after. But this time we're adding an autologous stem-cell transplant to the mix as part of a pilot study to help restore my blood cell production. I'm Day 12 post-transplant."

"Wow. I can't believe you've been through chemo and radiation that many times." _Not to mention all the rest_ , Kensi thought but didn't say.

"Me either. Almost didn't do it this time. And there won't be a next time," Emily stated with conviction.

Kensi wasn't sure what Emily meant by that, but she wasn't comfortable asking since they'd just met. So she decided on something slightly less personal. "You must have had a lot of surgeries on your leg, then, as you grew? Did they have to keep replacing the prosthetic bone?"

Emily looked as if she was impressed by Kensi's question. "No, actually. I was part of a study that used a prosthesis that can be lengthened from the outside, using magnets."

"That is so cool! It reminds me of this doll I had when I was a kid. Barbie's adolescent sister, Skipper, or something. If you rotated her arm around, she got taller and grew breasts."

"Really? I've never heard of that, and I had pretty much every Barbie there was."

"That was probably the only Barbie-related toy I ever owned. It was a hand-me-down from an older neighbor girl who thought I was too much of a tom-boy. Can't imagine it lasted very long on the market."

"They probably took it off the shelves to avoid the lawsuits from all the little girls dislocating their shoulders trying to make their boobs grow," Emily joked. "But I wonder if I can find it on eBay?"

"I bet you're right about the lawsuits, and about eBay."

"So what's your story?" Emily asked with interest.

"Well, you were right about me too, this is my first go around. I have severe aplastic anemia, and like I said, I'm here for a bone marrow transplant."

"Related donor?"

"Nope. Someone from the registry."

"Awesome. And romantic. Before my folks got me into the study for the prosthetic, I was supposed to get a donor bone. And I didn't know any better, because I was, you know, ten. I didn't realize it would be from a cadaver, so I used to think that I'd get a donor and he'd be this tall, dark, and handsome stranger who would sweep me off my feet and we'd live happily ever after. And that would explain why I got osteosarcoma. You know, like it was fate that brought us together, and it never would have happened if I hadn't gotten sick." Emily laughed at herself. "Man, I was such a kid then."

Kensi couldn't help but chuckle at this 18 year-old who sounded more like she was 48. "My donor's not technically a stranger. He's actually the son of a friend of a friend. No, wait. He's the friend of a friend's, son…does that make sense? My boyfriend contacted basically everyone we know and asked them to join the registry and to ask everyone _they_ know to do it too. I still can't believe it worked."

"Now that _is_ romantic. What's his name?"

"Who, my donor?"

"No, your _boyfriend_!"

"Oh. Dee – Marty."

"You two both come from the land of exotic names? Kensi and Deemarty?"

Kensi laughed. She liked this young woman. "No, sorry. His name is Marty. But I call him Deeks."

"Why on earth would you do that?"

"It's his last name." When that didn't seem to satisfy Emily, Kensi went with the story she told people who weren't privy to her life as an NCIS agent. "He's a cop, and most cops go by their last name, at least at work. We met when I had a part time job doing some computer work at his police station. Everyone called him Deeks, so I called him Deeks. By the time we started hanging out after work, it was just too weird to call him Marty; he was already Deeks to me."

"Is he cute?"

 _Who asks that kind of question? Oh, wait, I keep forgetting she's only 18._ "If you like the classic beach boy, surfer dude look."

"Which you obviously do."

"Not before I met him, actually. And I still don't. At least not on anyone else."

"Got a picture of him? Now you've got me all curious!"

Kensi took off a glove so she could flip through the photos on her phone. She found one of her favorites, the selfie of Deeks in a suit that he sent her while she was in Afghanistan. She held out the device so Emily could see.

"Wow, you weren't kidding about the surfer dude, even all dressed up. But he's a real hottie."

Kensi felt absurdly pleased. "Thanks."

"Is he going to shave it all off, or just the hair on his head?"

"What? No! Why would he do that? I'd kill him."

"When you lose your hair. A bunch of my friends, mostly the guys, shaved their heads last week when my hair fell out. They sent me videos. It was really sweet of them."

"That _is_ really sweet. You have good friends. They the ones who gave you the mask?"

"Yeah, they're the best. So what about Deemarty? Is he going to make the ultimate sacrifice and get rid of the surfer-do to show solidarity with his girlfriend?"

 _Deemarty? Emily clearly has a sense of humor like Deeks'._ "He offered but I told him no. And then I threatened him when he said he really wanted to."

"Why?"

"Because I like his hair, and I don't want to know what he looks like without it. And it probably won't matter anyway, since…" Kensi stopped, unsure if she should continue.

"Since what?"

"I'm sorry. But I probably won't lose my hair."

"Why would you apologize for that?"

"I don't know. I guess I feel bad that you lost yours but I probably won't."

"Don't worry about it. I'm happy for you. I'll just talk about you behind your back to all the other cue balls on the floor…just kidding." They both laughed. "But why do you think you won't lose your hair?"

"I'm having reduced-intensity conditioning. It'll probably thin my hair out some, but I most likely won't lose it."

"Lucky you. It's beautiful."

"Thanks." Kensi couldn't help but think this was one of the strangest conversations she'd had in a long while. At least with someone who wasn't a witness or suspected of committing a crime.

"I have a wig at home, but I don't wear it all that much. Makes my head sweat, plus it's itchy."

"Is it like your own hair, or did you go with something completely different? Back before we knew the less toxic treatment was an option, Deeks asked me if I wanted to try life as a blonde for a while."

"Yeah, it's close to my regular color and style. When I want to go funky, I break out the stuff I bought at a closeout sale at the Halloween store."

Kensi wasn't sure how to reply to that, so she changed the subject. "So what about you, do you have a boyfriend?"

Emily blushed a bit and looked away before answering. "Nah. A couple of friends who are boys, but no actual boyfriend."

"I don't think I believe that. You sure one of those boys isn't…" Kensi left the statement open intentionally. She was a trained interrogator. No way a teenager was going to hide information from her. At least not consciously.

"Well, there is one boy. Jasper. But he's my best friend, so that would just be weird. I've known him, like, forever."

"You know, Deeks and I were just friends at first. And then I realized he was my best friend, because really, there was no one I liked hanging out with more, even though we both dated other people sometimes. And then one day it just kind of struck us that we were hanging out for maybe three or four evenings a week and neither one of us was dating anymore."

"How long have you known him?"

Kensi thought for a moment. "It'll be seven years soon."

"And when did you get together?"

 _Wow, talk about a complicated answer! May as well make it as simple as possible, then, and go with when we actually started "dating" as a couple_. "Two years ago Christmas."

"Five years as just friends!"

"Well, I'm not sure we really even 'friends' at first. When we'd talk at work he was more annoying than anything, to be honest."

"OMG, so was Jasper when we first met! He's such a nerd, and it really got on my nerves. But then, we had to do this science project together in eighth grade, and it turns out he was a really nice nerd, you know? We've pretty much been besties ever since."

"Where is he now? College?"

"He's just starting his second semester at UCLA. Pre-med." The pride was clear as a bell in Emily's voice.

"Really?" Kensi drew the word out, both because she was impressed and to tease Emily a little. "So the boy who is your best friend, but not your boyfriend, is in a pre-med program. Let me guess, he wants to go into cancer research?"

"Yes. I know what you're trying to get at, Kensi. But you're wrong."

"And you're blushing. Again. For the second time since we started talking about Jasper." When the girl said nothing, Kensi continued, but more seriously. "Look, Emily. Young men do not go into rigorous academic programs and plan their entire careers around something just because their best friend has cancer. They do that because the girl they like has cancer and they want to be her hero and find a cure. Sounds pretty romantic to me."

"You think so?" Emily's voice was quiet, but hopeful.

Kensi arched her eyebrows, "Well, I haven't met the guy yet, so I'll have to reserve my final judgment, but that's what it seems like to me."

* * *

 **AN 2:** Emily's "growing" prosthetic bone is a real thing, proving that we live in an incredible time. The Skipper doll was also a real thing, proving that not _all_ inventions are incredible.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN:** Got up early today to work on chapter 16 and almost forgot I had to post this one! I'm a little worried because I usually have a few more chapters ready and waiting to be edited by the time I post a new one. Might have to start lengthening the time between posts if I run out of that buffer, just a heads-up. You think my boss will offer me an early retirement package if I explain that work is getting in the way of my writing?

Oh, and I passed 100 reviews! So psyched (get it?) about that! Thanks again to everyone who is reading, and especially those of you who take the time to leave a review letting me know what you like.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

 _February 2, Day -2_

 _Yup, the effects of chemo are definitely cumulative. The nausea is worse during the actual infusion, especially when they give me a bolus of the second drug. It's like a punch to the gut. But I make it about an hour before the actual vomiting starts, which is good. At least I get to be in my private bathroom then, instead of having to puke into that stupid little basin in front of the nurses and my mother._

 _Instead, Mom hovers outside the partially-open bathroom door (she won't let me close it all the way) and rushes in as soon as I'm done to help me up. I really don't like being that needy in front of her. I know it shouldn't bother me. She's my mother and she nursed me through plenty of illnesses when I was a kid. I can't help but wonder if this awkwardness on my part exists because of all the years we were estranged or if I'd feel this way regardless because I'm an adult now._

 _I'm trying to get down some chicken noodle soup that Roberta made and brought in for me yesterday. "Martin's idea," she said. Deeks heated it up for me before he left. It's late, but I find that this is the best time for me to eat if I want a good chance of keeping it down. Immediately after radiation in the morning also works. They keep a fridge stocked with protein drinks on the ward, and we're encouraged to try to have a couple of those a day too. I'm glad my sense of taste is a little off now, because I have a feeling those things are even worse otherwise. Especially given Deeks' face when he tried mine tonight. The man is a master undercover operator, but even he couldn't hide the look of disgust._

 _Three days here and I've managed to get into a schedule of sorts. Radiation first thing in the morning, followed by breakfast. Then I head into the solarium for a few hours. At some point before he leaves the house, I text or call Deeks so he doesn't forget me or the fact that I love him._

 _Emily and I have spent much of that time together so far. Yesterday I brought my yoga stuff in and we stretched together. Then I let Em use one of the visualization recordings that Tiffani had made for me. There are tons of guided imagery downloads available for cancer patients, encouraging and helping them visualize the chemotherapy drugs killing the cancer cells and things like that. Tiff re-wrote a script and had an actress friend of hers record one that is supposed to help me envision Ben's bone marrow strengthening my immune system, one blood cell type at a time. I don't believe in this to the extent that Tiffani does, but I don't discount the mind/body connection, so why not? It certainly can't hurt._

 _Today, like the first day, Emily brought her bag of yarns in and crocheted while we chatted. Deeks thinks we get along because Emily's an "old soul." I argued that just because she crochets doesn't make her old. Or me, for that matter. Yes, Emily got me back into crocheting, something I haven't done since Mom taught me how all those years ago. Back then it was way too girly for me, though. I'd have much rather been tinkering under a car with Dad, until he commented one day that anything a person can do with their hands is a worthy endeavor. Whether it be fixing a car, building a fire, or making a scarf. Of course, my father got the first scarf I ever made._

 _Emily, however, makes blankets and hats for the babies in the neonatal intensive care. She's apparently done this through all of her hospital stays, and is a bit of a legend if the NICU nurse who came by to visit her yesterday and pick up the latest batch of covers is to be believed. It took a bit of practice, but Em is actually an excellent teacher (the NICU nurse shared that when she was on the peds and tweens wards, Emily was always willing to show the other kids how to crochet), and I ultimately got the motions down again. Now I just need to work on the consistency of my stitches. Once I get comfortable with that, I'll probably attempt a baby blanket myself. For a hospitalized baby, of course._

 _Late mornings I'm back in my room for chemo. Mom comes by to keep me distracted and make sure I'm getting all the antiemetics I can have. That takes a couple of hours, and then there's a few hours either in bed or scurrying between bed and the bathroom (despite the antiemetics) with Mom's help. Fun times. But even through the worst of it so far, I remind myself that it could be worse. And thanks to Deeks, and Ben, it's relatively mild._

 _Speaking of Ben, his marrow harvesting surgery was today. Mrs. Hughes sent me a pic of him this morning, all dolled up in hospital garb, walking down the hall toward the OR. He had a grin on his face and was giving us a thumbs-up. She sent a short video later, while I was having my chemo infusion, of Ben telling us he was feeling good and loving all the attention from the pretty nurses and other staff who know he's a bone marrow donor. I texted back that he is definitely my hero. After Mom and I stopped crying, that is. When I played it for him just a little while ago, Deeks let a tear or two escape as well._

 _Mom leaves shortly after Deeks gets here around dinnertime, and he and I walk around the ward for a while as I catch him up on the 'excitement' of my day. Right now, the hardest part of this treatment is the fatigue. I experienced it any number of times in the past few months when my red blood cell counts were getting low, but then I could try to combat it with different kinds of light activity. Walking around the same hospital floor over and over (and over) again drives me a little insane, but at least Deeks is there to help me pass the time. With more stories about the life that awaits us in the Super-Secret Agents Old Folks Home five or six decades from now._

 _When we go back to my room we talk about his day, the genuinely exciting stuff. Then we hang out for a while, playing cards, watching TV, meditating, whatever, until I kick him out at about ten-thirty. But before he goes, Deeks heats up some food from home for me, which I dutifully eat (or at least try to) while I watch more TV, play a computer game, read a magazine, color, text with friends, or write in my journal._

 _OK, feelings time for Meg before I wrap this up for the night. Physically I feel a little weaker and sicker every day but that is to be expected. Emotionally, I am sooo grateful because it would otherwise be sooo much worse if not for Deeks and Ben. Also, getting more and more excited every day I get closer to Day Zero. The Big Day. The day after tomorrow._

* * *

"Happy Day Zero to you, Happy Day Zero to you. Happy Day Zero, Kensalina. Happy Day Zero to you!" Deeks sang as he breezed into Kensi's room on the morning of February 4.

Kensi was just finishing her breakfast, and smiled at the sight of her boyfriend decked out in all of his hospital finery, complete with a face mask that depicted a full, very dark beard and mustache.

"Did you get that from Emily?"

"I did. It's her contribution to today's festivities. She wishes you good luck, by the way, and said she'll miss hanging with you later."

Deeks kissed Kensi on the cheek despite the mask and held out his phone in front of her. "And here is what I would have brought you if they weren't prohibited on this floor."

Kensi gasped when she saw a picture of two vases of long-stemmed red roses on their dining room table. "Aww, Deeks. They're beautiful."

" _You're_ beautiful." He kissed her again. "These are now gracing the homes of our mothers. Neither of whom were too happy to have me unexpectedly ringing their doorbells early this morning, until they saw the flowers." Deeks flicked through more photos, these showing Roberta and Julia each holding their vases as well as selfies with Deeks, the moms, and the flowers.

"Still such a sap."

"But you love me anyway."

"I do."

"A fact that will sustain and hopefully distract me today from the images that ran through my mind when a half-naked Jim opened the door to my mother's place earlier."

Kensi made a sympathetic face, until Deeks continued, "Which reminds me, I think I saw Granger's car outside your mom's house this morning."

Kensi's expression morphed immediately to panic, and then suspicion. "You better be joking."

"That was a test. Let's see if you find that comment any funnier after your transplant."

"You know, I haven't punched you in a really long time. Let me do that now, and then again after my transplant to see if it gets any funnier."

"Oh, ho, ho, well played, Kensalina. You get a touché for that. But no thanks. Even after five days of chemotherapy and radiation, with your blood counts in the cellar, I don't want to be beat up by Bad Ass Blye. Besides, you know my opinion on the whole Granger-helping-your-mom-at-the-party thing…I think it just allowed him to be his typical antisocial self."

"Wow, I go through five days of chemotherapy and radiation, my blood counts are in the cellar, and you come in here and tease me about Granger and my mother. That's just mean, Deeks." Kensi accused playfully.

"Let me make it up to you." Deeks got up and disappeared into the anteroom just beyond Kensi's door. Returning, he held something out to her. "Had to wait for the hand sanitizer to dry," he explained.

Kensi took the item from Deeks, and discovered it was a glass baby food jar that was the perfect size for the red origami rose it held. The look of pride she saw in Deeks' eyes could mean only one thing. "You made this?"

He nodded his head. "I wanted to make you a whole bouquet of them, stems and all, but it took me too long just to master the flower part. I thought Sam was going to put _me_ in the hospital, trying to teach me how to do this."

"I love it." Kensi murmured, continuing to examine the delicate paper from all angles.

"And I love you." Deeks whispered back.

Kensi looked at Deeks, trying to read his eyes, looking for the fear or dread. She couldn't find it. "You doing okay?" she asked anyway.

"Me? I'm not the one who's been poisoned and irradiated all week. How are _you_ doing?"

And there it was. Kensi thought he seemed a little more manic than usual this morning, and wondered if Deeks was trying to hide his apprehension about the transplant. "I'm good," she assured him, and she meant it. "Looking forward to counting the days _up_ from now on. And having the immune system of an 18 year-old."

"Well you already eat like one."

* * *

Whatever anxiety Deeks may have felt, he didn't let it show during the transplant. When the first bag of Ben's marrow was brought in and hooked up to Kensi's central line, he couldn't take his eyes off the red liquid. But Kensi only saw awe in his expression, and hope.

They listened together to Tiffani's guided imagery recording, playing from the speaker of her tablet, while the transfusion dripped. Kensi was frequently monitored by the nursing staff. The only hitch was that Kensi broke out in hives about twenty minutes into the procedure.

It wasn't an uncommon side effect, and was likely a reaction to the preservative that was used in the freezing of the bone marrow. Kensi was given an antihistamine, and a nurse brought in a couple of baggies filled with ice and wrapped in towels. Deeks and Kensi kept moving them to the areas that were most itchy, and Deeks was permitted to provide additional relief by applying a soothing oatmeal-based lotion that came in the collection from Aubrey.

By the time the second and final bag of marrow was hung and connected, Kensi was pleasantly drowsy and pliant from the antihistamines. Deeks discovered that slightly giddy Kensi was great fun, and much too easy to laugh at. She was trying to come up with amusing nicknames for everyone she knew, and Deeks couldn't help but snort and shake his head at how bad her suggestions were. The absolute best ones were Nellevator and Banana Beale. Deeks really hoped Kensi would remember this conversation later, and he looked forward to teasing her about the fact that Ben's bone marrow didn't, in fact, seem to do anything for his ladybird's sense of humor.

The transplant complete, Kensi was permitted to sleep relatively undisturbed, save for the occasional check of her vitals. They pushed extra fluids via Kensi's central line to help get the preservative out of her system and thus alleviate the hives, causing Kensi to wake twice to empty her bladder. After the second trip, Deeks noticed that the hives had started to fade, and Kensi no longer complained about the discomfort.

While they waited for Kensi's dinner to arrive, Deeks visited the cafeteria and returned with a cup of coffee for himself and a donut for Kensi's dessert. Motivated by the promise of sweets if she ate at least half of her meal, Kensi found her taste for the food once she had the first bite of the hospital's version of chicken piccata, and ended up eating the whole thing.

"That's my girl and her ginormous appetite." Deeks commented with obvious delight.

"We should probably take advantage of the break in the chemo and my ability to eat and hold down food again. Maybe you can bring up a big piece of lasagna tomorrow?"

How Kensi managed to get the words out while simultaneously shoving the donut in her mouth, Deeks had no idea. "Think you can force down a couple of meatballs too? You need the extra protein, you know."

Kensi couldn't tell if Deeks was being serious or sarcastic, but she didn't care. She smiled brightly at the suggestion, "I can try."

"So Bensi, what do you want to do until bedtime?" Deeks asked casually when he got up to stretch.

"Did you just call me 'Bensi?'"

"Yeah, I figure that's your new super-couple name. In the great tradition of Brangelina, Kimye, and Brady-Bundch: Kensi plus Ben equals Bensi. Oh, and Bensalina, Bensalicious, and Bens, of course."

"There's only one problem with that…"

"Yeah, I know, Brad and Angelina recently announced they're divorcing. I was stunned, really. Just stunned," Deeks interrupted, shaking his head.

"No, doofus. I'm not in an intimate relationship with Ben. We're not a couple, much less a super-couple."

"Kens, you have the young man's blood cells circulating their way through your veins right now and hopefully soon burrowing into your bone marrow, from whence we want them to go forth and multiply. That's about as intimate and super as you can get." Seeing the look on Kensi's face, Deeks cut her off, "And yes, only people who liaise use the word 'whence.'"

Kensi stuck her tongue out at him, and then pouted. "But what about you?"

"What about me?"

"You need to be in my super-couple name. You and I are the actual super-couple, you know."

"I know we are," Deeks agreed with an adorable grin. "Let's think this through then. Before, when it was just you and me, we would have been Keneeks, or Keeks. Oh! Or Densi, or Deekensi."

"Densi. Definitely Densi," Kensi decided, preferring the way that one sounded.

"Fine, Densi it is…er, was. But now we need to work Ben in…how about DenBen? BenDen?"

"B-Densi? Densen?" Now Kensi was getting into the act as well.

"Oooh, _Densen_. I like that one. What do you think?"

"I think it sounds like we're a creepy couple trying to seduce a teenage boy. Or one of those polyamorous couples…triads…whatever a group of three calls themselves."

"The acceptable term is a delta," Deeks corrected automatically.

"Seriously? How would you even know that?"

Deeks tapped the side of his head, "Mind like a steel trap. Plus I had a client who was part of a delta when I was a public defender."

* * *

"Hey stranger, you decide to sleep in this morning?" Emily greeted Kensi as the agent walked into the sunroom two days later.

"Something like that. Sorry about yesterday, but I could barely get out of bed I was so tired."

"Blood counts were that low?"

"Yeah, but from the anemia, not the chemo yet. They finally gave me a red blood cell transfusion last night. Still have me all doped up on antibiotics and antivirals too. Not to mention the colony growth factors. I think there's more chemicals in me than actual blood right now," Kensi joked.

"That's good. I thought I noticed a pep in your step."

Kensi thought there was something off about Emily's tone. "What are you up to?"

"Up? Nothing's up about me right now."

"What do you mean? Is everything alright, Em?" Kensi sat in a chair across from the teenager.

"I guess. Or not really. I don't know. My numbers are starting to decline."

"What are you, two to three weeks post-transplant?"

"Eighteen days."

"So isn't that supposed to happen right about now, you know, from your chemo?"

"That's what they say. But I'm worried."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I'm getting close to when I should be feeling better, and I'm afraid I won't." Emily shrugged and shook her head. "I get like this every time. Just ignore me."

"No, I know how hard it is to keep your spirits up when your counts get this low. Part of it is that you have so little energy. But you know what helps with that?"

"A blood transfusion?"

"Well yeah, that too, funny girl. But I was thinking about exercise."

"Like jumping jacks and shi—stuff? I had enough of that in PE class. Thanks, but no thanks. Besides, I feel like I can barely walk, much less jump."

Kensi smiled, "I was actually thinking about a walk. I know it seems counterintuitive, but the more you get up and move around, the more energy you'll have."

"Yeah? And how would you know that, newbie?" Emily tried, but failed, to keep the bad mood out of her voice.

"Because this might be my first round of chemo, but I've been living with low blood counts for nearly five months now. You've seen me and Deeks walking around the floor most nights. That's why. C'mon, Cranky Pants, you up for a long, slow lap around the ward? Let's do one, and then we'll see if you want to try another."

Emily sighed dramatically, like the teenager that she was. And so different from the mature young lady that usually presented herself. Kensi was actually glad to hear it; as much as she liked Emily, it saddened Kensi to know how fast she had to grow up due to a lifetime of illness.

They walked quietly for a few minutes before Emily sighed again, "Wow, this is fun. My sister is hiking through the wilderness on a camping trip with my dad, and I'm barely walking the halls of a hospital."

 _Ah, so that's part of the problem too_ , Kensi thought.

"You miss being there with them?" Kensi asked gently.

"Not sure you can miss something you've never done. My dad's like a survivalist wannabe. He takes Erica on these trips with him, but never me."

"Why not?"

"I think he's afraid I'll get hurt. Or I'll get sick while we're out there and he won't be able to help. Cause, you know, tumors just pop up overnight and leave you disabled in the morning," the sarcasm was definitely not Emily's typical tone.

"That sucks. I'm sorry. Does he take your sister on these trips often?"

"Not really. Usually only when I'm in the hospital, you know, so Erica doesn't feel like all of the attention is on me."

"If it makes you feel any better, this time of year they're probably pretty chilly at night. And the ground is colder than you'd expect, so sleeping isn't as cozy as you'd think, even in a good sleeping bag."

Emily laughed a little. "Do you and Deemarty go camping a lot? Is that how you know about sleeping on the cold ground?"

"No, Deeks is a self-described city mouse. I uh, um…"

"Spit it out, Kensi."

"I grew up going camping with my dad," Kensi said as quickly as she could, feeling guilty that she had the experiences with her own father that Emily so obviously wanted with hers.

"Good grief girlfriend, is this like the hair thing again? You feel all bad because you lucked out and I didn't?"

"Well, I don't want to make you feel worse than you already do."

"Don't worry about it. Maybe I can live vicariously through you. Is your dad a weekend warrior type too?"

Kensi chucked at the thought. "No, my dad was a Marine. He was an honest-to-goodness, full-time warrior and survivalist."

"Was?"

"He died when I was 15."

"Oh wow, I'm sorry. Talk about feeling bad. At least I still have my father to complain about."

"It's okay, Em. I don't mind. I like talking about my dad, makes me feel close to him again."

"Was he away a lot because he was in the military?"

"Yeah, he was away quite a bit. But we spent a lot of time doing things together when he was home."

"Like what?"

"Like camping and hiking. He taught me how to track and hunt for food, and of course how to dress my kills…"

"Wait. What does that mean, dress your kills?"

"If you're planning to eat the animal you've hunted, you have to skin it and cut it up properly for meat. Helps to know what you're doing, so it doesn't develop bacteria."

"Oh, eww, gross! You've done that? To what kinds of animals?"

"Yup. Let's see… fish of course, snake, duck, rabbit, wild boar, and deer. I think that's everything."

"Oh man, I have to tell my father about this. He thinks he's all that when he knows which berries are safe to eat. He buys fish already cleaned and filleted at the grocery store. But honestly, it's probably just because no one ever taught him how to do it. His father was an insurance salesman and not at all the outdoor type. Okay, I can't think about this anymore. What else did you and your dad do? And no more grossness, please."

"Hey, I thought you wanted to live vicariously through me?" Kensi joked before continuing, "We also worked on cars together. I know how to change a flat, rotate the tires, change the oil, and make most minor repairs. Plus a lot of home repairs as well."

"Wow. My father would totally be afraid the car would fall on me. He won't even let me change a lightbulb at home; probably thinks I'd electrocute myself."

"Maybe he's just overly cautious because he knows what it's like to fear for your life. I can't imagine he'd want to do that any more than he has to."

"Probably."

"But you know how to crochet. Was that from your mom?"

"Yep. And she learned from her mom, so it's kind of like a family tradition. Nanny made some great afghans before her arthritis made it too hard to crochet anymore. I've never made anything that big though. Don't have the patience. Or the ability to concentrate that long when I've got chemo-brain, you know? That's why I like the baby blankets. I can finish one in a day or two, even with all the breaks I take in between."

"What else has your mom taught you?"

"All kinds of things…she's an art teacher, so she's shown me how to throw vases and bowls…that means make them on a potter's wheel, you know, out of clay."

Kensi nodded her understanding and encouragement for Emily to continue.

"I really like scrapbooking, and I'm better at it than my mom. At least that's what she says. She thinks I have a real eye for that sort of thing, combining the pictures and embellishments to tell a story. But she's great at drawing, and good at painting. My sketching has really improved since she started giving me tips. We also cook and bake together a lot, but our favorite part is plating."

"Plating? As in slapping the food on the plate? My favorite part is eating, I could eat right out of the pan if Deeks would let me."

"Not just _slapping_ it on the plate. You know how pretty the food looks when it come to the table at a nice restaurant? That's plating. Making it appetizing to the eye as well as the taste buds."

"Should I be ashamed to admit that I don't pay attention to that because I'm too busy digging in to the food?"

"You should though. We eat first with our eyes. Then you should savor the aroma. Only _then_ do you take the first bite."

"Okay, I'd have chewed off my own hand if I had to wait that long before eating."

Emily laughed. "You sound like my dad."

"And you sound like Deeks. You'd think he'd be happy that I like his cooking so much I can't wait to eat it."

"You don't cook? You can hunt, kill, and cut up the animal meat, but you can't cook it?"

"Well, in all fairness, my dad did teach me how to roast or grill just about anything over a campfire, at least so that it doesn't give me salmonella. I make no promises about how it would taste, though. But no, until recently I did not actually cook."

"What changed?"

"I couldn't work after I got sick, and I needed something to occupy my time. So I asked my mom and Deeks' mother to teach me."

"That's cool. What do you do? For work, that is? I can't believe I haven't asked you that yet."

Kensi went with the standard cover story for people in her real life. "I'm a personal assistant. So I do a lot of running around for my employer; errands and things, sometimes travel, irregular hours. But that's really hard to do when you're too tired to get out of bed some days."

"Oooh, for someone famous? Do I know who it is?"

"Sorry, I can't say. My boss made me sign a confidentiality agreement."

"Really? So it _is_ someone famous! Who is it? One of the Kardashians? Selena Gomez? OMG, it's Taylor Swift, isn't it?"

"You can stop any time, you know. Confidential means I can't tell you, even if you guess."

"Oh, but I'd see it in your eyes! And I can go on like this for hours!"

"Well then, feel free. But we keep walking for as long as you keep talking."

"Deal!"


	15. Chapter 15

**AN:** Be advised, parts of this chapter (starting when Deeks shows up at the hospital and maybe for the next 15 "paragraphs" or so) might be a little intense for some. Nothing life or death, but definitely not fun for a bit. It does get better before the end of the chapter, though.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Deeks had been asleep for about two hours when his ringing phone woke him. Seeing Kensi's ID flash on the screen, he answered immediately. "Hey baby, everything alright?"

"Mr. Deeks? This is Violet, one of Kensi's nurses. Do you think you could come back tonight? Kensi's having a rough time of things and would like you here if possible."

The woman hadn't even gotten to the request before Deeks was out of bed and pulling on clothes in a mad rush. If it wasn't Kensi herself calling, something must be very wrong. "What's the matter? Is she okay? Is she awake, can I talk to her?"

"Kensi's in the bathroom, vomiting again. It recurred not too long ago, but we haven't been able to control it this time. She's asking for you."

Deeks was out the door and halfway to his car by now, "Tell her I'll be right there." He disconnected as he started the car, and peeled out of the driveway a moment later.

Grateful it was the middle of the night and the streets were less crowded, Deeks drove as fast as he safely could. Kensi had the first of two days of regular-strength chemotherapy today. Julia had been with her during the infusion and for several hours after. Kensi had experienced moderate to severe nausea, which the staff addressed with an antiemetic. She had vomited not long after Julia had left, but Deeks was there to soothe her when she came out of the bathroom. Kensi hadn't wanted him in there with her, though he had been more than willing to help out if need be.

By the time Deeks had gone home sometime after eleven o'clock, Kensi was feeling better, and they believed the worst of it was over. Apparently they were wrong.

When he arrived at her room, Deeks could hear Kensi retching and wanted nothing more than to run in there and help her. But he couldn't rush through the isolation room protocol, so he made sure to slow himself down while he scrubbed and dried his hands and then donned the required barriers.

Finally reaching his destination, the bathroom, he paused in the doorway and saw Kensi on the floor in front of the toilet, with Nurse Violet bent over next to her, rubbing her back. The sounds were agonizing, and spurred Deeks back into action. Seeing him, the nurse backed out of the way and Deeks took her place at Kensi's side. He knelt next to her and put one arm around her shoulder while he laid his other hand on Kensi's arm nearest him while she tried to catch her breath.

Deeks glanced up at the nurse, "How long has this been going on?"

Violet checked her watch and said, "About thirty minutes. She hasn't responded to the medication this time."

Turning his attention back to Kensi, Deeks said, "I'm here, Kens. I got you."

Kensi simply nodded before the heaving started again. Deeks knew there was nothing left in her stomach to come up at this point but the occasional mouthful of bile. This went on for almost twenty more minutes: the nearly incessant gagging followed by what sounded like strangled choking when nothing would come up, ultimately leaving Kensi gasping for breath. Before she could even manage to breathe normally again, the cycle would start over.

Deeks could do nothing more than rub Kensi's back and whisper reassurances in her ear. He had never felt so useless in his life.

When a few minutes of quiet finally passed, Violet asked, "Kensi, do you think you can get down some water? You need to rehydrate."

Kensi almost imperceptibly shook her head, the slight motion and the refusal both likely due to fear of triggering another bout of vomiting. Kensi's left arm was on the towel that was hung over the rim of the bowl, and her forehead rested against her arm.

"Kens, you want to try to sit up a little? Maybe against the wall?"

When Deeks helped her straighten up and lean against the wall to her left, it broke his heart to see the tears streaming down Kensi's face. "Baby? What can I do? What do you need?"

She closed her eyes, and more tears fell. Kensi's voice was barely a whisper, "It hurts," she cried.

"What does?" Deeks put his hand to Kensi's cheek to wipe the tears away. Her skin was clammy.

"Everything." She sniffled, "My head, throat, stomach, all my muscles, my back. It all hurts." She continued to cry.

Deeks was devastated. He'd never seen his strong, fierce, fearless Kensi this helpless, this broken. Not even when she clung to him in Afghanistan, or after being questioned by the DOJ idiots.

He ran his hand through his hair and left it on the back of his neck while he thought. Looking up at the nurse, Deeks decided what to do. "Violet, can you get us an armload of towels, a set of scrubs for me, and a hot water bottle or heating pad? And then maybe something for her headache and sore throat? I think Kensi will start to feel better with a nice warm shower."

"Sure, just give me a few minutes. I'll try to find someone to help with the bathing, too."

"No, I can handle that part, but thanks." Once the nurse left, Deeks gave his attention back to the woman who held his heart in her hands, and continued, "What do you say, Princess? We'll get you cleaned up with a nice, relaxing shower and then off to bed?"

Kensi barely nodded her acceptance of his suggestion. "Okay then. First step, let's get you off the bathroom floor." Deeks stood and bent to pick her up, one arm beneath her legs and one behind her back. He could feel the tremors in her body, and was bothered by how much lighter she seemed. Walking carefully across the room, Deeks gently placed Kensi in the shower chair. "You going to be okay by yourself here for just a little bit? I need to get some stuff from the room."

Her whispered "Yes" seemed a little stronger than just a few minutes ago, but Deeks backed out of the room slowly so he could keep an eye on her for a few more moments to make sure Kensi could actually hold herself up in the chair. She was still upright when he got to the doorway, but Deeks made quick work of finding what he needed in Kensi's closet and drawers anyway.

"Why don't we start getting you ready while we wait for the towels and my change of clothes?" If I help you up, do you think you can stand by yourself long enough that I can put your robe behind you?"

"Don't go far." Her voice was definitely stronger.

"I'm not going anywhere, Sugar Bear. Oh look, I'm a poet and we didn't even know it. On second thought, I guess we did know it, since I wrote that heartfelt and beautiful haiku on Sam's cast." By the time he was done talking, they'd managed to stand Kensi up and she held onto his shoulders for support while Deeks draped the bright red Clippers bathrobe from Kip across the seat behind her.

"Before you sit, Kens, I'm just going pull your bottoms down below that gorgeous butt of yours, alright? So you don't have to get up again until we're ready to shower you." When she was seated again, naked from the waist down, Deeks started to unbutton Kensi's shirt. "It's a good thing I have a lot of practice getting clothes off you, yeah?"

She was only completely nude for a second or two before Deeks pulled the robe around Kensi and helped her get her arms into the sleeves. "I can feel you shaking, babe. That from having your body so tense for all that time on the floor?"

Kensi nodded, with slightly more energy than previously. Deeks saw her swallow and caught the face she made. "You want to brush your teeth while we wait for Violet to get back?"

"I'm not sure I could stand up for that long. The muscles in my legs are spasming worse than my arms."

"No worries, Fern. Doctor Deeks, DDS is at your service." He went to the sink and put some paste on Kensi's toothbrush, then filled a cup with water. "You got this?" Deeks asked as he offered her the toothbrush.

"I hope so."

"If not, you know I've brushed Monty's teeth before, so I can probably manage yours too."

Deeks was rewarded with a small smile. He felt his heart finally start to unclench.

A knock at the bathroom door alerted them that Nurse Violet had returned with the promised supplies. Looking at Kensi, who was gently brushing her teeth, she explained, "I'll be back in about a half-hour to hook you up to an IV. We'll add some pain reliever and another antiemetic to the mix tonight, so hopefully you can sleep through the night. Are you sure you don't need any help in here?"

Deeks responded, "I'll be sure to yank on the emergency cord if we do, but I think we'll be fine. Thank you, Violet."

She turned to leave but pivoted on her foot and came right back, reaching into a pocket. "I almost forgot, some lozenges for your throat." She handed the blister-pack sleeve to Deeks and left.

Deeks held out a small basin to Kensi so she could spit out the toothpaste and rinse her mouth with the cup of water.

"Thanks."

Deeks pulled down his mask momentarily and sniffed the air between their faces. "Mmm, minty fresh."

Kensi rolled her eyes as Desks replaced his mask. "There's the Kensalina I know and love!" He kissed the top of her head. "You ready to feel better?"

"Desperately."

Deeks ripped open one of the sealed compartments of the pack of lozenges and held it out so Kensi could take the pastille and pop it in her mouth. "You know how I love my woman desperate for me. Speaking of, you want a sneak peek of the Magic Marty Show while I undress for our shower?"

"Please don't make me laugh, Deeks. My abs are so sore, I think it would kill me."

"And I guess I'll just ignore the fact that you assume my strip tease would make you laugh. But only because you've been puking your guts out for the past few hours." With that, Deeks took off everything but his boxers and his face mask. He then slipped on the Clippers flip flops. "You're right, I don't think Kip thought this through when he went with the sequins."

"Be careful you don't trip with those on. They're about four sizes too small for you." Kensi's voice was still painfully hoarse, and it looked like it hurt her to speak.

"Two sizes, maybe. I think you underestimate how humongous those things you call feet are."

"If I had the strength, one of those feet would be up your ass right now, mister."

"Promises, promises," Deeks lamented. He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. "You good to go?"

At Kensi's nod, they took off her robe and Deeks ran the water to a comfortable temperature. Kensi remained seated and Deeks gave her the handheld shower head so she could direct the water where she wanted while he lathered and massaged Kensi's tense and sore muscles with an unscented, sensitive-skin-friendly soap from Aubrey.

Bathing Kensi like this was an intriguingly intimate and sensual experience, but not a sexual one, Deeks thought. For all the practically non-stop talking he did leading up to the event, Deeks found himself needing to be quiet as he concentrated on Kensi's body and her needs. He could feel her muscles ripple with tension as his hands glided over them, slick with soapy water. Watching Kensi's beautiful face as he worked, Deeks was able to judge how much pressure to apply, and when to move on.

Kensi didn't so much as flinch when Deeks started on the area around her central IV line; a testament to how bad she must feel right now. Deeks knew she was self-conscious about it, and in fact hadn't made love without a camisole on since it was placed the week before she entered the hospital for the transplant. Clear waterproof adhesive covered the area where the thin tubing protruded from Kensi's chest, partway between her right shoulder and the top of her breast. It hung down for about four inches before branching off into three thinner lumens, or tubes. Each had a different color clip on it to block or allow the fluid to go through, and each ended in a cap that, when detached, allowed an IV or needle to be inserted. Assuming Kensi was cured, it would be surgically removed in a few months, when she no longer needed infusions of any kind.

Once done with her body, Deeks had Kensi tilt her head back so he could work on her hair, mindful of her headache. She moaned a few times in appreciation, so Deeks guessed he was doing a good job. Deeks loved Kensi's hair, and enjoyed running his hands through it when they made love, or cuddled on the couch. He'd attempted to shampoo it before, on other occasions when they showered together, but Kensi complained that he was too gentle. She seemed to relish a very vigorous rubbing of her scalp, and when he watched Kensi take over and wash her own hair, Deeks wondered if he'd have any hair left if he did the same to his glorious locks. But now, Deeks did it his way. He massaged Kensi's scalp gently and ran his fingers from the top of her head to the tips of her hair, savoring the way the wet, foamy tendrils felt falling between his fingers.

Due to the chemo, Kensi's hair was not as thick and luxurious as usual, despite Deeks' copious use of conditioner. He could see and feel the difference recently, and it had saddened him. But he was glad she would retain it, probably more for his own sake than Kensi's. Deeks was pleased tonight when Kensi allowed him to comb it out and not too many strands were left in his hands.

By the time Deeks was finished, Kensi believed she was strong enough to stand and dry herself off, albeit very slowly and cautiously. She did so, with the only assistance needed from Deeks being a steadying hand, arm, and shoulder. Kensi did accept Deeks' help getting into her pajamas, though, as well as his side to lean against as he walked her to her bed.

Deeks returned to the bathroom to change into the scrubs and perform some semblance of his own nighttime routine when he heard Nurse Violet readying herself in the anteroom. When he came out, Kensi was in bed and her central line was hooked up to the IV. He kicked off the flip-flops and found a pair of non-slip hospital socks in a drawer before heading into the anteroom himself to put on a fresh pair of gloves and a new mask.

"You staying the night, Mr. Deeks?" Violet asked as she finished adjusting Kensi's equipment. At his nod, she reminded him, "There are extra pillows and blankets on the top shelf of the closet, and that chair reclines. Unless you want a cot?"

Deeks had no intention of sleeping on a cot or a chair tonight, but the nurse didn't need to know that just yet. She'd just tell him it was against hospital policy to be in the patient's bed. But Deeks doubted very much anyone would say anything if they came across a spooning couple sleeping comfortably in the middle of the night. Or later, at least, since it already was the middle of the night. Besides, sometimes it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission, and Deeks believed this was one of those times. "No, thanks. Have a good night, Violet."

"Thanks again for your help tonight," Kensi added sleepily.

"Push the call button if you need anything or the nausea gets worse."

"I will," Kensi assured her.

After she left, Kensi asked quietly, "You're not actually going to sleep in that chair, are you?"

"Not unless you want me to."

"God, no." Kensi started shifting over to the right side of the narrow bed while Deeks found an outlet on the wall for the heating pad.

"What's more sore? Your back or your abdomen?"

"What makes you think it's one of those?"

"The way you were carrying yourself when you walked to bed. You weren't fully standing up straight, so it's either your lower back or your abs." He held up the now-warming pad. "Where do you want it, the back or the front?"

"My front, please." With that, Kensi shifted onto her left side so that Deeks could place the pad against her abdomen and also slip in behind her.

Deeks turned off the light and snuggled in close. "Do you want me to rub your back for a little while?" He asked right into her ear.

"No thanks. I think the warmth from your body is all I need right now."

"How does everything feel?"

"My throat is still raw, my head is still pounding, the nausea is manageable, and my arms and legs aren't shaking quite as much. My abs and my back are still spasming though."

"I can feel that." Deeks replied as his hand pressed the heating pad to Kensi's abdomen more firmly. "Just try to relax, yeah?"

Several minutes of quiet later, Kensi placed her hand on his. "Deeks?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks for coming back. I'm sorry you had to see that, but I'm glad you were here with me."

Deeks kissed Kensi's shoulder through his mask and her pajamas. "Oh, Kens. I'm sorry you had to go through it. And there's no place else I would rather have been. I'm glad you called me, even though I know you didn't want me in the bathroom with you when you were sick earlier today."

"Yeah, because every woman wants her boyfriend to watch her throw up. Especially when he thinks she's Wonder Woman."

"Hey, first of all, you think Wonder Woman never contracted malaria and prayed to the porcelain goddess while living on Paradise Island? I mean, it may be free of men, but no way it's free of disease-carrying mosquitos. Second, I'm practically your fiancé, which means I'm almost your husband, and maybe the future father of our possible children. We can consider this practice for morning sickness if you want. So how'd I do?"

"You were…perfect. And no, I didn't want you to see me like that earlier. But when it got really bad, Deeks, all I wanted was you with me. I wasn't thinking you could actually _do_ anything, other than just be there, which would have been enough. But then you figured out the one thing that might make me feel somewhat better, and it worked. I may be tough and all –"

"Tougher than me," Deeks interjected.

Kensi smiled, remembering the last time Deeks said those same words. He was comforting her then too. "But baby, I can't tell you how relieved I am that I only have one more day of full-dose chemo. I can't imagine going through this for a whole week or more, and having it get worse every day."

Deeks didn't want to think about it. How could anyone watch the person they love go through that kind of suffering and misery? Deeks felt like he barely held it together before, and he was only witness to twenty minutes of it. "We'd get you through that too, if we had to. But yeah, I'm glad we don't have to."

"Thanks to you. Again." Kensi pulled Deeks' gloved hand to her and kissed the back of it. "I don't have to go through all of that because of you. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you enough for that, Deeks."

"Oh, but I know how you can show me your gratitude, Princess."

The tone of Deeks' voice made Kensi instantly wary, "Please do not tell me you're thinking about sex right now."

"What? No! What kind of animal do you think I am?"

"A jungle cat? Or was it a manimal? I get them confused." Kensi yawned.

"I see someone is starting to feel better, if tired." Deeks kissed the back of Kensi's neck this time, full of relief. "And, no, Ms. Obviously-Wants-to-Jump-My-Bones, _I_ was not thinking about sex. _I_ was thinking you could thank me in sixty years or so, when we're living in the Super-Secret Agents Old Folks Home, by wiping my – "

"Deeks!"

"My _chin_ , Kensalina! Good lord, woman, get your head out of my pants, will you!"

Kensi chuckled, and it felt good, except that it hurt her stomach. "You want me to wipe your chin?"

"Yeah, you know, when food and drool get caught in my manly scruff."

"And that will be thanks enough for all you've done for me tonight? Not to mention the past few months?"

"Don't forget tomorrow and the next few months, Fern. And yes, it'll be enough. Because if you're still there in sixty years to wipe the stuff off my chin, that means you'll have been by my side for all those years. And _that_ will be enough."

* * *

A few hours later, Kensi was woken by the return of Nurse Violet, there to log her vital signs and check her drips.

"How are you feeling?" she whispered, so as not to wake Deeks.

"Not as bad as before," Kensi replied in an equally hushed tone.

"You know, nobody is allowed in the patient's bed but the patient."

"I know, but I was having such a hard time falling asleep, and he was rubbing my back," Kensi lied. "You're not going to wake him up and make him move, are you?"

"Not tonight, no. He's earned his sleep, as far as I'm concerned." The nurse studied the resting couple before continuing. "You've got a good man there, you know."

"Good? No, he's the best."

"You going to make him your husband one day?"

"Eventually, yeah. Not that it really matters, because he's already my everything."


	16. Chapter 16

**AN:** Romance is in the air. Valentine's Day, Densi style. Nothing but pure fluff. I don't think there's a damned thing in this chapter that moves the story along except for the passing of a couple of days. Hope you enjoy it anyway.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

 _February 10, Day +6_

 _Thankfully it's over. I barely have the energy to pick up a pen after two days of full-dose chemo, but it only gets better from here, hopefully. The second day, yesterday, wasn't quite as bad as the first because they gave me a different antiemetic. But Deeks still bore the brunt of it after my mother left. I was glad for that, at least._

 _I don't care what Deeks says, even in the next sixty years, I don't think I can ever show him how much I appreciate what he's done for me. But I suppose I'll just have to spend those sixty years trying! I guess it shouldn't have surprised me, though it still did a little, that when I was at my absolute sickest, all I wanted was Deeks. I knew his mere presence would somehow make me feel better, or at least give me hope that I would feel better soon, and it did. Magic Marty for sure._

 _And I don't know how Emily went through multiple rounds of this, but now I think I know what she meant when she said this time would be her last._

 _I heard from Hetty today; she said she'll come and visit in the next few days. She has my Valentine's Day gift for Deeks, and she's going to try to smuggle it in for me. Guess we'll see if it works._

 _Cutting this short tonight, since my head is beginning to pound again. Does that count as a feeling, Meg? Ok, probably not. Right now, then, I'm feeling grateful that the chemo is over. And so incredibly lucky to have Marty Deeks in my life and by my side._

* * *

"You look like you're feeling better," Kensi remarked when Emily entered the sunroom two days later.

"You too. Congratulations on surviving chemo. I ran into Deemarty the other night just after Jasper left and he said you were having a hard time." There was nothing but empathy in Emily's voice.

"Yeah, but I have to say, I feel a whole new level of respect for you, girlfriend. I don't know how you've gone through that as many times as you did." When Emily didn't respond, Kensi commented on the dark blue blanket she was working on. "That's different. A lot bigger, and a lot less pastel than usual."

"It's for Jasper. He's been complaining how chilly he gets in the library when he studies there at night, so I thought I'd make him a little lap blanket."

"You know, you never responded to my texts about him." Kensi had not been out of her room for the past three days, the first two due to chemo and its nasty side effects and a third mostly to sleep. But when she occasionally got out of bed last evening, she glanced through the doors between her room and the hallway and caught glimpses of Emily walking the ward with Jasper. Kensi immediately shot off a couple of kissy-face and heart emojis to Emily and texted that she thought Jasper was very good looking.

Emily rolled her eyes, "I wasn't about to reward your bad behavior."

"What! Bad behavior? I said he was cute."

"Uh huh, and you also sent all those lovey-dovey emojis…what if he had seen them?!"

"Then I guess you would have had some explaining to do."

"Yeah, about how the chemo was clearly affecting my new friend's brain and making her delusional."

"Ha. And maybe then Jasper would have said something like, 'No she isn't,' and asked you out on a date."

"Wow, and I thought I was the romantic."

"You are. I'm just the master of being in a relationship without actually being in a relationship. And I have to tell you, it's much better to actually be in the relationship."

"I have no idea what that means."

"Trust me, that's a good thing. I guess my point is that life is too short, Em. You know that better than most." Kensi considered the teenager for a moment before continuing. "You almost done with the blanket?"

"Yes." Emily appeared confused by the abrupt change of topic.

"Why don't you give it to Jasper for Valentine's Day?"

Emily looked terrified at the thought. "Because we don't give gifts for that holiday, since we're not boyfriend and girlfriend. And besides, I won't be seeing him on Valentine's Day because Tuesdays are his late classes."

"So give it to him as a friend and see what happens. How he responds. He usually comes by on Wednesdays, right? Give it to him then, but wish him a Happy Valentine's Day when you do. That's when Deeks and I are celebrating, by the way."

"He'll freak out."

"Which might just be the proof you need to believe he really does like you as more than a friend. What's to freak out about if he only thinks of you as a friend?"

"You still haven't met him. I thought you were going to reserve judgement until then?"

"Ah, but I've seen him now. And Em, the way he looks at you? He's got it bad."

"You think so?" The hope was clear in Emily's question.

"Yup."

Emily shook her head, "Okay, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I'll take your suggestion under advisement, as the adults say. But no more discussion about me and Jasper for a while, alright?"

"No problem. Sorry if I'm being too pushy. What else do you want to talk about?"

There was a gleam in Emily's eye now. "How about what you're giving Deemarty for Valentine's Day?"

 _Well, how to explain this one? Can't exactly tell her the truth._ _When in doubt, go with a partial truth_. "Actually, I don't know yet. I'll probably just come up with a coupon or gift certificate for something I know he'll like. That's pretty much what we did for Christmas. No big deal."

Emily squinted her eyes. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Because you're a teenager and I'm and adult? And maybe there are some things that should remain private?"

"Pfft. Whatever. But since you won't tell me that, you have to tell me something else that's personal."

"Says who? Like what?" _Good grief, she better not ask me about sex!_

Emily opened her mouth and paused, seemed to change her mind, and then asked, "Why are you and Deemarty celebrating Valentine's Day on February fifteenth?"

"So he can buy me a bigger box of chocolates at an after-holiday sale." When Emily looked doubtful, Kensi insisted, "Really. He celebrates most holidays after the fact for the sales. And that's not the question you were really going to ask, is it?"

"No."

"Alright then, out with it." Kensi sighed. "What do you want to know?"

"What's up with your eye?"

* * *

Deeks arrived at the hospital on Wednesday, February 15 ahead of schedule, so after he was cleared by the nurse at the entrance to the isolation ward, he stopped at the kitchenette to put some of his goodies away before going in search of Kensi. Because he was early, he decided to check the solarium first in case she was there. His ladybird hated being cooped up in her room if she didn't need to be, and Deeks knew how much Kensi had come to enjoy her time with Emily.

Walking in the sunroom, he saw neither Kensi nor Emily, but he did spy a young man anxiously pacing the near the chairs they usually occupied. Deeks thought he recognized him as Emily's friend, the one Kensi insisted was interested in her. He couldn't be sure because he'd only seen the kid from a distance previously.

"Hey, man. You're Emily's friend, right? Jasper, isn't it?" Deeks approached him and offered his hand.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, have we met?"

"No. I'm Marty, Kensi's boyfriend."

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, I feel like I should have recognized you, the way Em goes on and on about Kensi. I think she's pointed you out to me. It's good to finally meet you, Marty."

"You too. Is Emily alright? You seem kind of on edge."

"Oh, no, she's fine. She just ran back to her room to get something for me."

"Too much coffee today, then?"

"What? No, I'm sorry. Again. I'm not usually this out of it, it's just that Emily threw me for a little bit of a loop and I'm not sure what to do about it."

"Anything I can help with?"

"I don't know, do you have a suggestion for a guy who just realized that his best friend is probably about to give him a Valentine's Day gift and he doesn't have one for her?"

"Depends on how you feel about it." At the young man's confused look, Deeks clarified. "Is the reason you look as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs because you only want Emily to be your best friend and you're afraid a Valentine's gift means she wants more? Or because you want more too?"

Jaspar looked panic-stricken, Deeks thought. The poor boy's eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he finally spoke. "Um, both?"

Deeks rocked back on his heels and chuckled softly. "Let me guess. You want to be more than best friends, but you're afraid of ruining your friendship?"

Now Jasper simply looked stunned. "How'd you know?"

Putting a reassuring hand on Jasper's shoulder, Deeks replied, "Brother, I have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt." Deeks thought for a moment. "And I have an idea. Come with me for a sec."

Deeks led him back to the kitchenette, where he had stashed the big heart-shaped box of chocolates he had purchased today at a clearance sale. Pulling it out of the bag, he held it out to Jasper. "Here, take these. I have it on good authority that Emily likes chocolate almost as much as Kensi does."

"I can't do that! You bought those for Kensi."

Holding out a smaller box, Deeks showed it to the younger man. "That's okay, I'll give here these instead. I had actually picked this up for Emily, but it won't be Kensi's only gift, so it's fine."

"Marty, I'm not sure about this."

"You will by the time we're done."

"No, I mean I'm not sure I want to risk my friendship with Emily by dating her. What if it doesn't work out and we break up and we can't be friends anymore?"

"Listen Jasper, only you and Emily can make that choice, but I can tell you from experience that when your best friend is also your girlfriend, life doesn't get too much better."

"So what do you think I should do?"

Deeks rifled through another bag and pulled out some more items. "Here's what you're going to do…"

Several minutes later, Jasper had his own bag filled with treats, and they saw Emily heading away from them and toward the solarium. The men shook hands as Deeks quietly wished Jasper luck.

"Thanks again for everything, Marty. I'll let you know how it worked out."

"Oh, I'm sure I'll hear about it from Kensi. And hey, I was wrong before, life can definitely get better than dating your best friend"

"How?"

"By marrying her."

* * *

"Oh wow, that was the best Valentine's dinner ever. I'm stuffed!" Kensi fell back across her bed, one hand on her stomach.

"Yeah, because hospital food is such a high bar to beat." Deeks said as he slid his face mask back up over his mouth and nose. In honor of the holiday it was decorated with images of Sweethearts candies that read "Be Mine," "Hug Me," "Kiss Me," and "I Love You."

He was sitting in her comfortable patient's chair, the tray table between them holding an almost empty box of pizza, a half-full bottle of name-brand ginger ale, and two plastic champagne flutes. Most of the lights in Kensi's room had been turned off, but there was a flickering glow coming from the half-dozen flameless pillar candles of various sizes that Deeks had placed around the immediate area. Violin music played from his phone.

"Come on, you know lukewarm is my second favorite way to eat pizza, right after piping hot from the oven and ahead of stone cold from the fridge." Kensi let out a belch to show her appreciation.

Deeks made a face. "So classy. Is it any wonder I love you?"

"Hey, you said you prefer sassy over classy! And I'm just making room for dessert." Kensi sat up suddenly and looked at Deeks, alarmed. "There is dessert, right?"

"Of course there is, my not-so-funny-valentine. I do value my life, you know. But you can't possibly be ready for that already, so how about you open your gifts in the meantime?"

"Ooh, now that sounds like a good idea."

"Why don't you come over here?" Deeks patted his lap.

"An even better idea. Just a sec." Kensi rolled over and pushed off her bed from the opposite side, where the nightstand was. Opening the drawer, she pulled out a box before walking back around the bed and perching herself across Deeks' legs.

"You first, though." She smiled as she presented Deeks with an elegantly wrapped box.

Considering it, Deeks asked, "You didn't wrap this, did you?"

Kensi rolled her eyes. "No, Hetty did."

"Hetty knows what you got me for Valentine's Day? I should be scared, shouldn't I?"

"Hetty actually smuggled it in. Literally. Before she boxed and wrapped it right at that table," Kensi said, nodding at the tray table.

"Good thing it's height adjustable," Deeks joked.

"I'd watch out if I were you; she still has the matching one."

"Hmm…" Deeks shook the box gently. "A matched set of something. Now I'm intrigued."

"Will you please open it!" Kensi practically growled in frustrated anticipation.

"Since you asked so nicely, Princess Impatience." Deeks began to carefully pick at the tape on the back of the box. He slowly unfolded each flap and continued his ministrations despite Kensi's death glare.

"You know I could strangle you right now, don't you?"

Opening the box and considering the contents, Deeks whistled. "Or you could slit my jugular with this. How many ways from there?"

"Too many to count. And way too easy." Kensi kissed the side of his mask before pointing at the gift. "Do you like it?"

"Before I answer that, should I be worried that the last few gifts you've given me have been knives and knife accessories?" Deeks examined the item closely. It was just under six inches in length, and the handle and blade were forged from one piece of white ceramic. The blade was two inches long, and the handle was wrapped in paracord that formed a loop at the end. The accompanying kydex sheath was meant to hang around the neck, with a matching wrap of paracord around it.

"Not when you consider that the knives are hand-made by a former assassin."

"Tuhon made this too? It's ceramic, isn't it?"

"Yes, so it won't be discovered by metal detectors."

"So Hetty really did smuggle it in here?"

"Yup. Turn it over."

When Deeks did, he saw "His" etched in the blade near the edge of the handle. He laughed out loud. "I guess it's a good thing you got these for us; they're not exactly something we could have put on our wedding registry."

"Hetty will give you 'Hers' tomorrow. And I think that about does it for knife gifts, if that makes you feel better." Kensi winked, "Although I wonder if Tuhon wants to expand into non-blade-bearing weapons…"

Deeks smiled. "You could probably keep him financed until his retirement if he does." He placed a mask-covered kiss to the side of her forehead. "And yes, I do like it. Love it, in fact."

Kensi returned the grin. "Good." She turned part way and reached under the pillow on her bed. "These are also for you. And if Emily asks, this is all I gave you."

Deeks unfolded the first piece of paper, which looked like it came from Kensi's journal, and read aloud: "IOU: Sixty years of wiping my lipstick from your lips, the tears from your cheeks, the hair from your eyes, and the drool from your chin." Deeks didn't say anything else, but pulled Kensi's head nearer and touched his forehead to hers.

Finally, he found his words. "You're getting crazy romantic, you know that?"

"I guess I have the right inspiration." Kensi whispered back. "You need me to wipe some of those tears now?"

"Nah, I'm a manly man. I can hold them back this time."

Kensi pulled away and leaned back against Deeks' shoulder. "Open the other one. It shouldn't make you cry."

"I wasn't crying, someone's hair just got in my eyes." Reading the second piece of paper, Deeks looked confused. "Kens? What do you mean you're giving me two nights off a week until you're out of the hospital?"

"I mean I've been here just over two weeks and you have spent every evening with me, two days, and two overnights. You need a break. And you need to read that more carefully, because it says _at least_ two nights off a week."

"I don't need a night off. And more important, I don't want one."

Kensi took Deeks face in her hands. "Baby, you're exhausted when you leave me every night. I know for a fact that you don't go to bed right away when you get home, have trouble sleeping, and haven't taken any time to go surfing since I've been here."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Monty's been reporting in daily. Rats you out. Sings like a canary. You sure he's a dog at all?"

"Kens…" Deeks pulled Kensi's hands down and into his own.

"Please don't argue with me, Deeks. I'm all settled here, the worst is over, and you helped me through it. All we have to do now is wait to see if the transplant engrafts, which we should know in a couple of weeks. And then another week or two until my numbers come up enough to leave the hospital. I promise if something happens and I need you on one of your nights off, I'll call. But you need to take care of you again. You've had my back, now it's time for me to have yours."

"And how is being away from you supposed to take care of me?"

"Because if you go to bed early enough you can actually get up and surf the next morning before work. Plus it gives you the chance to take the guys up on one of their frequent offers of dinner or drinks. You could take Monty for a run to the beach and just chill out or toss a Frisbee, because he was also whining to me that you haven't done that in a while. Or go to a Clippers game. I'll even let you borrow my flip-flops to wear if you want." Kensi kissed Deeks gently on his mask, right where his lips were. "Please," she whispered.

"Fine," he relented. "But for the record, you totally just blew your romantic gift streak."

"Understood."

"Now I don't so feel bad about giving you the smaller box of candy." He reached into the bag beside the chair and presented her with the heart-shaped package.

"You mean there's a bigger one somewhere?" Kensi asked as she tore the cellophane wrapping from the box and sought her favorite candies first.

"That's not dessert, by the way, so don't fill up on those, Miss Piggy. And yes, there was a bigger box, but I'm not going to tell you what happened to it right now."

Kensi stuck her chocolate coated tongue out at him. "Wow, way to act like a five-year-old."

"Says the woman who just stuck her tongue out at me. But I will tell you tomorrow night, if I'm allowed back, that is. And if you haven't already figured it out by then."

"You're not going to make me feel guilty for trying to take care of you, Deeks. I love you and I don't want to see you suffer either."

He sighed. "I'm really not trying to make you feel bad. Well, maybe just a little. I'm sorry. I understand what you're doing and why. I just don't like it."

"But you'll do it?"

"I said I would."

"I'll miss you, you know. It's not like I'll be here having a party when you're gone. Although I might go visit a little more with Mr. Schwartz down the hall. Did I tell you Mrs. Schwartz fell the other day at home and broke her hip? She's two floors down and can't get to visit him as much now. And soon they'll be sending her to rehab, so they won't see each other at all for a while."

"So it could be worse, is that what you're saying?"

"That actually wasn't my point, but sure." Then understanding dawned on Kensi. "You realize I didn't mean your multiple nights off had to be consecutive, right?"

Deeks blinked. "I…do now?"

Kensi smiled. "Feel better?"

"A little, yeah," he admitted.

"Good. Now where's my present? Because if you think a smaller-than-usual box of chocolates is going to cut it, you are sorely mistaken, my love. No matter how awesome dinner was."

Deeks chuckled as he went into the bag again and pulled out a small box.

Kensi ripped off the wrapping paper to find a velvety box, the shape of which suggested it might hold a necklace. "Jewelry?" She didn't own much, and wore even less because of their jobs.

"I'm sorry it's not a knife, but you seem to have cornered the market on those anyway."

When Kensi slowly opened the hinged box, her eyes widened at the sight. The delicate looking silver pendant was unique, shaped like the outline of a narrow-necked vase or teardrop, but with a scalloped edge at the bottom. It was about an inch across at its widest and about an inch-and-a-half long. It hung from a chain through two loops at what would be the mouth of the vase, formed by the ends being bent over themselves. A matching chain ran through the two loops and was visible in the quarter-inch space in between them.

"It's lovely," she said.

"So are you. And like you, this necklace is more than it appears to be."

"What do you mean?"

Deeks removed it from the box and showed Kensi the chain, which was longer than expected. "First, it's long enough so you can wear it under a shirt without it being seen or grabbed." He twirled his finger, indicating that Kensi should turn around so he could fasten it around her neck. Truthfully, he could have slipped it over her head, but Deeks liked their ritual of Kensi holding up her hair and him kissing her neck when he was done.

Pulling her engagement ring from his pocket, Deeks held it in front of Kensi and continued, "Second, it is designed to hold your ring, or rings, on those occasions when you don't want to advertise your marital status, or for when you know you're going to be punching someone in the face."

Kensi reached up to remove the necklace so she could hang the ring on it, but Deeks pulled her hands away. "No, that's why I chose this. It would be a real hassle to have to take your necklace off, open the clasp, put the chain through the ring, and put it back on every time you needed to remove your ring. Not to mention the time. Now watch."

With that, Deeks took the pendant still hanging from Kensi's neck into one hand. With the other hand, he placed the ring over one of the open ends of the pendant and pulled it down, chain and all, and then followed the silver path back up the other side. When he reached the mouth of the "vase" again, he drew the ring down over both open ends. Somehow, the ring was now securely fastened onto and hanging in front of the pendant, the adornment never having left the chain or Kensi's neck. The combination of the pendant and the ring hanging on it was beautiful.

Kensi put her hand around Deeks' and held the necklace and ring out further to try to get a better view. "Show me how to do that?"

They spent the next several minutes with Deeks demonstrating for Kensi how to maneuver the ring on and off the necklace. He told her it would be easier to learn if she went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror as she did it, but Kensi refused, fearing she might drop the ring down a drain.

"Now for the big question," Deeks began, and could see the slight panic in Kensi's expression. "Don't worry, Sugar Bear, not _that_ question. I told you I wouldn't propose until you're cured, and I meant it."

"So what do you want to know?"

"Now that your ring has a nice, safe place to be, do you want to keep it on the necklace until we officially move it to your left hand?"

"Ooh, now that is a tempting offer." Kensi scrunched up her face in thought. "But I don't think I should." She took the ring off the pendant one last time and held it out to Deeks.

"Why not?" Deeks was slightly surprised by Kensi's decision. "You won't lose it if you keep it around your neck."

"It's not that. I don't think I'd be able to resist 'just trying it on' for a few minutes, and then I won't want to take it off. No, we're doing this right. You'll put it on my finger when I accept your proposal." Holding the pendant in her hand, the chain now pulled taut so she could see it better, Kensi thought for a few moments before threading her fingers between Deeks'. "Thank you. This really is a perfect gift, babe. Considerate, practical, and romantic all rolled into one beautiful piece of jewelry. And even though I know how to do it, I'm still trying to figure out exactly how it actually works."

"It's magic. Just like you." The words were soft, but carried the weight of his emotions.

Kensi glanced at Deeks, expecting to see the usual gleam in his eyes. Instead she saw the depth of his feelings. She couldn't pull her eyes from his, and Kensi got lost in the love that was so evident in the way Deeks looked at her. They sat that way, Kensi across Deeks' lap, both of their hands linked, eyes locked together in silent communion, for some stretch of time before Kensi finally spoke

"Me too," she whispered, before touching her forehead to Deeks'.

"What?"

"You were just thinking how much you love me, I mean, like how madly in love you are with me. And how much you want to not only kiss me, _really_ kiss me right now without a mask between us, but make love to me. And I said, 'Me too' because I was thinking the exact same thing." There was no teasing or joking in Kensi's voice, no playful lilt. She was confident in what she read in Deeks' eyes, and certain he wouldn't make light of the moment either.

"Yeah," Deeks breathed as he pulled Kensi into a tight embrace. There would be no lovemaking tonight; they couldn't even kiss each other on the lips right now. But this would be enough until they could.

* * *

 **AN 2:** If you liked the Deeks/Jasper scene, thank Max and Fern 4ever; it was a comment in her review that prompted it. Also, I know I didn't do justice to the description of the necklace, which really exists. Search for the "Emily C" necklace to take a look and watch the video for how it works. Again, I get nothing for saying that.


	17. Chapter 17

**AN:** I came thisclose to not posting this chapter today. Instead, you almost got a one-shot post-ep for Home is Where the Heart Is (8x06). That story took residence in my brain Monday and wouldn't let me work on _Cost_ until it was written. So I wrote it last night intending to post it today, but I'm not happy with it yet…which is why you get chapter 17 today. But fair warning: that story (currently titled _Home is Where You Are_ ) will probably show up Saturday in lieu of chapter 18.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Kensi walked into the sunroom Thursday morning and was surprised Emily wasn't already there. She thought for sure the teen would be anxious to discuss how Jasper had responded to her gift. Unless…Kensi hoped it hadn't backfired on Emily and that she wasn't hiding out in her room now.

Killing time, Kensi took a selfie of her wearing the new necklace and texted it to Deeks with the caption, _Only a few months until we put this to good use._

Less than two minutes later Deeks replied, _Can u undo some more buttons & show me where it falls under ur shirt?_

 _No b/c I'm not a perv._

 _But ur a killjoy._

 _Stay safe today. Luv u._

 _Always. Luv u 2, cu later, right?_

 _Yes._

With no Emily yet, Kensi sent a quick message to David Thompson, confirming that he was still coming by tomorrow. His ordination ceremony was scheduled for Sunday, and he had asked Kensi if he could come visit with her before then. Kensi considered suggesting that Deeks take Friday night off from the hospital since she would already have company. She hoped he would feel less guilty if he knew she wouldn't be alone.

Kensi stood up, having decided to go back to her room to find something to bring back to the solarium to keep her occupied when the door opened and Emily walked in, ubiquitous beach bag in hand.

"Hey! I was afraid you were ditching me today," Kensi said carefully.

"No, why would I do that?"

"I got worried when you weren't here, your usual bright-eyed and bald-headed self, that maybe things didn't go well last night with Jasper and you were all mopey in your room. Or too mad at me to come out."

Emily sat down and pulled the latest baby hat she was crocheting out of the bag, followed by Kensi's work-in-progress, her first baby blanket. Handing the materials to Kensi, Emily finally said, "Nope. I was on the phone with my mom. She was on her break at work, so we could talk."

"Everything alright? You don't usually talk to her while she's at work."

"Yup. Just wanted to run a few things past her."

Kensi stared at the girl, incredulous, as Emily basically ignored her and focused on the hat. "Oh my God Em, you're killing me here! What happened last night?"

Emily stopped working her hook through and around the yarn and let them both fall into her lap. Looking at Kensi, she pulled down her mask for a second to show off the huge grin that graced her lovely face. "It was _so_ romantic!" she practically squealed.

"Really? Tell me."

"Well he showed up a little while after you left to see Mr. Schwartz, and he didn't have anything with him but his backpack, so I wasn't sure if I should still give him the blanket. But I told him I had something for him in my room and that I'd be right back. And I stayed in there, like forever, trying to decide if I really wanted to do it, and practicing what I was going to say and everything. And when I came back, he was coming from down the hall with a shopping bag in his hand, and he told me that he had something for me too."

"Wow."

"I know, right? So he pulled out this humongous box of chocolates," with that, Emily reached back into her beach bag and brought out a familiar looking heart-shaped box.

"Sweet. That's bigger than the one I got, Em. You going to share?"

Emily handed the box to Kensi, who promptly found one of her favorites, and continued her story, "Then I gave him the blanket, and you could tell he really liked it. And _then_ , he took more stuff out of the bag, and set up the table in the corner over there with a red and white checked tablecloth, like in little Italian restaurants? And he put all these fake candles on it, you know, the ones that are battery operated, but flicker like real flames?"

"Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. What happened next?"

"He asked me if I would join him for dinner, and he went downstairs to the cafeteria and got us a big plate of spaghetti and meatballs to share. Of course, we had to actually divide the food in half because of germs and all, but still."

"Aww, just like Lady and the Tramp."

"Well, he did leave the last meatball for me."

"So a romantic candlelit Italian dinner and a ginormous box of chocolates. Not bad for someone who doesn't have a boyfriend," Kensi teased.

Emily looked down shyly, "Yeah, well…about that."

"What! Are you and Jasper 'offical' now?"

"I guess. He told me he wants me to be his girlfriend and wants to take me out on actual dates when I get out of here. Not just hanging out with our friends like we usually do. Oh! And then he gave me this," Emily gently took a folded envelope from the pocket of her own button-down shirt and held it out to Kensi.

"A gift certificate for a delayed Valentine's dinner, complete with real candlelight in a real Italian restaurant. Too sweet. I'm happy for you, Emily. Assuming you said yes, that is."

"I may suffer from some cognitive impairment due to late effects of chemo, but I'm not a complete idiot. Of course I said yes!"

 _Cognitive impairment? What is she talking about?_ "Good. But I'm confused now. What do you mean about late effects of your chemo?"

"Oh, that. Before my diagnosis and first chemo I was a much better student. But giving all those drugs to growing children is bound to cause some problems, and one is often learning problems."

"Like what, if you don't mind my asking?"

"Nah. My memory got pretty crappy; I had to make lists for everything I needed to get done in school. And I can't concentrate as much or as well. Takes me forever to read a book now, which is why I prefer crocheting."

"But you graduated with no problem, right?"

"Yeah, they diagnosed me with a learning disability and put me in some special education classes for support, but mine were integrated with general education students, so I barely even noticed. I had already been in the integrated classes, but I used to be one of the general ed. kids, and I couldn't have even told you who the special ed. kids were. All I knew was there were two teachers and everyone got the help they needed. Once I was classified, I found out who the special ed. kids were because I had an additional class that was for us only, where they taught us all kinds of strategies for circumventing our disabilities."

"Like making lists."

"Yeah, and lots of others. Plus I didn't have to take longer tests all at once, or I could at least take a break if I needed one. I wasn't even in special education classes anymore by the time I graduated; pretty much learned what they taught me and used it when I had to. It also helped that my mom is a teacher, so she knew a lot about all this stuff."

"Speaking of your mom, did you tell her about Jasper this morning? Is that what you wanted to run past her?"

"Yes. As awesome as last night was, I was kind of freaking out a little when I woke up. I mean, most of my life I've been 'the girl who has cancer' in school. And that was fine, you know, it's not like people bullied or teased me about it. I really do have good friends. But being 'the girl who has cancer,' I've also been 'the girl who never had a boyfriend' because who wants to date 'the girl who might die,' right? So this is new to me, and I wanted to talk to Mom about it."

"Did it help? Was she happy for you?"

"Definitely, to both. She really likes Jasper."

"I'm glad."

"Oh my gosh! I completely forgot to ask you how your belated Valentine's Day went!"

"It's barely worth telling now, girlfriend. Nothing can compete with your evening." Kensi winked.

"C'mon, give!"

"Deeks knows the way to my heart is through my stomach, so he brought in a pizza and some rocky road ice cream, and he allowed me to completely and totally stuff my face."

"That's it?"

"Well, we had some violin music playing on Deeks' phone. And we turned off most of the lights. But everyone's idea of romance is different. That worked for me."

"What about the box of chocolate?"

"Got that too, but like I said, not as big as yours."

"Help yourself to mine, then. Now that I have a boyfriend I don't need to get zits from too much sugar."

"Ah, young love," Kensi teased, choosing another piece of candy. "By the time you're dating for two years and living together, trust me, you won't care about pimples anymore. Besides, it's not like Jasper's never seen you with acne, right? You've known each other for years."

"True, but it just feels like it should be different with a boyfriend, you know?"

"I get that, but listen, I ate three pieces of pizza and most of a pint of ice cream in front of Deeks last night. Oh, and I made him leave the last two slices so I could have a midnight snack. When he called me Miss Piggy I didn't even stop eating my candy long enough to roll my eyes at him. What I'm getting at is that he knows I eat like a sumo wrestler, and I shouldn't have to hide that from him. He loves me anyway. Hell, I think part of the attraction is that I can eat him under the table."

"He called you Miss Piggy?" Emily's eyes were wide and she sounded horrified.

"Yeah, he does that. Everything becomes a nickname with Deeks; that's part of who he is, and I love him anyway, as much as it annoyed me at first. But he doesn't tease me about something he knows would really bother me. So it's all good."

"Did he give you an actual gift, besides pizza, candy, and ice cream?"

"He did, even though the rest would have been enough." Kensi pulled the chain from under her shirt and showed off the pendant to Emily.

"Ooh, that's pretty."

"It's meant to hold my engagement ring."

Emily froze. "He proposed! OMG! Why didn't you tell me!" Emily grabbed Kensi's left arm, but didn't see a ring on top of or under her gloved hand. "Where's your ring?"

Kensi laughed, "No, sorry. Let me back up a little. He hasn't proposed yet. But he plans to, after I'm considered cured. And he knows I wouldn't want to wear my ring…when I'm doing dishes or other housework, so he found this." Kensi mentally cringed at her near slip-up. She didn't think Emily caught her delay while she thought of a viable reason for not wearing her engagement ring all the time. "You have a large stitch marker in that bag? I'll show you how it works."

Emily found the requested plastic ring and handed it over. "That is so cool!" the teenager proclaimed when Kensi demonstrated.

"I think so too."

"You finally going to tell me what you gave Deemarty?"

Kensi shrugged, "I told you it wouldn't be a big deal. I wrote out an IOU for the next sixty years together, and then a coupon for some nights away from the hospital."

"Did he like them?"

"Well, he liked the IOU, but he didn't like that I want him to start spending some time away from here."

"I get that. He misses you. He must be bored stiff because you're not home."

"But he doesn't have to be. He has friends and plenty of interests, not to mention Monty. I just want him to have a little fun."

"Yeah, you can't be the only one having all the fun, spending all this time here with me. Speaking of, get back to work. That blanket's not going to finish itself!"

Kensi laughed, "Yes ma'am!"

* * *

 _February 16, Day +12_

 _Deeks just left, and if he follows orders, he won't be back here until Saturday afternoon. He's still not thrilled about the new arrangement, but I hope after a good night's sleep tomorrow night and some surfing Saturday morning, he'll see the advantages._

 _I think I need a little time apart at this point anyway. After our belated Valentine's Day yesterday and him confirming tonight what he did for Jasper and Emily, I'm finding it really difficult to be around Deeks and not be able to kiss him or be more physically affectionate than the occasional peck on his mask._

 _Not sure what that moment was last night, but I don't think I've ever felt closer to Deeks, or more intimately connected to him. And damn if I didn't_ _really_ _want to make love to him afterward. It's been more than two weeks since we've had sex, and that's definitely a record for us since we've been together, but it was more than just being turned on last night. I don't have the words to describe it, so I'll have to hope I just never forget the feeling, because it was so…powerful._

 _So, Valentine's Day. Deeks actually felt bad, when I asked him about it, that he had given so many of his plans for me away to Jasper. Again, I just wanted to kiss him (and more), because he has got to be the sweetest and most considerate man on the planet. Deeks told me Jasper was absolutely panic-stricken when he realized Emily was going to give him a Valentine's Day gift, and he took pity on the kid because we of all people understand what it's like to be afraid to jeopardize one kind of relationship for another. Turns out that in addition to the chocolate, the tablecloth, half the candles, and the gift certificate for a real dinner out, Deeks also gave Jasper the idea to formally ask Emily to be his girlfriend. The spaghetti dinner was all Jasper, though, and Deeks was impressed by the choice when I told him about it._

 _As predicted, my counts have started to fall again, but this time it's an expected result of the chemo. The fatigue came back today, but not as bad as it has been in the past. After I recover from this drop, the hope is that they continue to rise without the support of more transfusions. Once that starts to happen, I think both Deeks and I will feel more comfortable allowing other people to come visit. Which will also coincide nicely with getting Deeks out of the hospital more often._

 _I may be feeling psychically tired again, but emotionally I'm feeling good today. And loved, definitely loved._

* * *

Kensi met with David Thompson in the solarium. Most of the patients on the ward used this area for visiting with friends because it felt good to get out of their rooms, and the area was set up with plenty of little nooks and seating arrangements so that a number of small groupings could be there at once and not disturb each other save for the occasional outburst of laughter.

"You look good Kensi," David started earnestly.

"And you look like you believe that."

"I do." He lowered his voice, "To be honest, I thought you would have lost your hair by now, and maybe wouldn't be able to get out of bed."

Kensi smiled. "I lucked out in that department, in a number of ways. I was able to have less toxic chemotherapy, so I shouldn't get the worst of it."

"Thank God for that."

"Speaking of, congratulations. Deeks and I have a card for you at home, but I forgot to ask him to bring it in yesterday."

"Marty won't be joining us?"

"No, I had to twist his arm, but he's taking a break today. He's been here part or all of every day for more than two weeks now, and he needs to not focus on me and work for a few hours, you know? Why? Did you want to see him too?" Kensi was somewhat confused, because the men really only knew each other through her. When she and David met for coffee or a quick lunch, it was usually without Deeks.

"Then I'm glad I brought a copy of my notes. I'll leave them with you, in case I forget a detail today, but also so Marty can read them. I think he'll appreciate them."

"You brought notes to talk to me?"

David chuckled. "Not really. This is the most recent draft of the homily I will deliver at the ordination service Sunday. It will describe my calling from God to join the ministry. And its why I wanted to come see you today. I wasn't planning to tell you this in advance, but since you can't be at the ceremony, I want you to know."

"Okay." Now Kensi was all the way confused.

"I'm sorry, Kensi. I can see I've lost you. And I understand. But will you bear with me just a little while longer? Then I promise it should all make sense."

"Of course."

"Do you remember when we met?"

"Sure. It was four years ago, this month in fact." Now it was Kensi's turn to lower her voice. "I was undercover at the college where you were a TA for the guy it turned out we were looking for."

"And I confided to you that Professor Hale was like a second father to me. That so much of what he believed in made sense to me, especially in light of how my own father died. But of course that was before I knew he was part of a terrorist organization."

"I think I recognized a kindred spirit in you, that day. We both lost so much when we lost our dads," Kensi commiserated.

"And that was why you showed up at my apartment later that day with an offer of coffee and talk, and ultimately, friendship."

"Yeah. I figured you'd be pretty upset by what we learned about Hale, and I just wanted to make sure you were alright. I would have been devastated if I had been in your shoes."

"Do you know what I was doing at the very moment when you knocked on my door that day?"

Kensi studied David's eyes. Whatever he was about to say was very important to him. She shook her head, "What?"

"I was searching the internet for information on how to build bombs." David dropped his head, clearly ashamed.

"I don't understand."

"I wasn't just devastated, Kensi, I was lost. Lost and seeking understanding and strength. And just before you knocked on my door, I believed I would find those things by continuing in Hale's shoes, and finishing what he had started. I had planned to join the cause and blow up some other Fortune 500 building."

"I…I don't know how to respond to that, David."

"You don't have to. The point is, you showed up, and we talked. And you explained to me what you could about Hale and his history, and we discussed our fathers and how we hoped they were proud of us. When I asked, you told me why you became a federal agent, and then why you remained one after you had accomplished your goal of finding your father's killer. That conversation made me think, Kensi. It made me reconsider what I had been contemplating doing, and helped me keep some perspective as I tried to figure out what to do with a degree in history and what felt like a shattered soul."

"And you decided to become a minister because of that conversation?"

David smiled, "Not directly. But I did go on a 'journey of self-discovery' as the movie descriptions call it, in order to listen to my own heart without being influenced by my anger and what I thought others wanted me to do. And in doing that I found my calling to the ministry."

"I remember the day you told me you planned to attend a seminary school."

"And Sunday I will stand in front of a congregation of my friends, fellow seminarians and religious leaders, and tell them how God sent a total stranger to knock on my door when I was at my lowest and about to succumb to evil, and how that was my first step toward finding God and letting Him into my heart. But don't worry, I don't name names or give specifics. Your secret is safe with me." David winked. "I just wanted to come here in person and tell you what an impact you had on my life, and thank you for it."

"David, I don't know what to say."

"How about 'you're welcome?'"

Kensi smiled. "You're welcome, although I think you're giving me too much credit."

"I'm really giving God the credit, when you think about it, but you did play a supporting role." He handed her the copy of his homily. "Will you show this to Marty? Like I said, I think he'll appreciate it."

"I'll have to think about it. I can only imagine what nicknames he's going to call me after reading this."

* * *

 **AN2:** I'll apologize now to anyone who doesn't like where I went with the David character (or more specifically how I/he got there). I know religion is a touchy issue for many, but this is what I always imagined happened to him. I have no idea why.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN:** I'm a little nervous about this chapter, because this is the first time I'm writing some of these characters for any real length. Not sure I got their "voices" right. Let me know what you think.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

"Seriously Em, slow down. I'm going to miss a stitch."

"No you won't, you just have to increase every other stitch in that row. Focus on keeping count on your own hat and you won't need to follow what I'm doing."

Emily had decided that Kensi was ready to graduate to making baby hats instead of just blankets. They'd started the morning with Emily teaching Kensi the new techniques she would need to know. Kensi could now add working in the round, increasing, and placing stitch markers to her repertoire of crochet related skills.

"But if I have to count my stitches, we can't talk – "

"That's right, because Granny Blye can't walk and chew gum at the same time either," came Deeks' interruption from the doorway.

"Deeks? What are you doing here in the middle of the day? Is everything okay?" Kensi quickly looked her partner up and down. He didn't appear injured as he strode toward them. Then she studied Deeks' eyes, looking for some clue as to why he had unexpectedly appeared late Tuesday morning. He was upset but trying to hide it in front of Emily.

After Deeks dropped a kiss on top of Kensi's hair and murmured, "Good morning, Sunshine," he sat down across from them and shook his head at her almost imperceptibly. They needed to talk, but it wasn't an emergency.

"Hi there, Auntie Em. What are my two favorite ladies up to on this fine day?"

"Hey, Deemarty. I'm trying to teach Kensi how to make baby hats, but all she wants to do is talk, so she can't concentrate on her hat."

"Yeah, all our friends complain she talks too much. 'Babbling Blye,' they call her. Can't shut her up. It's like she runs on a battery. Non-stop, just keeps going and going. The best is when we're stuck in traffic, she starts going on about how if everyone just put their foot on the gas pedal at the same time, wouldn't we all just move ahead? And don't get her started on all the greenhouse gases that are being emitted, and…what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Kensi rolled her eyes but smiled and Emily laughed.

"That's what I was waiting for, the melodious laughter of Silly Milly. So what was Kensalina talking about? Could she have been badgering you about Jasper? I hear the good man surprised you with a spectacularly romantic Valentine's dinner. Smart guy, that one. Sounds like a keeper to me, Emalovely."

Emily blushed. "No, she wants to know what my plans are once I get sprung from here."

"You going home soon? Way to go, Eminem!" Deeks jumped up and knocked elbows with Emily in lieu of a congratulatory fist bump.

The teenager nodded her head, "Yeah, probably in the next day or two. My counts are almost high enough that I'll be safe out in gen-pop."

Deeks looked at Kensi, but titled his head toward Emily, impressed. "Listen to this one, 'gen-pop.' Someone's watching too much 'Orange is the New Black,' me thinks."

"And before I leave, I'd really like Kensi to be able to crochet a hat on her own."

"Whoa, no one said anything about doing this on my own! I think I'm going to have to Skype you at least once a day through my next hat." Kensi's expression was genuinely unnerved.

The girl laughed again, "Any time. But you need to at least finish this one first! So get back to work."

Standing up, Deeks said, "Actually, Emmy Lou Who, can I borrow my ladybird for a few minutes before you complete your tutorial?"

"Sure, but I told you it's Cindy Lou Who."

"Right. Little known fact, though: Emmy Lou was Cindy Lou's older, much smarter sister. Seems it was Emmy Lou who woke up in the middle of the night to the sounds of the Grinch's ministrations, but she, understandably, did not want to get out of bed to investigate. So she woke up dear, sweet, innocent, gullible little Cindy Lou and told her that Santa must be in the house. But Dr. Seuss's editors made him cut that part because they thought Emmy Lou came off as too conniving."

Emily looked at Deeks and then Kensi, incredulous. "Where does he come up with this stuff?"

"Oh, it was on a documentary called 'Behind the Verse: The Unauthorized Story of Dr. Seuss.'" Deeks immediately replied as he took Kensi by the arm.

Kensi shook her head. "Nope, this all comes from that warped mind of his."

"If by warped you mean genius," added Deeks. "I'll have her back in a little while, Emma-lemma-ding-dong."

As they left the sunroom, Kensi teased Deeks. "Cindy Lou Who's older sister?"

"That's because she didn't get the original nickname reference, which was Emmylou Harris."

"Emmylou who?"

"Exactly!"

Feeling like they were about to start a round of "Who's on First?" Kensi decided to change the subject. "So what's going on, why are you here right now?"

They had just reached Kensi's anteroom, where Kensi could take off, but Deeks needed to change his hospital outerwear. "I'll tell you when we get inside."

Once in her room, Kensi took the reclining chair while Deeks pulled her yoga ball from the corner and perched himself on it, commenting, "Should work on my abs while I'm here."

"Alright, spill it."

"I need to go undercover for a bit."

Kensi's heart clenched momentarily. "With who?"

"LAPD."

 _Damn_ , Kensi thought. She didn't like it when Deeks had to go under with LAPD; they didn't give him nearly enough back up.

"But don't worry too much," Deeks knew exactly where Kensi's thoughts went; they'd discussed this many times before. "I'll have a daily contact protocol with Eric and Nell, so you'll know I'm good. And in case you need me."

"I'm not worried about me."

"I know, but I am. I don't like leaving you behind while you're in the hospital, especially with your counts still down. But this case screams Marty Finch, and I am the only UC detective who used to be a lawyer."

"By the time you get here in the evenings lately I'm ready for bed, Deeks. You sit there and watch me nod off while you talk or read to me. Timing-wise, this actually works out okay. How long will you be gone?"

"Bates wanted me under for one to two months, from the set-up to the arrest. I told him there was no way in hell I was staying away from you for that long these days, that I could do a week or so now, and the same later when things are ready to go down. The in-between I can do by phone or text."

"What did he say?"

"Nothing polite. Until I reminded him that I can have a cushy job with a federal agency and the hottest partner on the planet in a heartbeat if I so choose."

"You threatened to quit?"

"'Threat'" is such an ugly word, Kens. But being the only one who can actually pull this op off does have its advantages. So he ultimately agreed that after Mr. Finch, Esquire does the criminal leg work, he will need to go out of town for a while, but be available to come back for the transfer of the merchandise in question."

"Which is?"

"Cash."

"So money laundering."

"Quite literally. Perps own a chain of laundromats, apparently. Probably think they're being ironic." Deeks took Kensi's hands in his and got serious. "But listen, baby, if you don't want me to do this, I won't. I'll call Bates and cash in my PTO as my last two weeks and put in my paperwork for NCIS."

"You're not quitting because I'm in the hospital, Deeks. I'll be fine. A little bored, maybe, but fine."

"Don't be ridiculous, I'd never let my Fern be neglected for a week or more. Everybody at work is going to take a different evening and keep you company."

"I don't need baby-sitters, Deeks. There's an entire medical staff at my beck and call should anything happen. Which it won't."

"Yeah, well they've all been wanting to come by anyway, but I've been putting them off until your counts get better. So two birds, one stone, and all that." Kensi looked unconvinced. "Please? It will help me sleep at night to know somebody's been here every day and seen that you're alright." Deeks didn't add that he already had a plan in place with Hetty to pull him out of the op should Kensi's health deteriorate unexpectedly, Bates and the LAPD be damned.

"For you, anything. But you have to promise me you'll be careful; you won't be working with all the back-up you're used to now. I need you back here in one piece, Deeks."

"For you, anything."

* * *

Kensi wasn't surprised to see Nell enter her hospital room the first night Deeks was gone. They'd had frequent contact via text and phone, but it wasn't the same as actually spending time, face-to face. Kensi missed her friend and was glad to know she'd been missed as well.

"Hey lady! So good to finally see you!" Nell said as she put a plastic bag on Kensi's tray table.

Kensi stood up from her yoga mat, on which she had been sitting while listening to one of her visualization recordings, hoping to encourage Ben's marrow to settle into her bones and create lots of new blood cells.

"I hoped you'd be my surprise guest tonight."

"And I come bearing rocky road ice cream, at Deeks' suggestion." Seeing Kensi's face light up at the news, Nell commented, "He knows you too well."

"He does. I've got a plastic cup you can put some in for yourself. Did you bring spoons? Otherwise one of us has to get them from the kitchenette, which means going through that whole rigmarole you just did in the anteroom."

"Of course. Your man made sure I came prepared."

After serving the ice cream they settled in, Nell in the reclining patient chair and Kensi cross-legged in her bed, to eat it and catch up.

"Deeks is in and already established contact with us, by the way, so he's good," Nell assured Kensi.

"Thanks. I'm glad you guys are involved enough to know if he needs help."

"Me too. I don't know why he stays with LAPD. It sucks that they can just pull him away like this," the analyst lamented.

"Deeks is a cop. It's not just what he does, it's who he is. We've discussed his options, plenty of times. And right now it makes sense for him to keep being a cop."

"How do you figure that?"

"If he wasn't a cop, he'd be an NCIS agent, right? And as an agent, there's no guarantee that he, or I, for that matter, won't at some point be transferred to another location. And I don't mean because we're a couple or anything, but just because our skills might be needed somewhere else. So if we're both with NCIS and one of us is transferred, the other is pretty much stuck unless and until we can request a transfer to the same place. Which might not happen."

Nell continued, "But if Deeks remains a cop and you're transferred, he has the flexibility of being able to resign from LAPD and apply as a cop anywhere near where you'll be."

"Exactly."

"You said 'right now' that makes sense. When would that change?"

"When we get married." Kensi smiled when her friend's eyebrows shot up in delighted surprise and her eyes glanced at her left hand. Kensi waved it in the air briefly. "Nope, not yet. But soon. I'm thinking we'll be married before the end of the year, at the latest. Hopefully in the fall, since it'll be outdoors."

Now Nell looked shocked, "You've already talked about it that much?"

Kensi nodded, "Enough to agree on a short engagement and a small ceremony on the beach. I've been using my time here and my trusty new tablet to try to get an idea about wedding dresses that are good for a beach wedding, and possible venues for the reception. Oh, and when I made Deeks take time off to surf, he started sending me pictures of potential locations. So we're narrowing that down, too. Lately we've been discussing food options." With that, Kensi licked her spoon clean and put it and the empty pint container on her tray table.

"Wow. What are your thoughts on that?"

"We're torn between something more formal, like catering from one of our favorite restaurants or something more 'us,' like pizza or tacos."

"You know, some of the food trucks hire out in the evenings for parties. Maybe you can pick one or two of your favorites and have them provide the food."

"Ooh, good idea. I'll have to remember to add that into the mix when Deeks gets back."

"Anything else I can do to help?"

"Not right now, but thanks." _Besides, I think you'll be busy enough with your maid-of-honor duties_ , Kensi thought but didn't say. "Oh, you were asking about work when we got onto this topic. Anyway, once Deeks and I are married, if we're both agents, NCIS will have to move both of us if a new assignment for one of us is permanent. So if he wants to become an agent, it makes sense to wait until then. Of course, he can still be a cop if he wants too."

"Would you rather he become an agent?"

Laying back in the bed and getting comfortable, Kensi responded, "Only because I don't think LAPD supports him enough when he's undercover, yeah. But they don't pull him for that much anymore, so I really can't complain. Otherwise, if he's happier staying a detective, I'm fine with it."

"You getting tired?"

Kensi chuckled, "These days I'm always tired. I am, however, getting sleepy. I may nod off periodically, sorry." She pointed to the tablet on the bedside table. "In the meantime, you feel like looking at some of the wedding dresses I've been considering, and giving me your opinion?"

"Definitely!"

* * *

When Eric appeared the next evening, Kensi was just finishing her dinner while reading on her tablet. He too came bearing a Deeks'-suggested dessert.

"Heard from Deeks today. He's good, and he sends his love and these Twinkies," the technical operator reported.

"Only four?"

"He said...um. He didn't want…um," Eric stammered.

"Spit it out, Beale. I know it's Deeks, not you. I won't kill the messenger."

"He said, and I quote, 'Tell Kensi she only gets four because we don't need her outgrowing the robe from Kip while she's in the hospital. And she may want to save two of them for tomorrow since her next visitor will not be bringing dessert.'"

"Uh huh," Kensi was unimpressed. Turning her attention back to her guest, Kensi smiled and asked, "How've you been, Eric?"

"Much better now that I know you're not going to beat me up," he joked.

"Nah, I can't. Remember, very poor blood clotting right now, not to mention zero energy. I'd probably do more damage to myself than to you. Brushing my teeth has even become hazardous."

"How's that?"

"Bleeding gums. It's gross, forget I even said that," Kensi suggested as she opened a Twinkie and devoured it in about two bites before climbing into bed. "Do you mind if I lay down? I took a walk before dinner and it wiped me out."

"No, go ahead. Nell warned me you'd be tired."

"She was here last night and you're here tonight. That make two nights in row you guys haven't seen each other," Kensi teased.

"What do you mean?" Eric asked, slightly panicked. "We see each other every day."

"And how many evenings a week do you guys do something together?"

"Oh," he gulped. "A couple. You know, we have a lot in common, and work odd hours, so it makes sense that we'd do things together outside of work occasionally."

"Occasionally? You two remind me of an NCIS agent and LAPD detective I know," Kensi smiled. "And don't think I forgot that conversation we had a couple of years ago, when you were asking me about how to _not_ have a relationship with your work partner. Piece of advice, by the way? Probably not a good idea to remind a person holding a gun that she hasn't been in a relationship for years."

Eric thought back and grimaced. "Yeah, about that. It occurred to me, a long time later, what you must have thought when I asked you about workplace romances, considering you and Deeks were probably hiding yours at the time."

"We actually weren't. Hiding a relationship then, that is. I think at that point we were probably at the same place you and Nell are now. You know, hanging out _a lot_ as friends, pretty sure you're both interested in more but too afraid to do anything about it."

Eric lowered his voice, "How do you guys do it? Partners at work, partners at home. That's got to be so hard to pull off, not to mention the stress it must put on both relationships. Why hasn't it imploded yet? I don't mean 'yet' like I think it's going to. I mean, you guys are great together, and you'll be together forever –"

"It's okay, Eric. I get it." Kensi stopped to think for a bit before continuing, "I think one of the reasons it works for me and Deeks is that we had a good partnership before anything else happened. And we understand how important and special that is. But that was something we worked for, you know? You remember what we were like when he first came on with us? It was definitely not smooth sailing."

"You had to learn to trust each other."

"Right. And the only way to gain that trust was to be there consistently for each other in the field. We discovered we could and did have each other's backs out there. A really great friendship grew from that, after spending so much time together and realizing that we actually liked each other too, as people. Fast-forward to falling in love and wanting both of our relationships to work, we decided we'll do what it takes to make that happen. I don't want to be without Deeks, at work or at home," Kensi summarized, smiling softly. "Sound familiar?"

Eric replied wistfully, "Yeah, it does."

"So do something about it, then. I gave this same advice to an 18 year-old girl last week and now she's looking forward to her first date with her best friend," Kensi stated proudly. "Which reminds me, do you have a way to get messages to Deeks, or is it one-way only?"

"Both ways. He wants a daily report on you." Eric looked horrified for a second, "And I wasn't supposed to tell you that. Please don't tell Deeks I told you that."

"No worries, I figured as much. Can you just let him know that Emily was discharged today? He'll be happy to hear it."

"Sure. He'll also be happy to hear you're interested enough to read that when he's not here to read it to you," Eric said, indicating the tablet he'd noticed earlier, the screen filled with a page from _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_.

"I'll never live this down, will I?"

"What's to live down? We're thrilled to add you to the ranks of the fandom," he grinned.

"The actual reading is slow-going, though. Between the fatigue and headaches, I can't do it for very long. Which is why Deeks has been reading it to me lately."

"I can read to you, if you want." Eric stood up and took the tablet from the tray table.

"Really?" Kensi was touched.

"It'll be fun. Of course, I probably can't pull off the accents as well as Deeks."

"Deeks doesn't pull off the accents as well as he thinks." Kensi joked as she adjusted herself in the bed so that she could sleep comfortably once she nodded off. "And please don't be offended when I fall asleep."

"I won't. You ready?"

Kensi nodded. "Thanks, Eric. This is really sweet of you."

"Any time, Kens."

* * *

"Grilled chicken and spaghetti _aglio e olio_ , compliments of Mrs. Deeks and Mr. Contarino," announced Hetty as she walked in Thursday evening carrying an insulated bag, an orderly trailing behind her with a second tray table. "And as long as you don't tell Mr. Deeks, you may have this as well, Ms. Blye." She offered Kensi a bar of Ghirardelli dark chocolate from her jacket pocket.

"Thanks, Hetty." Kensi inhaled deeply as she unzipped the bag, "This smells so good! Do you want some?"

"I do, and in fact will be having some with you, if you don't mind. Mr. Contarino provided me with a meal of my own when I stopped by to pick yours up. Delightful man."

Kensi began unpacking the bag and pulled out two plastic containers, knives, forks, and cloth napkins and flavored sparkling water. "He is. I really like Jim, and I think he's great for Roberta. Deeks is slowly coming around too."

"It's understandable that he would be protective of his mother and wary of any man to enter her life. And before you ask, Mr. Deeks is fine. At this time he anticipates the first part of his assignment should be complete by Sunday or Monday," Hetty informed Kensi as she pulled a visitor's chair from the other side of the room and adjusted the new tray table to suit it.

Kensi found a spare cup and dumped the water from her own and proceeded to fill them with the flavored water. She then sat in the patient's chair as Hetty placed herself directly in front of her with her own tray table and chair.

Hetty picked up her cup and toasted Kensi, " _Alla tua salute_!"

" _Cin cin_!" Kensi returned the sentiment.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, when Hetty spoke, "I don't believe we've ever done this before, Ms. Blye."

"What's that, Hetty?"

"Shared a meal, just the two of us."

Kensi thought, "No, I don't think we have."

"Well, that's my oversight. I should have made time to do this much sooner, and not under such conditions. Perhaps from now on I'll incorporate a dinner out with everyone's annual performance review."

"That's a nice idea. Especially if the review is bad."

"Heavens, no one in my employ would ever get a wholly negative review. If they deserved one, they would no longer be working for me." Hetty studied Kensi. "You must hurry and get well Ms. Blye, your team is not the same without you."

"But Nell –"

"Don't misunderstand me. Ms. Jones is doing an admirable job of filling in as Mr. Deeks' partner as necessary, but nothing feels completely 'right' without the partnerships as they should be: Mr. Callen with Mr. Hanna, Ms. Jones with Mr. Beale, and you with Mr. Deeks."

Kensi nodded in acceptance of the statement. "Did you know, Hetty? When you asked Deeks to be our liaison, did you have an idea how well he and I would ultimately work together?"

"I certainly took into account your individual personalities and approaches to the job."

"Which were polar opposites."

"I prefer the term complementary. Much like Mr. Callen and Mr. Hanna, you and Mr. Deeks play to each other's strengths and support each other's weaknesses."

"The yin to my yang," Kensi added softly.

"Precisely. It has been my pleasure to watch the two of you develop into such an effective team." Hetty lowered her voice, "And a loving and devoted couple."

Kensi smiled brightly. "Did you have any idea that might happen when you first paired us together?"

"My dear, the sparks were undeniable to all but you and Mr. Deeks at that time."

"Yeah, like a tire rim on the highway or tin foil in the microwave," Kensi laughed.

"Perhaps early on, but all partnerships experience growing pains."

"Well, thank you, anyway. For putting us together as partners. And for letting us be together, as a couple and partners. Deeks has told me he felt you were rooting for, and maybe even encouraging us early on. As a couple, that is."

"You owe me no gratitude, Ms. Blye. Or if you once did, that debt has been erased by my subsequent actions."

"What do you mean?" Kensi suspected where this was going, but couldn't quite believe that after all this time they were actually going to discuss it.

"I trust you know what I am referring to, but I will say it if you wish. I made a mistake in sending you to Afghanistan. Or at least in how I went about it. And because of that, you and Jack nearly lost your lives."

 _Along with our heads_ , Kensi thought, but chose not to say for fear that it would end the conversation. "What would you have done differently?" she asked instead.

"I would have provided you with more intel. Such as my suspicion that the CIA was setting Jack up as the White Ghost, but that I had my doubts. Also that I believed there was a leak there." Hetty looked at Kensi sadly. "Would knowing those things have changed the outcome, Ms. Blye?"

Kensi considered her own actions carefully before speaking. "Probably. Seeing Jack there really threw me off my game, Hetty. I'd thought he was dead, and then all of a sudden I was faced with not only seeing him but being tasked with taking him out because he was supposed to be a traitor to our country. I made mistakes too; I reacted emotionally, and stupidly. I should have contacted you instead of trying to find Jack when I knew full well what the most likely outcome of that search would be."

"Had you been prepared for those discoveries, you would have responded more prudently," Hetty clarified.

"Yes."

"I am sorry, Kensi. For all you had to go through because of my poor judgement."

Kensi swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Thank you, Hetty. I appreciate that. And I'm sorry that…well, that I didn't trust you enough to reach out to you no matter how turned around I was."

Hetty seemed surprised by Kensi's admission. "Why did you distrust me?"

"Because I was angry at you, for sending me away when…you remember that day, don't you? Deeks and I had had…a really bad day in our partnership and we were trying to work through it. It felt like we were being punished, both for what we'd done and for what we were trying to do. And you sent me away when all I wanted and _needed_ was to find some resolution with Deeks. So I was already angry, and probably a little petulant, and then confused when I saw Jack." Kensi paused for a moment, unsure if she should continue. "I realized I was being manipulated by you, and I hated you for it, right then."

"I see. But you are a good agent, Ms. Blye, and you did the job I expected you to do, nonetheless." Hetty looked Kensi in the eye for a few beats before she smiled. "I'm glad we cleared the air about this."

"Me too…"

"But?" When Kensi did not respond, Hetty pressed, "Is there something more you want to say, Ms. Blye? Please feel free."

Kensi cleared her throat, "I think you owe Deeks an apology as well." When Hetty's eyebrows lifted, Kensi rushed on, "He also thought you sent me to Afghanistan as a means of separating and punishing us, and you knew that. And you let him continue to believe it for the months that I was gone, and even after." Now she slowed down, and met the older woman's eyes directly. "You know what he did there, and what that did to him, Hetty." Kensi lowered her voice, "He still has nightmares about it sometimes. And while I can forgive you for what happened to me there, I can't forgive you for what happened to Deeks. Not until he does."

Hetty nodded her understanding. "You are a good partner, Ms. Blye. Mr. Deeks is fortunate indeed to have you in his corner. And you are correct, I do owe him an apology. I will rectify that as soon as he returns from his current assignment."

"Thanks." Kensi was relieved to have gotten that off her chest. She would never have forgiven herself if she hadn't taken this opportunity to remind their operations manager just how much the whole Afghanistan fiasco had damaged Hetty's relationship with Deeks. But now Kensi wanted to get onto happier topics. "Can I ask you something non-work related? At least not our current line of work?"

"Of course. What would you like to know?"

"Did you ever work with Rock Hudson back in the day? He was my mom's favorite actor when I was younger. She used to make me watch reruns of _McMillan and Wife_ with her, and I have to admit, he was pretty cute."

"Ah, yes. Roy Scherer, Jr., much more aptly named Rock Hudson. I worked with him on _Ice Station Zebra_ , a spy thriller, interestingly enough. And with him and John Wayne a year later on _The Undefeated_. You and your mother have good taste, Ms. Blye. Mr. Hudson was even better looking in person, in my opinion. And quite the charmer. I remember one day in particular…

Kensi fell asleep five minutes later to the sound of Hetty's voice as she regaled her with the exploits of two of Hollywood's legends on the set of a western.

* * *

 **AN2:** If you don't get the "Who's on First?" reference, please, please, _please_ find and watch this classic Abbott  & Costello bit. You won't regret it. And if you are familiar with it watch it again anyway, because it's probably been too long since you've seen it. Make it your laugh for today. Also, the Eric and Kensi conversation that I referenced was from a Season 5 deleted scene.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN:** After I wrote the bulk of chapter 18, the upcoming Granger scene popped into my head as I was washing the dishes the following morning. His and Callen's visits are the ones I am most unsure about, character-wise, in this chapter. (Can you tell I wrote that before we saw the softer, lacy, lady side of Granger in Home is Where the Heart Is? Oops, and now maybe we know why, after Crazy Train!) Let me know what you think.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

When Assistant Director Granger strode into her room Friday evening, Kensi was more than a little surprised. Sure, the team had gotten used to and accepted his presence in the years since he'd shown up to accuse her of multiple murders. They'd even socialized with him occasionally, but always in a group. She never in a million years thought that he would volunteer to keep her company, just the two of them. Even though she had spent several months in Afghanistan with him; that was an assignment. This was…just going to be weird. What on earth would they do or talk about for the next hour or more?

Kensi was certain that if Deeks were here right now, he would know exactly what she was thinking. Did Granger come here to tell her that he wanted to date her mother? Dear lord, how would she respond to that?

"Stand down, Agent Blye, and stop panicking," Granger said as he placed a box and an envelope on the table next to Kensi's bed, where she was sitting playing a game on her tablet. "I am not going to look at bridal magazines with you, talk about either of our love lives, or read a ridiculous book to you. Nor am I going to apologize for any perceived wrong-doings."

Kensi tilted her head sideways in confusion at Granger's last statement. "I wouldn't expect you to, sir."

"Because you wouldn't expect me to apologize?"

"No, because you have nothing to apologize for. You were doing your job. I'm just glad you do it so well that you were willing to follow the evidence when it led away from me as your suspect."

Granger glared at Kensi for several long, silent moments before asking, "Was that supposed to be an attempt to kiss my ass or insult me?"

Kensi bit the inside of her lip before looking him in the eye and answering, "Both, sir."

"Well done." He nodded his approval. "And let's cut the 'sir' crap, shall we?" At Kensi's acquiescence, Granger dropped into a visitor's chair. "Good. Now, Deeks is fine, but a complete and total idiot if he actually thinks I am going to say what he wanted me to tell you, despite his offer to make me a batch of Swedish nachos." Kensi looked like she was about to ask him about it, but Granger cut her off, "You know the man, use your imagination."

Kensi smiled. "Got it."

"It's bad enough he got Jones to pick up cupcakes from some place that dresses up their boxes like they're wedding gifts."

Kensi glanced at the box for the first time since he came in. She hadn't paid any attention to it earlier because she was so startled by Granger's appearance. Now she realized it was from one of her favorite bakeries, and sure enough it was decorated with an excessive amount of colored curly ribbons. Kensi smiled again, knowing that whoever actually made that request of the bakery, it was definitely Deeks' idea and meant to get a rise out of Granger. She'd have to remember to tell him that it worked.

"Can I borrow your knife?" Kensi asked, knowing the plastic hospital variety would not cut through all those ribbons easily.

Granger bent over and reached under a pant leg to remove his knife, but he did not pass it to Kensi. "No. You're not going to cut yourself and bleed out on my watch." He explained as he did the job himself. Seeing the irritation on Kensi's face, Granger continued, "Not that I believe the daughter of Donald Blye would accidentally cut herself with a knife. But if Deeks found out I'd let you so much as touch a blade tonight I would never hear the end of it. And no amount of nachos would make that bearable."

Kensi actually laughed. At something Assistant Director Owen Granger said that was probably intended to be amusing. _Will wonders never cease?_ she thought.

They spent more time than Kensi would have thought possible discussing current and recent cases. For someone who clearly didn't like any of them when he first arrived at OSP, Kensi could swear she heard what could only be described as affection in Granger's flat tone when recounting her teammates' actions now. And if she wasn't wrong, Kensi thought Granger seemed particularly pleased with Nell and the growth she'd demonstrated as an agent since spending more time in the field due to Kensi's absence.

Finally remembering her treat, Kensi lifted the bakery box onto her lap and saw her two favorite cupcakes. Distracted by trying to decide which one to eat first, she didn't notice Granger pick up the envelope that had been beneath the box and hold it out to her until he spoke. "These are for you."

She put the cardboard container down next to her on the bed and accepted the six-by-nine inch manila envelope. Kensi opened the clasp and tilted the packet so that its contents slid out onto her lap. "Oh," she breathed out when she saw the dozen or so photos, most of which, at a quick glance seemed to include her father.

"Those are copies of some pictures from when I worked with your father on Oscar-Sierra."

The room was quiet as Kensi studied each photo carefully, the images of Donald Blye out in the world new to her. She pulled her knees up to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs as she took her time. Looking up at Granger several minutes later with unshed tears in her eyes, Kensi asked, "I don't suppose you can tell me about most of these?"

"Not in specifics, no. But is that what you really want to know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Wouldn't you rather hear what he said about you?"

Kensi gasped slightly. "He talked about me with you?"

"He was a doting father, Blye. He talked about you with anyone who would listen," Granger stated drily.

"What did he say?" Kensi's voice was a whisper.

"He'd go on and on about how he taught you how to track, hunt, shoot, fix a car, all of it. Thought you were a natural with a rifle, and when the rest of the squad would rag him about you growing up to be a better sniper than him one day, he'd say he'd prefer you use your skill and talent to win gold medals in the Olympics."

Kensi smiled, "Yeah, he mentioned that to me a time or twenty. But where's the challenge in shooting at stationary targets?" Kensi thought for a moment before continuing, "I never told him this, but I was pretty seriously thinking about becoming a Marine. Before he died, that is."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"I was a little worried about how he'd react. Or that he wouldn't think I could really do it."

"Your father would have been honored that you wanted to follow in his footsteps and proud that you wanted to serve your country. He might not have wanted you to see what he saw, or experience certain things, but that's only because you were his daughter and he wanted to protect you from the ugliness of war."

"Thanks. For saying that, that he would have been proud of me."

"It's the truth. And he _was_ proud of you. Anyone who spent thirty seconds listening to Don Blye talk about his Kensi knew how he felt about you. And I'm sure he would be very impressed and gratified with the person you've become."

"Even if I did only become an NCIS agent to solve his murder?" Kensi asked slyly.

"I wasn't referring to your career choice, Kensi. NCIS aside, you are loyal, hard-working, diligent, brave, and compassionate. At least when Deeks isn't being a bad influence."

 _Another joke from Granger? Does he think I'm dying or something?_ "Wow, Granger, I didn't realize you thought so highly of me."

"Mention it to anyone and I'll deny it. Who are they going to believe: serious, stodgy, unpleasant Granger or doped-up, fatigued, chemo-brained Blye?"

"Good point. Not a word." Kensi flipped through the pictures again and held one out to the assistant director. It showed her father and two of his team members playing what looked like home-made version of Twister. The men were contorted over and around one another, and her father looked like he was just barely holding in a huge laugh. "Okay, you have _got_ to be able to tell me about this," she said on a yawn.

Granger sighed. "I'll make you a deal, you lay back in your bed and I'll tell you that bedtime story. Hopefully you'll be asleep before I reach the end."

* * *

"Looking good there, Kensalino," Sam grinned as he settled into her patient's chair Saturday night. He placed a shopping bag on the floor next to him. "Eric says Deeks is good and is anxious to get this part of the assignment over so he can get back here."

Kensi, balancing on her yoga ball, smiled back. "Just so long as he doesn't do anything stupid to make that happen sooner. You happen to have anything in that bag that I can use as free weights for a few minutes, Sam? I want to take advantage of a sudden surge of energy and maybe work out these pathetic things I call arms lately."

"Sorry, no. But I do have this," Sam pulled out a small baggie of popcorn and what Kensi hoped was chocolate bits. "Deeks would have had me bring you a candy bar or something, but you eat too much junk food, and he's not doing you any favors by feeding your addiction. That's home-popped popcorn and miniature dark chocolate chips. A favorite treat in the Hanna household."

"Lecture and gesture duly noted, Mom. Thanks," Kensi replied sardonically.

"Hey, I'm only trying to help. Speaking of, even though I don't have anything to substitute for weights, I can give you some resistance if you want. Or you can do push-ups against the wall."

"Resistance would be great, thanks." This time the sentiment was sincere. "I can do the push-ups anytime."

With that, the Navy SEAL got up and pulled a visitor's chair in front of Kensi, who remained on the yoga ball and stretched her arms out toward him. Sam put his hands on Kensi' forearms and applied gentle pressure, against which she strained her muscles in the opposite direction.

"I've lost so much strength," Kensi lamented several minutes later as Sam guided her into another position to work a different set of muscles.

"You'll get it back," Sam replied confidently. "Once you're out of the hospital and gaining energy instead of losing it, we can come up with a training schedule for you."

"I'll take you up on that offer, for sure. Plus when I can get back to actual combat training, I'll need everyone to spar with me, to get me back up to par. I'm going to have to get field-ready again. And I'll need _you_ to let me know when I'm there, Sam."

"Why me?"

"Because you've been on the receiving end of my strength and my skills at their best. And you won't placate me just because you feel bad for me. I can count on Sam Hanna not to let me go back into the field until I'm as good as I used to be."

"Damned straight. And we'll get you there. I'm looking forward to watching you play Whack-A-Beale again." Sam winked before he moved behind Kensi to continue her workout from another angle.

"How fun was that?" Kensi smiled at the memory.

"Almost as fun as mocking Deeks when he came in dressed in that monstrosity he called an homage to Bruce Lee."

"Oh please, don't remind me!" Kensi groaned in embarrassment. "It's moments like that I understand exactly how blind love must be."

Sam chuckled in sympathy. "Deeks is definitely not afraid to put himself out there, is he?" Pulling back from Kensi, he commented, "I think we're done with your arms for now. You've put some effort into your biceps, triceps, and delts, but you don't want to overdo it. Want to work your calves and hammies a little on your mat?"

"You sure? I know you didn't come here tonight to be my personal trainer."

"I came to keep you company. And this is much better than reading _Harry Potter_ to you."

"I bet you did great voices when you read it to Kam, though." Kensi said as she got up from the yoga ball and rolled it to the corner of her room. She returned with the mat and laid down on it.

"What makes you think I've read it to her?" Sam knelt down next to Kensi and applied downward pressure to her ankle while she tried to lift her leg.

"Maybe not all of the books, but definitely parts, I bet. Because her daddy's a superhero and can do anything."

"Yeah, well…"

"Sam Hanna! I think you're blushing!"

"Navy SEALs do not blush. Now let's change the subject, shall we?"

Kensi pouted. "Fine. Next topic, then: Deeks. How's he been doing since I've been here?"

Sam answered more quickly than when Kensi had asked him about Deeks' welfare four months ago in the bullpen. "Better than we would have expected, I think. But that probably has a lot to do with the fact that your treatment wasn't as bad as it could have been."

"Thanks in large part to you, by the way." Kensi gave him a sweet smile.

Sam simply nodded his acceptance of Kensi's appreciation, "He was _not_ happy when you told him he couldn't come here every night, though."

"I know, but he needed to take some time for himself, get some surfing in, anything but be cooped up in here all the time."

"Oh, I agree with you. The two of you got each other's backs, even when it's not easy. That's a characteristic of a good partnership."

"Are you speaking from the experience of your work or home partnership?"

"Both." Sam sat back on his haunches, removing his hand from Kensi's upper leg, which he had been trying to push down from an elevated position. "I've got to admit, I was worried about the two of you, and the team, when it was clear you were more than just partners."

"So were we."

"I mean, even before then, when you two were kind of just flitting around one another, I figured nothing would ever come of it, because I didn't think Deeks was good enough for you."

Curious, Kensi sat up and crossed her legs on her mat. "And now?"

"Now I know better." Sam shrugged, his tone matter-of-fact.

"What changed?" Kensi questioned.

Sam seemed surprised that Kensi asked. "Deeks never told you?"

"No. I know something happened between you, but he wouldn't say. I always got the impression he didn't want me to be angry with you, especially since you two apparently dealt with it."

"Hearing that today, it doesn't surprise me at all. Then, I wouldn't have believed it."

"What happened, Sam?"

"I doubted Deeks' character." Seeing the blank look on Kensi's face, Sam clarified, "During the Sidorov case."

"You mean when you asked him if he'd given up Michelle?"

"No, before that. We were staking out Sidorov's hotel and I told him that I thought the way he did things, you know, always joking, the long hair…that it meant he wasn't of good character."

Kensi's eyes widened in surprise. She pulled back a little, feeling both anger and disillusionment toward her friend and teammate. "I thought you were better than that, Sam." Kensi let the disappointment come through in her voice. "Deeks is one of the best people I know. How could you not have seen that, even then? He'd worked with us for three years by that time!" Now her indignation was coming out as well.

Sam held his hands out in front of him, feeling the need to both literally and figuratively defend himself from Kensi. "Cleary, Deeks did me another big solid by not telling you about this."

"Because he knows what kind of person _I_ am, which is not nearly as nice as he is! And you're lucky my hand would probably bruise and swell up to twice its size if I hit you right now, because all I want is one good punch."

Sam carefully took Kensi's clenched fist and wrapped his latex-covered hands around it. "Kensi, believe me, I feel bad about what I thought and what I said to Deeks. I know I was wrong. But he and I are good, you said so yourself. Though I guess now I need to make things right with you. I tell you what, once you get back in fighting form, I'll let you take that punch." Sam tapped his jaw to show where she could hit him.

Kensi muttered, "I'd probably still break my hand." She let out a small rumble of frustration. "But you're right, you and Deeks are good, so I'll get over it soon enough. I think it just took me by surprise, you know?"

Sam, still holding Kensi's hand, stood up from the floor and pulled her with him. "Yeah, it's not my proudest moment, Kens. And I'm glad I don't have to explain to Deeks that your hand is all bruised and swollen because you had to beat me up. You guys really are a good pair, which was the point I was trying to make when we started this conversation. Deeks is not only good enough for you, I think he's perfect for you. You deserve each other, and not in the Granger-insult kind of way."

Kensi did a good job of holding back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes, "Alright Sam, I'm over it now. Come here and give me a hug."

"We good?" Sam asked after he wrapped his arms around Kensi.

"We're good."

* * *

"Now that football season's over, you're available to spend a Sunday evening babysitting your favorite junior agent, I see," Kensi commented as Callen walked into her room.

"You're not annoying to watch football with; I could have done this during the season too. Except on Super Bowl Sunday, of course."

"Of course," Kensi agreed, noticing that he didn't deny the babysitting accusation.

"All's well on the Deeks front, before you ask. And he requested that I pick this up for you," Callen added before presenting Kensi with a package of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

Kensi snatched the gift from Callen's hand and tore into it. As much as she wanted to appreciate Sam's offering, the unsalted, unbuttered popcorn and an insufficient quantity of mini chocolate chips just didn't do the trick last night. "Any idea when he'll be back? Hetty said maybe today or tomorrow, but that was a couple of days ago."

"Definitely not today, hopefully tomorrow, but Tuesday's a possibility too according to Nell. Don't worry, we'll start the visitation rotation again if needed."

Sitting down on her reclining chair, Kensi rested her feet against one of the many bars below her bed. Callen sat across from her in a visitor's chair and did the same. "I'm not worried about visitors; I know Deeks wanted you guys here instead of some of my other friends so he can keep tabs on me."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"No. I'd probably do the same in his place."

Callen nodded his head in agreement and understanding.

After a few moments of silence, Kensi asked, "So how's it working with Anna?"

"Fine. Good. She's no you, but it's fine."

Kensi was pleased by the praise from her team leader. "I wasn't fishing for a compliment, you know. But I'll take it anyway, thanks." Instead, she cocked her head to the side. "You guys hanging out after work at all?"

"Sometimes." Callen smirked, "And don't bother asking your next question, because I'm not going to answer it."

"What was my next question going to be?"

"Doesn't matter, I'm not answering it."

"Why not?"

"Because I already have to deflect enough of this kind of talk from Sam."

"Maybe if you stopped deflecting, he'd stop asking."

"Sam Hanna? You've met the man, right? Even when he's not asking, he's commenting. Or editorializing. Or advising. Or 'just saying.'"

"Really? Sounds a bit like Deeks. I'm sorry I'm missing it."

"You'd be missing it even if you weren't here; he saves all his charm for the car. When I can't escape."

Kensi laughed. "It's not supposed to be torture, you know. Maybe we just like the idea of our Grisha finding happiness with someone."

"He wasn't this bad when I was with Joelle, and she was a friend of his and Michelle's."

"True, but Joelle didn't know you were an agent for a long time. And even after she did…she just couldn't understand what it's like, so I think that relationship was doomed from the outset. But _Anna_. Anna knows and understands what you do. Plus she can probably give you a good run for your money in physical combat and on the shooting range. Lots more things you guys can do together that you couldn't do with Joelle."

"That how you and Deeks spend your free time?" Callen hoped he could turn this conversation around on his junior agent.

"You really want to go there?" Kensi dared.

"Uh, no. Definitely not."

Kensi raised her eyebrows in victory. "But you obviously don't want to talk about Anna either, so I'll let you off the hook and just get my intel from Sam next time I see him. What would you rather do?"

Callen thought for a few beats. "I don't know. What have you done with the others?"

Kensi ticked off her fingers, "Nell and I chatted about Deeks and then looked at wedding dresses. Eric and I talked about him and Nell until he offered to read _Harry Potter_ to me. Hetty and I ate dinner and discussed Afghanistan."

At Callen's interested look, Kensi explained, "It was a good talk, and one we needed to have." She wouldn't go into any further detail with Callen, however. At least not until after she'd shared them with Deeks.

"Let see, what else? Oh! Sam helped me work out and then I got mad at him for being an ass to Deeks a few years ago. And Granger updated me on recent cases and told me some things about my father that I never knew." Kensi's eyes widened with inspiration. "Have you been in contact with your father since Russia?"

"How about I help you work out instead?" Callen returned, obviously not wanting to talk about that either.

"Nah, still a little sore from yesterday. I think I overdid it."

They both scanned the room, looking for ideas. When Kensi spied her tablet on her tray table, she asked Callen to hand it to her, "Computer game?"

"Like the ones that you and Deeks play? No thanks. Though they've got to be better than the ones Eric and Nell play."

Flipping through the screens on the device, Kensi thought she'd have a little fun. "Well, you don't want to read _Harry Potter_ to me, which makes sense since you haven't read it. But how about an article or two from a magazine?"

Callen shrugged. "What do you have?"

"Let's see. I've got a couple in _Cosmo_ I haven't read yet. How about 'Why you shouldn't wear yoga pants in public.'"

"No."

"'Six reasons why a sex drought is actually good for you.'"

"Hell, no."

"'Twelve sex toys you've never seen before and how to use them.'"

"Are you making this stuff up? Let me see that!" Grabbing the tablet from Kensi's hand, Callen was horrified to see a picture from the last article, which showed a collection of sex toys, some of which in fact, he'd never seen before. Grisha Callen did not consider himself a prude, and had he been alone, he probably would have read the article out of curiosity. But he was sitting in a hospital room with Kensi Blye, definitely not someone with whom he wanted to be talking about sex toys. He tried to swipe the screen away several times before he realized he was wearing latex gloves. Ripping the glove from one hand, Callen finally cleared the offending image from the display.

Kensi stopped laughing long enough to chide unhelpfully, "You're going to have to sanitize that before you leave, you know."

"I wish there was a way to sanitize that picture from my brain. That's what they put in _Cosmopolitan_ these days?"

"These days? Exactly when were you an avid reader of _Cosmo_ , Callen? And by the way, this is no worse than what they print in _Maxim_."

"I never actually read the magazine," Calen admitted.

"Shocking," Kensi deadpanned.

"But one of the kids in a foster home I stayed in kept a collection of them, and he would show me pictures of the models. They were pretty provocative for a ten year-old."

"And now they're too much for a forty-five year-old, it seems," Kensi was barely holding back another laugh.

"That picture did not have humans in it. What the hell were some of those things?"

"I don't know, Callen, but if you want to read the article…"

"Stop! Just stop," he warned her, holding out his hand. "I know what I need to get that out of my head." He returned his attention to the device and tapped and swiped several times. "There it is," Callen proclaimed, victorious. He slid his chair next to Kensi's. "If you insist on having a laugh-fest tonight, do it at Sam and Deeks' expense, not mine."

Tapping the screen one last time, Callen and Kensi enjoyed watching Sam teach Deeks how to erect the tent he had borrowed for her last day at home. Ten minutes later, tears were streaming down their faces and they were laughing so hard that Kensi's stomach hurt.

Twenty minutes after that, Kensi was laying in her bed trying to stay awake as she listened to Callen tell the tale of Sam teaching Deeks how to make an origami rose.


	20. Chapter 20

**AN:** I tend to be a "visual" person, and as such I have a very definite idea in my head of what Kensi's room and the ward she's on look like, right down to the antibacterial gel dispensers on the walls. Even though I may not describe them in the story (because really, who wants to read about the hand sanitizers hanging on the wall?), they are there in my head. I share this because it seems I've had it wrong this whole time. I spent the bulk of yesterday in the Emergency Room/Department (no major health issue in the end, thankfully), and I noticed the dispensers said anti _microbial_ and not antibacterial. And I literally thought to myself, "Well hell, you've been imagining it all wrong!" So consider this a PSA for anyone else who's been thinking that all of Kensi's visitors have been using antibacterial foams/gels and not antimicrobial. Mea culpa.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

 **Rating:** Pretty sure this isn't M, but maybe I'd bump it up to a T+ (if there was such a thing) just to be safe, since there's a _little_ more than the innuendo I typically use. I'm not talented enough to write smut, but Kensi's been in the hospital for a month and the natives are getting restless.

* * *

 _February 27, Day +23_

 _Finally, some alone time when I actually have the desire to write (thanks, Nell, for being such a good friend that you left early when I told you I'd rather be alone tonight), as opposed to wanting to exercise a little or walk around the ward, which is what I've been doing with my bursts of "excess" energy lately. Dr. Popa says I shouldn't be concerned that I'm not feeling consistently better, since my counts are rising, but they're still not at the level they'd been when I was getting blood transfusions and growth factors. Assuming the bone marrow transplant was at all successful, my counts should start to rise on their own (and hopefully beyond that level) within the next week or so._

 _Nell. I have to remember to make sure she comes by again tomorrow if Deeks isn't back yet. And ask her to stop by a pharmacy on the way in for me. Had quite the interesting conversation with Nurse Danae this evening; it kind of reminded me of the one Hetty had with me and Deeks during our time undercover as Justin and Melissa. She came in while I was working out with the one-pound hand weights Nell unexpectedly brought for me tonight and commented on my uptick of energy and the reunion I'd probably like to have with Deeks when he gets back. I was so stunned that I probably would have fallen off my yoga ball if Danae hadn't been standing close enough to put a hand on my shoulder. As it turns out, this is a conversation she is used to having as the patients on this ward start feeling better. And as it also turns out, if I simply close the blinds on my inner door, most staff members will come back later, or at least get ready very loudly in the anteroom and knock a few times before coming in. Good. To. Know._

 _Last week was certainly different. No Deeks. No Emily. And a steady parade of the gang from work to check on me for Deeks' sanity. Even when he's undercover Deeks is still taking care of me; making sure everyone came with something yummy for me to eat. (Except for Sam. Gotta love him, but I could live a long life without that "snack" of his.)_

 _Speaking of Sam, I know I told him we're good, and we are. But every time I think about him assailing Deeks' character like that, it pisses me off again. I'm happy Sam finally saw the light, but I wish it hadn't taken them both being tortured for it to happen. Kind of like I wish I didn't have to be in the hospital with a life-threatening illness for Hetty to finally say something about Afghanistan. I'm glad she did, though. I've wanted to say some of those things to her for a long time, but it doesn't seem like the kind of thing one should bring up to one's boss. I hope she does apologize to Deeks when he gets back. He needs to hear it at least as much as I did._

 _Still a little in shock over the whole Granger visit. Who'd have thought I'd have more to talk about with him than with Callen? I've considered, on the few occasions Granger's been out with the team for drinks, asking him about Dad. But it never seemed like the right time or place. The pictures he gave me are wonderful; I don't think Dad would have wanted me to see them when I was a kid because they would have caused me to ask more questions than he would have been willing or able to answer then. I wonder if he'd have been sad that as an adult, I've been exposed to much of what he wanted to protect me from. That pic of him playing Twister, though? Priceless._

 _Also priceless was the look on Callen's face when he saw the picture of those sex toys. I couldn't help it, I just had to have a little fun at his expense. I don't remember things being this awkward between us back when I first started at OSP and I worked with him more than I do now. Maybe awkward's not the right word, but it seemed we could talk then. But maybe we only talked about work, or superficial things? I remember it was strange even when Hunter partnered us however long ago that was; as much as I wanted us to talk and get to know each other again, I really didn't want to talk either when Callen turned it around on me. Guess that's what happens when you put two people who are too alike together? Obviously there's something to Hetty's notion of paring "complementary" personalities together. Plus after being with Deeks all these years, I suppose I'm just not used to that much quiet!_

 _Got a pic from Emily yesterday. She and Jasper went on their first "official" date as boyfriend and girlfriend. They went to a Clippers game (nosebleed seats, from what I could see in the selfie) so Em could wear a hat and not have to worry about dealing with her wig. Jasper's idea, apparently. How sweet and thoughtful was that? I'm thinking maybe I'll reach out to Kip and see if he can get them better seats sometime in the future. Hell, maybe Deeks and I will go with them on a double-date once I can be in crowds again. I can't believe how much I miss Emily. I know kids are not my forte, but I'm much more comfortable with the late teen/young adult set apparently. Not to mention Em's been through so much that she really does seem several years older than 18. I've wanted to reach out to her a couple of times, but haven't because I know she's having fun catching up with all of her friends who couldn't come visit while she was here. And crocheting is not nearly as much fun when it's just me. Granny Blye, my ass, Deeks!_

 _Missing Deeks a hell of a lot too. In all honesty, I missed him even on those few nights I made him take off before this assignment came up. But that was easier to deal with because it was only one at a time and I wanted it for him. At least I knew he was doing something to enjoy himself. Now, however, I don't know where he is, who he's with (except that they're criminals), or when he'll be back for sure. I am so relieved that he's had daily check-ins with Eric and Nell at least._

 _So how am I feeling lately? Anxious, mostly. Both because Deeks is undercover without me and because I'm on the verge of finding out if the bone marrow transplant is working. I know I feel better physically, so that's promising, but that doesn't mean the BMT was successful. Any day now my counts will either continue to improve (indicating that Bens's marrow is functioning) or start to plateau (can't even think about that). Yup, definitely anxious._

* * *

Very early Tuesday morning, Kensi heard one of the nursing staff gearing up to enter her room. She cracked an eye open and saw it was still dark outside, so Kensi decided she wouldn't bother to wake up fully. She shifted slightly onto her back, unfastened a few of the buttons on her pajama top, and made sure one arm was available so whoever it was could access whatever was necessary with minimal disturbance. She kept her head turned away from the door so the light from the hall wouldn't wake her further. Kensi had been in the middle of a great dream and hoped to be able to slip back into it as soon as the intruder left. The dream, of course, had been about Deeks. And a pool.

When the nurse approached the bed and began fiddling with the equipment, Kensi listened as the Velcro on the blood pressure cuff was torn apart and held her arm up slightly in anticipation of it being wrapped around her bicep. The pulse-ox monitor was cool as it was clamped to her finger. She opened her mouth and waited for the thermometer to be tucked under her tongue. A few moments later she heard the familiar beeps of the machines saying they were done doing their jobs.

After each of the devices was removed, Kensi felt a gentle tugging as her shirt was shifted aside and one of the lumens of her central line was accessed. She always felt mild discomfort when they flushed the line in preparation of a blood draw, but was never sure if it was physical sensation or all in her head because the thought of it creeped her out a little. Trying to distract herself, Kensi kept her eyes closed and asked, "Am I still alive?"

"According to all of my machines, yes. Your blood pressure and temperature are within normal limits. Your pulse-ox is a little higher up in the low-normal range." Kensi recognized the voice as belonging to Danae. "Maybe when these blood results come back we'll see that your counts are starting to rise for real."

"That'd be nice. And that would indicate that engraftment started, right?"

"Maybe. Don't forget this last drop was due to the chemo, not the illness. Now that those effects are starting to wear off, your counts should adjust up a bit as a result. I know you've been feeling better, though. Well enough to work out a little, at least."

"Yeah. It feels good to have some energy again, even if it does only come in fits and starts."

"Marty will be happy to see it when he gets back, regardless. Any idea when that will be yet?"

The hospital staff thought Deeks was out of town for a family emergency. "Today or tomorrow," Kensi answered hopefully.

"Sounds like someone misses him." Kensi heard pop of the vacuum tube being released from the syringe and the clamp being reattached to the catheter as Danae finished the blood draw, and let out a small sigh. She recognized the sounds of the tubes of her blood being dropped into a stand and the nurse collecting the rest of her belongings.

"I was just dreaming about him when you came in and woke me up, in fact," Kensi admitted languidly.

"A good one, I hope," the nurse teased. "Well then I'll leave you to get back to it." Danae added cheerily, "Breakfast will be here in about two hours."

"Like it always is," Kensi mumbled as she turned back onto her side, away from her departing visitor. She snuggled under her blanket, trying to imagine the warmth of Deeks' body enveloping her. They'd been in a swimming pool in her earlier dream, but maybe she could change that to a hot tub since she was getting a little chilly now. Kensi concentrated on trying to replay the images from her dream in her mind. Even if she couldn't rejoin and continue her dream, she could spend a while imagining what would have happened next.

It must have worked, because Kensi soon thought she could smell him. That particular combination that was wholly Deeks: the ocean, coffee, and his unique pheromones. _God, I love the scent of him_ , Kensi thought, inhaling deeply and relaxing further toward sleep. Moments later, just about to ease over that lovely border between slumber and wakefulness, Kensi tensed.

Something had changed. The air shifted, different than how it usually flowed through the positive pressure room. And suddenly Kensi realized that Deeks' scent had actually gotten stronger, as if carried by that movement of her personal atmosphere. She identified the presence a split second before she heard the whisper from behind her.

"I was going to let you get back into that dream about me, Princess, but I figured reality would be so much better."

"Deeks!" Kensi rolled over and sat up at the same time, but found herself pulled up and engulfed in Deeks' arms before she completed the maneuver on her own. She pressed her face into Deeks' chest and breathed him in again. "God, I've missed you," she muttered against the yellow isolation gown he wore over his t-shirt.

"Me too, Kens," he replied as he tightened the embrace.

Kensi pulled back so she could look him in the eyes when she asked, "Are you okay? You didn't get hurt or anything, did you?"

"Nah, I'm good. It was a cake-walk. The detective who's been in for the past six months did a nice job of talking up our fair Mr. Finch before I even joined the fun. All I had to do was prove my usefulness by pulling a few legal rabbits out of my briefcase before telling them I had to leave town."

Seeing he spoke the truth, Kensi nodded. "So when do you think you'll be needed back there?"

"Not sure? Maybe as soon as three weeks, as late as three months. But do you really want to talk about this, or would you rather tell me about that dream you were having?" Deeks wiggled his eyebrows up and down playfully.

"Neither, actually." Kensi pulled her arms from around Deeks' neck and slowly ran her hands across his shoulders, down his arms, and around his waist. From there she dropped them lower and tugged Deeks closer to her. All the while, she kept her eyes locked on his.

"Kens?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"If you don't know, Detective, it really has been too long." She placed a gentle kiss near the edge of his mask, along his cheek.

"It has been twenty-nine days, so yeah, I'd say that's too long. But we can't."

She kept her face close to his and whispered, "Why not?"

"Because your counts are still too low."

"But you heard the nurse when you snuck in here with her." At that, Kensi pinched Deeks' rear as a light reprimand. "I have more energy now. You are happy to see that, aren't you?"

"No, yeah, sure. Kens, I'm ecstatic to see that. And I have a feeling you can tell exactly how ecstatic I am, considering there isn't any space between us at the moment."

"So let's take advantage of my energy and your…extreme happiness, Deeks. I've missed you. I've missed this." Kensi nuzzled her cheek against his as she continued to barely breathe her words in Deeks' ear.

Deeks dropped his head to Kensi's shoulder and groaned softly, "Baby, you have no idea how much I want to lay you down in that bed and make love to you. But we can't even kiss right now, unless it's with a mask on. And that's probably just as unhygienic, not to mention…damp, and not in a good way." Deeks was anxious to lighten the mood and cool Kensi down before he did something embarrassing. And that wouldn't take much, especially with the way she was brushing herself against him.

"Well then, it's a good thing I don't want to make love right now."

"Kensi, we can't. Wait, what?"

"Nope." She put emphasis on the "p" as she pulled her face away again to look at him. "You're right. We can't make love if we can't even kiss."

Deeks, disappointed if relived, started to disentangle himself from Kensi. Or at least he tried to, but she wasn't letting go of his butt. One hand still held him firmly in place while the other roamed up and down the curve of a denim-clad cheek and then snuck under the waist of his jeans and boxers. She gently scraped the sensitive skin there with her nails.

Kensi's eyes locked Deeks' with a look so intense it nearly took his breath away. "Which is why I want sex right now. Desperate, fast, primal, I-need-you- _now_ , no-kissing-involved sex. Preferably in the shower since that dream involved you and me in a pool." Kensi withdrew so quickly from Deeks' body that his mind had trouble keeping up with her words and actions. He didn't realize Kensi had pulled the wallet from his back pocket until she nearly moaned, "Thank god!"

Glancing down, Deeks saw Kensi had his emergency condom in her hand and a look of hunger in her eyes. She started backing away, the foil packet now tucked in the palm of her hand while her fingers undid the buttons on her pajama top. "You coming?"

"Pretty damned soon if you don't slow down, Kens."

"I told you I want fast, baby. I _need_ it. Need _you_. Slow is for later, when you bring in a whole box of condoms." Kensi winked as her shirt fell open.

She must be needy if she was willing to let him see and touch her without something covering her central line, Deeks realized. But he was still concerned that they wouldn't be able to even have sex, no matter how frantic, without putting their mouths on each other.

Deeks ran his hand through his hair before suggesting, "How about we go in the shower and…um… help ourselves along?"

"Sorry, this is full audience participation or nothing at all. If I wanted to 'help myself.' Deeks, I could've been doing that for the past month. But I haven't. And from the looks of things," Kensi's eyes slowly and seductively swept him from head to toe. He was fully clothed and wearing the required extra layers, but there was no hiding his arousal, both physical and emotional. "Neither have you. At least not for a while." She licked her lips, knowing that would be the final straw for Deeks, and turned to cross the threshold into the bathroom. "Close the blinds on your way in," Kensi called as she pushed her shirt from her shoulders and let it fall down her arms, exposing her bare back to him.

Deeks didn't need to be told twice.

* * *

Not too long later they were nestled in Kensi's bed. Deeks, in his boxers, a scrub shirt, and a mask, was on his back while Kensi rested on her side against him in a fresh pair of PJs. "Now that was masterful, Special Agent Blye."

"Glad you think so. I was worried for a little while there that I wasn't going to be able to convince you to join me."

"Kensi, believe me, part of me was game from the moment you started playing grab-ass. I was just afraid we wouldn't be able to pull that off without me putting my lips on yours, or anywhere on you, for that matter. Which reminds me, the towel idea? Genius."

Kensi smiled. She had hung towels around their necks during their shower time so they would have a place to kiss, nip, or bite when they got carried away in the moment. It also turned out to be a great way for them to muffle the sounds that threatened to be heard over the running shower. Kensi hadn't anticipated the fact that the room echoed in her planning. "Yeah, can you tell I've been thinking about this for a while?"

"What other brilliant ideas have you come up with while I've been away, Fern?"

"Well, now that I know all it takes to get some privacy in here is to close the blinds, we can expand out from the bathroom."

"Wait, all of your sex ideas so far were in the bathroom?"

"It is the only area that has a lock on it. I was going for practical as well as sexy."

"That's my girl." He kissed the top of her head.

"So obviously there's the shower, which, I shouldn't need to remind you has a shower head that is also hand-held."

"Nope, you don't need to remind me of that, because we put that to good use after we got our primal needs met just a little while ago."

Kensi snickered. "Then there's the shower chair, which is height-adjustable. And the sink, which is higher still, and I happen to know it can support my weight."

"Do I want to know how you know that?"

"Probably not," Kensi admitted, clearing her throat. "Moving on. Now that this part of the room is in play, we've got the bed, and while that may sound boring at first blush, let's not forget that it too is height adjustable, has railings than can be very useful, and the head and foot can be positioned for, uh, comfort and convenience."

"Huh. When you put it like that, we may need to get one of these for home."

"Not to mention the reclining chair, and my yoga ball and mat."

"Kensalicious, I may never look at this room the same way."

"I'm glad to hear that, because now that I'm starting to get some energy back, we're going to be putting it to much better use." Kensi pressed a kiss to Deeks' shoulder.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN:** A reviewer of Chapter 20 kindly pointed out that the yellow isolation gown that Deeks wore (and through which I noted that Kensi could smell Deeks' scent) actually has a smell of its own. So let's just assume that "le parfum de Deeks" was stronger than the smell of the gown, especially when you consider that he didn't go home and shower before coming to visit his Kensalina (see proof below).

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Deeks ambled into the mission a few hours later, tired but happy. He had finished up the first part of his undercover assignment sometime after midnight and headed straight into the precinct to write and file the required reports. When Deeks finished the paperwork, he made a beeline for the hospital, anxious to see Kensi. He figured he would find her sleeping at that hour and hoped to slip into bed beside her for a couple hours of shuteye. Not that he would complain about the change in plans, especially since it meant Kensi was feeling better. Deeks was hopeful that her blood counts would soon follow the trend.

"Hey, look who's here," came the call from Callen.

As Deeks walked into the bullpen, Sam stood up and offered his hand, "Welcome back, man. Everything work out okay?"

"Yeah, this was just the set up, and it went as smooth as it could have. There's already someone under who helped it along, so that was good."

Continuing on to Callen, Deeks reached for his hand as well. "How much did you guys miss me? The quiet must have been deafening."

"At times I thought I could hear the plants growing. It was magical," replied the team leader.

"If by magical you mean monotonous and uninspiring, I can see that being the case. Appreciate the compliment."

"And he's back," quipped Callen.

"A fact for which I'm confident we are all grateful, Mr. Deeks. Welcome back." Hetty's voice came from behind them, where Deeks was sure she hadn't been just moments before.

"Thank you, Hetty." Deeks mouthed _Hetty missed me_ at Sam as he turned toward his desk.

"Please come see me before you sit, Mr. Deeks." With that she walked away.

"Sure thing, Hetty. Let me just put my things down and grab a cup of coffee."

 _Ooh, you're in trouble_ , Sam mouthed back.

"Am not," Deeks muttered as he walked past Sam's desk on his way to Hetty's office.

"Am I correct in my assumption that you have completed the necessary paperwork for Lieutenant Bates?" Hetty asked before taking a sip of tea.

"Well, I'm not sure that I would say any paperwork is actually necessary, but yes, I stayed up half the night doing it. I'm done with the LAPD end of things for now." Deeks settled himself into a chair opposite his operations manager's desk.

"Good. Have you seen Kensi yet this morning?"

"Yeah, I went to the hospital from the station, and then came here."

"I had quite a lovely dinner with Ms. Blye this week. We had a very interesting discussion. Did she happen to mention it to you?"

"No, uh..." Deeks scratched his head and the back of his neck. "We really didn't talk much…about work. I'm sure we'll catch up tonight, though. With the talking, that is. About work."

Hetty smiled, "I'm sure the two of you have a lot of time to make up for. In fact, you should probably go home and get some rest instead of being here today, then maybe head to the hospital a little earlier than usual. We don't need people who aren't in top form, and you haven't slept at all last night, am I right?"

"Yes, but I'm fine to work."

"Nonsense, Mr. Deeks. You have been undercover for the past week and have been awake for twenty-four hours. You are entitled to, and shall take, today off. But before you go, I would like to say something."

"Okay," Deeks drew out the work because he was a little confused. Hadn't she been saying something all along?

Hetty took another sip of tea and carefully returned the fragile cup to its saucer before looking directly looking at her liaison. "I am sorry, Mr. Deeks. For what I put you and Ms. Blye through when I sent her to Afghanistan. For letting you believe that it had anything to do with you. As you now know, I selected Kensi for that operation because of her connection to Jack, not to punish the two of you. But I knew that you believed it was because of Ms. Blye's and your actions, and I did nothing to convince you otherwise. I could have, and should have alleviated your concerns without giving away classified information. I chose not to, quite honestly, because it was easier for me at the time. And I regret that, terribly, because I know it damaged the trust you had in me. Please forgive me, Mr. Deeks."

Deeks was speechless. What had brought this up?

"You're no doubt wondering why I say this now?"

"Um, yeah. No, I mean…this is…"

"Unexpected, from your perspective. Long overdue from mine. And strongly recommended by Ms. Blye."

"Kensi?"

"As I you know, I had dinner with your partner a few nights ago. And the topic of Afghanistan came up, during which we cleared the air. She was gracious enough to accept my apology for how my actions affected her. But she was quite clear in stating that she could not forgive me for how I treated you until you did."

Deeks' heart warmed at the thought of Kensi standing up to Hetty on his behalf again. He'd heard from Sam about how Kensi had literally yelled at their boss to somehow fix things for him when he was in lock-up and in danger of being sent to county last year. He could understand that; county jail would have been a dangerous place for Deeks and Kensi had been desperate. But worry couldn't possibly have been Kensi's rationale for demanding that Hetty take responsibility for Afghanistan, not after all this time.

"Mr. Deeks? One more thing, if I may. Your conduct there was nothing short of heroic, in my opinion. You did what needed to be done, despite the cost to yourself. You ultimately saved not only Kensi and Jack's lives, but the lives of the team that had been tasked with retrieving them. The fact that this affected you as it did speaks volumes about the type of person you are. But I am sorry for putting you in that position. You are a good man, Mr. Deeks. Don't ever forget that."

"Hetty…wow, I don't…I don't know what to say." Deeks responded humbly.

"Which reminds me, you were right, last year, to share your secret about Detective Boyle with Ms. Blye, despite my suggestion that you keep it to yourself. You have earned that trust from her, just as she has earned yours, and I am glad that you could reap its benefits. I cannot say I am so fortunate in my life to have had that with another person; perhaps that is the consequence of a lifetime of deeds such as those for which I beg your pardon."

Deeks cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair, trying to figure out what to say to the woman who's had as much impact on his life as his own mother. Certainly more in his adult life. "Thank you, Hetty. What you just said, everything, it means a lot." Now he smiled, "And I'll be sure to tell Kensi that she can feel free to forgive you too."

"That would be splendid, Mr. Deeks. Now go home and we will see you in the morning."

* * *

Kensi wasn't having a bad day, but she decided she wanted to watch the videos her friends had made for her in that event. She was now at Day +27, and feeling optimistic that all the worst days were behind her, at least in terms of her current treatment.

Today was Friday, which meant that tomorrow, Deeks would be here for most of the day unless she could convince him to spend some time enjoying himself elsewhere. But that was unlikely since he'd been away all last week.

Kensi had been overjoyed when Deeks appeared early Tuesday morning, and she was only too happy to demonstrate how much better she was feeling, not to mention how much she had missed him.

Of course, he'd spent all day with her Tuesday. After Hetty sent him home, Deeks took a run with Monty and spent about an hour on the beach with the mutt before heading home for a shower. Instead of going to bed, he came back to the hospital, only stopping along the way to purchase that box of condoms Kensi had suggested. Once Kensi's empty lunch tray had been removed and her afternoon vitals had been taken, Deeks closed the blinds again and showed Kensi how much he could do even with no sleep and how much he had missed her.

They napped for the rest of the afternoon and spent the evening catching up on the week they'd been apart. Kensi had been glad that Hetty had already taken the opportunity to apologize to Deeks. She could tell by the look on his face and the tone of his voice that it had lightened Deeks' heart to be in a good place with their operations manager again. Kensi had been a little surprised that Deeks would ask her why she would push Hetty to make amends.

 _They were both sitting on the recliner, Kensi across Deeks' lap, her arm along the top of the chair, hand playing with his hair. "So, I had a really interesting talk with Hetty this morning. Correction, I listened while Hetty said some remarkable things, and then I kind of stumbled around for words when she was done."_

" _Oh?"_

" _She apologized for letting me think that it was my fault she sent you to Afghanistan. And she said it was your idea."_

" _Well it's not like she came by and I said, 'Hey Hetty, good to see you, you know what would be great? If you'd finally take ownership of the crappy way you treated me and Deeks when you sent me halfway around the world to assassinate my ex-fiancé and let Deeks believe it was because we'd slept together.'"_

" _Yeah, it's probably a good thing it didn't come out like that."_

" _She actually brought it up after I thanked her for letting us prove we could work together in the field when we became a couple. I simply opened the door a little wider and reminded her that I was not the only person who suffered because of her actions."_

" _And you did that why?"_

 _Kensi looked confused. How could he not know? But could see in Deeks' eyes that he needed to hear her say it. It saddened Kensi to realize that his childhood insecurity still reared its ugly head from time to time. "Because I love you with all my heart, Marty Deeks, and I know that part of you would always bear some responsibility for what happened unless Hetty finally took that burden from you. I hate how much it hurts you to think it was your fault I was there, and watch you beat yourself up for doing something any of the rest of us would have done without a second thought." She pressed a long kiss to the top of his head. "That's why."_

Wednesday they'd gotten back into their usual routine of Deeks coming by after work and staying until Kensi kicked him out. And since he'd spent all of Tuesday with her, Kensi insisted Deeks take Thursday night off to reconnect with the team; he'd been away from them for a week as well.

Her attention back on the tablet, Kensi hoped people wouldn't mind that she didn't actually watch their messages when she was at her lowest, but the fact was it just never occurred to her then. All she had wanted on those days was to sleep. And sometimes, if she was honest, she had just wanted to wallow in it and feel bad for herself for a little while.

There were a few other patients in the sunroom, compelling Kensi to wear her headphones. She was so engrossed in Mindy's monologue recounting the night they'd first met in a bar after the same guy tried but failed to pick up each of them, that Kensi jumped slightly when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

Kensi pulled off her headphones. "I'm sorry to startle you, Kensi."

"No problem, Dr. Popa. How are you?"

"I'm doing well, thanks. But I'm here to talk about how you are. The results of this morning's bloodwork are in." The physician stopped and looked around, noting that others were present and not far enough away to afford adequate privacy. "Why don't we go back to your room so I can explain some things to you?"

Kensi's heart dropped into her stomach.

* * *

Images of Lance Corporal Spencer Ellington on the streets of downtown LA filled the screen in the ops center.

"It doesn't make sense that Ellington would come out of hiding now unless there's a good reason," Deeks argued. The Marine had deserted his base at Kāne'ohe Bay, Hawaii two years ago mere hours before he was to be brought in on charges of espionage.

"Agreed," stated Callen. "So what would motivate a man who has successfully avoided prosecution for treason to show his face in one of the largest cities in the country?"

"Love, revenge, money, fear of something worse," Sam ticked off.

"He doesn't have any family in this area, and the girlfriend he had at the time of his desertion is still in Hawaii." Nell supplied.

"Could he be heading for the airport? Maybe LA is just a short stop on his way back to the islands?" asked Deeks.

Eric answered, "So far no. We've got a separate Kaleidoscope search running LAX only, so we should get a hit ASAP if he pops up there."

"Add smaller, private airfields as well," Callen said.

"Got it."

Deeks' phone buzzed. Pulling it from his pocket, he saw a text from Kensi. _Pls call me when u can._ The detective's face must have betrayed his concern, because suddenly he realized the room was silent and everyone was looking at him.

"Everything alright, Deeks?" Sam asked.

"Text from Kensi, which she doesn't usually do in the middle of the day. She wants me to call her. Do you mind if I take a minute?"

Callen responded immediately, "No, go ahead."

Deeks left through the sliding doors, dialing as he went. The team returned to the business at hand.

Several minutes later Deeks came back, with tears in his eyes.

* * *

Deeks arrived at the hospital that evening after work, anxious to see Kensi after their brief phone call earlier in the afternoon. He had to remind himself to slow down and be deliberate in following the protocol in the anteroom as he washed and disinfected his hands, and then donned the gloves, mask, and isolation gown that had become his second wardrobe in the month since Kensi had been in the hospital. He couldn't be careless and risk getting Kensi sick, especially now.

Kensi was waiting for him at the entrance to her room, and threw herself at Deeks as soon as he opened the door and crossed the threshold. Deeks, expecting it, had his arms ready and waiting to envelop her. They stood there for several long minutes, rocking back and forth, Kensi's toes barely touching the floor. Neither of them spoke, but the occasional sniffle suggested that both were crying.

Finally, Deeks walked Kensi over to her bed and sat her on it. He ran his hands down her arms and took one her hand in his as he perched himself next to her. Deeks' other hand went to Kensi's face to wipe away the tears. "Tell me, I want to hear everything Dr. Popa said."

Nodding, Kensi complied. "I was in the sunroom watching a video with my headphones on when she came in, and I didn't hear or see her, so she scared the crap out of me when she tapped me on the shoulder. But then when she said we should come back here to talk about my latest blood test results…"

"You thought the worst."

Kensi shrugged her shoulders and looked down. "So you can just imagine what it was like when she said," now Kensi looked up and locked eyes with Deeks, her beautiful smile gracing her face, "that my counts are all coming up."

Deeks knew this was the outcome, but he experienced the excitement all over again here with Kensi. When he had called Kensi back earlier, he could tell she was emotional, and he was instantly worried. But when she spoke those words to him, Deeks couldn't keep the tears of joy from falling. He'd managed to stop crying by the time he returned to ops, but the team could tell something was up. The waterworks started again, from more than just Deeks, when he shared the news with them.

"So what does this mean, exactly?"

"It means that engraftment has started, that Ben's bone marrow is actively making healthy blood cells." Kensi stood and walked across the room to where a white board hung on the wall. Typically, only her nurses' and PAs' names were on it. Today, however, there were a bunch of numbers and letters added below in a makeshift grid.

She pointed to some writing, "My ANC is a measure of neutrophils, one of the types of white blood cells. It's considered a sign of engraftment once that number is above five hundred for three consecutive days."

Coming to stand next to Kensi, Deeks could see that what he initially thought was a simple grid was actually a calendar, with acronyms and numbers scribbled in several of the boxes. He noted that the ANC had been consistently above five hundred starting early last week, and said as much to Kensi. "Does that mean engraftment started back then?"

"Such a good detective," she praised. "But not officially. See the 'PLT?' That stands for platelets, and those numbers have to be between twenty thousand and fifty thousand, along with the good ANC numbers, for them to consider that engraftment has started.

Kensi's were in the thirty thousand range now. "How close are these numbers to normal?" Deeks wondered.

"Not very, but just about to the same level they were before I was hospitalized. And at this point, there's no reason to believe they won't get to normal limits."

"And then you'll be cured."

"Once I maintain them for a few weeks, yes. Then I'll be considered cured."

"Wow," breathed Deeks, as he wound his arm around her waist.

"Yeah," Kensi agreed.

"So what happens now that Ben's bone marrow is officially doing its job?"

"Now they start weaning me off the antibiotics and colony stimulating factors. And we continue to watch these numbers rise, hopefully. Dr. Popa thinks if the current trend continues, I may be able to be released next week."

Deeks pulled her into another hug, "Kens, I'm so happy to hear that."

"Me too, baby." Kensi held on a few seconds longer and then detached herself from Deeks. "Before I forget, I want to send a picture of this to Ben and tell him the good news."

Kensi walked to her bedside table and came back with her phone in hand. She snapped a shot of the white board and added a few words of explanation and more thanks before sending it off to the cadet. "Emily will understand what it all means, so I'll send it to her too. Oh, and I almost forgot, starting next week, they'll be analyzing my blood periodically for signs of chimerism."

"Chimerism? As in being a chimera? The half man, half bear, half pig?"

"Okay, doofus, that's the ManBearPig, and that's from _South Park_."

"Ah, so you must be referring to the Chimera of Homer's _Iliad_ , then, with the head of a lion, the body of a goat, and the tail of a snake." Kensi looked impressed and surprised. "What? I went to law school, you know; I can remember things."

"I know, it's just that's a little…esoteric, don't you think?"

"Not if you took a college elective on Greek mythology."

"Well, you forgot the fire-breathing part, by the way."

"I also didn't go into the debate about whether the tail was actually a snake or a dragon. I vote dragon, by the way, because how awesome would that be? Kensi Marie Blye, Dragon-Ass? Although, Princess Night-Toots, you kind of already –"

Kensi held out her hand, "Stop. Please stop now. We were just having such a nice moment."

"Right, you were telling me how you're going to turn into a mythological creature. I didn't realize this was a potential side effect from the chemo, though I wouldn't be surprised if it was actually from the radiation."

"Why do I even bother?" Kensi asked, head turned skyward.

"Okay, seriously then." Deeks took Kensi's hand and led them back to the bed, where they sat side by side. "What kind of chimerism are we talking about here?"

"A mix of my cells and Ben's. As his bone marrow makes more and more blood cells, there will be more of his cells in my blood than my own. Ultimately, my blood type will actually change. I'm B-positive now, but he's A-positive. In a few months, I should be A-positive as well."

"Not AB-positive, since that's a combination of the two types?"

Kensi smiled, "I asked Dr. Popa the same question. And no, AB is its own type, not a mixture of A blood with B blood. So eventually I'm going to have to change all my records at work to indicate a new blood type."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Wait, wait, wait. I can't believe I haven't thought of this before! What kind of detective doesn't think of this?"

"Deeks, what?"

"Your blood won't be yours anymore."

"I beg to differ –"

"No, I mean, since your blood and even your blood type will now be based on Ben's bone marrow, does that mean your DNA will change too?"

"You _are_ a smart detective." Kensi bumped shoulders with Deeks. "Dr. Popa thought you'd get a kick out of this when she mentioned it this morning. And the answer to your question is yes and no. The DNA in my blood will match Ben's, but the DNA everywhere else in my body will be what I was born with."

"So you'll have two different DNA profiles in your body."

"Yup."

"So if you commit a crime and leave blood evidence…"

"I'll want to make sure they take a buccal swab to compare it to, because the DNA in the cheek of my mouth will not match the DNA in my blood."

"Oh, that is so cool. Except of course for the part about you committing a crime, because obviously you wouldn't do that. And now that I think about it, I wonder how many times LAPD has had the right guy for a crime but we let him go because the DNA didn't match since he was a chimera. Hmm, something to think about. Maybe a question like, 'Have you ever had a bone marrow transplant?' should be part of the arrest procedure when there's blood evidence involved. Nah, there'd be legal ramifications there, because suspects can't be compelled to provide personal medical information without a warrant. I wonder if this has ever been argued in court? I need to talk to Bates about this, make sure he keeps it in mind...what?" Deeks asked when he realized Kensi was looking at him oddly.

"I don't think I've ever heard you talk both detective and lawyer at the same time."

"Oh? Well, I know how much of a turn on it is for you when I talk detective. Does the legalese enhance the detective-speak, my little chimera?"

"It certainly seems to."

"Really?" Deeks drew out the word. "Good. To. Know." He glanced around the room and thought out loud. "Let's see, we've christened the shower and the bed. Want to give the recliner a try?"

Kensi looked at the clock on the wall. "We've got a half-hour before shift change, which means probably an hour at least until the next nurse's visit."

"What about dinner?"

"Why don't you leave a note on the window when you close the blinds, just in case?"

"Sounds like a plan." Deeks planted a mask-covered kiss to the top of Kensi's head when he got up to do just that.

* * *

 **AN2:** Heads-up: I am officially out of "buffer" chapters. Chapter 22 is started, but not even close to being finished. Add to that the fact that I will have to be doing a fair amount of prepping and cooking (though thankfully no cleaning) for Thanksgiving early next week, and it doesn't look like I'll be ready to update the story again until next Saturday. Sorry. But to those of you who will be celebrating, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN:** This was supposed to be one normal-sized chapter about Kensi's first day (and-a-half) out of the hospital. Instead, it turned into a 10,000+ word monster that Densi just wouldn't let me end (I guess our favorite couple didn't want to get back to reality just yet). The good news is that since I split this chapter into two, Chapter 23 is almost ready to go. The bad news is that I anticipate having less time than usual to write in the next few weeks, so I think I'll have to scale back to updating once a week instead of twice. I'm sorry about that, but please stick with me, as I have every intention of finishing this story with regular updates (be they once or twice a week). Also, I apologize for not getting this chapter up yesterday, as promised. I had to change internet (and phone and TV) providers yesterday, and of course everything took a lot longer than it should have, so I lost a lot of time and ended up with other stuff to do. Stupid real life.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Kensi was glad she and Deeks had to spend a few minutes waiting outside the hospital for the valet to return with the car. It gave her the opportunity to stand in the late-morning, early March sunshine and raise her head to the sky, reveling in the feeling of the warmth on her face. Sure, she'd spent plenty of time sitting next to a sunny window in the solarium during her thirty-eight days as a patient, but it wasn't the same. She was even happy to be breathing in the not-so-fresh LA air again.

Best of all, she was holding Deeks' hand. Skin to skin, with no nitrile gloves between them. Smiling, Kensi tugged on that hand and pulled Deeks toward her for a kiss. On the lips. And not just a brief meeting of their mouths, but a full-on, arms-around-his-neck, god-I'm-so-happy-to-be-doing-this-again kiss. Correction, _that_ was the best of all.

Kensi had been worried she would forget how Deeks' lips felt against hers. And maybe she did, just a little. But that was okay in the end, because their first kiss and all the subsequent ones without a barrier between them more than made up for any dulling of her memory.

" _I have a surprise for you," Kensi announced the instant Deeks entered her room Monday after work._

" _Yeah? Is it a puppy? No, a baby tiger! Wait, wait! It's a baby chimp, isn't it? That's it, right? You have a baby chimpanzee hiding in the bathroom. Is it in a diaper, or is it potty trained already?"_

 _Kensi just smiled. "Nope. Better than that." She pointed to the reclining patient's chair. "Sit."_

" _Ooh, Bossy Kensi's back. Me like," Deeks approved and did as she ordered._

 _Kensi promptly sat herself across his lap, her legs dangling over the arm of the chair. "That's not it either."_

" _No? Then I'm st –"_

 _Deeks stopped talking when Kensi quickly pulled down his mask and kissed him. Her hand found his scruffy cheek, and Deeks' arms automatically wrapped around Kensi tightly, pulling her closer. Kensi increased the force of her lips on his, and Deeks responded by parting his and inviting her in. She gently bit his lower lip, and he ran his tongue along hers. They varied the pressure, from light and teasing to firm and wanting and back again, as time passed unheeded by the lovers._

 _Deeks didn't know if this was one long kiss, or dozens of smaller ones, and he didn't care. Hell, he could barely think._

 _Kensi was too lost in the sensations to even attempt a coherent thought._

 _Little hums of contentment alternating with whimpers of pleasure could be heard in the otherwise quiet room, followed by sighs and deep breaths when their kiss finally broke. Kensi wasn't finished, however, and trailed more kisses from Deeks' lips, across his jawline and down his neck, where she pecked, sucked, and gently bit._

 _Deeks cleared his throat as Kensi continued her activities. "So about my surprise? As I was going to say, I'm stumped."_

 _Kensi stopped and muttered, "I hate you," into the crook of Deeks' neck before resuming her tour back up._

" _No you don't. You love me, and I could totally tell that by the way you just kissed me. And in fact, are continuing to kiss me."_

" _That's not the only way I can show you how much I love you." Kensi slid her hand under Deeks' shirt and pulled away from him only long enough to yank it over his head._

" _So I'm guessing Dr. Popa told you your white blood cell counts are high enough for this?"_

" _Really? You want to have this conversation right now? Or do you want to make love to me right now?"_

" _Well, you know how important it is to me to keep up-to-date on your blood counts and everything." When Kensi all but jumped off his lap and headed away from him, Deeks stood up, "Kens, no, wait. I'm kidding!"_

 _She walked directly to the door and twisted the rod that closed the blinds. Turning back toward him, Kensi gave the steamiest look she could muster, given they were in a hospital room, "Hey Deeks, you big stud. Take me to bed or lose me forever."_

 _Deeks couldn't hide his surprised smile. "Oh my. Did my Kensalina just quote_ Top Gun _to me? Just when I thought this day couldn't get any better…except last time you referenced that movie, I was Maverick."_

" _Because last time I was mocking you for being a big baby in a helicopter. Now, are you going to help me reenact that scene with Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis? Because_ that _was some serious lovemaking."_

" _Well you do take my breath away." Deeks pulled Kensi into his arms when she returned to him and began peppering kisses across his bare chest. "Um, Kens?"_

" _Hmm?" She blew on the damp patches left behind by her lips and he shivered._

" _Listen, I was thinking…"_

" _That's not a good sign." Kensi continued to kiss her way up Deeks' chest._

" _Yeah, of course I would love to make love to you right now. I mean, you are the most amazing, sexiest woman in the world, and I'm a man, with a pulse, so naturally that's what I want. Not that only a man would want you…I mean, I'm sure there are plenty of women…Talia, for one, would probably appreciate the opportunity to –"_

 _Kensi stopped her exploration of Deeks' neck. She put the palms of both hands against his chest and pushed him away. Giving Deeks her meanest look, Kensi accused, "Seriously, Deeks? Talia? Are you_ trying _to turn me off?"_

" _Um, yeah?"_

" _Well, it worked." Kensi sat down on her bed in a huff, crossed her arms in front of her chest, and glared at the man she loved. "Care to tell me why?"_

" _Because I want to wait."_

 _Now she looked confused, and slightly hurt. "Why?"_

 _Deeks sat down next to Kensi and took her hands in his. "Kens, you've been here for thirty-six days now, and believe me, if this was our first opportunity, I'd jump all over it. And you." He brought one of her hands up to his mouth and kissed its back lightly. "But we've been, uh, scratching that itch for the past couple of days, since you've been feeling better, so I think we can wait a few more days until you're released to make love again. And I want to wait, because I want the first time we_ make love _after this to be special. Not in your hospital bed where we have to rush, or be quiet, and can't spend the rest of the day laying naked in bed together." Deeks gave Kensi's hands a gentle squeeze. "Is that okay?"_

" _When you put it like that…"_

" _Worth waiting for, yeah?"_

" _Yeah," Kensi admitted, leaning her head on Deeks' shoulder. "But you are such a girl, you know."_

" _That's alright, since you're more of a man than I am."_

" _Damn straight."_

" _But hey, we can still make out if you want." Deeks voice was hopeful._

 _Kensi chuckled. "That works for me, except that you'll have to put your shirt back on."_

" _Deal."_

Two days later and Kensi still couldn't get enough of Deeks' mouth on hers. She wasn't normally one for public displays of affection, outside of those required during an op, but she found she didn't care much about that right now.

Her arms still around Deeks' neck, Kensi broke the kiss. "I cannot wait to get home. Where you promised to take your time making love to me in our own bed. As a matter of fact, I think I'll drive home, so we can get there faster."

Deeks looked a little sheepish, "Yeah, about that."

"What?" Kensi was instantly suspicious.

At that moment, the valet arrived with a car. Kensi saw it wasn't either of theirs, so she went back to giving Deeks the evil eye.

Deeks, however, took Kensi's arms from around him and accepted the keys from the young man as he reached into his pocket for a tip.

Kensi watched as Deeks put the few bags she had left in the trunk of the silver Mercedes-Benz convertible. He'd brought the bulk of Kensi's belongings home the day before, after finding out she would more than likely be discharged today. "You rented a car?"

"Rented? No way…I borrowed this."

Moving to the front of the vehicle while Deeks continued to fiddle around in the trunk, Kensi recognized the license plate: the background was of an American flag partially obscured by clouds, and across the bottom it read, "We Will Never Forget." The rest of the vanity plate read, "FELD RE." Julia, a very successful real estate agent, had the same phrase on her plate when they'd reunited years ago. However, she changed to the special interest memorial plate with the flag design soon after in order to acknowledge her daughter and ex-husband's contributions to protect the country. The extra money paid for that particular plate was designated to help California's law enforcement fight threats of terrorism in the Golden State.

"My mother loaned us her brand-new Mercedes? Just for the ride home?" Kensi was surprised. Julia had shown her pictures of her new "baby" while she was in the hospital, and when Kensi mentioned looking forward to taking it for a spin, Julia had changed the subject.

Deeks approached with a tote bag hanging from one hand and gave Kensi a quick peck on the cheek. "No, Princess. Your mother lent _me_ her car. With the understanding that _I_ would be driving it. I'm sorry, Fern, but we're not headed home right now. And since you don't know where we're going, I _will_ be doing the driving." He opened door for her, "Your chariot awaits m'lady."

Kensi slid into the passenger seat and reached for the seatbelt as Deeks gently closed the door. The windows and top already down, he handed her the tote bag and said, "You'll find some supplies in here."

While Deeks walked around to the driver's side and settled himself in, Kensi began pulling out the contents of the bag. "A big, floppy hat, my Clipper's cap, a kerchief, my sunglasses," which she promptly put on, "Sunscreen, a couple of bottles of water, and a full-size bag of Doritos." She looked at her boyfriend as he adjusted the rear-view mirror slightly and secured his seatbelt. "Where the hell are we going, Deeks?"

"Nowhere until you put this on." Deeks held out his hand to reveal Kensi's medic alert bracelet. Kensi barely refrained from rolling her eyes. Instead, she held out her right arm and allowed Deeks to secure it to her wrist. "Thank you," he said softly as he kissed her palm.

Finally driving away from the hospital, Deeks answered her question, sort of. "That bag is not about the where so much as the how long. I figure two hours at this time of day. Now you know why I insisted you pee before we left." Deeks glanced quickly at Kensi, "You did pee, right?"

"It doesn't matter, since we'll have to stop for a bathroom break for _you_ along the way."

"You got me there, Kens. Touché. Now why don't you pick a hat and put on some sunblock so you can sit back and enjoy the ride. You can even choose the radio station, but Julia asked that we not change any of her pre-sets."

Kensi spent the next several minutes doing just that. She pulled her hair into a pony tail and through the back of the cap, just above the strap. Next she slathered her face, neck, and arms with the lotion. She eyed Deeks' bare forearms and debated the feasibility of trying to rub some of the sunscreen on him while he was driving.

He seemed to sense her staring, and risked a quick look. "What?"

"You need sunblock?"

"Nope. Applied just before I came into the hospital."

"How about a hat? Is one of your caps here somewhere?" Kensi craned her neck to check behind Deeks' seat. "Or I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind you borrowing her floppy hat too," she teased.

"Nah, I figured I'd let the sun work its magic on my golden mane today. I got you, I got my shades, and we've got a sweet ride on a sunny day. All is right with the world, Sugar Bear."

Kensi smiled and nodded her agreement. "You know what would make this day even better?"

"What's that?"

"Where are we going?"

"What's in the box?"

"Oh, no you don't! You've had my permission to open that box for years now, Deeks. If you want to know what's in it, open the damned thing!"

"Then you'll just have to wait two hours to find out where we're going."

Kensi huffed out a breath in frustration, "Fine. Then how about why? I was looking forward to going straight home and reacquainting myself with our bed and your body."

"That I'll tell you. And I'll also throw in the 'how' for free. It seems that our friends are very sneaky and very generous. At your going away party someone started a pool to guess the date you are proclaimed cured. Half of the money will go to the winner and they decided to spend the other half on us. I believe this particular surprise was the brainchild of the Cupcake Girls, who seem convinced this is exactly what we both need and want right now. I have it on good authority that there will be a bed at our destination, so hopefully you won't be too disappointed that reacquainting yourself with ours will have to wait."

"Are you telling me you don't know where we're heading?"

"I know where, in the geographical sense, yes. Plus the directions are loaded into the Benz's nifty navigational system. And where, in the sense of the type of place. But I don't know any more details than that. Other than the fact that Tiffani-with-an-i's boyfriend's brother, who is apparently a concierge doctor, recommended it."

"I can't believe you would allow the Cupcake Girls to make plans for us like this on the day I'm released from the hospital." Kensi looked at Deeks incredulously. Then it dawned on her. "Oh, wait a minute. You had Nell look into whatever this is, didn't you?"

Deeks laughed. "You know me too well, partner. And yes, this has the Nell Jones stamp of approval, who cleared it with your actual medical team, not just some HankMed doctor. She assured me we would love it, and that we should both just enjoy the surprise. We deserve it, apparently."

"I don't know about me; I haven't done much of anything but sleep, throw up, lounge around, and crochet for the past six weeks. But _you_ definitely deserve something nice."

Deeks took Kensi's hand and held it against his thigh. "We've both been through hell since the middle of September, babe. And here we are in the beginning of March, finally with the end in sight."

Kensi's smile was bright as the sun. "I'm really beginning to believe that now, that this is going to end soon, and the way we want it to."

* * *

About a half-hour later, Kensi sat forward, realization hitting her. "Hey!"

"What?"

"If you're using the navigation system to get where we're going, there's no reason I couldn't have driven. But that's fine, because I'll just drive us back tomorrow."

"On the contrary, ma chérie. Your mother made me promise I would do the driving."

"Why would she do that? Didn't you tell her I'm medically cleared to drive?"

"Maybe because she's driven with you before and this is a brand-new car that she'd like to keep looking that way for as long as possible?"

"I'm a great driver!"

"Uh-huh. And I'm sure having an eighteen year-old boy's blood running through your veins is only going to improve your skill behind the wheel."

"You know that's not how it works, right? I won't actually get anything from Ben but his blood cells and his blood type."

"And that's a very good thing, because in addition to a teenage boy's appetite and driving skills, the last thing we need you to gain is his sexual attraction to women."

Kensi didn't respond.

"Kens?"

She smiled sweetly at him. "I was just thinking…I wonder if Talia would be available…"

Deeks considered for a moment. "As long as I could watch, I wouldn't be opposed."

"Men are such pigs."

"Hey, you're the one talking about Talia and…the sex."

"You brought it up the other day, don't forget."

"Yeah, as a turn-off for both of us!"

Kensi laughed. "Did I ever tell you she propositioned me?"

"Wait, what? No, I think I would have remembered that."

"She offered to help me 'blow off some steam' once, before you and I were together. Told me that while she generally goes for men, she does occasionally prefer the company of a woman. Personally, I think her last big relationship was with a woman and she got burned, which is why she's sticking with men for now."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing, really. I was just thinking back to that case she and I worked together, while you were in Afghanistan. She told me she'd been in a relationship with her partner and made it seem as if the partner left work and her. But now that I replay the conversation, she never used the pronoun 'he;' she just kept saying 'my partner.'"

"Seems to gel with my theory, then. Shame, really. She'd be so much better to hang out with if she was in a good relationship and wasn't constantly hitting on one or both of us. Which reminds me, any idea what happened with her and Rudnicki?"

"Is there a male version of being rode hard and put away wet?"

"Ouch. That bad, huh?"

"Or good, depending on what he thought he was in for. But yeah, that lived a short life. Speaking of, you ready for a pit stop?"

* * *

Back on the road for about another half-hour, Kensi took in the scenic view and asked, "You think they picked this place so we'd have to take the Pacific Coast Highway?"

Deeks shrugged. "Lots of great views in the Golden State."

"You know what I am disappointed about, not going home today?"

"Seeing how clean the place is?"

"Come on, I've been much better with that."

"Sorry, I forgot. Yes, you have. But on that topic, what do you think the chances are of you maintaining that level of cleanliness once it's not medically necessary? And when it's no longer your only means of exercise?"

"Gee, I don't know. What's in it for me?"

Deeks rolled his eyes. "You mean besides a clean house?"

"Exactly, I need more motivation than that. Maybe you can come up with some sort of incentive for me to continue whatever housekeeping duties I took up."

"Uh huh, I'll have to think about that." Deeks commented, not all that convincingly. "But what was it you're going to miss at home today?"

"I was really looking forward to seeing Monty."

"I've been telling him for days now that you're coming home soon because I don't want the old boy to have a canine coronary when he sees you again. But he was totally fine with us both being gone tonight. Did I mention he has a new girlfriend? Monty really seems to like her, but she seems like a bit of a bitch to me."

Kensi laughed, "That was really bad."

"And yet you laughed. Oh wait, that's a dead giveaway that it was totally unfunny."

"Sure, mock the woman who just spent six weeks in the hospital."

"How long are you going to play that card, do you think? So I can mark it in the calendar."

Giving him an evil glare, Kensi casually commented, "You know what, I could just tell my mother that you let me drive."

"You wouldn't."

"I would. Unless you let me drive, that is."

"Kensi Marie Blye! This is the thanks I get for making such a sweet, and dare I say extremely considerate and loving gesture? I give you the opportunity to spend your first hours out of isolation basking in the sun, the wind in your hair, and you try to blackmail me?"

"I—You…Damn, I hate it when you're right. I'm sorry, baby. This _is_ a sweet and considerate gesture, and I _do_ appreciate it." Kensi reached over and planted two kisses on his cheek. "Thank you, Deeks."

"Don't forget loving. It was a very loving thing to do, too."

"You are right, again." She kissed him once more. "This was a wonderful way to show me how much you love me. You know what would be an even better way?"

"Kens, you know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. But you are not going to drive this car."

* * *

Checking her watch twenty minutes later, Kensi looked around and declared, "Wine country."

"Yes, it is. And here I was thinking I was the only one with real detective skills. What gave it away, all the signs for the vineyards?"

Kensi sighed in exasperation. "No, I mean wine country is where we're headed, isn't it?"

Glancing at the navigational system, Deeks said, "Well, we should be at our destination in less than ten minutes, so I'd say you're probably right, Special Agent Blye."

Exactly ten minutes later, Deeks let out an impressed whistle as they reached the top of the long driveway that ended at a very large Victorian house. Getting out of the car, Kensi and Deeks stood and took in the sight in front of them.

The two-story building was tan with green and brown accents. There was an inviting veranda at ground level and several balconies on the second floor, all bordered with railings supported by traditional spindles. At the left corner of the house was a rounded porch. There were at least three bay windows on the ground level, and the single windows on the upper level were arched. The multiple steeply-pitched roofs were tiled with greenish-brown shingles. Upon closer inspection, they could see all the small details: sunburst panels under the roof eaves, fan brackets in the upper corners of the balconies, and decorative glass above the bay windows.

An oval sign, green with and tan lettering, stood to the left of the stairs to the main porch and welcomed them to Moore's Inn and Spa.

"Wow," Kensi marveled.

"Nice job, Tiff," admitted Deeks. "Shall we?" He offered Kensi his hand and they made their way up the few porch steps to the entryway: wood double doors with oval panels of etched glass with wide matching sidelites flanking them.

The front desk was on one side of the cozy foyer, an elegant set of stairs was on the other.

"Welcome to Moore's Inn and Spa. You must be Mr. and Mrs. Deeks." The woman was probably in her mid- to late-sixties, but had a youthful appearance that Deeks attributed to good genes and spending a lifetime doing what you loved.

"Actually," began Deeks.

"Yes, that's us," interrupted Kensi. She felt her face flush a little at the look she was sure Deeks was giving her.

"I'm Molly, proprietor and general manager. It's so nice to meet you. I've had lovely conversations with your friends Tiffani and Nell recently."

"Oh?" Kensi could hear a faint Irish lilt in Molly's voice and was trying to tease out which part of Ireland and the approximate age she left. It was a game she liked to play with herself to keep her linguistic skills honed.

"Yes, they both wanted to make sure our accommodations would meet your needs, Mrs. Deeks."

"Please, call me Kensi."

"Marty," Deeks introduced himself as he offered his hand to their hostess.

"Ah, and that's Mal, my husband." Molly announced when a slightly older man came in from a pair of doors at the far end of the foyer. "Malachy, Kensi and Marty Deeks have just arrived, and they'll be staying in Care Cottage number two."

Upon mention of the specific accommodations, Mal's smile grew. "We're especially glad to have you here, then." The man held out his hand to Deeks, having seen him shake his wife's hand as he walked in. However, he made no such move toward Kensi. "If you'll give me your keys, I'll grab your bags and move your car, Marty."

While Deeks described what luggage to bring in, Kensi tried to figure out what was going on. What the hell had Tiff and Nell told them? And what on earth was a care cottage?

Seeing Kensi's confused look, Molly came out from behind the desk, a soft-covered binder in her hand. Once Deeks and Mal finished their brief discussion, Molly spoke. "I know this little trip was a surprise from your friends, which means you don't know about our inn. Why don't you follow me out to your cottage and I'll tell you all about us."

Deeks grasped Kensi's hand and they followed as the woman led them toward the doors through which her husband had come. They opened to a pleasant, sunny dining room, with various sized tables scattered about. "This is where our guests who stay in the main house take their meals, but you will have your own area and can dine inside or out, depending on your preference."

Molly continued directly through the room toward the sliding glass doors at the opposite end. Once outside, they had a lovely view of the vineyard on the property beyond the inn. Closer to the main building were two smaller structures, one on either side of the yard. It wasn't until they walked around one of them and to the front that Kensi realized these must be cottages one and two. Seeing the facades, it was obvious they were designed to mirror the style and color scheme of the inn.

While there was no actual porch since the building was on one level, there was a covered patio area surrounded by a railing that matched those on the main building. Extending from the outer walls on the east and west side of the cottage were lattices that were largely covered with ivy, affording them privacy from the other cottage as well as relief from the setting or rising sun. From the wrought iron table and chairs on one side of the patio or the pair of loungers on the other side, they had a stunning view of the vineyard and the rolling hills of the Santa Barbara wine country beyond.

"This is beautiful," Kensi remarked.

"Thank you. Hopefully you'll think the same of the inside. By the way, I took you the shortest route through the inn because I knew the dining room was empty. You needn't come through the main building otherwise. The path there," Molly nodded to a nearby brick walkway, "will lead you past the tennis courts and around to the front." With that, Molly pulled two key cards from her folder and used one to unlock the double doors to the cottage. Pulling one open, she stood out of the way so that Kensi and Deeks could enter.

Stepping over the threshold, Kensi first noticed the natural toned maple hard-wood flooring throughout the open floor plan. The walls were a neutral taupe. To the right was the living area, complete with what looked like a functional fireplace. Above it, a TV hung on the wall, with a brown leather couch, two burgundy leather armchairs and a glass and wood coffee table completing the space.

The back wall was lined with several shelves and cabinets that bordered a wooden desk. Next to that was a doorway through which Kensi assumed was the bathroom. On the left Kensi couldn't miss the king-sized four-poster bed that looked ornate enough to have come from the Victorian era. All it was missing was the canopy and draperies. While the style seemed out of place with the rest of the cottage's unpretentious interior, it somehow worked.

To their immediate right, just next to the doors, was a dining area tucked into a cut-out created by a bay window. The twin of that window, in the bedroom area, held a cozy looking cushioned bench.

Molly encouraged Deeks and Kensi to sit at the small table, to which she pulled over an ottoman from the living area and joined them. Placing her binder in front of her, Molly explained. "Mal and I opened as a small, simple B & B over thirty years ago, and expanded to an inn and then added the spa once our children were old enough to decide they wanted to participate in the family business."

"So your kids work with you? That must be great," Deeks commented.

"It is. We are blessed to have such wonderful children, in my very biased opinion. As you will be meeting some of them while you're here, I'll leave you to make your own judgements." Molly opened her binder and pulled a brochure from it, which she slid across to Deeks and Kensi. "I'll leave that for your information, but I can tell you what's inside, and more. This, as you heard me refer to it, is one of our two 'care cottages.' We call them that because the guests who stay in them need a little more care than the typical patrons at our inn. Now we use the term immunosuppressed or immunocompromised, no matter the illness, but when we first started this little venture, we catered mostly to cancer patients. More specifically those who had just undergone or were in the midst of their chemotherapy treatment."

"That's some niche group," Kensi said.

"Yes, and I'm sure you'd next be asking how we came to seek out such a population. Our children were already working here in their areas of interest when our eldest, Maeve, who is a license massage therapist, was diagnosed with breast cancer."

Kensi drew in a sudden breath. "I'm so sorry to hear that."

"Thank you, dear. She has been cancer free for three years now, thank the Lord, but as you don't have to try too hard to imagine, it was a very difficult time for her and the rest of the family. But as family is wont to do, everyone stepped up in support of Maeve, and when she made it through, we realized we now had the skills and desire to support others in her situation."

"What do you mean?" Deeks asked.

"Well, our son Matty is the chef here. He took several courses on nutrition for the chronically ill, and additionally learned all about neutropenic diets and food preparation for when Maeve was at her most defenseless, medically speaking."

Deeks took Kensi's hand, "We can appreciate that. Kens was not much of a cook before she got sick because we ate out so much, but she had our moms teach her how so we could make sure she was safe."

"A wise use of your time, Kensi," Molly approved. "Meghan, our youngest, is head of housekeeping and shared a room with Maeve at the time. She made sure to research the best methods to disinfect surfaces and kept their place spotless and as dust-free as possible."

Kensi laughed. "My better half over here disinfected all the common object in our house on a daily basis."

"And I'll be doing it again now that you're going home tomorrow," Deeks returned as he picked up and kissed the back of Kensi's hand.

"I don't doubt it," winked Molly. "Our middle daughter Maura is our spa's lead aesthetician, and was able to learn a great deal about the special needs of the skin, hair, and nails as a result of cancer treatment. And finally, Maeve herself found an interest in alternative therapies for chronic illness. She holds additional certifications in shiatsu and acupressure."

Kensi's eyes opened wider at the mention of shiatsu. "Ooh, I have to have a session with Maeve, if at all possible."

"Well I'm glad to hear you say that, because your friends thought you would enjoy one as well. And Marty, we've assigned you to an hour with Steve, another of our LMTs."

Deeks looked startled. While listening to Molly speak, he'd perused the brochure and seen all the inn and spa could offer to Kensi in a safe environment. He guessed their friends had arranged for a massage and perhaps even a facial for Kensi, but he certainly didn't expect to be included in the pampering.

"Why so surprised, Marty? Our family knows from experience that the loved ones struggle just as much, albeit differently, as the patient, so we provide for you too. Your friends wanted to be sure you reap some of the benefits of our services as well. You obviously deserve them." Pulling another sheet from her binder, Molly continued, "Now, let's hammer down the details so you two can spend some time enjoying yourselves."

* * *

 **AN2:** The inn Densi are staying in does not exist in reality (to the best of my knowledge), but some of the details are a compilation of a number of places I perused online. Also, as far as I know, such a hotel/inn that caters to chemo patients doesn't exist. I've discovered some spas that do, so I incorporated that idea into the inn setting. If anyone reading this decides to take that idea and run with it, I will expect my share of the profits!

 **AN3:** Thanks to the guest reviewer of Chapter 21 who stated that Kensi's blood type would not change because bone marrow donors and recipients must have matching blood types. I appreciate your feedback, but all of my research (and I have done plenty on this topic since starting this story) indicates that while as many HLA (antibodies on the blood) markers as possible, must match, ABO blood type is not one of them. And, in fact, if the donor and recipient's blood types do not match, the recipient's _will_ ultimately change (I still think that is so cool). I found an article from 2005 where a study was starting to challenge the belief that mismatched ABO blood types would result in a poor outcome for bone marrow transplant patients. Perhaps your friend's bone marrow transplant (I hope s/he is doing well!) was done when that was still the belief?


	23. Chapter 23

**AN:** If this chapter is actually posted on Saturday, it will be a minor miracle. And thanks again to everyone who has kept up with this story and especially to those of you who take the time to review. I can't tell you how happy each and every comment makes me.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

" _Why so surprised, Marty? Our family knows from experience that the loved ones struggle just as much, albeit differently, as the patient, so we provide for you too. Your friends wanted to be sure you reap some of the benefits of our services as well. You obviously deserve them." Pulling another sheet from her binder, Molly continued, "Now, let's hammer down the details so you two can spend some time enjoying yourselves."_

At that moment, Mal knocked and entered with their luggage and Deeks' keys. He set their bags on a bench at the foot of the bed. Knowing what she now did, Kensi realized the man had not offered to shake her hand earlier because he knew of Kensi's health status. Approaching them at the table, Mal once more addressed Kensi in his relatively heavy brogue. "You couldn't be in better hands here, Miss. My family's proud to be taking care of your on your first day back out in the world. While our children are the masters of their domains, I am the jack of all trades, so if there's anything you need, just call us at the front desk."

"Thank you, Mal. I haven't seen much of it yet, but you and your family have built a special place here. The fact that you've managed to take the horrible experience of your daughter's illness and turn it into such a wonderful thing for others is a testament to both you and Molly, and the way you've raised your children. I'm glad to be spending my first day out of the hospital here."

Mal nodded in acceptance of Kensi's praise and added, "God willing, in the future you two will come back and be able to stay in the big house."

"That'd be great, Mal." Deeks shook the man's hand as he left.

Fifteen minutes later, they had settled on all of the arrangements for their overnight stay, including the menus for an early dinner that night, and breakfast and a picnic lunch the next day. Molly showed them where everything was and allayed any concerns they had regarding the cleanliness of the cottage. The hard-wood floors were a deliberate choice because they were easier to keep dust-free than carpets. The few area rugs were swapped out between guests and replaced with newly and specially cleaned ones just that morning. The same was true of the few curtains. The bathroom was cleaned with a hospital grade cleanser daily. The mini-fridge hidden in one of the cabinets on the far side of the room was stocked with bottled water and a selection of wines from the nearby winery to whom Molly and Malachy sold the grapes from their vineyard. Another cabinet held a variety of protein bars and other Kensi-friendly and -safe snacks.

As they walked her to the door, Kensi ventured, "May I ask, Molly, how much longer have you been in the States than your husband? I'm guessing about ten years, based on your accents. You came as a child and he was at least a teenager?"

"You've a good ear, then, because most don't even think I've an accent to speak of anymore. Unless I'm riled up. Then my Irish comes full-out, as our children like to say. And in answer to your question, I've been here eight years longer than my Mal. And you're right about our ages at the time." When Molly allowed her accent to come "full-out" as she now spoke, Kensi could hear the distinctions between her dialect and Malachy's.

Squinting her eyes as if to replay their speech patterns and match it to the information in her brain, Kensi surmised, "You two didn't grow up in the same town, did you? But I'm thinking you're both from the south of Ireland. Maybe west? Definitely not north or east, though."

Molly clapped her hands together, delighted. "You can probably drink for free in any bar in the country with that talent, my dear! Right you are, I'm from County Cork, West Cork to be exact, and Mal hails from County Kerry. And just so you can be further impressed by your lovely wife, Marty, if you look on a map, those two counties comprise the southwest corner of our homeland."

Deeks put his arm around Kensi, "I'm amazed by her every day, Molly. Kensi's ear for accents has always brought fun and excitement into our lives." He smirked at his ladybird, remembering the last time that particular skill made an appearance. "Although I have to admit, I didn't realize Moore was an Irish surname; I always thought it was American or British."

"You're not wrong, there. Walsh is out family name. Moore's is an homage to St. Malachy O'More, after whom my Mal was named. His Ma was pregnant with Mal when she had a sudden vision of her eldest boy, Ronan, in grave danger. She ran to him, her belly full with child, to find he was happy busily fixing his tree-house at the far end of their farm. She called him down and made him return to the house with her even though there was no apparent danger. They hadn't walked halfway back when they heard a crash. Turning around they saw what they later learned was the cargo door of a commercial airplane that had fallen into the tree and destroyed all of Ronan's hard work. And would have killed the poor lad had he still been in it."

"Wow, so your mother-in-law was psychic." Deeks was captivated by both the tale and the way Molly told it.

"Aisling Walsh, God rest her soul, had never before had a revelation such as that, and never did again as long as she lived. She attributed her one and only vision to the intervention of St. Malachy, who was known to have visions and prophecies and was the patron saint of the Archdiocese of Armagh, where her own parents were born and raised. She named her last child after him as a tribute for saving her first child. We choose a variation of O'More over Walsh as the name of our business in part to continue the remembrance, and because we thought it sounded better. But enough about us. You two need to get back to appreciating life and each other before heading home tomorrow."

"Oh, believe me, I think we've got the appreciating each other down pat by this point," Kensi said as she closed the door. She turned to find Deeks opening their luggage. "Did you happen to pack me something to work out in?" Upon hearing there was a fitness center on the property, Kensi had decided that was to be their first stop.

Deeks pulled out yoga pants and a tank top, along with Kensi's trainers. "Good thing Tiffani told me what to pack for you." He also removed a toiletry bag, "Here, why don't you put this in the bathroom?"

Kensi crossed the room, stopping only long enough to grab the bag from Deeks and quickly kiss him on the cheek. "You got it. Then we'll go work out?" Deeks nodded and Kensi made her way to the bathroom, where she stopped short once inside. "Holy crap!"

Disappointment clear in his voice, Deeks chided, "A little too obvious for a touché, Fern, even for you." He was curious, though, about Kensi's tone. And the fact that her voice echoed. "Kens?"

"You have got to see this, babe. We might have to cancel all the plans we just made."

"What are you talking about? Oh! Does it have a bidet? Or one of those smart toilets they have in Japan?" Joining Kensi just inside the door, Deeks took in the sight before him. "Whoa."

The only thing Molly had mentioned about the bathroom was the way it was cleaned. _Talk about burying the lead_ , Deeks thought. The room was huge, easily a third of the size of combined bedroom and living area. Every surface was either tile or marble. There were high frosted windows along one wall, providing plenty of light and privacy, as well as a large skylight in the center of the ceiling. Noting the switches on the wall by the door, Deeks surmised the floors were supplied with radiant heat, which would be a real treat once he and Kensi stepped out of the giant shower. Or the jacuzzi bathtub.

The shower had to be at least six feet squared, with three walls of marble and one, with the door, of glass. There was a marble bench built into the far wall, and more shower heads than Deeks had seen outside of a home store showroom. They extended from the ceiling and the three marble walls, at different heights. Some appeared to be hand-held as well. Sharing one wall with the shower, the bath was small for a jacuzzi and large for a tub, but would easily accommodate the two of them. It was surrounded by marble ledges, some of which held flameless candles like the ones he brought to Kensi's hospital room the day after Valentine's Day.

There was a long marble countertop that held two sinks with sparkling clean fixtures, and above it was a mirror that ran the length of the wall. Deeks recognized the miniature toiletries on the counter as hypoallergenic and made for sensitive skin. And sure enough, there was both a toilet and a bidet.

"We might have to book another day just to explore all the options in here." Deeks nearly whispered in awe.

"I'm so glad you said that, because it's exactly what I was thinking. And if we can't do that, maybe we just sleep in here tonight." Kensi's tone was just as reverent.

"I'm pretty sure the floors are heated, so that's a distinct possibility."

"Okay, for the record, this is the bathroom I want in our fantasy home."

"Deal." Deeks responded, and snapped himself out of their shared reverie. "But for now, let's go work out, so we can come back in here and clean up afterward."

"Deal." Kensi echoed.

* * *

The fitness center was about what they expected; several treadmills, exercise bikes, ellipticals, a mid-sized universal machine, a yoga ball and mat, and various weights of medicine balls. Molly had advised them that the safest time for Kensi to use the facilities would be first thing in the morning, as it was thoroughly cleaned after closing at eleven at night and was not unlocked for regular patrons until eight in the morning. However, guests of the cottages were given twenty-four-hour-a-day access with their key cards, as Molly and Mal understood that sleep cycles could be disturbed by treatment and that some light exercise could help foster better rest.

As Kensi and Deeks were arriving mid-afternoon, they were encouraged to make use of the anti-microbial wipes and/or gel that were both available in several locations in the mirror-walled room. They had also been told where there was a stash of nitrile gloves if they wanted to take the extra precaution.

Kensi was glad to find the place empty, as Molly predicted they would at this time of day. She didn't particularly want to look like a germaphobe when she and Deeks started wiping down the equipment they intended to use.

Deeks set himself up on the treadmill and was off and running at a decent clip, earbuds attached to his phone and blasting something upbeat in his ears. Kensi was envious that she couldn't run yet, but she was glad to note she was able to keep a better pace on the elliptical now than she had been just before her transplant. Still nowhere near her normal speed, but she was confident she'd get there soon.

While Deeks continued with his run, Kensi switched to the universal machine. She was disappointed, but not surprised, that she couldn't maintain her speed on the elliptical for very long. That too would come with time, Kensi mused, particularly now that she had the energy and the motivation to work out every day. So instead, she kept the weight low and did multiple reps with all of her major muscle groups. She would probably regret it tomorrow, but right now, Kensi felt almost normal again.

After about an hour, they found themselves back in the cottage, debating the merits of the shower over the jacuzzi.

"We should actually be doing contrast baths, according to Sam. And this is the perfect place to do it," Deeks claimed.

"Do I really want to know what that is?"

"Probably not, considering how hot you like your showers, but it really is the best thing for recovery after a strenuous workout." Seeing that Kensi was willing to hear him out, Deeks explained, "We fill the tub with cold water and run the shower hot. And we spend four minutes in the hot shower followed by one minute in the cold tub. Do that for three cycles, and all will be well with your muscles in the morning."

Kensi made a face. "One, _I_ did not have a strenuous workout, _you_ did. And two, we're having massages in less than an hour, so we really don't have to worry about muscles soreness."

Deeks started running the bath, but Kensi couldn't see what he was doing with the temperature. "First, your workout _was_ strenuous, for you. Just because you can't compete with my strength and stamina right now doesn't mean it wasn't a big deal for you." Deeks grabbed her face and kissed Kensi playfully. "Second, you know that you can't have full-strength shiatsu work done right now, so don't even pretend this massage is going to deal with your overworked muscles, Sugar Bear. You'll have to suffer through a relaxing massage instead, poor baby."

Kensi watched as Deeks then went into the shower and started fiddling with some of the many knobs on the nearest wall. Except for sneakers and socks, he was still fully clothed, so the part of her that didn't like to be called out by anyone, even Deeks, really hoped that one or all of the jets would go off and soak him. When the water started flowing from one spigot, Deeks adjusted it until he was satisfied, then came out and started taking off his clothes. "Let's go, Princess. Start stripping."

"You know, this isn't exactly what I was fantasizing about before."

"Me either, obviously. But this really is going to help avoid all that post-workout soreness and stiffness we'd both suffer from otherwise. That was the first real, extended exercise either one of us has done in a while, and the last thing we want is to be aching and out of commission when we go to bed tonight, yeah?"

Kensi sighed. "I guess you're right." She pulled off her shirt and toed off her shoes at the same time, directing them into a pile in the corner of the room.

Deeks' eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Wait. Can you repeat that, for the record?"

"No." Off came her pants and socks.

"Please? Maybe say it into the microphone?"

"You're naked, Deeks. What microphone would that be?" Instead of answering, he just looked down at himself. "Perv," Kensi accused. "But I guess if I was going to do anything with that, it should be now, huh? Because once we're in that cold bath, I might not be able to find it." With that, she removed her bra and panties.

"Ouch. And meow. Now stop stalling and get into the shower, you big baby." Deeks found his phone in the pocket of his sweats, "I'll set a timer."

* * *

They decided to eat their early dinner inside because they didn't feel like getting out of the fluffy robes the inn provided. Kensi was diving into her medium-well steak topped with fried onion strings with a side of burnt broccoli and baked sweet potato slathered in butter and sour cream while Deeks was enjoying his baked, stuffed lobster, complemented by corn-on-the-cob and roasted rosemary potatoes.

"You're going to need another shower by the time you're done with dinner, you know." Kensi remarked after using her thumb to wipe away the smear of butter that had made its way below Deeks' lip and further down.

"Aww, you just wiped my chin."

"I figure I should start getting some practice in, since I'm committed to doing it for the next sixty years."

"How's the steak?"

"Delicious. I think chef Matty must have added extra butter when he finished it off. You want a bite?" At Deeks' nod, Kensi cut off a piece and fed it to him from her fork.

"Mmm, that is good, even if it's a little more well-done than I usually like it. Can you even taste your potato there, under all that fat?"

"Hey, I lost some weight in the hospital you know, I can afford a few extra calories."

"Yeah, but I can hear your arteries clogging from here."

"That's twice today you've channeled Sam."

"Don't tell him that."

"You're obviously spending way too much time with him."

"And Callen. My long silences have taken on a brooding quality, in case you haven't noticed."

"What long silences?"

"Okay, my pauses between sentences have taken on a brooding quality, then."

Kensi laughed.

"And it's all your fault, for being away so long. You want to try some of my lobster?"

"Yes, please. And I'm sorry, next time I'm pinned in a helicopter and develop aplastic anemia I'll be sure to come to work more often."

"You do that," Deeks recommended as he fed Kensi a piece of lobster with his fingers. He then marked a trail of butter down her chin with his thumb. "Oops, my bad," he mock-apologized before leaning in and licking, then kissing the area clean. Deeks stayed close when he was done. "So I have to admit to being a little jealous during your massage earlier," he whispered.

Maeve and Steve had arrived not long after Kensi and Deeks' post-workout contrast showers/baths and set up their massage tables in the space between the bedroom and living area. As much as Kensi had denied having any interest in a couples' massage in the past, she was happy that in this case, since they had both been through so much, they would enjoy their treat together.

"Really? Why? It's not like Steve was running his big, strong hands up and down _my_ body."

"No, but those sounds you were making? I thought only I could do that to you."

Kensi smiled. "Maeve has terrific hands, no doubt about it. And she did a great job striking a balance between what I wanted and what my body could handle. Probably because she knows that frustration herself, not to mention the physiology behind a low platelet count. I swear, she could tell exactly when a blood vessel was pushed to its limit and stopped just short of that."

"So no bruises, then?"

"I don't think so. You'll have to do a thorough check later, though, just to be sure."

"I can do that."

"I know you can, Detective." Kensi winked before returning her attention to her dinner. "I heard some pretty interesting sounds coming from you, too. You're not used to having a guy do your massages, are you?"

"Was it that obvious? Not that there's anything wrong with another man having his hands all over my body…"

Kensi laughed, "But most people, men and women, are more comfortable with having a female massage therapist. I read somewhere recently that something like eight-six percent of massage therapists are female because of client preference. To be honest, I'm glad you had a Steve and not a Stephanie, especially since I was here with you."

Deeks beamed. "Why? Would my little green-eyed Kensi have come out and kicked some ass otherwise?"

"Maybe I just like being the only woman to touch you, like you want to be the only one to elicit certain sound from me."

"Maybe should get married one day, then. Make sure that's always the case."

"Yeah, maybe we should," Kensi agreed, her eyes alight with happiness. "Maybe in a couple of months you'll ask me."

"And maybe you'll say yes?"

"Oh, I'll definitely say yes."

* * *

When Kensi's phone alarm sounded the next morning, she violently turned it over to shut it up.

"Someone doesn't want to wake up," Deeks mumbled, wrapping himself around her from behind.

"Someone kept me up too late last night," Kensi pointed out.

"Well someone had the brilliant idea to use the shower and jacuzzi in a much more pleasurable way before going to bed, where someone else insisted we had to take advantage of the ability to spread out and be a little…um…adventurous in our lovemaking. As if the shower and bath weren't enough."

"Because someone promised me a night of unhurried, loud-as-we-want, long-as-we-need lovemaking in a big bed if I agreed to wait until I was out of the hospital."

Deeks bit her shoulder. "And it was so worth the wait, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah." Kensi sighed and pulled Deeks' arms tighter around her.

He kissed a trail from Kensi's shoulder up to her neck. "Want to cancel our appointment with Maura, stay in bed?"

"And deny the girl the opportunity to run her hands through your glorious Viking mane? Besides, it's probably too late to cancel breakfast. So if we have to get up for that, we may as well get up for some beauty work at the spa."

"Right, what did you order again? Chocolate chip waffles with bananas foster, _including_ the ice cream?"

Disentangling herself from Deeks, Kensi sat at the edge of the bed and stretched a little. "And bacon. Don't forget the bacon." She leaned over and gave Deeks a lingering kiss. "I'm going to take a quick shower and get dressed before breakfast arrives. Feel like eating on the patio?"

"Sounds like a plan. Want some company?"

"For breakfast? Absolutely. How else am I going to filch some of your sausage links?" She winked at him as she backed toward the bathroom, still naked from bed.

"No, smart-ass. Company in the shower." Deeks was glad that Kensi had apparently gotten over her discomfort of him seeing the central line dangling from her chest.

"Don't forget cute," Kensi tossed one of Deeks' favorite comebacks back at him. "It's a really cute ass." To demonstrate, she turned around and wiggled her derrière as she walked away. "And you are always welcome in my shower. But right now, only if we can actually just take a shower; I don't want my breakfast to get cold. Or melt."

Kensi sat in a chair in the spa, scalp treated and a towel wrapped around her head, and watched Deeks and Maura enjoy each other.

"Maeve was right," Maura said as she worked her fingers around Deeks' scalp, "You do have fantastic hair."

"And you have magic fingers."

Kensi was definitely fighting off some twinges of jealousy at the sight of the pretty young Irish woman with her hands in her partner's hair, but knowing from her own recent experience just how good those hands felt applying pressure and lightly scratching her scalp, she pushed the feelings aside and focused on Deeks' happy and relaxed face. Plus she really couldn't blame Maura; Kensi also loved running her fingers through her man's hair.

As much as Kensi had wanted to stay in bed this morning, she did not want to miss this appointment. While Kensi's chemo did not result in losing her hair entirely, it was noticeably thinner to both her and Deeks, and she hoped some hair and scalp care would help speed up the return of her normal, healthier hair.

Maeve recommended that Kensi have a few inches cut off by her regular stylist if she was concerned about how her hair looked to others. Apparently shorter hair tends to look fuller, and the less it needs to be tied back, the less likely she'll pull more out. Shorter hair Kensi would consider, but _short_ was out of the question, in her mind. In her entire life Kensi had never worn her hair shorter than shoulder length. Perhaps it was vain, but Kensi loved her long, thick, dark hair. And she would probably never admit this out loud, even to Deeks, but the relief she felt when she learned the reduced-intensity chemotherapy likely wouldn't rob her of her hair easily matched her relief at knowing she would be avoiding the worst of the nausea and vomiting.

Once they were both sufficiently slathered up with hair and scalp treatments, Kensi and Deeks were treated to mani-pedis. In preparation for the occasional undercover role, Deeks had had manicures in the past. But he'd never had a pedicure, and Kensi was delighted to be here for his first one, knowing how ticklish his feet were.

"Uh-huh, you keep laughing now, Ms. Troll-Toes, but we all know the ladies here will be snickering later at the freakishness of your feet."

When Kensi's toes were just about ready and Deeks was still being worked on, he all but whined, "How come you get to be done already?"

"One, my toenails were not an atrocious mess because I clip mine regularly. And two, I can't have my cuticles cut right now due to my platelet count, so we skipped that step."

"Yes, you do clip yours regularly, and leave the clippings all over the house! Which is gross, I might add. Maybe I should start doing that…there's your motivation for keeping up with the vacuuming."

Kensi scoffed and was about to respond when Maura returned. "Kensi, let's go finish your hair treatment. It's time to enjoy a soothing shampoo, and then I'll blow it out for you."

"I won't need a blowout," Deeks called after them, "I prefer my hair to be styled by pillow."

* * *

After finishing in the spa, Kensi and Deeks shared a picnic lunch on the grounds of the vineyard. They'd found a shady spot under a tree and took in the bucolic view while they munched on chicken salad sandwiches, a variety of cheeses, and a bag of chips.

Glancing at her watch as she shifted to rest on her back with her head on Deeks' lap, Kensi commented, "If we consider the day to be the past twenty-four hours, this has been the best one we've had in a really long time."

"Baby, this has been, without a doubt, one of the top five days we've had since Syria."

Kensi reflected for a moment. "Can't argue with that."

They were quiet for a while, enjoying the weather and just being able to relax with each other. Deeks ran his hand periodically through Kensi's hair. "Feels like silk," he noted.

"I bet yours does too." She reached her arm up, searching for his hair. Deeks accommodated, leaning his head down, and Kensi brushed her fingers through. "Mmm, nice." She sighed, dropping her arm back to the picnic blanket. "How much longer till we have to leave?"

"Well, we're already checked out and the bags are in the car, so all we have to do is return the picnic things and then we can hit the road." Deeks picked up Kensi's arm and checked her watch. "Which we should probably do in no more than an hour."

Kensi grabbed his hand as Deeks was about to let go of her wrist, threaded her fingers between his, and rested them on her abdomen. "As much as I can't wait to be back in our home, and see Monty again, and start living life with my health on the upswing, I kind of don't want to leave here."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. This was a perfect way to transition you back to the outside world. Props to Tiffani. We'll have to send her a bouquet of flowers or something."

"She'd like that. I should probably call her on the way home too, just to let her know how great this was."

A few more minutes passed in silence before Kensi offered, "Penny for your thoughts."

Deeks chuckled. "You really want to know?"

"I asked, didn't I?"

"You know how I want to be cryogenically frozen after I die? Till they find a way to cure whatever killed me?"

"How could I ever forget that?"

"Well, I was just thinking that if we end up deciding to have kids and using the embryos we've already created, our kids will have been frozen and thawed before me. Feels kind of like a circle of life thing, or something. Could be a family tradition."

"Oh my god, you are so weird."

"You don't want to know what's going on in the mind of Deeks, don't ask next time. But now it's your turn, what are you thinking?"

"That maybe we need to get a bigger freezer. But before that, I was thinking about how happy I am. And how lucky. How much I love you. Stuff like that." She smiled up at him.

"Stuff like that, huh?"

"Yup." Kensi gave his hand a squeeze and tilted her head up so she could look at him, even if upside down. "I really don't know how I would have made it this far without you, Deeks. I mean, the obvious aside, that you found a donor for me; there were so many times I just wanted to curl into a ball and give up. But I couldn't because you were always there, ready to do or say or be whatever I needed."

"There's nowhere else I would rather have been, Kens." He squeezed back. "Nowhere else I'll ever be but right beside you." He paused for a few beats of his heart, continuing to meet Kensi's eyes. "You ready to go home now, rejoin the real world?"

"As long as you're there, I'm ready for anything."

* * *

"Bags in the trunk?"

"Check." Deeks confirmed, closing the lid.

"Including the wine?"

"Check."

"Snacks accessible in the car?"

He peeked behind the driver's seat before he got in, "Check."

"Bladder empty?"

Deeks made a face as if he was trying to pee. Kensi laughed. "Check."

"Sunscreen on?"

"Since I applied it to both of us, double-check."

"Sunglasses and hats?" They looked at the accessories on each other and said simultaneously, "Check."

"One last thing," added Kensi, as she leaned on the passenger door.

"What's that, Fern?"

"What were my mother's exact words when you borrowed her car?"

Deeks rested his head against the steering wheel. "Again with this?"

Kensi stood up straight and folded her arms.

He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds before turning to look directly at Kensi. "She said, and I quote, 'Marty, you know how much I love and admire my daughter, and that she can and will do anything she sets her mind to. But please promise me that you will not allow her to drive my car.' And then I promised her, and I'm going to keep that promise because she's going to be my mother-in-law one day, and I need her to like me."

Kensi continued to stand there, frozen in place, and Deeks could tell she was looking for a loophole in the pledge he had made. When she was apparently satisfied that there wasn't one, she clucked her tongue in discontent and got into the car. Deeks put the car in gear and then placed his hand on Kensi's thigh as they drove away. "I don't understand what this obsession is about you driving your mother's car. I mean, you got to drive Hetty's Shelby Cobra, thanks to me, by the way. What more could you want in life, at least in terms of cool cars?"

Kensi shrugged. "I guess I just don't like people telling me I can't do something."

"No, really?" Deeks laughed. "That's some deep introspection there, Kensalina." When she continued to pout, he added, "How about this – I promise to let you drive the SRX home from your mom's if that helps any."

Kensi's eyebrows went up at the thought that he'd be able to stop her. "You'll _let_ me? Are we going to have that argument again?"

 _Oh, hell no_. Deeks cleared his throat. "What I meant to say was, do you think you'll want to do the driving on the way home from your mom's?"

"That's what I thought I heard." Kensi grinned, and then clarified, "And for the record, from my mother's perspective, you are saving her only child from a life of spinsterhood, and are offering her the opportunity to be a grandmother. Not to mention the fact that she credits you with bringing me back into her life. So you could total this car today and she will still more than _like_ you. I already think she likes you better than she likes me most of the time, in fact."

Deeks smiled. "Well then we're even, because I _know_ my mother likes you more than she likes me."

In the end, Kensi didn't get to drive home either. Monty was so excited to see her that he wouldn't stay in the back seat while Kensi was in the front. Instead, he kept trying to climb into her lap. So Kensi sat in the back with Monty and "endured" his doggie kisses and whines of joy for the length of the trip from Julia's.

Unlocking their front door twenty minutes later, Deeks pushed it open but paused before walking in. Monty rushed in ahead of them, but Deeks held Kensi back. Confused, she was about to speak when Deeks pulled her in for a kiss. Kensi followed Deeks' lead when he started moving, and before she knew it, they had stepped over the threshold and were inside. Deeks closed the door behind her before he released Kensi from the kiss and leaned his forehead against hers. "Welcome home, Kens," he said, simply.

Kensi had a tear in her eye as she glanced around their home from where they stood, wrapped in each other's arms. "It's so good to be back."


	24. Chapter 24

**AN:** I hit 200 reviews with chapter 23, and felt so warm and fuzzy I thought I'd do something special for the person who left the 200th review (don't get too excited…I was thinking of something along the lines of writing a story based on your prompt, not cleaning your house). Turns out it's a guest, so I have no way to contact you or know who you are. Then I thought I'd reach out to the person who wrote my 100th review, and that person is also a guest. Lesson to be learned: if you review as a guest, please consider registering for an account here. You never know when an author wants to get in touch with you! I've had quite a number of guest reviews I would have loved to respond to. That said, thanks again to everyone who takes the time to leave a review, whether you're registered or a guest.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Two weeks later, Kensi acknowledged that she was making progress, but she wasn't satisfied. She was currently on the elliptical in the gym at work, which was still her favorite piece of equipment because it was the closest she could get to running. She also got in some aerobic exercise on the stationary bike and the rowing machine just to mix things up. But the gains she was making were not as big as she would have hoped by now.

She was having blood drawn and seeing someone in Dr. Popa's office three times a week, and they were happy with Kensi's numbers. Her blood counts continued to improve, but at a snail's pace as far as Kensi was concerned. Her white blood cells were leading the charge, which was expected, and meant that soon she would be able to be completely off the prophylactic courses of antibiotics, antivirals, and antifungals. She would also be able to be in crowds again and start eating foods that had been prohibited for far too long. And possibly add swimming to her workout routine.

But as long as the red blood cells that provided oxygen continued to increase only marginally, Kensi couldn't hope to get back to her previous level of speed and stamina, no matter how hard she pushed herself. She and Deeks had argued about it just a few days ago, when he suggested she take it easy.

" _Kens, look, all I'm saying is that you don't want to overdo it, especially this early in your recovery." Deeks had come home from work a few hours after Kensi to find her practically passed out on the couch. For the third day in a row._

" _Obviously I'm not overdoing it. If I was, I'd be able to work out for much longer than I can. But I can't improve if I don't push myself, Deeks." They were both on the couch now, Kensi having pulled herself up to a sitting position to make room for him._

" _You come home and crash every night. Maybe you're pushing too hard."_

" _So what if I am? At least now I'm crashing because I'm being active and not because I'm sick."_

" _You've been home for a week-and-a-half and we've barely spent any quality time together in the evenings because you're too tired."_

" _Don't you want me back in the field as soon as possible? Because at this rate, I may be medically cleared to return to work in a couple of months but then have to spend several more weeks getting back into shape." Kensi's voice was getting higher-pitched._

" _Of course I want you back, Kens. You know I do." Deeks ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. "Baby, I know you're feeling better and you want to take advantage of that, but you're still sick. And you still need to take care of yourself." Deeks could admit to himself that last sentence did not come out the way he had intended. He knew how much Kensi hated it when she thought he implied she wasn't doing everything she could to maintain her health._

" _Gee, Deeks, thanks for reminding me that I'm still frail and broken. Way to support me and have my back." As soon as the words came out of her mouth, Kensi regretted them. And the look on Deeks' face confirmed that she'd hit the target she hadn't even been aiming for, dead center. Kensi gasped, both at the pain she caused the man she loved and at own stupidity. Deeks just sat there, stunned. "Crap, Deeks, no. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

" _Wow," was all he could say. But Kensi could hear the hurt in that one syllable._

 _When Deeks stood, Kensi jumped up and grabbed his arm, holding him in place. "No, baby. Please don't walk away. I'm sorry. I never should have said that. You have to know I didn't mean it. I'm an idiot and I just…I don't have an excuse. I was getting frustrated, I guess, but that's no justification. I know you_ always _have my back. And I_ know _you would do anything to support me. You've proven that to me over and over again for years, not just these past months. I'm so sorry, Deeks." Kensi looked up at him but couldn't read Deeks' face, a fact that terrified her. "Baby, please say something."_

 _He shook his head slightly. "There's really nothing left to say, Kensi."_

" _What do you mean?" Her words were a whisper and she was barely holding back the tears._

" _You took the words right out of my mouth. Anything I would have yelled back at you, you just said." He shrugged. "Thanks for stealing my thunder, Fern." The smallest of smiles brightened Deeks' features._

 _Kensi was dumbstruck for several seconds. "So you're not mad at me?"_

" _Well, I won't deny that it stung, Kens. But no, I'm not mad. A little hurt, still, maybe, but –" Deeks had the air forced from his lungs as Kensi threw herself at him and wrapped her arms around him with all the strength she had. He finished his sentence in a mock squeak, "But we'll be okay." He put his arms around her as well and kissed the side of her head._

Kensi dropped her chin to her chest, still angry at herself for what she had said to Deeks. He'd forgiven her that night, of course. He was always much quicker to forgive and forget in general than she was. It was one of the things Kensi admired most about him. If anyone had the right to grow up bitter and holding grudges, it was Deeks. But he was the opposite; always positive and full of compassion and good will.

In her own attempt at good will, Kensi was planning to try her hand at a kvæfjordcake this weekend as a treat for Deeks. They were having Emily and Jasper over for dinner, and Kensi thought the sponge cake-custard-meringue concoction that Deeks raved about just minutes before she found out she had a donor would be the perfect dessert.

Attempting to quicken her pace, Kensi soon felt her breath coming shorter and knew she was getting close to hitting her wall. She played with the elliptical's control panel and reduced the resistance, cursing herself and her body.

"I recognize that look."

Kensi looked up and watched Callen walk across the gym's hardwood floor toward her. "What look would that be?" she asked, annoyed that she was on the verge of being too out of breath to hold a conversation.

"That's the pissed Kensi look that says you're not backing down."

"Not backing down, no. But dropping down to a lower intensity before I pass out."

"How long did it take you to get to that point this time?"

Kensi looked at the digital readout on the machine. "Just over fifteen minutes."

"That's better than just a few days ago, you know. On Tuesday I think it was thirteen."

Kensi was pleased that her team leader was taking such an interest in her training. It felt good that every day when she was here working out, one or both of the senior agents would come by and check in on her and offer her words of encouragement if they were in the building. But she had to admit she was surprised Callen would remember, or even know, how long she worked out on Tuesday before she had to slow down since it was Sam who visited. And she didn't remember Sam asking.

But she did recall that Sam stood alongside her for a bit. Maybe he checked out the display then? And then went back and discussed it with Callen? _That would be…odd_ , Kensi thought. She noticed that Callen seemed to be looking at her with an awful lot of interest right now. Kensi took her towel and wiped the sweat off her face before casually tossing it on top of the monitor, just to see what would happen. She noted that Callen's eyebrows rose ever so slightly and knew she was on the right track. _Definitely something weird going on here._

Callen nodded distractedly and changed the subject slightly. "Any idea when you'll be able to start combat training again? You must be itching to get back on the mats with us."

"You have no idea," Kensi huffed. "But not until my platelets are in the normal range, otherwise I risk internal bleeding. And that will be the last blood count to normalize, unfortunately."

"So that's why just the weight lifting and shadowboxing for now, then."

"Yeah. At least I can work on regaining my strength and some fighting technique."

"What resistance level are you on?" Callen tilted his head at the display he could no longer see.

Without removing the towel, Kensi replied, "Just dropped down to two as you came into the gym. Had been on three. Before all this I'd work up to five, where I'd spend a half hour and then gradually go back down to two."

"How are you feeling now?"

"Well I can breathe again, which is always good." Even since she'd been sick, Callen never took this much of an interest the small details of Kensi's life. A suspicion was forming in her head. Taking a chance, Kensi lied, "When Sam came by the other day, he told me I shouldn't push myself. That I should save some energy for weights and shadowboxing. What do you think?"

Kensi almost laughed out loud at the look on Callen's face. "Sam said that?"

She nodded eagerly.

"This was on Tuesday?"

"Yup."

"That son of a –"

"You two are betting on me!" Kensi accused, one hand leaving the grip to point at him..

Callen had the grace to look mildly embarrassed, though whether it was from the betting or getting caught, Kensi didn't know. "It's really more of a friendly wager, Kens," the team leader tried to explain with a smile on his face.

"And here I was feeling all warm and fuzzy thinking you were taking a sincere interest in my recovery…"

Callen was serious now. "I care about how you're doing, Kensi. Sam and I both do, and we have faith in your ability and determination to get back to where you were, skill-wise. We want you back in the field as soon as you can be."

Kensi studied Callen for a few seconds before deciding he was telling the truth. "What are you betting on, exactly?"

"Last week it was how long you'd work out in total. This week it's how long you stay at your highest intensity level."

"And next week?"

"We haven't decided yet. Sam wants to bring your weight training into the mix, but I'm against it since he's been helping you with that. Seems like an unfair advantage to me."

"Seriously, you guys have nothing better to do?"

He shrugged. "It's been slow around here lately, and we've been letting Deeks take Nell out into the field more often."

"Does Deeks know about this?"

"No. Why do you think we've been having him and Nell go out so much? Talk about an unfair advantage."

"That's true." Kensi smiled a little deviously. "Not only does he know what I'm up to at home, but he can affect the outcome by providing me with opportunities for extra _physical activity_ at night _,_ " Kensi lifted her own eyebrows so Callen would understand exactly what type of activity she was referring to. "Or in the morning. Or on the way to work. You know, sometimes we pull over on this really quiet block and –"

"Stop! TMI!" Callen threw both of his arms out, palms toward her, as if he could keep Kensi's words from reaching him. "I'll never get that image out of my head."

"Good! That's what you get for gambling on me like I'm a greyhound."

"Come on, Kens, you know we think of you more like a prized thoroughbred."

She took her towel and threw it at him, laughing.

"The least you guys could do is split your winnings with me."

"What winnings? We've been passing the same twenty back and forth since we started. And wasn't it enough that the last time people wagered on you, you ended up with an all-expenses paid trip to a spa?"

Kensi thought for a second. "You got me there. And thanks."

"You can consider us even once you're able to take me down in close quarter combat again."

Kensi laughed as she stopped running on the elliptical. " _Again_. You got that right. So good to hear you admit that I've bested you before."

Callen chuckled and held the towel out to Kensi. "Why don't you go clean up and you, me, and Sam-Dawg can eat lunch when you're done, unless Deeks and Nell find something for us to do as a result of their interrogation. Maybe I can talk my partner into letting me help out with your weight training routine so we can finally place a fair bet on that."

"I'd like to watch that. Give me twenty minutes; that should be enough time for one of you to run out for food."

They started walking their separate ways. "You want anything?"

"Nah, I brought leftovers from home. I'm still playing it safe, just in case."

* * *

Kensi exited the locker room twenty-five minutes later with her phone to her ear. She saw that she had missed a couple of messages from Deeks while she was in the shower, but couldn't listen to them until she was in an area of the mission that had better cell reception.

She hadn't gotten through the first words of Deeks' first voice mail when Kensi was stopped short by the appearance of Hetty. One look at her operations manager's face, and Kensi knew something was wrong.

"Ms. Blye, Agents Callen and Hanna had to leave to take over the questioning of the witness Ms. Jones and Detective Deeks were sent to retrieve."

"Why aren't Deeks and Nell handling the interrogation?"

"They are at the hospital." At Kensi's alarmed look, Hetty continued quickly. "Mr. Deeks is conscious, but he was hit by a car and is being assessed at Long Beach Memorial." As Kensi started to head toward the nearest exit, Hetty called out, "Ms. Blye?" The junior agent stopped and turned. "I spoke with Ms. Jones, who is with Mr. Deeks. He asks that you contact them when you are in the parking lot, but do not go in, as emergency rooms are rife with sick people, all of whom you should be avoiding."

Kensi nodded and rushed out.

Just over an hour later, she was nearly ready to tear her hair out as she pulled up to the ER's parking lot and flashed her badge to be let through the gate without a hassle. Kensi hadn't heard from Deeks or Nell during the interminable ride toward the coast. What should have taken about thirty minutes took twice as long due to traffic, Kensi assumed, because some college somewhere in the area was on likely Spring Break.

Parking and turning off the engine, Kensi let out a frustrated breath as she texted Deeks and Nell. Less than a minute later, she got a response from Nell saying they'd be out soon and reiterating Deeks' insistence that she not come in.

Getting out and leaning against the car to wait, Kensi tried to calm herself. The rational part of her knew that Deeks couldn't have been too badly hurt, or Hetty never would have let Kensi drive here alone. And that the reason she didn't hear back from Deeks was lousy cell reception in the hospital. The irrational part of her knew how unpredictable head wounds could be, and how internal injuries could be hard to spot at first glance. And that either one was a distinct possibility when someone is hit by a car.

The message he'd left earlier suggested that Deeks' had hurt his arm. But she could tell by the tension in his voice that he was in pain, and Kensi wondered if he'd been hiding anything from her. Or hadn't been told everything yet.

Finally, Kensi spied her almost fiancé and one of her best friends as they exited the ER. Nell had her arm around Deeks' waist, appearing to provide him with some stability. She'd always known Nell was petite, but it never struck her just how tiny the analyst was until Kensi observed her walking beside Deeks.

Deeks seemed to be walking fine, if a little gingerly, but his left arm was now in a sling. Kensi headed toward them and met them halfway, between another row of cars. Nell extricated herself from Deeks and continued toward the SRX without a word as her partner held out his right arm so that Kensi could slide under and support him from the side. A fact for which she was grateful, since all Kensi wanted just then was to hold Deeks and be held by him.

"Are you okay?" Kensi asked after several quiet moments.

"Dislocated the shoulder again."

"Did they give you the good drugs?" Kensi smiled at him, understanding now why Deeks had needed Nell's guiding arm as they left the building.

"The fact that there were any drugs at all this time made it much better than the last time."

"Is that all?"

"Huh?"

 _Yep, he got the good drugs_ , Kensi thought. "Your shoulder. Is that the only injury? You looked like you were walking a little funny."

"Some contusions on my left hip and leg. No big deal."

Kensi nodded, then leaned in to kiss Deeks. Not a little peck on the lips, but not a full make-out session either. Enough to prove Deeks was okay and hopefully demonstrate how relieved she was. Kensi didn't know if it was for her or for him, but she figured it would make them both feel a little better. "I love you," she whispered as she pulled away just enough to speak. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry. It was the car's fault, though. Should have had a mattress on the bumper and hood if it was going to go around hitting people."

She chuckled as she started them toward the SRX. "So inconsiderate."

Arriving at the car, Kensi noted that Nell was already in the back seat, staring straight ahead. She didn't so much as stir when Kensi opened the front passenger door for Deeks. Fortunately, he was able to climb in by himself, and all Kensi had to do was reach over and buckle his seatbelt for him.

"Thanks," Deeks sighed.

Kensi breathed deeply. "You smell like hospital."

"I didn't want to bring any germs out to you, so I made them give me covers for my clothes and I practically bathed in antimicrobial gel before I left."

Kensi was touched. Even in pain and slightly out of it from painkillers, Deeks was always thinking of her. Kensi traced a finger down the side of his face tenderly, "You're incredible, you know that?" She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before she slowly closed the door and crossed to the driver's side.

Getting in the car, Kensi thought Deeks looked like he was grimacing in pain. "You comfortable like that, babe? Do you want me to find something to prop under your arm a little?"

"I think I'll be alright. Just try not to hit every pothole between here and home, and I'm golden. Which reminds me, we need to take Nell back to the mission for her car." Deeks said a little thickly as Kensi started the car and prepared to pull out of her spot.

At the mention of her name, Kensi glanced in the rearview mirror at Nell. Once again, she didn't seem to be paying attention. Kensi placed her hand on Deeks' left thigh and squeezed lightly. He responded by placing his right hand on top, sliding his fingers between hers, and squeezing back.

Catching Deeks' eyes, Kensi signaled toward their friend before she spoke. "Nell? You okay back there? If you want I can drive you straight home instead."

"What?" Nell had obviously been deep in thought.

"Do you want me to drive you home or back to the mission?"

"The mission is fine." Her voice was flat.

"So what happened out there?"

When Nell didn't answer, Deeks filled in the silence. "When our suspect saw us coming, he decided to make a run for it. Nellosaurus and I were catching up when some guy who doesn't know to stop driving when people are running across the street in front of him clipped me. Pretty sure my shoulder hit the windshield, which you wouldn't think would be such a big deal the way those things crack and web, but it was enough to do some damage."

"Didn't you tell me after Syria that you had a better chance of dislocating it again because the ligaments and tendons stretch in during a dislocation and then again when they reposition it?"

"Yeah, there was something like a fifty to seventy-five percent chance this would happen again, especially given our line of work."

"You hear that, Nell? Chances are Deeks would have done this again. I'm actually surprised it didn't happen sooner, given how naturally awkward and clumsy he tends to be."

Kensi felt Deeks glance at her, about to defend himself, but seemed to noticed she was frequently checking on Nell in the mirror. Deeks may have been on painkillers and muscle relaxers, but he was no dummy, particularly not when it involved someone he cared about. He recognized that Kensi was concerned about Nell.

He shook his head to further clear the drug-induced cobwebs. "Yup. That's why I became a lawyer instead of joining the NBA. Little known fact: LAPD made me take ballet classes to improve my agility and gracefulness before they'd let me graduate. Not sure it helped that much, but it was enough for the boys in blue, apparently."

Kensi smiled at the image of Deeks in a leotard. "Nell?" When the analyst cum field agent continued to be unresponsive, Kensi put some bite behind her tone. "Nell!" Finally meeting her eyes in the mirror, Kensi continued. "Tell me what happened. Consider it a first draft for your after-action report."

Nell cleared her throat and looked distinctly uncomfortable, trying to rest her eyes anywhere but on the people in the front seats. She replied formally, "We were approaching our subject when he spotted us and ran. Detective Deeks and I gave chase. I was lagging behind and Deeks…Detective Deeks told me to circle around the block and try to cut him off. I hadn't gotten very far when I heard the sound of squealing brakes. I turned in time to see a car strike Deeks. He…he rolled off the hood and landed on the street, and he wasn't moving. I headed back in his direction and when I reached him, Deeks was awake and alert, and said he was fine and that I should continue my pursuit. I did, only catching up when the suspect slowed down to avoid getting hit by a car that was coming out of an alley. I restrained the subject and brought him back to where Deeks was. There was a crowd around him, so I couldn't see at first, and I thought…I thought it was worse than…" This time she didn't continue.

Deeks gave her a few seconds before speaking. "You did exactly what you were supposed to, Nell. This wasn't your fault."

Now her response was immediate. "How can you say that? I saw – I watched that car hit you, Deeks, and when you landed, I thought, _Dear God, he's dead. How am I going to tell Kensi?_ "

"What would you have done differently, Nell? If you had it to do over again." Kensi asked simply.

"Kens, there was nothing she could have done."

"Deeks, we don't know that. Nell had an angle and a viewpoint you didn't have. We owe it to her and the entire team to look at every incident like this and see how we can improve, don't we?"

When Deeks didn't argue, Nell took it as her cue to answer Kensi's question. "I would have run faster, for one. And I would have yelled out a warning to Deeks. I saw the car that hit him just before and I knew he was driving too fast, but it just didn't register that they might dart out in front of it."

"Those are good thoughts, Nell. And I'm glad you're thinking about how you can be better in the field. I want you to look at me." Kensi waited until the petite redhead met her reflection in the rearview. She was dead serious as she said, "You know how much I love this man, right?"

Nell nodded.

"And you know that if I think you did something wrong, it's my responsibility to tell you. Not just for Deeks, but for you. And for us as a team. This is how we keep each other alive; we give and take constructive criticism."

"I understand." The poor woman sounded like she was headed for the firing squad.

"Good. Now keep that in mind while you listen to what I have to say." Kensi drew in a breath and organized her thoughts as she shifted her eyes from the road again for a quick moment. "First, Deeks is about a foot taller than you, and at least half of that is legs. I don't care how fast you can run, you will never be able to keep up with him in a foot chase. You didn't seem to appreciate my humor before, when I said he was clumsy. He runs like a jungle cat," Kensi saw Deeks grin out of the corner of her eye. "So you can just forget the argument that you would have run faster, even if I believed you weren't already running as fast as you could. Are we in agreement on that?"

Nell considered before answering, "I suppose."

Deeks chimed in, "Definitely."

"Second. You saw any number of cars heading in Deeks and the suspect's direction. How could you have predicted which one Deeks would run in front of, especially if you were running toward the cars and away from Deeks?"

Nell sighed, "I guess I couldn't have."

"Nope, no visions from St. Malachy O'More for Nell Jones," added Deeks.

Kensi shook her head at what she assumed was the analyst's confused expression, "I'll explain that some other time, Nell. But until then, about your last idea, that you could have yelled out a warning to Deeks. Assuming that you were close enough and psychic enough to do that, do you know what would have happened?"

"He wouldn't have gotten hit."

"Wrong. One of two things would have happened in that situation. Either he would have stopped short and the car would have hit him without Deeks having the momentum to jump up at the last second, as we're trained to do. Or he would have turned toward your voice and instead of getting hit from the side, which by the way, is the best-case scenario, he would have taken the brunt of the force to the back or the pelvis and torso. And if either of those things had happened, he would not be sitting next to me right now holding my hand." Kensi's voice broke on her last statement.

"That would suck," Deeks said solemnly.

"Do you believe me, Nell?"

Nell was quiet for several long moments, but a quick glance told Kensi she was considering her comments. Finally, she let a small smile through. "Yeah, I do. Thanks, lady."

"That's my ladybird!"

Kensi laughed, "There is definitely room for improvement here, Nell, but I think that's on Deeks."

"Wait, what?"

"Babe, you have got to learn to get hit by a car. Especially now that you have a tendency to dislocate that shoulder."

"Okay, I might be a little doped up here, but didn't you say I did what we're trained to do when I jumped at the last moment?"

"Yes, but you clearly need more training than LAPD or NCIS can provide."

"And where do you propose I get this training?"

"From me. Nell, you're welcome to be a part of this too if you want."

"Did I miss some coursework at FLETC?" Nell asked.

"I didn't get all of my skills from FLETC or other professional development courses."

"Then where did you learn how to get hit by cars? And how do you know you're any good at it if you've never been hit by one?" This from Deeks.

"For your information, I have been hit by a car three times since joining the OSP. And I have walked away each time and never required a trip to the ER, because I know the proper way to do it."

"Again, I know I'm kind of high right now, but I think I would remember if my partner had been hit by a car three times and walked away to tell the tale, even if she is like Wonder Woman."

"Well, once was before you joined us."

It took Deeks a few seconds to pick up on the corollary to Kensi's claim. "Hold on. You're telling me you've been hit by a car _twice_ since you and I have been partners? And you never told me. Where the hell was I?"

Kensi realized maybe she should have started this conversation a little differently. She shrugged, trying to play it off as unimportant, and cleared her throat. "The first time was in Venice. You and I were chasing that guy who was involved in the use of the Overwatch spray, and you were ahead of me – see Nell, he even runs faster than me – and I was hit as I was leaving that outdoor market."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Deeks was amazed this was the first he was hearing of this.

"Well, when I got there you were in the water and had just shot the guy. And when you couldn't stop talking about the fight you had with him before he tossed you off the bridge, I just let you talk."

"Kens, you could have been hurt! You should have gone to the hospital, gotten checked out."

"Well, clearly I wasn't hurt, so I didn't need to go to the hospital. Besides, when you know what you're doing, it's really not that big a deal."

Knowing he wasn't going to win the argument, Deeks moved on. "What about the second time?"

"I wasn't hurt then either, so no need for a hospital."

"Uh huh. And when did it happen?"

"Is that really important, Deeks? Shouldn't we focus on the fact that I'm alright, and that I have some useful skills to share?"

Deeks turned his head to stare at Kensi. "Please don't tell me you have been hit by a car since we've been together and you hid it from me."

"No, I didn't hide it from you. It was the day you were arrested. I'm sure I would have told you that night when I undressed for bed and found a couple of bruises if, you know, you hadn't been in jail."

He continued to stare. "Details, please"

"When I was at the modeling agency, I had secured one suspect and was chasing the other. As he pulled away in his car, he hit me."

"Can I just point out that I would have been there if you hadn't sent me away?"

"Deeks, you needed to stick with the suspect who left. It's not like I knew I was going to be hit by a car!"

Deeks let out a heavy sigh of frustration. "Alright then. Can we just make a promise, in front of Nell as our witness, that if one of us is ever hit by a car again, we will disclose that information to the other, no matter what else is going on?"

"I don't have a problem with that, as long as we also promise not to drag each other to the hospital if it's not necessary. I do know what I'm doing."

Deeks muttered something under his breath that Kensi didn't entirely catch, but sounded suspiciously like, _Freaking Wonder Woman_. "Can we let Sam decide if it's necessary?"

Kensi thought for a moment before agreeing.

"Um, Kens?" Nell called, amused, from the back seat.

"Yeah?"

"I have a question. How did you learn to get hit by a car? And why?"

"The why should be obvious; look at how handy it's been. Three times I've avoided serious injury already."

"Okay, I can see that. So how'd you learn?"

"When I first came to LA, I dated this guy who was a stuntman for the movies and TV. He was awesome; showed me how to get hit by a car, fall down a half-flight of stairs and land a straight vertical fall of less than six feet. I wanted him to teach me the full flight of stairs and how to fall off a roof, but he broke up with me before we could get that far."

"The guy clearly suffered from brain damage from all those falls to break up with you." Deeks said, matter-of-fact.

Kensi flashed him the smile he loved. "Aww, that's sweet, baby. But no, he figured out I was only continuing to date him for the lessons."

"That's my girl."

"You know, I'm pretty sure he's a stunt guy for that federal cop drama we don't watch anymore because it was so unrealistic. Remember, the one where they had buildings blowing up and people getting hit by cars like every week?"

Deeks nodded, "The one where the leads were in a romantic relationship they were trying to keep hidden from their coworkers?"

"Yeah, that one. I believe the lead actor is his brother, now that I think about it."

Nell was excited, "I watch that show! Kensi, the guy you dated is actually the stunt double for his brother. And he married the female lead, the one his brother is in a relationship with on the show."

Kensi made a face, "LA people are so weird."

"Awkward," Deeks sang at the same time.

"No, they're so cute," Nell protested. "The actress just had her second child with her husband, the guy you dated. And her brother-in-law-slash-TV-boyfriend just had a second child with his wife. The sisters-in-law were pregnant at the same time for both children."

"Wow. Could you imagine going to work every day and pretending to be in love with one guy and going home every night, where you are actually in love with his brother?" Deeks mused.

"Hell, no. You're enough man for me, babe. What about working all day with your pregnant sister-in-law and then being with your pregnant wife all night at home?"

"Good lord, no. There's only so much pregnancy hormones a man can take."

Nell sat in the back, quiet but wide-eyed as she listened to their exchange. She bit her lip to keep from blurting out the obvious: that Kensi has on more than one occasion had to pretend to be in a relationship with Callen, who was like family to all of them; and that when Kensi is pregnant Deeks will be with her both at work and at home. The analyst shook her head and wished she could be a fly on the wall when they figured it out for themselves.

* * *

 **AN2:** For the record, all of my research indicates that there is NO SAFE WAY TO GET HIT BY A CAR DRIVING AT ROAD SPEED. So that whole Kensi-learning-how-to-get-hit-by-a car thing is not possible in real life. It is fake. Fiction. Not true. DO NOT TRY IT AT HOME (OR ON THE STREET NEAR YOUR HOME). In fact, when the stunt people do it, the car is usually moving between 10-15 mph, they are wearing pads, there are many camera angles used to make things look more realistic, and it is all very carefully planned and choreographed by experts who know what they are doing.

Also, I believe Kensi has "only" been hit by a car twice that we've seen on the show, but I figure it's reasonable to assume it happened at least once more in her time before Deeks.


	25. Chapter 25

**AN:** Thanks to Stacy thomas, who says that Kensi did, in fact, get hit by a car a third time (technically the first time), in the back-door pilot/NCIS episode, _Legend_. Thanks also to Stacy thomas for helping me come up with times when Kensi took care of Deeks.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (not even the DVDs, which I borrowed from the library this summer), not making any money from this.

* * *

Kensi helped Deeks through the front door. He was actually less steady on his feet now than he had been when he'd exited the hospital an hour-and-a-half ago. She supposed it was partially the fault of having spent all that time sitting in the car, and the rest because he had managed to fall asleep about halfway through the ride.

Monty welcomed them home by rubbing against their legs. Kensi patted her right thigh and called him to her side, away from Deeks. "Hey boy, Daddy doesn't need to trip right now, why don't you come here by me." The dog complied, and Kensi bent to pet him for a few moments, still keeping a hand on Deeks, before encouraging the dog back to his bed in the corner of the living room.

"Bed or couch?" she asked Deeks.

Deeks looked up the flight of stairs he would have to climb in order to reach their bedroom. "Couch," he declared confidently.

"You got it." Kensi helped Deeks sit on the couch before heading into the kitchen for an icepack and something to drink.

"No beer?" Deeks complained when she handed him a glass of water.

"Not with those meds on board, no. Speaking of, do you want me to pick up your prescription now, or can it wait until later, and I can grab dinner too?"

"I don't think I need the major painkillers; I'll be fine with Tylenol or Advil. And let's order dinner to be delivered." Deeks put the glass between his legs and held his right hand out to Kensi. When she took it, he started tugging her toward him, and then released her hand so he could put his arm around her when she settled next to him. "You're all I need to feel better."

"I was thinking of sitting on the other side so I could hold the compress to your shoulder."

Deeks shook his head. "The pain is mostly on the top of the shoulder, so you can just rest it there and we should be fine."

Kensi reached around him and did so, rewarding Deeks with a quick kiss when she finished. "Did the doctor tell you when you can take more meds for the pain? You don't want to let it start again before taking something, you know."

"Kens, relax. I'm good. I'll let you know when I need anything."

"You promise? Because it occurred to me in the car earlier that I've never really taken care of you."

"What are you talking about, baby?"

"You've taken care of me more times than I can count, especially since I've been sick. But I can't think of a time I've really done that for you." Kensi sounded sad and embarrassed to be sharing this observation with Deeks.

"That's not true, Fern. In fact, you took care of me first, early in our partnership, when I was shot."

"Deeks, I guarded you. That's not the same as physically tending to you. And let's not forget that I also threatened to punch you in your bullet hole and I ate your Jell-O. Oh, and that was all before you tore your stitches running through the hospital to keep me from being kidnapped. What did I do for you after you were released? I called you a few times, that was it."

"To be fair, we weren't exactly at a place in our partnership where we would do more than that for each other. Besides, you were there for me after the whole Sidorov thing."

"Wrong again, babe. I couldn't free you when we first found you, because I had to load you up with packs of stage blood. Instead I had to leave you, tied to that chair after you practically begged me to get you out of there." Kensi shook her head in disgust at the memory. "Then at the hospital, I couldn't stay to try to calm you down because we had a job to do."

"That's right, Kensi. The job had to come first. You didn't do anything wrong. We needed to keep Michelle's cover intact and you guys needed to find those nukes. Missions accomplished. I was fine," Deeks soothed. Kensi shot him a look that said, _Try again_. "Physically, I mean. I wasn't at death's door, even though I may have looked like it, when Sam and I had to stay in the garage a little longer. And at the hospital I was being cared for by a whole team of ER staff. I understood, Kens. We've talked about this, you know I don't blame you for any of that."

"I know, but that's not my point right now. I'm just saying that I've never had to do this for you before. Hell, the last time you dislocated your shoulder, I was in worse shape than you, so I couldn't help you then either. I want to make sure I do it right."

"Are you kidding? You're an expert at this! Who brought me a cronut and Yummy Yummy Heart Attack when I was recovering from all the post-Sidorov dental drama?"

She let out a chuckle. "Is that your way of telling me what you want for dinner?"

"No, that's my way of reminding you that you take care of me just as much as I do you. Like giving me a night out with the guys for my birthday. Or making me stay home to sleep, surf, and hang with Monty when I otherwise would have been at the hospital with you. In fact, Kensi Marie Blye, you're so good at taking care of me, you don't even have to be there to do it."

Kensi smirked, "One might argue that means you're better off when I'm not there."

Deeks remained serious. "I'm not even going to justify that with a response, because I was referring to when I was being tortured, Kens. When I was in the most physical and emotional pain I've ever felt in my life, just thinking about you made it survivable. So no, maybe you haven't ever had to escort me to the bathroom, or change the dressing on my wounds, or help me flush out my central line. But you _have_ taken care of me." He kissed the side of her head. "Oh! And what about when I got my motorcycle and you were so worried that I had PTSD? You were totally s…mothering, I mean taking care of me then." Deeks nudged her with his elbow, smiling now.

"Okay, fine. I guess I've taken care of you in a non-physical sense."

"And now you get to nurse me back to health in the physical sense. Speaking of, can you get a towel to wrap around this ice pack? I'm getting numb, and not in a good way."

"Sure." Returning from the kitchen less than a minute later, Kensi continued, "I just remembered, we have Emily and Jasper coming over for dinner and games Saturday. You think you'll be up for it? Or I can call and reschedule if you want."

"I don't see why we'd have to change plans. Except that we may have to order in, since I won't be able to cook with you."

"No way. We'll figure out something else to make that doesn't require your assistance, or at least both of your hands. Emily doesn't believe I can cook, and I'm planning to make her eat her words." Kensi's cell phone announced that she had a text and she pulled it from her back pocket to check it. She took a few seconds to shoot off a quick response before turning her attention back to Deeks.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it was Nell. I asked her to let me know when she got home. She just finished her after-action report and is about to grab a bite to eat with Eric, and she didn't want us to worry that we hadn't heard from her yet."

"You did a great job with her today, you know. I didn't even notice she was upset until you pointed it out."

"I think she was a little traumatized by seeing you get hit by that car. She was probably working hard to hide it when she was in the ER with you. Not to mention you were in pain, and then doped up on meds."

"If we ever decide to thaw our little mutant ninja assassins, you're going to be a hell of a mom, Kens." Deeks pulled her closer and kissed the top of Kensi's head.

"You think you'll want to, one day?"

"I won't say no if you want to."

"That doesn't answer my question. You would be an incredible father, Deeks. There is no doubt in my mind, especially after everything we've been through these past months. Not that I had any doubt before."

He shrugged, then winced at the pain it caused. "You remember my concerns the last time we talked about this?"

Kensi reached around Deeks to turn the ice pack over to the colder side, then placed her hand against his chest where she could feel his beating heart. "That it would change a lot of things, and probably end our partnership. That maybe our lives are too crazy for kids."

"It strikes me that you and I haven't been partners in the field for over five months now, and the world hasn't come to an end. Things _have_ been pretty crazy, and in the midst of all this insanity, I actually contemplated having our child if you didn't make it. At the time, I thought it was just to have a piece of you with me, you know? But now, I wonder what it would be like to have you _and_ that piece of you."

"Piece of us," Kensi corrected.

Deeks bobbed his head in agreement. "Another thing I figured out? I'm not sure I want to be working in law enforcement if we have a family."

Kensi hid her surprise. "What about me? Would you still want me in the field?"

"Obviously that's your decision to make, and I'll support whatever you want to do. But if you're asking my opinion," Deeks glanced at Kensi and continued at her nod, "Then I would prefer it if you were out, too. I know I just said the world hasn't ended without you as my partner out there, but I like it so much better when I get to spend all day and all night with you. So yeah, in a perfect life, we'd find some other career we could do together while we raise our defrosted descendants."

Kensi decided she'd have to think more about the idea of finding something else to do for a living. Before Syria, she couldn't have imagined wanting to do anything but be an NCIS agent. Even during her illness, she struggled with that possibility. Now it didn't seem quite so horrible a thought. But she still had no idea what they might actually do with themselves. Instead she said, "You know, we might still be able to have children the old-fashioned way."

"This is true. Any movement on that front?" Deeks asked, gesturing vaguely toward Kensi's abdomen.

"If you're asking if I've gotten my period yet, the answer is not really."

"Not really? Isn't that kind of a yes or no sort of thing?"

Kensi laughed, "Generally speaking. But things can get wonky because of the chemo. I've had some spotting, but no real…" Seeing the disturbed look on Deeks' face, Kensi took pity on him. "You know what? I love you for asking, and for being willing to hear the answer. But how about if I spare you the gory details unless and until there's something worthwhile to share? According to Dr. Popa's PA, what's going on is not unusual. And I have an appointment with my OB/GYN in three months to see where I stand. You should probably come to that."

"Sounds like a plan."

This triggered a realization for Kensi. "Do I need to make an appointment with an orthopedist for you?"

"I can dial a phone, baby. But if you want to do it, feel free. Middle of next week, preferably."

"I'll do it. And I'll try to schedule it for right before or after a visit to Dr. Popa's office. We can spend the day at his and hers doctors' appointments," Kensi said.

"Wow. Most couples don't do that until they're in their eighties," Deeks cracked.

"Guess we're just ahead of our time."

* * *

Kensi and Deeks had just finished the prep work on dinner when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Deeks said as he left the kitchen.

When Kensi arrived at the door a minute later, Emily and Jasper were still being enthusiastically welcomed by Monty.

"It's so good to finally meet you, Monty," Emily cooed as she knelt to pet the dog.

Jasper held out a bouquet of flowers to Kensi, "These are for you."

Kensi smiled and thanked the young man, "See Em, I told you he's a winner."

Deeks held up a pre-packaged container of cut up fruit. "They also brought some dessert."

When Emily stood, the women embraced and Kensi rubbed Emily's head, "Look at the peach fuzz!"

"I know, right? This is my least favorite stage of growing my hair back. There's literally nothing I can do to it, style-wise. I feel like a duckling."

"You're still beautiful, Emalovely" Deeks assured her as they hugged hello.

As Deeks led them into the living room Emily pointed to his arm, still in the sling, and asked, "What happened there, Deemarty?"

Deeks played it off. "Scuffle with a bad guy. You should what he looks like now."

"What's the injury, if you don't mind my asking?" This from Jasper.

"Dislocated shoulder. Second time in the past few months, actually. Last time was during an LAPD football game; I was scoring so much the other side piled on after a particularly stunning touchdown," Deeks fabricated.

Kensi rolled her eyes. "What can I get you guys to drink? We've got water: tap, bottled, sparkling, and flavored; some soda: diet and regular; and coffee and juice. But those we might want to save for dinner."

"Juice with dinner? What are you serving? Sandwiches don't count as cooking, you know," Emily teased

"Smart-ass," Kensi taunted back. "For your information, Deeks and I were planning a fairly complicated chicken dish, but it would have required two complete sets of hands. And since I knew I had something to prove to Miss Em here, I decided on breakfast for supper."

Emily smiled. "Fun. What are we having?"

"Veggie frittata, French toast, and bacon. Unless anyone would rather have sausage?

"You know how much I love bacon," Emily said.

"I've been trying to eat less meat, but I might have a piece or two of bacon," Jasper added.

"That would definitely be less than the pile you usually scarf down," teased Emily. "And I think we'd both like sparking water, please."

At Jasper's nod of agreement, Kensi replied, "Then I'm going to put these beautiful flowers in a vase, get your drinks, and pop some food in the oven." She headed toward the kitchen.

"Don't forget about dessert, Kens."

She stopped and turned. "Oh, right. I made a kvæfjordcake."

At Emily and Jasper's confused looks, Deeks explained, "It's a Norwegian cake with custard inside and meringue on top."

Emily said, "I've never seen a box mix for something like that."

"That's because there isn't one, oh ye of little faith. I made it from scratch," Kensi stated proudly as she left the room.

Emily looked impressed, and Deeks continued in praise, "You guys should have seen the s'mores cake Kensalina made, also from scratch, for my birthday this year. It was delicious. I can't wait to taste tonight's offering…manna from my ancestral homeland."

Returning from the kitchen with drinks in hand, Kensi took the time to observe her young friends as Deeks regaled them with a description of his birthday cake. Emily wore a pale, knee-length denim skirt with a patterned peasant blouse and Jasper had jeans and a green polo shirt on. Kensi tilted her head, trying to figure out what seemed different about them. Then it hit her, "You know, I think this is the first time we've actually seen each other without sweat pants, button-downs, and isolation wear on. You always dress like such a girl?"

Emily laughed. "I do. My sister likes to say that I got all the girly genes and she got all the tom-boy ones. Which reminds me, I finally talked my dad into bringing me along on a camping trip! Erica wants me to invite you guys so you can teach her and my dad about tracking and hunting. And she totally wants to learn how to hack up anything you guys catch."

"You don't?" Deeks asked.

"No thanks. I'll help cook it, and will definitely plate it beautifully, but I have no interest in actually cutting up dead animals."

"Don't worry, Eminem, while Xena my Warrior Princess takes everyone out on safari, you and I can I can stay at camp and keep everything safe from the bears," Deeks suggested with an exaggerated shudder.

Kensi was shocked. "Wait. You'd come with us? I thought your idea of roughing it was no cabana at the pool?"

Deeks put his hand to his chest. "I'm wounded, Fern. I know how to pitch a tent now."

"True, but do you want to sleep in one, outside, at night?"

Deeks thought carefully before answering. "I'd be willing to try it, but only if you're there to protect me."

"Always." Kensi smiled.

"Excellent. I know they're looking to do it some weekend in the next month or two," Emily informed them. "Are there any dates you can't make it?"

"I don't think so. Kensalina's white counts still aren't quite normal so we've just been hanging out here mostly." Deeks patted Kensi on the knee. "Ready to go put the bacon on?"

Emily jumped up. "I'll go help in the kitchen, Deemarty. I want to show Kensi a thing or two about garnish and plating. You know, we eat first with our eyes," she reminded her friend.

"Good luck with that, oh brave and valiant one," Deeks warned. "I'm lucky Kensi lets me get the food to the table before she's inhaling it."

"Yeah well, tonight we will eat like civilized people," Emily declared as she followed Kensi into the kitchen.

"Out of the mouths of babes!" Deeks yelled at their retreating forms.

Entering the kitchen, Kensi defended herself, "There are fewer dishes to wash when you eat right out of the pan. I'm just doing my part to save the environment."

"Uh huh," Emily wasn't buying it.

"And we don't have any garnish, so I don't know what you think you're going to do."

The teen pointed at the refrigerator. "May I?"

"Be my guest. And while you're in there, grab the bacon, will you?"

As Kensi cooked the bacon, Emily rummaged through the fridge and then set about cutting an orange and some baby tomatoes, and chopped the leafy ends off a bunch of celery.

When Kensi pulled the baking tray and skillet out of the oven, Emily cut the French toast into triangles before artfully arranging them on a platter Kensi directed her to in a cabinet. "Do you have any confectioner's sugar?" she asked hopefully.

As Kensi laid the bacon on some paper towels, she told Emily where to find the powdered treat, impressed with herself for knowing not only where it was, but what it was.

When the foursome sat to eat, each component of the meal was deliberately plated and garnished on the serving dishes: the French toast with double orange twists orange and powdered sugar, the frittata with tomato flowers, and the bacon with celery leaves and an orange flower.

"Wow, Emeril-y, this looks amazing! And so civilized." Deeks enthused.

"Somebody once told me he preferred sassy over classy," Kensi added dryly.

"I prefer you over everybody, Princess. But we could try to dress up dinner every once in a while, for special occasions." Turning his attention back to Emily, Deeks asked, "Could you show us how to do some of this stuff sometime?"

"Sure. It's not hard at all. If it had been a different kind of meal, I would have plated everyone's individual dinner and added some garnish to them." As she spoke, Emily drizzled a pattern of syrup on her empty plate, then took food from each of the serving platters and arranged it precisely on her own dish. Finally she swiped a single orange twist from the extras on the counter and declared, "Something like this."

Obviously proud, Jasper stated, "Emily's got a great eye for beauty."

"So do you, my friend," Deeks directed toward the young man.

At Emily's blush, Kensi changed the subject. "I for one am tired of staring at my food, no matter how great it looks. Dig in, people." With that, she put a forkful of frittata in her mouth.

Dinner conversion was fun and easy. Emily shared that she was taking an art class at a community college which she loved because she was learning a lot and she was beginning to feel normal again. Jasper told them about his college classes, and Deeks suggested some of his best studying strategies for pure memorization of facts. Deeks entertained them with several of his favorite stupid-criminal stories, culled from his own and others' experiences. Kensi apologized for only having her workout routine to discuss, and mentioned her frustration at feeling better but still being limited in her day-to-day life. She also raved about their time Moore's Inn and Spa and urged Emily to look into a day trip there for her and her mother.

After dinner, they played two games of Ultimate Pub Trivia. The first round was couple against couple and the second was boys against girls. Since he was on both winning teams, Jasper was declared Ultimate Smarty-Pants. Kensi, who was on both losing teams, gave them all the evil eye before she could be named anything other than Jasper's partner for the next time they got together.

During a break between the two rounds, the kvæfjordcake and fruit were served, sans garnish, as Kensi would not wait that long to eat it.

"You sure you don't want to stay home and bake instead of going back to work, Kensalina?" Deeks asked between bites, "Because this is phenomenal."

"Yeah, pretty sure. I think I'll just use my new superpower for special treats. But thanks," Kensi beamed.

When Deeks' phone rang, Kensi noticed his eyes darken a bit when he recognized the caller. "Excuse me for a sec? I have to take this."

"So I guess I should apologize for doubting your culinary abilities," Emily admitted, rubbing her forehead.

"You okay, Em?" Kensi asked, a little worried.

She nodded, "Just a little headache. I think it's eye strain, with all the drawing I've doing for my class."

"Maybe some fresh air will help. Want to come with me while I take Monty for a walk? We'll leave as soon as Deeks is off the phone." At the sound of the "w" word, the canine in question jumped up excitedly and went to the door to wait for his people to take him out.

"Sure," Emily said, "As long as I get to hold his leash."

Deeks hadn't been gone long, but Kensi could tell his mood had shifted somewhat as a result of whoever was on the phone. Whatever it was, she hoped it wouldn't ruin what had been an enjoyable evening. As she and Emily prepared to take Monty out, Jasper had asked Deeks for the details of having his shoulder popped back into place.

"So how are things going with Jasper?" Kensi asked, none too subtlely, about ten steps from the front door.

"I wondered how long it would take you to get to that."

"I would have asked when we were in the kitchen, but I was afraid he'd walk in. So give, how's young love?" Kensi queried with a playful smile.

"It's good," Emily returned shyly. "Really good. I mean, it's not like we get to spend a lot of time together because of his classes and homework and studying, but it's great when we do go out. Or even just hang out."

"I'm happy for you, Em."

"Thanks. And thanks for having us over tonight. This fit our budget perfectly."

"Deeks and I were really looking forward to it; he didn't want to postpone when he got hurt. If I was able to be in crowds, we would have tried to get us all tickets to a Clippers game."

"Oh, we couldn't have accepted that. Those tickets are not cheap."

"Ah, but we don't pay for all of our tickets. Deeks is old friends with Kip Brigham."

"What? No way! How did I not know that? Jasper and I love Kip Brigham!"

"It's not exactly something we advertise, you know? Suddenly all of your friends are asking for a favor. Hell, Deeks didn't even tell me for the longest time. But next season the four of us will definitely get to a game. Once the season's over in a few weeks, we'll probably hang out with Kip a time or two. We'll see if you guys are available to come along."

"Oh my god, that would be so cool! Wait! Is Kip your boss? Is that who you work for?"

"You're worse than Monty here with a bone. Again, confidentiality agreement; can't say. New subject: what else are you doing to get back to normal life?"

"Trying to figure out what to do with myself. Most of my friends are either in college or working. I need to be doing one of those things soon. That's why I'm taking the art class. I wanted to see if it was something I'd like to study in college."

"What would you do with an art degree?"

"I'm not exactly sure yet. There are so many things I'm interested in, you know? I'm even thinking of maybe becoming an art therapist, possibly working with hospitalized kids, helping them deal with being sick and scared."

"Wow, Emily, that sounds perfect for you."

"Yeah, I mean aside from all of my experiences being a patient, I've met a lot of really great hospital staff who've helped me through a lot of awful things. I'd like to be able to do that for other kids."

Kensi put her arm around Emily's shoulder as they walked, "Well, you did it for me."

* * *

 **AN2** : Hope you enjoyed this "filler" chapter. I planted a couple of seeds that will be developed soon, but I needed something to post while I try to outline the next few chapters (which will likely be the last few chapters). The end of this story has oddly been difficult for me to conceptualize, timing-wise. Anyway, as next week is the final countdown to Christmas and Hanukkah (both of which are celebrated in my house), I doubt I will have much time to write, so do not expect a new chapter next weekend. I will try to get one up before the following weekend if possible, but I make no guarantees. In the meanwhile, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Joyous Kwanzaa (hope I'm not forgetting anything) to all who celebrate!


	26. Chapter 26

**AN:** Happy (almost) 2017, everyone! I hope you all find peace, happiness, and good health.

And speaking of health, should I be concerned about my mental status? While watching Tidings We Bring (8x11), I was initially surprised that Deeks thought Kensi didn't bake the cookies because in my mind she's been so successful with the s'mores cake and kvæfjordcake. Sigh. When "reality" and fanfic collide!

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** R. Scott Gemmill knocked on my door on Christmas/Hanukkah morning and gifted me with the keys to NCIS: LA! So now it's mine, mine, all mine! And the rest of Season 8 will go exactly the way I want it to! Mwah ha ha ha! Or maybe I drank too much wine and received the Seasons 1-7 DVDs instead. Yeah, probably that.

* * *

The following two weeks found both Kensi and Deeks home together much of the time. Deeks was free of his sling after his visit to the orthopedist, but it was recommended that he not return to work until he had several sessions with a physical therapist. This was in lieu of a surgical intervention, which Deeks wanted to avoid.

Deeks was sticking to his PT exercise regimen religiously since he anticipated having to go back undercover within the next few days. The phone call he had received when Emily and Jasper were over for dinner was the owner of the laundromats looking for advice prior to his next illegal move. They were now in phone or text contact almost daily in preparation for the delivery of cash that would warrant the bust. The target believed Deeks was frequently out of town to help care for his ailing mother.

As much as Deeks loved his jobs at NCIS and LAPD and believed that he and Kensi did important work, he was enjoying this time with the two of them on medical leave. Given how busy and action-packed their lives usually were, Deeks would have thought they'd both be going stir crazy after the first few days. He found it ironic that just a few weeks ago he had complained to Kensi that they hadn't been spending much time together, owing to Kensi's exhaustion after pushing herself at the gym every day. But this just served to reinforce Deeks' desire to make sure that whenever they decided they'd had enough of risking their lives on a daily basis, he and Kensi would find another career they could do together. Kensi truly was his favorite person on the planet, and Deeks couldn't imagine not spending their work days together; evenings and weekends would never be enough.

Kensi's frustration at feeling better but not yet being off restrictions seemed to have abated some now that Deeks didn't have to go to work every day. It also helped that they knew Deeks would have to leave soon to finish his undercover op, so she didn't take the time for granted.

Instead, they got up and did some light exercise most mornings before breakfast. Some days Kensi casually rode her bike while Deeks easily jogged alongside her, but most days they got their workout in the bedroom. Kensi's white blood cell count, while not quite within normal limits yet, was very close, and she had recently been allowed to further reduce the dosage of prophylactic antibiotics, antivirals, and antifungals. Chances were she'd be off them completely by the time Deeks returned from his assignment. Kensi was about to go back on the Pill and they were both looking forward to when they would be able to stop using condoms.

Breakfast was always a joint effort, during which they discussed what they wanted to try to make for dinner. Every other day, Kensi accompanied Deeks to physical therapy and took a keen interest in his progress. She even talked the PT into showing her how to best massage the targeted muscles for when Deeks completed the exercises on his own.

On alternate afternoons, they played it by ear. A few times they scouted beach locations for their wedding ceremony and discussed options for reception venues. Sometimes they prepared for their days in the Super-Secret Agents Old Folks Home, as Deeks would joke. They hung out at the house and tossed a ball around with Monty, played cards, or binged watched TV series they'd always meant to catch. When they felt the need for solitary activities, Deeks would read while Kensi's crocheted (Kat had called the Cupcake Girls together for a 'girls' night in' the week before to announce that she was pregnant, and Kensi was trying her hand at a blanket and hat on her own before calling in Emily as reinforcements).

Other days, they stopped by the mission and used the gym there. Sam had finally been the one to convince Kensi to slow down the pace and intensity of her exercise routine, arguing that a gradual and proper build-up of her strength and stamina would ultimately deliver better results and reduce the likelihood of a set-back.

Once done with their workouts and showers, Kensi and Deeks went to the gun range and challenged each other to perform various trick shots. Deeks also cashed in one of his gift certificates and had Kensi teach him the proper way to throw a knife. As he expected, she was an excellent teacher, and he hoped to graduate to using his own knife for practice soon.

A stop for Deeks to run into the grocery store or a local farmer's market was typically made on the way home in order to pick up what they would need to prepare dinner. By the time they arrived at their house, Deeks was usually feeling the day's worth of effort on his shoulder, so Kensi would rub it in with a balm.

Tonight as they ate their version of a chicken stir-fry with brown rice, they tried to narrow down where they wanted to have their wedding reception. They'd finally picked the perfect spot for the ceremony, and Kensi was adamant that they not have the reception in the same place.

"If we have it on the beach, we'd have to have someone put down a floor and set up a tent, not to mention tables and chairs. And what—porta-potties or the public bathrooms? No way I'm using those on our wedding day. Plus if we have the party on the beach, we have to worry about permits. If we're going to do all that we may as well just find a place to have it." Kensi argued.

"So you want to have it inside then? I kind of like the idea of outside."

"No, I think outside would be great, but I think the beach would be too much of a hassle for a reception. The ceremony will be easy. People can stand, or we can bring chairs if we want."

"We can put BYOC on the invitations," Deeks kidded.

"There you go!" Kensi laughed.

"If we look to have it in an actual venue though, most places are much bigger than what we need."

"That's true. And I don't want to have it in the back room of some bigger place. Although some of the catering halls have different size rooms that might be worth looking into."

"Right, but then you have to go with their food. And good luck getting a date this calendar year," Deeks reminded her.

"Who'd have thought having a small, simple wedding and reception would be so freaking complicated?" Kensi was becoming frustrated. "Maybe we should just elope."

"Do you really mean that?" Deeks didn't know if he loved or hated the idea.

"No. Yes. I don't know," she sighed. "What do you think? I'd do it if you want to."

Deeks took Kensi's hand and studied it while he thought. "It certainly has its appeal. But honestly, Kens, after what we've been through, I really want a party. When you and I do get married, we'll have not only that, but the fact that you'll be cured to celebrate. Two really great things and big deals that I want to share with the people in our lives. And besides," he smiled and kissed the back of her ring finger, "When I get you to say 'I do,' I'm going to want plenty of witnesses, so I can make sure I didn't dream the whole thing."

Kensi presented Deeks with his favorite smile, "I love you."

"I love you too. Come here," now he kissed her lips, still happy that he could again. When he drew back, Deeks said, "You know, I keep thinking about what you said the day of your going away bash. That if you closed your eyes, you could imagine it was our wedding reception."

Kensi's eye widened at the thought. "My mother's place would be perfect! Just the right size for a small party, access to indoors if the weather's no good. A real bathroom. And I know she fancies it up with those little white lights and puts down a dance floor when she has her annual client shindig there." When Deeks picked up his phone, Kensi asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to call your mom, ask about having the reception in her yard."

Kensi snatched the phone from him. "No, wait! You can't do that!"

"Why not?" Deeks was confused.

"We can't just ask my mother to host our wedding reception, babe."

Deeks looked at his beloved like she was crazy. "Again, why not?"

"Because if she doesn't want to do it, or it it'll be too much for her, she'll still say yes. No, this has to be her idea."

"And do you have a plan for making that happen, Special Agent Blye?"

Accepting his challenge, Kensi assured him, "I'm sure I'll be seeing more of my mother while you're finishing up your undercover assignment, so I'll mention it then."

"O-kay, if you insist," Deeks' tone made it clear he wasn't confident this was the best idea. "But if we end up having to have this party in a Starbucks, I'm pinning it on you."

Kensi shrugged her shoulders. "At least then we wouldn't have to worry about catering." She tapped her hand on the table, "Speaking of, now that we have the reception all but booked, let's try to narrow that down. Assuming my mom's kitchen is now in play, does that do anything for us?"

"I was thinking that if we –" Deeks' phone signaled in incoming text. Picking it up from where it lay next to his plate, he frowned. "Give me a couple of minutes, yeah? I need to deal with this. I have a feeling our lovely little staycation is about to end." Deeks kissed the top of Kensi's head as he stood to walk into the other room.

Getting up to clear the dishes, Kensi sighed in disappointment. She was not looking forward to Deeks returning to complete this job. If the thought of him being in the field without her as back-up bothered her, even when other members of their team were in her place, Kensi absolutely hated the idea of him out there with no real support. Even though she would never ask him to, Kensi hoped that after they married, Deeks would resign from LAPD and join NCIS.

Although…Kensi was amazed at how the past two weeks flew by, and that they had managed to fill their days without work. It didn't surprise her that they would enjoy their extended time together; Deeks was her best friend, and spending time with him was almost always her preference because he brought such love, light, and fun into everything they did. What shocked Kensi was that she really hadn't missed work all that much. Sure, it helped that they went into the mission every other day to work out and spend some time weapons training, but Kensi found that this time around, she didn't feel those same pangs of desire and envy any time the team left for the field without her.

Unlike before her transplant, Hetty was unable to justify even a paperwork position for Kensi this time around, so she was well and truly uninvolved in cases for the time being. And Kensi realized she was okay with that right now. Maybe Deeks was onto something, and it really didn't matter what they did for work, as long as they did it together.

She could hear Deeks' voice on the phone, but couldn't make out his words. What _did_ bother Kensi was the fact that Deeks always left the room when he had to take a call as Marty Finch. Deeks said it was because he didn't want her to feel bad that she wasn't involved in the case; but Kensi suspected he had difficulty getting into character with her there. If that was the case, was it because he didn't think of her as his partner right now, but as his sick girlfriend? Kensi wanted to ask him about it directly, and probably would afterward, but for now she wanted to make sure Deeks' head was fully in the game.

Done in the kitchen, Kensi headed into the living room just as Deeks was coming down the stairs, presumably from their home office-slash-spare bedroom. She could tell by the look on his face their time together come to an end. "When?" she asked as they sat in the couch.

"I told them I'm coming back into town tomorrow afternoon. We set up a meet for Monday morning. I should probably spend tomorrow night in the cover apartment. And I just called Lieutenant Bates to let him know we're a go. He's going to get word to Gerard's handler to give him the heads-up."

"Bet Gerard is going to be happy this will be ending soon."

"Yeah, Bates says this is going to be the great Tom Gerard's last long-term undercover op. Apparently if his girlfriend hasn't left him by the time he gets back, he wants to propose."

Kensi nodded in understanding. "Good for them. Same contact protocol as before? You'll be in touch with Eric or Nell daily?"

"Yep. Will you be, too? I'm not stupid enough to suggest that someone needs to stop by and check up on you every day now that you're home, but will you at least check in with them on the days you don't see them at the mission?"

"Since you asked so nicely, of course I will. And thanks, for putting it that way. I will be fine, you know." Deeks looked at Kensi askance at her choice of words. "Sorry," she corrected herself. "I'll be good, okay, and alright."

"That's it? Not great, terrific, and fabulous?"

"Nope. Not until you get back."

* * *

A few nights later Deeks was in bed in his cover apartment. It had only been three days, but he missed Kensi. He missed Monty. He missed everyone at work, including Granger. For as much as he had once prided himself on being an undercover operative who was fearless and didn't need or want to rely on anyone else, Marty Deeks was more than happy with the turns his life had taken.

He knew he still had the undercover skills; he continued to hone them with NCIS. But what he no longer had was the desire to work alone. If that meant he wasn't fearless, then so be it. This assignment demonstrated to Deeks how much he had not only come to depend on a partner and a team, but that he preferred it that way.

He and Kensi had discussed this once, a couple of years ago. That fear was the cost of having someone in your life who counted on you to come home at the end of the day, somebody to worry about leaving behind. At the time, he'd thought it was a bad thing, a sign of weakness; but now he knew better. Now he welcomed that that little niggling sensation when something just wasn't quite right, even if he couldn't put his finger on it.

It was the voice of self-preservation, and it was talking to him right now. If only he could understand what it was saying.

Working with the targets of the investigation this time around, Deeks sensed something was off. He hadn't been able to safely get more than a few seconds alone with Gerard, so he didn't know what might have changed. But he'd met briefly with Gerard's handler Monday morning before his reunion with the suspects, and Hsu hadn't indicated anything of concern.

Maybe he was just projecting his worry for Kensi onto the case. Deeks didn't think so, though. Although she would not be having daily visitors like last time, Kensi was much better now than she had been, and they were confident she would continue to be so. She had agreed to keep in touch with Eric and Nell, and whenever Deeks made contact with one of them, the first response was that Kensi was good. He wasn't thrilled not to be with her, but Deeks didn't think he was so worried that it was spilling into the work. No, there was something else wrong. He just hoped he figured it out before it was too late.

* * *

Kensi woke up Wednesday morning more tired than she should have been. She had worked out at the mission yesterday, but hadn't overdone it. She was taking Deeks' and Sam's advice to heart and trying to be patient about increasing her stamina. Her red blood cell counts had basically stalled, but this was not uncommon, according to Dr. Popa. What was important is that they weren't falling. Her white blood cell counts were continuing to improve, which was good. Her platelets still lagged behind, but again, this was expected. It was amazing to Kensi how delicate the balancing act was in maintaining and improving her health.

As she continued to lay in bed, Kensi thought of Gunnery Sergeant Hugh Patterson, who had been moonlighting as a security guard at a decommissioned nuclear power plant last year when he was exposed to high doses of radiation. She and Deeks had gone undercover at the plant for a short time and had also met and interviewed Patterson's very pregnant wife, Jamie, at the hospital as she sat vigil for her critically ill husband. They hadn't known it then, because the doctors didn't give them the diagnosis, but Patterson was suffering from severe aplastic anemia as a result of acute radiation syndrome. The last she and Deeks had seen him, he was on a ventilator waiting for a stem cell donor to be found and hadn't yet known his wife had given birth to their son.

Kensi still remembered the look on Deeks' face when she held baby boy Patterson while Jamie went in to visit the new father. It was a combination of shock and awe. Shock because until then he had presumed she had never held a newborn baby, and was astounded at how easily she did it after her own initial but brief discomfort. And awe, he later told her, because he realized how incredible it might be to watch her comfort and sing to their own child one day.

It was Deeks who put two and two together while Kensi was in the hospital for her bone marrow transplant and realized she was suffering from the same disorder that Patterson had. It was quick work to determine that the Gunnery Sergeant was still alive, but they debated back and forth for a few days the wisdom of reaching out to see how he was doing. Deeks ultimately did so one day when Kensi wouldn't let him visit her. He'd had a nice conversation with Jamie, who remembered them both. Deeks hadn't told Jamie his primary reason for calling, but his secondary motive was no less true; he wondered how the Patterson family was doing. Unfortunately, Hugh Patterson was not having as much luck as Kensi had. He'd survived the aplastic anemia with the help of a stem cell transplant, but was also suffering with lingering effects from the radiation itself. Once she was past her own illness, Kensi and Deeks hoped to visit the Pattersons and provide some support in whatever way they could.

Monty sauntered into the bedroom, disrupting Kensi's thoughts with a wet nose to her arm. "Yeah, I'm getting up," she assured the pooch, realizing as she spoke that her throat hurt. "Shit," Kensi muttered, and reached for the digital thermometer on her bedside table.

Registering a temperature of 99.8 degrees, Kensi felt little relief. It wasn't considered a fever, but was higher than normal for her. Kensi jotted down the time, her temperature and the fact that her throat hurt before getting up to let Monty out. When she returned she called Dr. Popa's office.

By late morning, her mother had arrived with enough clothes for a week-long stay and Kensi was feeling lousy with what she hoped was and would remain just a cold. She'd been in touch with Hetty to let her know what was going on. They had decided that unless and until Kensi was told to go to the hospital, Deeks would not be alerted that anything was wrong. If Kensi ended up suddenly worse like the last time, Hetty would make sure Deeks was pulled from his assignment. Callen was already notified that should it be necessary, he would go in to extract Deeks. While NCIS wasn't read in on the case because it was an LAPD operation, Nell was able to track Deeks' location through his undercover phone.

Kensi hoped Deeks would appreciate the way Kensi was reaching out to their friends and family for help, considering she was deliberately keeping him in the dark. She planned to tell him everything when he came back, but didn't want him to worry about this while he was undercover.

Julia took Kensi to her doctor's office so they could assess her in person. Everyone was well-aware of how quickly Kensi had deteriorated the last time, but medically speaking she was in a much different place now, so for the moment she was told to keep hydrated and get a lot of rest. When they got her blood test and other lab results back, they should have a better idea of what they were up against and how to treat it.

That evening, Kensi was further reminded that she had the love and support of a wonderful network of people. Roberta, upon receiving a text from Julia that Kensi might have a cold, promptly put up a batch of homemade chicken noodle soup and came by with it about an hour ago.

Not long after that, Sam showed up at her door with a sleeping bag and his medical kit. He planned to spend the night either on the couch or on the floor in Kensi and Deeks' bedroom, knowing that the last time she had taken a downturn it had been while she slept. Kensi was happy to have the overnight watch responsibility removed from her mother's shoulders. Sam, for his part, was glad to be able to take an active role in Kensi's care. He'd told her once how bad he felt that due to his broken ankle and the condition of the helicopter he hadn't been able to do more to help Kensi immediately after the crash. She reminded him that he helped find her bone marrow donor, but apparently he didn't think that was enough.

Kensi was tired of laying on the couch or in bed, so she joined her mother, Roberta, and Sam for dinner once the soup was heated. At the last minute, Kensi remembered the date and decided to serve some matzos with the soup, so that she and her mother could claim some version of a Passover meal. For the past few years they had gone out to dinner at Canter's Deli during Passover to honor Julia's father, who had been Jewish.

Roberta did a good job of keeping everyone's mind off the elephant in the room while they ate, telling stories of a rambunctious Deeks as a child. They were waiting for Kensi's lab results to come back and Dr. Popa to call with the report. During her appointment, they'd performed a rapid influenza diagnostic test and had already ruled out the flu. Kensi's lungs sounded clear, and her temperature continued to hover below 100.4 degrees, the lower range for a fever as far as her medical team was concerned.

Roberta had just left and Julia had kicked Sam and Kensi out of the kitchen when Dr. Popa finally called. All three huddled around Kensi's phone, set to speaker mode, to hear the news.

"How are you feeling, Kensi?" Dr. Popa asked.

"Like I have a cold." She sounded like she had one, too.

"Well that's good, because right now that's the most likely culprit." Kensi breathed a small sigh of relief and could swear she saw her mother and Sam do the same. "You already know it's not the flu, or pneumonia. The swab results were negative for strep throat and a sinus infection, and the blood tests ruled out other more worrisome infections and viruses as well. But the best news is that your white cell count is elevated."

"Why is that good, doctor?" Julia asked.

"Because it means that Kensi's immune system is doing what it's supposed to do. White blood cells are created to fight viral and bacterial infections; the fact that her WBC count is up indicates that is exactly what it is doing."

"So what happens now?" asked Kensi as soon as she finished her most recent sneezing fit.

"For the moment, you treat this like the common cold it appears to be. Go to the store and pick up your preferred medications for symptom relief, and get plenty of rest and fluids. However, I want you to come in every day to listen to your lungs. I also want to you to call in every few hours so we can monitor your symptoms, like the last time. Colds can develop into bronchitis and sometimes pneumonia, and even though your immune system is strengthening, you're still at a greater risk for developing complications."

"Don't worry, Doc. I've got my mother here to look after me during the day and a Navy SEAL to check on me through the night."

"That's good. I'm sure that makes Marty feel better, since he's out of town."

Kensi suffered through a bout of coughing before guiltily answering, "I'm sure it does, too."

* * *

Easter Sunday. _Don't bad guys take holidays off too?_ Deeks thought as he dressed for his day's work as a criminal attorney. He grinned at the pun and wished, not for the first time, that Kensi was here to share it with.

But she would be having Easter dinner with Julia, Jim, and his mother, according to his latest contact with Eric. None of them were religious enough to attend church services, but they still enjoyed having traditional holiday fare. For all his mother's faults, Deeks thought she was an amazing cook, and after her lasagna, the spread she put together for Easter was his favorite. He knew Kensi would be overindulging on the ham, potatoes au gratin, candied carrots, devilled eggs, and apple pie his mother was serving. Deeks hoped he'd be home soon enough for some leftovers.

Deeks was still uneasy about what was about to go down. His covert conversation with fellow UC Tom Gerard did not make him feel any better. Gerard had noticed that one of their targets, who were brothers, seemed to be taking phone calls his partner and brother was unaware of, but he had yet to overhear any of them.

Neither Vince, the older, nor Wally, the younger, were the sharpest tools in the shed. Which to Deeks' mind made them more dangerous because they were less predictable. The men were also slightly paranoid, even for criminals. Deeks was glad he had the ceramic knife Kensi had given him for Valentine's Day, considering the brothers made him submit to a metal detector daily. Yet no one actually patted him down to check for other types of weapons. _Again, not the brightest bulbs on the tree_ , Deeks mused.

But if Wally was planning a double-cross during his secret discussions, things could get very volatile very quickly. Gerard joked that maybe he was making booty calls. Deeks hoped he was right, but didn't think so.

Ten hours later and it was almost over. They were at the Port of Los Angeles, a perfect spot for an illicit meet, as it was large, labyrinthine, and difficult to surveil. The cash, complete with hidden trackers from the LAPD, was due to be picked up any minute. As soon as the cargo van was out of the port, the task force would swoop in and arrest them all. In the improbable event that both Vince and Wally refused to talk, they would at least be able to follow the money to its final destination.

For all his time inside, Gerard was never able to glean what the money was for. Paranoia does have its advantages, apparently. Weapons or drugs were the likeliest options, and Gerard was looking forward to having his last undercover bust lead to something bigger than money laundering.

Watching the van's taillights shrink in the distance, Deeks' felt the hair on the back of neck stand on end and glanced to his right to see if Gerard sensed something wrong too. In that split second, a puff of red came off Vince's chest as he stood on the other side of Gerard when a bullet from his brother's silenced gun tore into his heart. Wally, positioned perfectly to pick off all three of them, aimed at Gerard next as Deeks reached behind his back for his knife. Gerard yelled "LAPD!" and seemed about to grab for either a gun or a badge that wasn't there in the instant before the next bullet hit him in the torso as well. Deeks had his knife out and was trusting that the training Kensi gave him would take over. He quickly aimed for center mass, and as he let the blade fly, heard the _sssnap_ of the bullet leaving the suppressor. _Too late_ , he realized. His next thought was _I'm sorry, Kens_.

* * *

 **AN2:** Thanks to the guest reviewer who suggested that Kensi would fare better in terms of long-term strength if she takes it slower. And you can feel free to thank or blame Max and Fern 4ever for the Deeks "doom" (her word, my inspiration). Unbeknownst to her, she planted the seed for what happens to poor Deeks in my head. I take full responsibility for the cliff-hanger, however [evil grin]. Next chapter should be up in a week.

 **AN3:** It was Core Values (7x12) in which we met Gunnery Sergeant Patterson. Randomly, I turned on the TV sometime in the past month or two and that episode was playing in syndication. It was the scene when Kensi and Deeks first arrive at the hospital and the doctor is telling them how the radiation destroyed Patterson's bone marrow and now he couldn't make platelets, so he was bleeding out, and couldn't ward off infections because he had no white blood cells. I was pretty psyched (get it?) because I recognized immediately that she was talking about aplastic anemia, and then was pissed because I thought I had been so original in choosing this for Kensi. Oh well. (In the scene, they never actually do say aplastic anemia, so that's why I figure it took Deeks so long to make the connection himself.) The episode ends with Patterson still in ICU, so we don't know if he lived or died.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN:** I won't lie, the majority of this chapter might be a little difficult to read for some (it was draining to write) and involves a death and a funeral. Also, don't hate me (too much) for the first couple of scenes, just keep reading.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** I own the DVDs for Seasons 1 through 7. And it occurs to me that I actually own more characters in this chapter than NCIS: LA does. Take that R. Scott Gemmill and CBS! [sticks tongue out like the child I claim not to be] However, I am not making any money from my characters, or theirs.

* * *

Kensi woke to a knock at the front door. Looking at the bedside clock, she saw it was after two in the morning. "Shit," she muttered to herself, hoping Monty wouldn't start barking and wake her mother in the spare room. In fact, she thought maybe that's where the pooch was, which would be helpful.

Grabbing her gun from beside the thermometer on the nightstand as she got up, Kensi made her way down the stairs silently. Peeking out from behind a curtain at the front of the house, her blood ran cold.

Lieutenant Bates. In the middle of the night. While Deeks was undercover. "Oh, God. No."

Kensi barely had the door open when the words were out of her mouth. "Is he alive?" She was terrified to know the answer, but she didn't want to hear the news the way he'd been trained to deliver it.

"For the moment. I'll take you."

Kensi nodded and grabbed her coat from the banister. She threw it on as she walked out the door and followed Deeks' LAPD boss into his car.

The ride was over and she was walking through the hospital corridors before she knew it. All of a sudden another cop was handing her Deeks' badge and watch. He squeezed her hands as she took Deeks' belongings. "Ma'am," was all he said before he left. But she could see the pity in his eyes.

Kensi was ushered into a private waiting room. Where loved ones of cops and firefighters waited for news that would either destroy their lives or make them believe in miracles.

Bates was the only one with her. He didn't try to talk to her and for that Kensi was grateful. She didn't want platitudes. Didn't want to listen to other cops begrudgingly talk about what a good cop and man Deeks was. Is. They had no right to talk about him. Most of them didn't respect him, because he did what was right, even if it wasn't popular. Screw them.

Kensi paced the small room liked a caged tiger. She remembered their conversation about training a baby tiger to be her partner, and she smiled softly. She loved that she could be so silly with Deeks. She never would have been with another partner. Never had been before him.

She thought of the time she'd had a hunch that two men weren't the NSA agents they claimed to be. On that gut feeling, she "teed off" on one, as Deeks had put it. He was shocked and horrified by her actions, but backed her up nonetheless. She never doubted he would have her back, or steer her in the right direction if she was off course. Because Deeks was her partner.

 _Partner_.

That word meant more to her now than she ever though it could. He was her other half, the yin to her yang, the good to her evil. He made her a better agent. A better person.

Marty Deeks brought love, light, and laughter into her life every day, and Kensi Blye, daughter of a Marine who as a teenager lived by herself on the streets for a year, former fiancée of a man who left her on Christmas Day, kick-ass federal agent who was as tough as any man she worked with, didn't know how she would survive without him.

 _Please Deeks, don't give up_.

Sure, she'd wake up every day. But could she get out of bed? Get dressed? Take care of her own basic needs?

She couldn't imagine returning to their home, their bed, to breathe in his fading scent.

Wouldn't contemplate setting foot in the mission again unable to see his beautiful blue eyes brighten at the sight of her.

Couldn't think of stepping foot on the beach, where she loved to watch his hair blow in the breeze.

His hair. Kensi wanted to punch something. Deeks was laying on an operating table somewhere in this building, where she couldn't help him, his life literally in the hands of strangers, and she was thinking about his hair.

But it had to be better than thinking about all they stood to lose. She was on the verge of having her health back and soon he would propose. They were going to be married and get their happily ever after. She was thinking about leaving the work she loved to make their dreams come true with the man she loved even more.

 _Baby, don't leave me_.

She could barely hold back the moan from the ache in her chest. Kensi looked around to see if Bates had noticed, and saw that he was gone. When did he leave? Surely he must have said something to her. But she was glad to be alone for now.

Except suddenly she wasn't. The door opened and in the threshold stood a surgeon. His scrubs were still bloody. Deeks' blood.

This was too soon. She hadn't been here long enough for the surgery to have ended well.

 _No, Deeks. Please, no._

Kensi wasn't even sure she saw the doctor's mouth move. But she heard the words. _Felt_ the words pierce her heart like a bullet. "I'm sorry. We did everything we could."

"No. _No._ NO!"

"No!" Kensi shouted as she sat, bolt upright, in bed. She looked over to the empty space next to her, ran her hand over it to feel its coolness, and listened for signs that Deeks was somewhere else in the house. When she heard none, she collapsed back against the mattress, dreading the day to come.

* * *

Kensi never imagined the first public event she would attend after her bone marrow transplant would be a police funeral. As she sat listening to the Chief of Police talk about the brave undercover detective who lost his life in the line of duty just as he was about to propose to his girlfriend, Kensi shuddered and closed her eyes. She could feel Callen and Sam looking at her, could feel their sympathy directed toward her.

Opening her eyes, Kensi focused on the framed picture next to the coffin at the front of the large chapel. Deeks' official LAPD photo barely looked like him, she thought, as she tried but mostly failed to stifle a small sob. Seeing Deeks in his dress blues now brought forth heartbreaking emotions, and took on a whole different meaning for her.

Shutting her eyes again, Kensi inhaled deeply, and felt the hand she was holding give her a reassuring squeeze. When she opened them once more, she saw what was really there: the picture of Tom Gerard, not Marty Deeks. Deeks, _her_ undercover detective who was on the verge of proposing to his girlfriend, was currently offering his support by handing her a tissue. Kensi should be the one comforting him, she thought, but the service was hitting her harder than she had anticipated. It so easily could have been her sitting in the front pew, instead of Kristi, Tom's girlfriend.

She knew exactly how close Deeks had come to being the one in the casket, posthumously promoted and praised for his courage, loyalty, and sense of duty. He'd told her all about it when he came home two days ago, and Kensi didn't think either of them was over it yet.

 _Kensi and Julia had decided to have Easter dinner with Roberta and Jim at Julia's house, and Kensi and Monty spent the night. Kensi was finally starting to feel better, so was getting restless at home and wanted a change of scenery. Plus she didn't want Roberta and Jim breathing in all of her lingering cold germs and wanted to air the place out for a few hours._

 _She also thought her mother deserved to sleep in her own bed after spending the past four nights and five days living out of her luggage in their spare room. Sam had spent three nights, the first on the floor at her bedside and the next two on the couch. By the fourth evening, everyone was confident that Kensi's symptoms had improved enough that she would be safe in only her mother's care while she slept._

 _Monday afternoon, Kensi was about to broach the subject of the wedding reception when she received a text from Deeks asking where she was. After sending her reply, Kensi was thrilled to hear back from him that he should be home in an hour. Her heart sank when she read the next text, "_ I need you _."_

 _Arriving at home about a half-hour later, Kensi didn't want Deeks' first glance around the house to indicate she'd been sick, so she took the tissues and medicine bottles that had been on the coffee table and moved them to her nightstand. She was glad she'd left some windows open; Kensi didn't think the place smelled like a sick-house anymore. Her mother had occupied herself by cleaning most days, so there was no other tidying Kensi could think to do while she waited for Deeks to arrive._

 _Pulling a couple of bottles of water from the fridge, Kensi heard Monty run to the door excitedly. When she got there, Deeks was kneeling, scratching Monty behind the ears, with his face in the dog's fur. Looking up at her for the first time, she could see the devastation in his eyes._

" _Oh my god, come here," Kensi didn't realize she was repeating Deeks' words of a few years ago. She tossed the bottles onto the couch and held her arms out to Deeks as he stood and walked toward her. Kensi met him halfway and wrapped him in her embrace. He held on tightly. He didn't appear to be injured in the few steps she'd just watch him take, so Kensi knew whatever it was had likely happened to someone else. When Deeks didn't say anything for several minutes and didn't seem anywhere near ready to let her go, Kensi hesitated before asking, "Gerard?"_

 _She heard Deeks take in a watery breath as he nodded his head. "Hey, I love you and I'll stand here all day like this if you need, but we might be more comfortable on the couch," she whispered another minute later, now occasionally running her hand soothingly through his hair or up and down his back. "Whatever you want," Kensi promised._

 _At least another two minutes passed before Deeks' hold loosened and he began to pull away. "I'm just going to head to the bathroom for a bit," Deeks muttered. He planted a quick kiss to her neck and said, "I love you, Kens" before crossing the room._

 _Kensi watched him go and then hurried up to the bedroom to get the box of tissues she'd just moved there. This was the last box; she was supposed to have grabbed a couple more from her mother's place this morning, but had forgotten in her rush after Deeks' texts. She was just opening the second bottle of water and setting it on the coffee table for Deeks when he exited the bathroom. He had obviously washed his face, but it didn't help much; his skin was still red and splotchy from crying._

 _When Deeks sat next to her and lifted his arm, Kensi automatically slid in underneath, leaned into him, and placed her hand on his chest, above his heart. Deeks pulled her hand away and held it on his lap. "What happened, baby?" she prodded gently._

" _Gerard's dead," he said flatly._

" _I'm so sorry, Deeks." When he didn't seem inclined to go on, Kensi asked, "Did he get made?"_

 _Deeks shook his head. "I knew something was wrong. We suspected there might be a double-cross in the works, but we still weren't prepared for this when it came. They were brothers! I didn't expect one to kill the other." His voice was filled with bitterness._

" _Where were you when it happened?" Kensi was afraid to hear the answer._

" _Standing right next to him. Guy shoots his brother and Gerard almost before I realized what was happening, and the next thing I know his gun is pointed at me."_

" _How'd you stop him?"_

" _I almost didn't," he admitted quietly. "Thought I hadn't, for a split second there." Deeks took a few more moments before continuing, "But I had the ceramic knife you gave me, and your lessons on how to throw it for maximum impact." Deeks squeezed Kensi's hand in appreciation. "I swear he fired right as I threw the knife, so I don't know how he missed me, but he did."_

 _Kensi thought she knew. "Did you throw it underhand?" At Deeks' nod, she continued, "Then you bent over slightly."_

 _Deeks closed his eyes as if trying to replay the moment in his mind. "Yeah, you're right. I heard the bullet go over my right shoulder and I couldn't figure out how he'd gone so wide when the other shots were so…well-placed."_

" _Is LAPD going to give you a hard time for using the knife? It's not exactly standard issue."_

 _He shook his head, "They didn't seem to have a problem with it, but it's not like his injury was fatal. Just enough to give me the in I needed to disarm him. I already spoke with IA last night. Or maybe it was early this morning. I don't know, it's all kind of running together right now."_

 _They were quiet for a little while when Kensi said what she knew Deeks wouldn't believe, but needed to hear anyway. "This isn't your fault, Deeks." When he didn't respond, she pushed, "Tell me. What did you do wrong?"_

" _I didn't see it coming. I was caught off-guard."_

" _So was Gerard, and he'd been under for a lot longer than you. If there was anything to see, don't you think he would have seen it?"_

" _He suspected something too, but couldn't pin it down."_

" _You wondered correctly about a double-cross."_

" _Yeah. I thought Wally might sell his brother out or take off with the profits."_

" _Didn't you tell me these guys didn't have violent histories, and were kind of idiots?"_

" _Yeah, so I knew better than to think I could predict their behavior, dammit!"_

" _Are you psychic, Deeks?"_

" _What?" he was slightly taken back by her question. "No."_

" _Omniscient?"_

" _No. And I know where you're going with this, Kens. But it didn't help then either, if you remember."_

" _Actually, it did. Just not right away. We had a very similar conversation when you dropped by my apartment unannounced after Stan King killed Bobby Asher in front of me and I thought I should have seen it coming. You said I couldn't have because it came out of nowhere. And you were right."_

 _Deeks closed his eyes and tilted his head to rest on top of Kensi's. He let out a sigh. "It could have been me."_

" _I know." Kensi had been thinking this all along, and steeled her voice so Deeks wouldn't hear it. He felt bad enough already._

" _I mean, we're like the same person, at the same point in our lives: long-time undercover operative ready to give it up to make a new life with the woman he loves. Literally the only reason I'm here right now and he's in the morgue is because of where we were standing. I had a half-second more warning because of where I was standing, Kensi. Otherwise you'd be getting ready to bury me."_

" _I know." This time her voice did break._

" _Of course you do. That was stupid of me to say." He tightened his embrace and kissed the top of her head. "I'm sorry."_

 _Kensi looked up at him, her eyes fierce. "You came home to me, Deeks. That's all that matters right now."_

" _I do want you to know something, though."_

" _What's that?"_

" _My last thought, or what would have been my last thought? It was of you. An apology, for not making it back."_

" _But you did, babe. And as sad as I am about Tom Gerard and as awful as I feel for his girlfriend, I'm just so damned happy that you did." Kensi ran her hand down the side of Deeks' face, hoping to provide some comfort. She knew this would not be the last time they'd have this discussion in the days to come. But it would be the last time today. "You haven't slept at all, have you?"_

" _No. And I don't think I could right now, if that's what you're thinking."_

" _Then why don't we just go upstairs and rest for a while?" When Deeks seemed reluctant, Kensi added, "I'll stay with you."_

" _Thank you," he kissed the side of her head. He made a face and then placed his lips against her forehead. Concerned, Deeks asked, "Baby? How do you feel? I thought all the sniffling was from crying with me, but you might be getting sick."_

 _Kensi considered for several seconds before responding, "Do you trust me?"_

" _Of course."_

" _Then believe me when I say I'm okay and you don't want to have this conversation today."_

 _Deeks studied Kensi briefly, then nodded in acceptance._

 _When they entered their bedroom a few minutes later, Deeks immediately noticed all of the pharmaceutical paraphernalia on Kensi's night table. "Just tell me one thing?" he asked._

" _Anything."_

" _Did you have to go to the hospital?"_

 _Kensi met his eyes and made sure Deeks could see the truth when she spoke, "No. We would have gotten word to you if that had happened, I promise."_

Leaving the chapel and following the procession to the cemetery, Deeks wanted to drive, and Kensi let him. She would have preferred to be behind the wheel, but assumed Deeks would catch crap from his LAPD colleagues for being seen in the passenger seat while his female partner and girlfriend drove.

"How are you feeling?" Deeks asked as Kensi reached for the box of tissues she forgot to bring into the church.

"Exhausted," she replied honestly.

"Physically or emotionally?"

Though she was largely over her cold, Kensi was still more tired than she liked. Dr. Popa assured her that her red blood cell count hadn't dropped, and that her lingering fatigue was likely just the last symptoms of her recent illness to go away.

They'd ended up discussing Kensi's cold later on the afternoon he came home, when Deeks, as he predicted, couldn't sleep. He insisted he wanted the distraction even though Kensi was reluctant to upset him further. Deeks quickly realized the fact that Kensi's cold remained a cold was a major milestone that indicated her immune system was beginning to function normally. It was a piece of good news he was happy to have at the end of a lousy couple of days.

To Kensi's slight surprise, Deeks hadn't been upset that she had kept her illness from him while he was undercover. He agreed she had put in place a well thought out set of contingencies, and was grateful that she took her cold seriously, asked for help, and received it. Kensi had done the right thing, Deeks confirmed.

He also concurred that Kensi should apologize to Eric, since he was the only one at the mission left out of the loop; she had been afraid the technical operator wouldn't be able to lie to Deeks convincingly if he knew the truth. Knowing he would immediately recognize she was sick if they spoke or if Kensi came to the mission, she maintained only text contact with Eric, or had Hetty or Nell pass along messages of her supposed well-being.

It would be one of the first things she did the next time she was at the mission; they hadn't been there since Deeks' return from his assignment.

"Mostly emotionally, I think." She took the time to study Deeks' handsome but saddened features. He too looked worn out. He wore his dress uniform, with his badge shrouded, his cover now laying on the back seat while he drove. "How about you?"

Deeks shrugged his shoulder, "I feel like I could sleep for a month when this is over. I hate funerals."

And yet he had felt the need to participate in the casket watch during the wake last night. Kensi hadn't taken her eyes off Deeks for the 30 minutes he stood vigil at the head of Gerard's coffin. She wondered where his thoughts took him and tried to join him there. She hoped he felt her presence.

"Good thing you won't be having one, then. What with you not being buried or cremated." Kensi thought she'd try for a little levity while they were alone in the car, hoping to ease Deeks' sorrow from the service they'd just witnessed and the burial they were about to observe. Hell, she needed to ease her own, too.

He smiled softy, willing to play along, "Yeah, can't exactly bring my industrial-sized freezer into a church either."

"I don't think they make an extension cord that long."

"Maybe you could have something at the house. And everyone can come over and tell me what they really think of me while I'm in my Han Solo carbonite state."

Kensi actually laughed out loud at that image. "Now that would be convenient, the carbonite thing. Wouldn't have to worry about the electric bill, or power outages. Oh! And if I lay you down horizontally with your hands out like his were, I'd use you as a coffee table, and you could hold my drink."

"And when you get lonely you can stand me up and make better use of me," Deeks quickly removed his grip from the steering wheel to mimic Han Solo's hands, which looked like they were ready to grab Kensi's breasts. He joined in the laughter at the expression on her face.

When they remembered where they were and where they were headed, Kensi and Deeks sobered simultaneously. "I'm sorry," Kensi said. "I shouldn't have –"

"No," Deeks corrected, picking up and kissing Kensi's hand. "I appreciate it. And I love you for making me laugh and forget for a few seconds. I think we both needed it."

Kensi nodded. As brutal as the past few days had been, between supporting Deeks after his official statement to IA, attending two nights of the wake, observing while Deeks stood vigil, listening as all of the political and PD leaders lauded Tom Gerard, and watching his girlfriend and family members try their best to hold themselves together, for Kensi, the worst was still to come.

The cemetery was where she would really need Deeks' strength. So many of the elements of a formal police funeral were similar to those of a military funeral, and always brought her back to the day of her father's interment. The bagpipes, the three-volley salute, the folding and presentation of the flag, and dear God, the playing of Taps.

As if reading her thoughts, Deeks asked, "You want to stay in the car when we get to the cemetery?"

Kensi squeezed Deeks' hand, still holding hers. "No, but I love you for asking. As long as you're there, I got this."

* * *

"Babe, are you sure you don't want my help with that?" Kensi kept a safe distance in case anything snapped off and went flying, but close enough to lend a hand if he wanted it.

"No. I said I could do this, and I will. I've done it before, you know." The frustration in his voice made Kensi wonder if this was a good idea after all.

"I know, I've seen the video. You want to watch it, for reference? I downloaded it to my phone."

"Really, Kensalina?" Deeks lifted the polyester flap that had fallen onto his head from his face. "Kick me while I'm down why don't you!"

She shrugged her shoulders and smirked at him. "Have you seen it? It's really good for a laugh." When Deeks simply glared at her, she took a few more steps back. "Maybe I'll go show it to Emily and Ricki. Since, you know, they already have their tent up."

Approaching the girls and their father, everyone could hear Deeks shout, "Fraggle Rock!" for what must have been the fifth time.

"Should I see if he needs help?" Emily asked.

"I already offered," Kensi said. "But feel free. He'd probably take advice better coming from you anyway." As Emily walked away, Kensi called out, "Please remind him to watch out for his shoulder!"

"Emily mentioned that Marty had a dislocation. How's he doing?" Dennis, the girls' father, asked.

"Good, thanks. He's been taking his physical therapy seriously, trying to strengthen the supporting muscles so it doesn't happen again. I had to help him on and off with his backpack, just because of the weight and the awkward movement of the arm, but otherwise there shouldn't be anything we do this weekend that'll give him a hard time." At the sound of another growl of irritation coming from Deeks, Kensi added with a grimace, "Except that."

Erica, who preferred to be called Ricki, had been patiently waiting for the adults to stop talking. The twelve year-old looked at Kensi excitedly and jumped in at the first opportunity. "What do you think we'll be able to hunt for dinner?"

Kensi smiled, remembering when she was younger than Ricki and eager to learn everything her father could teach her. "Well, we can't start hunting right off. First you need to learn how to track the animals. So we'll probably do that for a while this afternoon and then get the poles out and try to catch some fish for dinner. If we get lucky, I'll show you how to filet them."

"What if we don't catch anything? What do we eat then?"

"First rule of camping is be prepared for anything. That's why I told your dad to make sure you guys packed protein and granola bars, trail mix, beef jerky, fruit, peanut butter, tuna pouches, and that sort of thing. Plus Deeks and I brought some MREs if you want to try them."

"Cool!"

"And I also have this for you." Kensi pulled a small spiral notebook, identical to the one she had been using early in her illness, from her pocket. There was a mechanical pencil tucked in the wire loops. She passed it to the confused girl.

"What's this for?"

"The correct response is 'Thank-you,' Ricki," interrupted her father.

"Oh, sorry, Kensi. Thanks," the girl responded with an embarrassed but genuine smile. "But what's it for?"

"My father gave me one of those to keep a log of what I observed. I used to draw pictures of the animal tracks that we found and then go home and look them up in his books."

The tween looked at her curiously, "Why don't I just take pictures and do a search online while I'm standing there?"

"Because cell phones didn't have cameras and the internet was barely a thing when Granny Blye over here was your age," came Deeks' reply from behind them. As he took his place next to Kensi, they slipped their arms around each other's waists.

"For your information, smart-a…-y-pants…smarty-pants," Kensi caught herself just in time as she gave Deeks a dirty look, "My father would have had me do it this way regardless." Turning her attention back to Ricki, she continued, "In the wilderness, you should always know how to do things without technology, because you can't always count on your gadgets or devices working."

"Does that mean we're going to start a fire with sticks or a lens?" Emily asked.

"Neither, unless one of you can do it. That's a real hassle. We will light our fire with the matches I brought and are stored in a water-tight container. Because what's the first rule of camping, Ricki?"

"Be prepared for anything," she answered quickly. "But you could do it the other ways if you needed to, right?"

"Yup."

"Can you show us how?"

"Ricki, Kensi is being kind enough to teach us how to track today. She's not your personal wilderness survival expert."

Kensi gave the man a smile, "That's okay, Dennis. I don't mind." To Ricki, she said, "But seriously, it's a pain in the butt, and can take a long time. And it's not something we need to be here to do, especially when we have better things planned. Maybe one day you can come to our place and we can start fires in our back yard."

"That's very generous, Kensi. But how about if you and Marty come over for dinner one night and you can teach us all?"

Emily piped in, "Ooh, then _I_ can give _you_ more plating lessons, and really show you how it's done."

"How about I trade the plating for showing me how to crochet some more baby stuff?" At Emily's thrilled glance at her stomach, Kensi quickly added, "Not for me! One of my friends is pregnant and I started a blanket for her. I'll probably try the hat too, if you remind me how to do it for a regular newborn and not a preemie. And then whatever else you can teach me would be great."

"Speaking of, this student would like to show you what he accomplished with our tent," Deeks stated proudly.

"You mean what you and Emily accomplished?" Kensi teased.

"All I did was hold one pole still while Deemarty did all the hard work, I swear. Cross my heart." The teenager quickly drew an X over her chest with her finger as she spoke.

"Let's get things settled here first," Kensi suggested. "Make sure the food and gear are stowed properly, find a good location for our campfire, and maybe find some fuel for the fire before we secure the tents and head out on our expedition."

* * *

An hour later, Kensi, Dennis, and Ricki were well into their hike and first lesson on tracking. Emily begged off, insisting that she had no intention of ever hunting an animal so learning how to track one was useless. Besides, she would rather use the time to get some sketching done for her class. Deeks offered to stay behind with Emily and protect her and their campsite from bears and other critters. He was only mildly nervous that Kensi made him keep their can of bear spray; Dennis had another in case they needed it. Which, of course, they wouldn't, because "Don Blye's daughter knows how to avoid bears, Deeks."

Coming to a good spot, Kensi stopped their little group. She slowly turned in a three-sixty and declared, "Okay Ricki, I see five, maybe six spoor, at least three different types, from where I'm standing. Take a walk around and let's see how many you and your dad can spot."

The girl looked confused, "Spore? Isn't that the stuff that comes off flowers? I learned about that in science."

Kensi smiled, "I think it's spelled differently. The spoor I'm talking about is the word for all the trails and clues we've been looking at: tracks, scat, patches of fur, feathers, scratch marks, sounds, scents."

Ricki giggled when Kensi said "scat," and Dennis warned his daughter again, "No, you may not call Brandon Michaelson a piece of scat either to his face or behind his back. Why don't you go first and I'll double-check you before we show Kensi what you found?"

Ricki nodded eagerly and headed off carefully in search of signs that animals had been in the area, her new spiral notebook in hand.

Dennis took a deep breath of the fresh air and exhaled slowly. "I love being outdoors. Thanks again, Kensi. If I can get a good handle on this stuff, I'll be her hero." He titled his chin toward Ricki.

Kensi nodded in agreement. "My dad was my first hero, mostly because of this. I thought he could do anything, and knew everything. And that was before I figured out what it meant that he was a Marine; you know, the actual heroic stuff. And I can show you a couple of websites and apps you can use to study between camping trips."

"Yeah, well, we don't get out here very often. Mostly when Emily's in the hospital."

"There's plenty of practice to be had in your own neighborhood, you know. You guys can take a walk around your block and look for traces of dogs, cats, squirrels, racoons, things like that. It doesn't really matter the animal so much as getting into the habit of recognizing the spoor. Right now it's just stuff you tend to overlook, or only keep a lookout for so you don't step in it," Kensi joked. "But about Emily, if she wants to come too, maybe you guys can get out here more regularly. Or maybe now that she's seen what it's all about she won't want to next time. I'm still surprised Deeks actually came. He's not one for roughing it if it doesn't include sand and surf."

"I'm glad he stayed behind with her. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of her being by herself while she sketches. She gets so into it, she doesn't always pay attention to what's going on around her."

"She's a great girl. They both are. But Emily was a real lifesaver to me when we were in the hospital."

"She definitely has a way with people," Dennis said with obvious pride.

"Is she still toying with the idea of becoming an art therapist?"

"Yes, although art teacher is right up there too at the moment. But honestly I hope she leans toward the therapy aspect. You know my wife's an art teacher and I'm a principal, so we understand the pros and cons better than most. Having health insurance is always going to be a big deal for her, and will probably better as a teacher, unless she actually gets hired by a hospital. But on the other hand, art programs are usually the first to be put on the chopping block when school budgets get tight. And unfortunately there will always be sick kids for Emily to help."

"Yeah," Kensi agreed sadly.

Dennis glanced at Kensi, wanting to change the subject. "Emily said you're a personal assistant. You ever think about becoming a teacher? You're a natural at it."

Kensi was stunned. "Me? A teacher?" She laughed uncomfortably, remembering the only time she ever refused an undercover assignment, when she walked away from a school in which she was supposed to be a substitute teacher. "I can only take kids in small doses – no offense. And I don't think schools would pay to have someone teach their kids wilderness skills. Talk about being the first on the chopping block."

"No, but there are all kinds of outdoor education programs, for kids and adults. I even looked into one of those survivalist training weekends once, but they're pretty expensive. That's why I don't want Ricki thinking this is going to be a regular occurrence with you and Marty; people pay big money to learn what you can teach them, and I don't want to take advantage." Dennis shrugged, "I know you haven't been able to work for a while because of your health, and hopefully your boss is willing and able to take you back when you're ready. But just in case, it may be something to keep in mind."

"It certainly is something to think about," Kensi replied.

* * *

 **AN2** : Sassyzazzi gets the credit or blame for Kensi's dream. She wanted our girl to suffer a little bit about Deeks and that was the only way I could work it in. Hope I beat her up enough for you! Next chapter should be up next weekend. And have a Happy Deeks' Birthday tomorrow!


	28. Chapter 28

**Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** I own the DVDs for Seasons 1 through 7. I am not making any money from this.

* * *

"You're staring at me," Emily said flatly.

" _You're_ staring at _me_ ," Deeks countered.

Emily sighed, "I'm looking at and sketching the trees _beyond_ you."

"Really? That's disappointing. Because I'm more than willing to pose for you. Look…I can do the Thinking Man," he hunched over and put a fisted hand under his chin. "Or the farmer from American Gothic," Deeks jumped up and stood ramrod straight with a stern look on his face, one hand pretending to hold a pitchfork, the other pulling his hair off his forehead. "No, no, wait, I've got it - Dogs Playing Poker!" He sat back down on a food canister and mimed holding playing cards while he put an imaginary cigar in his mouth.

Emily giggled, "Oh my god, Kensi wasn't kidding when she said you were on your best behavior at the hospital."

"She said that?" The teenager nodded. "Yeah, no, she wasn't wrong," Deeks admitted. Approaching Emily and her sketchbook, he asked, "Can I see?"

"No," she quickly closed the book and held it to her chest. "I'm not really comfortable having anyone but my instructor look at this stuff yet."

"No worries, I promise I won't snatch it from you to sneak a peek."

"Unlike Erica, who tries that on a daily basis."

"Why is it that you're the only one who calls her by her given name?"

Emily gave Deeks a funny look. "Asks the man who doesn't call anyone by their given name, or hardly even the same name twice!"

"That's just part of my charm, Em-Monet."

She stuck her tongue out at him playfully, but answered the question. "Because I'm her big sister, and that's just something big sisters do…we annoy our little sisters at every opportunity to try to make up for all the aggravation they cause us."

"Ah, I see. Kens and I are only children, so we wouldn't really know. But there are a couple of friends of ours who are like my older brothers, so I get where you're coming from. Or maybe I get where Ricki's coming from, being the younger sibling in the analogy."

Watching Emily take her glasses off now that she was done drawing for the time being, Deeks commented, "Love the specs, by the way. Guess the headaches were caused by eyestrain after all?"

"Yeah, thankfully. I was half convinced they were going to find a brain tumor instead."

"That a could happen?" Deeks grimaced.

Emily nodded, "Not often, but within the realm of possibility for my cancer. And it's usually the last metastasis, since they're typically inoperable. Though not a bad way to die, from what I've read. At least compared to lung cancer, which is how I'm probably going to go."

"Jeez, Em-morose. Why would you even read about that?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "I have a recurrent cancer. The Big C's almost definitely going to kill me one way or another, unless I get hit by a car or something. I want to know what it's going to be like." At Deeks' alarmed look, Emily continued reassuringly, "Hey, I'm lucky. Most people don't know how they're going to die for the majority of their lives. I have a pretty good idea. So when I have my regular chats with God, I sometimes put in a good word for a brain tumor." Emily laughed at herself, "But when the headaches started, I rushed to make sure the Big Guy knew I didn't mean _now_."

"But as long as it doesn't go to your brain, you continue to fight it, right?"

"Well, I'd fight it even then, but really that only gives you a couple more weeks or months." Emily looked at Deeks for a few moments, considering. "You do realize the chances are good I won't make it to twenty-five years-old, Deemarty?" At his stricken look, the teen explained, "I might not be able to have chemo the next time the cancer recurs because of how much I've had already. It's going to start being toxic to my kidneys and liver sooner or later. The only reason I was able to have it this time around is because they were some relatively new drugs that shouldn't have as cumulative an effect on my organs."

Deeks rubbed his hand through his hair, scratched his neck, and cleared his throat before attempting to respond. "Uh, no, I didn't know that. I'm really sorry, Emily."

"Yeah, me too. That's why trying to figure out what to do with myself right now is so hard, you know? I mean, what's the point of spending all that time in school to learn a profession if I'm just going to die when I'm finally ready to work?"

Deeks nodded, disbelieving he was actually having such a conversation with an eighteen year-old. "I see what you mean. But medicine is always coming up with better treatments, different drugs, new procedures. Maybe the point is to stay alive long enough for them to find the one that finally works for you for the long haul. You've got Jasper in your corner for that. And me. I found Kensi her bone marrow donor, I'd do my best to find you a kidney or liver. I can be like the organ matchmaker," he grinned.

"I might take you up on that, because I'd rather get an organ from an anonymous donor than from my sister."

"Ricki can donate to you?" Deeks was happily surprised, and then confused.

"Yeah, my folks had her tested during my latest recurrence, when the docs weren't sure I'd be a candidate for the chemo regimen they ended up giving me. Mom and dad wanted me to go ahead with my regular chemo knowing I could have a kidney and half a liver from Erica if I needed it."

"You didn't want to?" Deeks asked, surprised.

"No way. How would you feel, being used for spare parts? Besides, she's only twelve years old, so she couldn't say no if she wanted to."

"You really think she would?"

"No, but hello, she's twelve. I'm sure she'd do anything to help, even if she didn't understand the consequences."

"So…even though she'd probably make the same decision if she was eighteen or older, you wouldn't let her do it now?"

"Right. And even later, I won't let her do it."

"Why not? I have to say Em, you always impressed me as a very smart young lady, but this just seems kind of…"

"Stupid?"

"Your word, not mine. But no, it doesn't make much sense to me. I mean, you have a disease that can kill you unless you get a treatment that can destroy some of your organs. But you have someone who is willing and able to give you her organs, or part of them, at least, and offer you another, what dozen or so years? Maybe even more depending on the state of medicine at the time. Seems like a win-win to me."

Emily laughed without humor. "You make it sound like it's not a big deal that she'd have to have surgery. And, you know, have parts of her body cut out."

"Of course it's a big deal – that's what makes it so awesome, Emily! Why would you deny your sister the opportunity to be your hero? To save your life? To lord it over your head for what would be a longer life, thanks to her." Deeks' grin faded and he tapped her gently on the knee. "Imagine how bad she would feel if you died and she could have saved you."

Emily considered him for a bit. "I guess I didn't think of it like that."

"Really? Your parents never said that to you?"

"No, my parents get upset when I argue with them about it and just yell at me. Then I yell back and storm off."

Deeks nodded. "I get that. But try thinking about it from Ricki's perspective. And in the meantime, I think you should do what makes you happy. If you don't want to be a student for the next four to eight years because you'd rather do something else, then do the other thing. But if you do want to learn about drawing, or psychology, do that. Education is never a waste of time."

"You don't have to tell that to the child of two educators," she chided.

"Here's another thing to consider then. People beat the odds all the time, even when it comes to cancer. You said the chances weren't good, not that this is a definite outcome. Especially if you put Ricki's contribution back in the equation. What's that quotation? You should 'Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.' I think you should _plan_ for the best, not just hope for it. And Kensi and I will throw you a surprise twenty-fifth birthday when the time comes."

"Won't be much of a surprise, Deemarty, since you just told me about it."

"It'll be a surprise for Kensi when I don't remember to tell her until the week before," he joked. Deeks pulled out his phone and opened the calendar app. "And just to make it official, when is your birthday?"

"January eighth."

"No way – mine too! We're birthday twins! I knew there was another reason I liked you. Did you know that's also Elvis's birthday? And _he_ made it to forty-two. You can't let a man who ate peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwiches and died on the toilet outlive you, Em-Manet, even if he was the King of Rock and Roll."

"You just used that name, Deemarty. You're slipping."

"Ah, no. I said Em- _Mo_ net before. This time it was Em- _Ma_ net."

"My bad. Okay, so I have to _plan_ my life as if I'll live to forty-two, then, is that what you're saying?"

"Oh, at least. And it really will be a surprise when we throw you another party then, too. Because who has a surprise forty-second birthday party?"

"Only if it's a joint party, though. How old will you be then?"

Deeks quickly did the math in his head, "Sixty-two."

"Wow, so you'll probably even have grandchildren by then. Definitely worth staying alive to see Deemarty act like a five year-old with his grandkids."

"Grandkids? Not by then, I don't think. But I promise to act as immaturely as I can with any kids you bring to the party. So it's a deal, yeah? In…2041, a joint surprise party for me and you?" Deeks held out his hand.

She shook it, "Deal."

"Awesome. Now don't let me forget to tell Kensi."

* * *

Upon Kensi's return with the tracking contingent, it was decided that everyone would try their hand at fishing at the nearby lake. Emily and Ricki caught the most: two fish each that were large enough to keep. If they counted the ones they had to toss back (which Emily did), she declared herself the winner. Deeks also caught a keeper, but Kensi and Dennis both had to throw their one each back in the lake.

Kensi demonstrated the proper way to filet the fish, and Ricki was permitted to try. She and Dennis did a good job of preparing their remaining catches.

They sat around the campfire that evening eating the fish they caught. "Who thought to bring the lemon and lime to squeeze on these? Because that's just inspired." Deeks raved.

"Mom recommended it," said Ricki.

"And how come she's not here enjoying this delicious dinner with us?"

This time Emily replied, "Because she couldn't resist the thought of an entire weekend alone in the house, especially with me _not_ in the hospital."

"For her birthday every year, Dad takes me and Emily out so she can have the day to herself. Then we take her out to dinner."

"Wow," Deeks was surprised, "You guys must be real rabble-rousers. Guess I wasn't the only one on my best behavior in the hospital, Emmischief-maker." He bumped into her with his shoulder.

"Whatever," she muttered. "We wouldn't get into nearly as much trouble if _someone_ would learn how to ask for permission before borrowing my stuff." Emily put air-quotes around "borrowing."

"Well if someone knew how to _share_ , I wouldn't have –"

"Hey, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi," Deeks cut in before a full-on sister-brawl could commence, "Why don't you tell us about what you and your dad did with Kensi this afternoon?"

Dennis mouthed a silent "Thank you" to Deeks.

"It was great! We found scat – that's poop – from deer and rabbit, but not bears. And we saw some tracks too. Oh, and there was this old busted up beehive in a tree that Kensi says was probably ripped open by a bear to get to the honey – while the bees were still in it! And she showed us how to figure out which direction the wind is blowing, because you always need to stay downwind of wild animals. That means the wind is blowing away from the animal and toward you, so this way they can't smell you. Dad says we can practice tracking in the neighborhood with the animals that live near us." Ricki paused for a breath and asked, "Who's Rikki-Rikki-Ravi?"

Kensi responded for him, "I think Deeks meant Rikki Tikki Tembo, who's the main character of a children's book about how Chinese names came to be so short."

Deeks looked at Kensi as if she had lost her mind. "I don't know what planet you were raised on, Fern, but here on Earth, Rikki-Tikki- _Tavi_ is the Rudyard Kipling story about a brave mongoose who protects his adoptive human family from cobras."

"What?! Maybe you suffered sunstroke at the lake, babe, because you're clearly confusing the name and plot of some other book with mine."

Dennis raised his hand, "Actually, you're both right. Or mostly right. Both stories exist, but Kensi, I think the name of yours is _Tikki_ Tikki Tembo."

"Oh yeah! That's right. You remember his whole name, Dennis?" At his nod, they both chanted, "Tikki Tikki Tembo-no Sa Rembo-chari Bari Ruchi-pip Peri Pembo!"

"…has fallen into the well," the father concluded as they both laughed and high-fived one another.

Now Deeks, Emily, and Ricki stared at the other two adults, who were having way too much fun reciting a ridiculously long and complicated name.

"Don't look at me like that, Deeks. It's a great story. And guess what you're getting for Christmas this year?"

"Back at you, Princess. And for the record, I was more right." He kissed Kensi quickly on the cheek as she rolled her eyes.

* * *

"I've got to hand it to you, Tonto, this was a terrific day." They were lying together in Sam's double sleeping bag, which they had borrowed again, along with the tent. Kensi was on her back and Deeks was on his side, pressed against hers. He played with her hair as they quietly talked.

"It was, wasn't it?" Kensi smiled softly. She had just realized with some surprise that she, and probably Deeks, had spent the entire day not thinking about her illness or his recent brush with death. And unlike most days, work hadn't been the distraction. Today they weren't members of an elite and clandestine team who repeatedly put their own lives on the line to save the world, or at least their corner of it. Today they were regular people, spending time with other regular people, and it was good. Really good.

"Although I have to give most of the credit to the company and not the setting. We'll probably have just as much fun setting fires in their backyard after eating dinner inside like normal folks."

"I think you would have enjoyed it if you'd come with us on our tracking lesson."

"I'm sure I would have, but I'm glad I stayed behind. I had a very interesting chat with Emily."

"Oh?"

"I'll tell you about it when we're alone." At Kensi's look of concern, Deeks kissed her forehead and continued, "You were amazing with Ricki, by the way. I was very impressed with how you interacted with her when you were teaching them how to clean and cut the fish. And she obviously learned a lot on your hike. She totally wants to be you when she grows up," Deeks said proudly.

"It felt good to share what I know with her. She just couldn't get enough, and was so excited to do and try everything. Oh, and get this, Dennis asked me if I'd ever thought about teaching as a career."

"What?" Deeks responded, initially incredulous. Then his expression changed. "But now that I think about it, you really are good at it. You schooled me so well on how to throw a knife that it saved my life. And let's not forget everything you taught me about urban tracking. So it shouldn't be a surprise that you were awesome at it today."

Kensi shrugged. "He reminded me that there are schools and programs that teach people survival skills. In case I can't get my job as a personal assistant back. It's something to think about, though. If we really do decide to leave NCIS."

"Except that I'm a city mouse."

Kensi turned on her side and planted a kiss on Deeks' chest. "Yeah, but maybe after this weekend you'll see that being a country mouse isn't so bad. You might even come to like it out here. And there isn't anything I know that I can't teach you."

"Or…I could just be the receptionist. You know, book the classes, create the brochures. Make sure our liability insurance is up to date."

Kensi chuckled, "Nah, I'd want you out there with me. Where's the fun, otherwise?"

"This is true. So maybe I haven't found my inner outdoor-man yet. But I did realize something today."

"What's that?"

"I want to share this one day."

"What do you mean?"

Deeks put his forehead to Kensi's and whispered, "I want us to come back here a couple times a year with our kids, and watch you teach them everything your father taught you. I want to take them to the beach on the weekends and show them how to surf, while you build sandcastles on the shore. Or play with Monty and Monty Junior."

"Bake cakes with them." Kensi added.

"Make frittatas with them. Work jobs where we can be home to get them ready for school and help them with their homework afterward. Jobs with regular, or at least predictable hours, so they know they can count on us to be there when we say we'll be there. At their games, and their recitals." Deeks kissed her lovingly on the lips. "I want the whole thing with you, Kens. And with them."

"You're sure?"

"Never more." When Kensi said didn't respond for several seconds, Deeks pulled away just far enough to look at her. "Please don't tell me you're crying because now _you_ don't want to have kids."

She smiled through the tears, "I'm not crying. And I'm not not crying because I don't want to have kids."

"So…that's a…yes?"

Now she laughed, the sound of happiness mixed with relief. "I'm not sure there was a question in there at all, but yes, Deeks, you and I are finally on the same page about this. I want to have children with you too."

"Yeah?" His smile lit up the dark tent.

"Yeah.

"What about work? You think you can give up being a hero to the world and just be a hero to our kids?"

"I'm pretty sure I could. But you're right, I'd like to find something we can do together, partner."

Deeks whispered between kisses, "I really wish…we weren't in a tent…very close to where two girls…and their father are also in tents."

"Deeks?"

"Hmm?"

"When were you thinking of doing this?"

"Well if we can do it very quietly, I'd say right now. You game?"

Kensi chuckled, "You know we don't do quiet, babe. And I was talking about having kids."

"Oh, I hadn't really thought that far ahead yet."

"So not right away, then?"

"I don't think so. I mean, I still want to spend some time as just us, after we get married. Before we become like Em and Ricki's mom." He smirked. "Plus we need to figure out what we're going to do with ourselves, work-wise. And most important, I need you back in the field with me for a while before I'll be ready to give it up."

"That sounds really nice."

"So maybe we'll give it the next year or so to line up our next professional step, and then we can start trying for a baby? And if we can't do it the old-fashioned way, we've always got our popsicle progeny to fall back on."

Kensi groaned. "Please don't ever say popsicle progeny again."

"No? Did you prefer defrosted descendants?"

"Stop, really."

"What about frozen family?"

"You know what, I changed my mind. No babies for you."

* * *

A few hours later, Deeks turned onto his back. He had been spooned behind Kensi since she'd rolled over and fallen quickly to sleep after their discussion about kids. He tried to steer his thoughts back to that conversation, and how good it felt to have decided on a course for their future.

Deeks would have been hard pressed to believe seven months ago, when Kensi barely made it out of Syria alive, and then through all the crap that followed, that they would now be talking about leaving the NCIS and LAPD for a safer, more stable career so they could raise a family. For all the times he'd joked with Kensi before they became a couple about having mutant ninja assassins with her, Deeks still smiled to himself when he realized it would one day be a reality. That Kensi Blye, the most incredible woman in the world, had agreed to marry him (well, almost) and have children with him.

He wondered how many times Tom Gerard's thoughts followed a similar path, especially during the past few months, when he knew his final undercover assignment would be coming to an end and he would be able to return to his real life and start building a future with Kristi.

He wondered if Gerard had the luxury of knowing his last thought was just that. Deeks took comfort, then and now, in the fact that his last thought would have been of Kensi. Maybe it was morbid, but that's how he felt. Her image, conjured in his mind's eye at the moment he silently asked her forgiveness for getting himself killed, would have been the last thing he saw. If there was no afterlife, Marty Deeks wanted to go out with Kensi's beautiful face, whether real or remembered, as the last thing he knew.

He wondered – no. He needed to stop this, Deeks knew. This was why he couldn't sleep; his mind kept bringing him back to thoughts of the cop who was two-weeks dead tomorrow. Deeks just couldn't shake the feeling that, despite what had actually occurred, he was supposed to have died that night. He'd narrowly escaped death, and now he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Kensi was on the road to recovery, but she wasn't there yet. Deeks couldn't help but worry that something would go wrong.

Kensi rolled over, rested her arm on Deeks' chest, and nuzzled her head into his neck. Letting out a sigh, she whispered, "You're thinking too loud, Deeks."

"Did I wake you?" He ran his hand up and down her arm.

"You got really tense. Nightmare?"

"No, I'd have to be asleep to have a nightmare."

"Gerard?"

"Not at first. At first I was thinking about how lucky I am. Then, yeah, about Gerard. I just can't get over how close I came, Kens. How easily it could have been me."

"What can I do?"

"You're doing it."

"I'm not doing anything, babe."

"You're here. You're listening. You're not telling me I'm being stupid for feeling this way."

"Or for worrying about when the other shoe is going to fall?"

"See how well you know me?"

"You ever consider that maybe my aplastic anemia and your near miss with a bullet _were_ the shoes dropping, and we dodged them? That we helped each avoid any falling foot ware? You, by finding my donor…"

"And you by teaching me how to throw the knives you gave me? No, I actually hadn't thought about it that way. But maybe you're right." He kissed the top of her head, "I like the way you think, Fern."

"You mean quietly?" She kissed his shoulder and patted his chest, "Now go to sleep. I have another fun-filled day of adventure planned for tomorrow and you'll need your energy."

* * *

"Thanks for stopping by, Margaret, it was lovely to see you," Julia said as yet another woman left their table.

"Why do I get the feeling I was brought here just to be put on display?" Kensi asked through a forced smile. Not that she should be complaining, since Kensi agreed to have lunch with Julia at her country club so that she could bring up their wedding reception. Her mother had wanted to show her off here for years, but it really wasn't Kensi's cup of tea.

"Sweetheart, people are just so happy to see you. You know I talk about you to my friends all the time, and they've been worried too. They've been asking me for months to bring you by for lunch as soon as your white blood cell counts would allow."

Kensi and Julia sat at a two-top in the middle of the dining room. Margaret was the fourth of her mother's friends who "Just had to stop by and say hello!" and their entrées hadn't even been served yet.

Her WBC count had officially normalized as she recovered from her cold, but Kensi had been able to put off committing to this visit owing to the bad ending of Deeks' undercover assignment and their previously-planned camping weekend. Deeks had returned to work right after that trip, and thankfully still seemed to be sleeping better, a week-and-a-half later.

"I get that Mom, and I appreciate it. I know it hasn't been easy for you either. But a little warning would have been nice."

"To be honest, several of them were probably also checking to see if you'd gotten engaged yet." Julia said, quietly.

"What!" Kensi almost choked on her water.

"Well, they know that you have such a brave and handsome man by your side, and they wonder why he hasn't proposed yet."

Kensi narrowed her eyes. " _They_ wonder, Mom? Why don't you just tell them to mind their own business, then? Actually, point _them_ out to me, and I'll go talk to them," Kensi said as she made to get up from the table.

"No! Sit down!" Julia demanded in a hushed but desperate tone as she reached over and grabbed Kensi's hand to stop her. "Fine. The truth is, _I_ want to know why you and Marty aren't engaged yet."

Kensi took a few moments to gather her thoughts. She really hadn't expected this question from her mother, at least not now. It's not as if Julia didn't know how committed she and Deeks are to each other. "Mom, you know it's coming. Don't worry about it. I'm not," Kensi tried to reassure the older woman.

"I'm not worried, sweetheart, I'm just excited. And maybe a little anxious. You and Marty have been through so much together, it feels like we've been waiting forever."

Their entrees arrived, so Kensi took the opportunity to enjoy a few bites before responding to that. Kensi realized this could be the perfect opening to bring up the reception. "You know, Mom, now that you mention it, I'm hoping that you can help –" Then it clicked. Like the last cylinder of a lock as she picked it, the thought suddenly slid into place in Kensi's brain. _We've been waiting forever_? This was a set-up. An ambush. "Mom," Kensi started as calmly as she could. "Where is Roberta right now?"

Julia looked up at her like a deer caught in headlights, and Kensi had all the confirmation she needed. "Call her. Now. Or text her, I don't care. But she can _not_ talk to Deeks about this!"

"But Kensi, we just want to make sure –"

Kensi cut her off as urgently as she could, considering the setting, "No. Mom, this is private, between me and Deeks. Call her off." She sat back and crossed her arms over her chest, signaling to her mother that she would not participate in this meal or discussion any more until Roberta was contacted and told to change her plans.

"Excuse me for a minute, then." Julia took her purse and walked away.

Kensi might have laughed if she wasn't so anxious to know that Roberta would not be giving Deeks grief about proposing. She didn't want him to be put on the spot to defend a decision that had really been hers. She and Deeks would have been married four months by now if she'd said yes on his birthday and agreed to a quickie wedding that next weekend, the way he wanted. But she wasn't about to reveal that tidbit to their moms. She'd have to figure out another way to calm them down without sharing details.

Kensi was looking forward to being cured not just for the obvious reason, but also because it meant she and Deeks would soon begin the next stage of their lives together. She was excited at the prospect of the next (and last) proposal, and wasn't kidding when she told Deeks that if he ask soon after her health was back to normal, she would. But she didn't want to share that with her mother, who would then certainly tell Roberta. This was _her_ secret thrill, and Kensi was reveling in it.

When Julia returned, an appropriately abashed look on her face, she said, "Kensi, I'm so sorry. We didn't mean to intrude like that."

"Did Roberta say anything to Deeks yet?"

"No, she was going to call him later and mention it."

Kensi let out a sigh and spoke gently, "Mom, you've got to step back. Please. You know Deeks and I are committed to one another. We work together. We live together. He's been with me every step of the way through my illness. He gave me a necklace to hold my wedding and engagement rings, remember? Oh yeah, and we created embryos together! It's all going to happen when it happens, so just let us do this at our own pace, okay?" At Julia's excited look, Kensi decided a well-placed lie was in order, "And no, we still haven't made a decision about having kids." No way she wanted the dynamic duo their mothers made to start in on them about children next.

"I know, sweetheart. You're right. I'm sorry. We'll back off, I promise."

"Thanks, that would be great. And in return I promise that you and Roberta will be the first two people to know when we do get engaged. Unless of course Deeks asks me in front of everyone at work."

"Do you think he'd do that?"

"I wouldn't put anything past him," Kensi waved her hand dismissively. "But listen, I actually wanted to ask for your help today, and hopefully this will alleviate some of your concerns as well."

"Of course, what do you need?"

"We just figured out where we want to have our wedding," at this, Julia's eyes widened. "See, I told you not to worry. We'll get engaged eventually."

Now her mother's look fell into one of disappointment, "You're planning the wedding already?"

"I wouldn't really call it planning, nothing that formal. More like…discussing for the purpose of future utilization."

"Sounds like government-speak for planning, to me," Julia said wryly.

 _Okay, Special Agent Blye, time to put your skills to good use_. "Anyway…we know we want the ceremony on the beach, but I don't want the reception there. So we're trying to figure out where we can have a small party –"

"There's a lovely room here," Julia interjected.

"That's outside –"

"Have you seen the patio and garden area here? I can show you later."

 _Wrong way, Mom. Get this back on track, Blye._ "I don't think Deeks and I are the country club types, Mom. But thanks for the offer. Plus that's more money and more formal than we're thinking. We really want someplace simple, but elegant. And it doesn't need to be very big. We're probably talking about the same people who were at my party at your house. Maybe a handful more, but –"

"That's it!"

"What?" Kensi bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling. And she didn't feel the least bit guilty for running game on her mother. Okay, maybe a little bit. _But look at how happy she is!_

"We can have your wedding reception at my house! Oh, that will be perfect! I'll show you pictures of how I decorate it for my annual client party, and we can decide what else to do, because yes, it should be more elegant than that. Maybe some tulle draping the patio –"

"Mom, I can't let you host my wedding reception." _Don't be too eager now, that'd be obvious._

"Why on earth not?"

"It's too much to ask."

"You didn't ask, I offered. And it's not too much; you said so yourself, we've already had a party there with these same people, so obviously the space isn't an issue. We can even lay down a bigger dance floor than I usually get since it's a celebration and there will be plenty of reasons to dance. Oh Kensi, please? Tell me you'll talk to Marty about it."

"If you're sure." _Kensi Blye, natural-born operator._

"I'm positive. It will be beautiful! _You_ will be beautiful!" She clasped her hands together in glee. "I'm so happy, I can't wait to tell the ladies. And Roberta, of course. I'm sure she'll want to help out."

"At least wait until I clear it with Deeks?"

"Yes, yes, of course. But talk to him about it soon?"

 _I totally should have put money on this._ "I promise."

* * *

 **AN** : We're in the home stretch here, friends. I'm thinking one, maybe two more chapters and an epilogue to go. Oh, and thanks to sassyzazzi and Max and Fern 4ever for helping me come up with a canon example of something Kensi has taught Deeks.


	29. Chapter 29

**AN:** So sorry for the delay in updating. Life and work both conspired to take away much of my free time this week, and as much as I wanted to write this, it just wasn't meant to be. Thanks to Max and Fern 4Ever for assuring me that "It's OK," even though she thought that sentiment was longer when she wrote it (but maybe if she said it in Latin?). Best laugh I had all week long, and much needed. In addition to the sad news of Miguel Ferrer's passing, my husband and I each also lost an aunt in the past two weeks. May they all rest in peace.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** I own the DVDs for Seasons 1 through 7. I am not making any money from this.

* * *

Kensi felt good. Scratch that, she felt great. She and Deeks were both doing better in the wake of Tom Gerard's death, the locations for their wedding and reception were confirmed, her red blood cell count had recently risen to normal limits, and she just finished an incredible workout.

With adequate oxygen now being transported to all areas of her body, Kensi's energy had finally returned to a level that enabled her to reach and maintain a satisfying aerobic workout. She was thrilled to be able to work up a real sweat and push her body again without it failing her.

Arriving at the bullpen after her post-workout shower, Kensi spotted Nell and Eric talking to Callen, Sam, and Hetty. But Deeks was nowhere to be seen. As she neared her desk, preparing to reach for her shoulder bag, she heard his voice sing out, "Happy one-hundredth day post-BMT to you, happy one-hundredth day post-BMT to you, happy one-hundredth day post-BMT dear Kensalina, happy one-hundredth day post-BMT to you!"

By the time the song was finished, her entire team had joined in, and Deeks in front of her holding a tray of doughnuts arranged into a 100, adorned with about a dozen lit candles. "It's a catchy tune, but the lyrics need some work," she quipped.

"Stop complaining and blow out your candles, now that you have all the hot air you need."

Kensi did so and thanked Deeks with a brief kiss on the cheek as he put the tray down on his own desk and invited everyone to help themselves.

Sam, inspecting the treats but not selecting one, asked, "Does he do this every day, Kensalino? Ply you with sugar and prove he can count to a hundred?"

"No, friends, today is a special day, worthy of much joy and celebration," Deeks interjected, putting his arm around Kensi's waist. "Statistically speaking, Kensi's risk of developing complications as a result of her bone marrow transplant drops significantly after the first hundred days. Yet another milestone has been reached, and surpassed, by my healthier-every-day Ladybird."

Kensi accepted all the congratulations and continued well-wishes from her friends and teammates.

"So when's the next big milestone?" Callen wanted to know.

This time Kensi answered. "About a month or two from now, hopefully. And that's the biggest one: when my last major blood count is normal and I'm considered cured of the aplastic anemia."

"One month from now starts the window in which the doctors anticipated Kensi would be fully recovered." Deeks added.

"It also starts the timeframe we used to pick the dates for the 'Kensi's cured!' pool, don't forget," chimed in Nell.

"So how long were you on the elliptical today, Kens? Sam and I have a bet to settle." Callen asked around a bite of pastry.

"An hour total, half of that at level four," she grinned, proud of her progress. "So, who wins?"

Sam pulled a twenty-dollar bill from his pocket and handed it over to G.

Deeks pretended to be offended, "I for one can't believe anyone would bet against my partner."

"I didn't bet against her, man. I lost the coin toss, which meant I got stuck with fifty minutes or less."

"So at this point you two may as well just bet on heads or tails," Eric added, swallowing the last of his doughnut.

"I'm just glad I can be of some use around here, even if it is for entertainment value only." Kensi meandered back to Deeks' desk to choose another treat. Picking one, she considered, "You know, it's been a while since I've baked. Hetty, what were your choices for a Friday breakfast cake again?"

"I believe I requested a banana bread or pumpkin loaf, Ms. Blye. But a nice lemon poppy seed would also suit."

Nodding her head once in determination, Kensi replied, "Okay, breakfast on me Friday. Be prepared to be amazed again."

* * *

Two Fridays later, the team continued to be impressed by Kensi's baking skills. Last week's lemon poppy seed bread, complete with a fruit salad to make Sam happy, was nothing compared with the carrot cake loaf the team was currently devouring.

"Wow, Kensi, this cream cheese frosting is just the right amount of sweet," Nell raved.

"And there's enough carrot, pineapple, and raisin in here that it should count as a health food," noted Deeks, with an eye toward Sam.

"Yeah, if you ignore the sugar, flour and oil," replied the SEAL.

"Hey, don't forget the good fats, from the chopped almonds and coconut sprinkled on top," Kensi added, supporting Deeks.

"Uh huh," Sam was unconvinced. "At least Kensi's increasing her workout regularly; hope the rest of you plan to do the same, with all the extra fat and calories you're taking in."

"For your information, Sam, I used unsweetened apple sauce instead of oil this week and last week."

Sam's eyebrows rose in interest. "Yeah? Maybe I'll have just a sliver, then."

Kensi beamed and cut him a thin slice. Raising her voice a bit to get everyone's attention, she added, "Beale's date and walnut loaf or Callen's honey cake next week? I'm willing to leave it up to a vote."

Pulling his buzzing phone from his back pocket, Eric looked at the message and frowned. "I vote for the walnut loaf, but we might have to save the rest of the opinions for later." He waved his device at the group, "Looks like we've got a case."

Nell said, "Join us in ops in a minute?" as she and Beale headed for the stairs. Callen, Sam, and Deeks quickly ate their remaining cake, and the senior agents started toward the second floor.

"I guess I'll clean this up and head home," Kensi muttered.

Deeks reached for her hand. "Hey. Another six weeks at most and you'll be coming up there with me."

She gave him the smile he loved. "Yeah." When her own phone rang, Kensi nodded toward the stairs as she picked it up from her desk. "Go ahead. Just stop by to say goodbye before you head out?"

"Always," Deeks promised as he turned and walked away. He hadn't made it to the landing when he heard Kensi say, "Oh, hi Dr. Popa."

* * *

The door to ops swooshed closed behind Callen and Sam. Hetty and Granger were already in the room. Looking beyond them, Granger asked, "Where's Deeks?"

"He was right behind us," Callen said.

"No, he turned around for something," Sam replied. "Probably wanted to shove another piece of carrot cake down his throat."

Just then they heard the man in question shouting from the bullpen. Rushing from the room, the team looked over the railing in time to see Deeks throw his arms around Kensi, lift her off her feet, and spin her around as they appeared to both laugh and cry.

Eric stammered, "Did Kensi and Deeks just get engaged?"

"He better not have asked her at work," Nell muttered.

"Well, something good just happened," Callen observed.

They were surprised when it was Granger who called down to the obviously happy couple, "Sit-rep, Detective," in his typically bored-sounding tone.

Deeks stood still and put Kensi down but did not let her go. The group upstairs watched as the partners seemed to have a debate they couldn't hear.

"Deeks, Blye! Now! What the hell is going on?" Granger tried his hand at annoyed this time.

"It's over – Kensi's cured!" Deeks called up, his voice breaking.

Gasps of surprise and excitement were heard as Callen, Sam, Nell, and Eric started toward the stairs. Granger reminded them, "We are on the clock here, people. We have a case."

They stopped and looked at Hetty, who said, "Five minutes, Owen. Let's take five minutes to celebrate with Ms. Blye. We don't get too many occasions like this in our line of work."

At that, the four rushed down the stairs en masse. Had he not been so engrossed in Kensi at the moment, Deeks would have commented how they reminded him of a slightly smaller Brady Bunch.

Hugs and handshakes were given and received, and not a few tears were shed. When Sam congratulated Deeks, the detective became serious. "Listen man, you once told me that you owed me for the rest of your life."

"And I meant it. You need something, brother?"

"No, I just want to tell you that we're even. You saved Kensi's life when you thought to send that email to Keating. I'll never forget that."

"That was nothing, Deeks. I hit a couple of keys on my computer. You withstood torture and didn't blow my wife's cover. I'm still in your debt."

"The outcome was the same, though. Kensi's not my wife yet, but she will be one day, and that's thanks to you. So even, yeah?" Deeks held out his hand again.

"Yeah," Sam said, pulling the detective in for a brief manly embrace.

"Do I have reason to be jealous, boys?" Kensi inquired with a smile.

"Never, Princess. Come here," Deeks held out his hand and Kensi took it.

Eric wandered over, "I thought we weren't expecting this for, like, another month?"

Deeks, his arm back around Kensi, replied, "I was just reminding Fern that her last blood count would likely come up in the next several weeks when her doctor called."

"So what happened?" This from Nell.

Kensi explained, "Dr. Popa said they would wait until my red and white blood cells and platelets were all within normal limits for about three weeks before declaring that they're stable and I'm cured. You all know my red and white counts were already normal, and they've stayed that way. Given the typical course of recovery after a bone marrow transplant, we knew my platelet count could have been within normal limits as early as this week, but that they wouldn't say I'm cured until they stayed that way for a few more weeks."

"I hung back when the doc called because I was hoping she'd say Kensi's platelets had finally hit that normal level and that all we'd have to do is sit back and watch them stay that way for three more weeks," Deeks added.

"Apparently my platelet count took a major jump into the normal range three weeks ago, and Dr. Popa didn't tell me because she thought the results were an anomaly. They don't normally do that –"

"Leave it to our Kick-Ass Kensi here to be on the far end of the curve," Deeks interjected proudly.

"But they stayed there. And as of today, I am officially no longer suffering the effects of aplastic anemia, and am medically cleared to resume all activities of a normal life."

"So we can get you into a combat training regimen as soon as this case is over to get you field ready as soon as possible?" Sam asked.

"Yup," Kensi said with glee. "Oh, except that my central line is still in. So we'll have to figure out a way to work around that until they remove it. In fact, as soon as you guys leave, I'm going to head for the gym and celebrate by letting loose on the Nexersys until all of my muscles ache."

"That's my girl," encouraged Deeks, as he offered Kensi a hand to high-five. "And whenever I get home tonight, we'll work out again," he whispered in her ear.

"Since Kensi's cured earlier than we anticipated, what happens to the money we all ponied up for the pool?" Callen asked.

Nell grinned, "Actually, there was someone who picked every day for the month _before_ the timeframe the doctors gave."

All heads turned to look at Hetty, who simply shrugged. "What can I say? Ms. Blye is a member of this very elite team; it should not be a surprise to any of us that she exceeded expectations in this situation. You all do it on a routine basis."

* * *

Kensi was back and waiting for Deeks when he, Callen, and Sam returned to the mission early that evening. Ending a call, she tried to furtively wipe tears from her eyes, but Deeks noticed and made a beeline toward her.

Sitting on the couch next to her, Deeks took Kensi's hand. "Baby? Is everything okay? Why are you crying?"

"I was just talking to Ben. I wanted to tell him the good news, thank him again for everything."

"I thought the students at Keating aren't permitted to keep phones."

"They aren't, but I called the commandant and asked him to have Ben call me on one of the school phones when he was allowed to. Oh, the commandant told me that Ben is up for a major award at graduation, and that if I wanted to write a letter, his bone marrow donation would be taken into consideration by the selection committee."

"That sounds good. He should get some kind of recognition for what he did for you. For us." Deeks kissed the back of her hand. "You get in touch with the moms?"

"Yes, both will be home tonight and know we'll be stopping by."

"Do they have any idea?"

"Ooh, they have an idea, alright. The wrong one, though."

"Ah, they think we got engaged."

"You think they'll be disappointed that all they're getting is a healthy Kensi?"

"Bite your tongue, Kensalina. And when we get home later, I'll bite the rest of you."

* * *

Deeks couldn't sleep. It was just after five in the morning and he was wide awake, despite the fact that he should be exhausted. Yesterday had been a very busy and emotional day, starting with news of Kensi's cure and ending with visits to their mothers and promises that they would meet for dinner tonight to officially celebrate. Then of course when they finally made it home, he and Kensi spent several hours celebrating in their own way.

Unlike the past times he'd suffered from insomnia, Deeks' current bout of sleeplessness was not the result of worry or fear, or the avoidance of nightmares. Instead he was excited. He couldn't sleep because his thoughts kept wandering to tonight. Before dinner with the moms, Deeks was planning to propose to Kensi.

Of course Kensi knew. She figured it out the moment he made dinner reservations for nine o'clock. Since it was the end of May, sunset wouldn't be until nearly eight tonight, and Deeks was damned if he wasn't going to do this proposal right.

But he still had to get through the day. Deeks didn't think he could handle this level of anticipation for the next fifteen hours. He was sure he would have the same idiotic grin that he could feel on his lips right now plastered on his face all day long. He didn't know how he would refrain from just blurting out "Please marry me" anytime he was near Kensi. And since it was Saturday, they would be spending much of the day together.

When the idea came to him, Deeks' pulse quickened and his smile widened, if that was even possible. Checking his surfing app, Deeks made up his mind and acted on it immediately. Rolling over, he nudged Kensi's shoulder. "Kens? You awake?"

"Am now. 'Sup?" She sounded groggy, and Deeks couldn't blame her. But he also couldn't wait any longer.

"Now that we both are, what do you say we catch some waves?"

Her eyes opened, but barely. "You want to go surfing? At," Kensi reached out an arm to grab her phone. "Five-fifteen in the morning?" She didn't sound enthused by the idea.

"If we leave soon we can watch the sun come up."

"You really want to do this now? I'm sure there's something else we can do that doesn't require actually getting out of bed." She ran her hand down his chest.

Grabbing her hand before Kensi was able to distract him, Deeks said, "Yes, I really want to go surfing now. Come on, Princess, it's been a long time since you've been out on the water with me." He wasn't above begging if he had to.

Kensi threw the covers off and rolled away, sighing. "Fine. You start the coffee and I'll be ready to leave in ten minutes."

* * *

They arrived just in time. Planting their boards in the sand, Deeks wrapped his arms around Kensi from behind and they watched the sky begin to lighten above the mountains in the distance.

When he could just see the giant glowing orb peek out from the lower foothills, Deeks spoke. "You were right."

"Of course I was," Kensi smirked. "About what?"

"That we shouldn't have gotten engaged on my birthday. This is how it should feel, the anticipation so much that we can't stand to wait anymore." Deeks couldn't see Kensi's smile, but he could feel it, as his cheek was against hers, his chin on her shoulder. He also felt her hands tighten on his arms.

"I'll be honest Deeks, I'm not sure I can hold out until tonight." Kensi turned in his arms and placed her palms flat against his chest. "I know, talked about the sunset on the beach, and you made our dinner reservations late enough to propose first – "

She was silenced by Deeks' lips against hers, a lingering and promising kiss. When it ended, Kensi looked into Deeks' eyes and saw her future reflected brightly. When he spoke, it took her a second or two to register the words.

"That's good, Kensalina, because I don't want to wait anymore. I love you, so, so much. I woke up this morning and all I could think about was this moment, and how much I want to take the next step with you. You're healthy, we've know we want to have a family, and we decided what we want to do next, in a 'we'll-figure-it-out' sort of way. It's time to get started living our lives again."

Deeks took one of Kensi's hands in his and dropped down to one knee. He pulled the ring out of the pocket of his board shorts and held it up to her. "Kensi Marie Blye, will you marry me?"

Kensi took a few breaths before she knelt in front of Deeks so they were eye to eye. She put her free hand on his cheek. "How could I say no?"

"Is that a yes?"

Kensi nodded eagerly, "Of course that's a yes. Yes! Yes, Marty Deeks, I love you and I want to marry you." Deeks' hand trembled slightly as he slid the ring on Kensi's finger. Kensi's smile dimmed a few watts. "You're not nervous, are you?" she asked, surprised.

Deeks shook his head, and his own smile widened. "Excited. Thrilled. Happy beyond belief. But not nervous." The ring finally where it belonged, Deeks took Kensi's face in his hands and kissed his fiancée for the first time.

* * *

Still giddy from the morning, Kensi and Deeks held hands as he drove them to meet their mothers for dinner. Deeks idly twisted the ring back and forth on Kensi's finger.

"Good call suggesting we change the reservation, Princess. I'm exhausted." Given that they no longer had to wait until after a sunset proposal, they were able to reschedule dinner for an earlier time.

"Well we did get up early, and had a pretty active day." After they spent several long and very enjoyable minutes kissing on the beach as a newly engaged couple, Kensi encouraged Deeks to ride some waves. He tried to convince her to join him, but Kensi demurred, fearful she would lose her ring in the surf, and more than reluctant to lock it in the car. Instead, she sat on the shore and alternated between watching Deeks and the sparkling of her new diamonds in the brightening daylight.

They made love as soon as they got home. After preparing and eating a late breakfast together, Kensi took Monty for a run because she had been itching to start jogging again, and Deeks joined her in the shower when she returned. They then continued their pursuits in the bedroom.

"And I swore to my mom that she and your mom would be the first to know when we got engaged," Kensi reminded him.

"Yeah, which is more than they deserve after they tried to ambush us. Thanks again, by the way, for saving me from the Attack of Mama that day."

"It was the least I could do considering it was my fault we weren't engaged yet."

"Nah, it was so much better this way; it felt exactly how should have felt. I'm glad we waited."

Kensi squeezed his hand. "They are so not going to be expecting this tonight."

"You think we should tell them right off, or wait to see if one of them notices your ring?"

"I don't know. Let's just see how it plays out? We shouldn't wait too long, though."

"A little improvising with my partner. Looking forward to it." Deeks pulled her hand to his lips for a kiss.

"So are you really not telling me where we're having dinner tonight?"

"We'll be there in like, ten minutes, Fern. You can wait until then."

When they turned onto the block of the restaurant, Kensi said, "Seriously, Deeks? You invited our mothers to eat with us _here_?"

"You know I've always wanted to try this place."

He grabbed her hand again as they walked through the door and held it as they were seated at their table. They were discussing what to drink when they saw Julia and Roberta being escorted to them. Kensi kept her hand in Deeks' as their mothers kissed them hello.

"I'm glad you haven't ordered drinks yet, because I requested a bottle of champagne," Julia said. "We need to toast to your wonderful news, Sweetheart."

"Yes, and I'm glad you changed the reservation, Martin. This isn't Europe, you know. Nine o'clock is too late to for dinner."

"Yeah, well, we had a change in plans, and our evening opened up," Deeks partially explained.

"Is everything okay?" Julia asked.

Kensi nodded, "Everything's fine, Mom. It's just that…Deeks was going to propose to me at sunset, but then decided against it."

Julia gasped in disappointment as Roberta threw her napkin down on the table in frustration. "I think you've had a few too many concussions from your job, Martin. What is _wrong_ with you?"

"Wow, baby, that was just mean," Deeks whispered in Kensi's ear. "I love it."

"He got a little impatient, Roberta. Turns out he couldn't wait past sunrise," Kensi grinned as she spoke.

"Kensi?" Julia questioned, a hopeful look on her face.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Roberta asked.

Deeks held up Kensi's hand as he announced, "Yes, mama and mama-in-law-to-be. I asked my beautiful Kensalina to marry me, and she accepted."

All heads at the nearby tables turned at the squeals of delight and excitement coming from the older women. When Deeks tried to shush his mother, Roberta responded loudly, "Forgive me if I'm over the moon that my only child has finally smartened up and asked his wonderful girlfriend to be his wife."

By the time a new round of hugs and kisses was exchanged and both women oohed and ahhed over the ring, the champagne had arrived and was poured.

Julia made the first toast. "To Kensi and Marty, perfect partners. I'm so glad to have you as a son-in-law, Marty."

"My son couldn't have picked a better woman, Kensi. Especially know that you know how to cook, bake, and clean," Roberta said as she tilted her glass toward her future daughter-in-law.

Deeks put his head in his hand in embarrassment, but Kensi took the compliment in stride. "Thank you, Roberta."

Looking at the menu a few minutes later, Roberta remarked, "This is a nice place, Martin. Do you two come here often on government salaries?"

"We've only been here once before, actually. But it was a very memorable night." Deeks said.

Kensi kicked him under the table.

"What do you recommend?" Julia asked.

Kensi coughed as Deeks explained, "Well, see…we, uh, didn't exactly stay long enough for dinner."

"I don't understand," Julia said, clearly confused.

"It was our first date, and –"

"That was not a date, Deeks!" Kensi interrupted. Looking at their mothers, she clarified, "I thought we were just having tacos for dinner one night after work, and he took me here. There was no talk of it being anything other than partners grabbing a bite to eat beforehand."

"But you didn't eat," Roberta reminded her.

"No, because my feisty partner here called me out on my inability to say what I meant. So I told her exactly what I wanted. And it wasn't dinner. Then we left."

Now it was Kensi's turn to hide her face in her hands, mortified. "Oh my God, Deeks, did you really just tell our mothers that I slept with you before we even had an actual date?"

"Technically, Sugar Bear, I think you just did that," Deeks said with a smirk.

"That all right, darling. I for one can't believe you two waited as long as you did before becoming involved," Julia assured her daughter.

"Do you think you can move a little faster when it comes to giving us grandbabies?" Roberta asked.

* * *

Monday was Memorial Day, and as such, the team was on-call should something come up, but otherwise had the day off. Kensi carried a bouquet of red roses, white lilies, and blue irises as she and Deeks walked through the cemetery.

Easily locating her father's grave, Kensi kneeled and placed the flowers on the ground. She slowly traced her finger along the letters of his name before sitting and crossing her legs in front of her. Deeks squatted down next to but slightly behind Kensi, his hand on her back to offer support.

Kensi remained quiet for several minutes before speaking, her voice hushed but clear. "Hi Dad. I promised you one day I'd bring Deeks with me, and here he is."

Deeks filled in the silence when Kensi didn't seem inclined to go on just yet. "I'm honored to finally meet you, sir. Please, don't get up."

As he hoped, Kensi let out a small laugh. Deeks moved his hand to her shoulder, and she rubbed her cheek against it. "Told you he was a funny guy. Too funny for his own good sometimes, but I love him anyway. But you knew that, because I've already told you all about Deeks. We have news, though." She took a small breath. "We're getting married." Kensi's voice broke a little.

Deeks took over. "I don't know how, sir, but I convinced your daughter to marry me. And as much as I do like to joke around, I've never been more serious than when I tell you now, like I tell Kensi every day, how much I love her. And I plan to be the best husband that I can. I will continue to love her, respect her, honor her, and cherish her until the day I die. Which I hope will be a long, long time from now. So if you have any pull up there…" He stopped talking, sensing that Kensi was ready to continue.

"God, Dad, I wish you were here right now. I wish you could walk me down the aisle and dance with me after Deeks dances with his mother. I wish you could get to know Deeks and find out for yourself what a wonderful man he is." Her tears were flowing freely now, but Kensi's voice was steady. "I know you'd love him because you'd see how much I love him, and how happy he makes me. Just like I know that one day he's going to come back here alone and promise you that he'll always protect me. But he knows better than to say that in front of me."

Deeks chuckled. She wasn't wrong. "How about we both promise you that we'll take care of each other? You know Kensi, and so do I, so we know I'm in good hands. And if you keep an eye from up there at all, you know she is too."

* * *

Heading from Kensi's car to the mission doors Tuesday morning, Deeks took Kensi's hand and kissed it right below her ring. He asked, "So who do you think will be the first one to notice your new bling?"

Glancing quickly at the security camera, Kensi said, "Nell is probably holding in a scream as we speak, and will be running down the stairs before we get to our desks."

Realizing he had just put the jewelry in question on display for anyone who might be monitoring the video feeds, and that Eric and Nell tended to do just that as the team arrived in the morning, Deeks argued, "But we're here early."

Before they left for the day on Friday, Sam and Callen had agreed to meet Kensi before work today to help assess her level of readiness to return to the field. Kensi hadn't been kidding when she'd mentioned to Sam during her hospitalization that she wanted their help making sure she was functioning at peak performance before she officially came back to work.

"Have you ever come to the mission, at any time of the day or night, and Nell or Eric wasn't already here?"

"Good point," Deeks acknowledged.

Kensi's prediction was off by a few seconds. They had just made it to their desks and were greeting Callen and Sam when the redhead came scurrying down the stairs. Eric stayed at the top, in case it was a false alarm.

"Oh my gosh, is that what it looked like on your left hand?"

Deeks answered as he moved closer to his fiancée, "That depends on what you think it looked like."

"Stop teasing, Deeks," Kensi elbowed him gently. To Nell she held out her hand and said, "Yes!"

"That's what she said," Deeks declared proudly.

At that, Eric started down and Callen and Sam stood to congratulate the pair.

"It's about time, brother," Sam said warmly as he shook Deeks' hand and gave him a man-hug.

"I'm happy for you both," Callen told Kensi as they embraced.

"Wow, all this good news from the two of you," Eric gushed as he hugged first Deeks and then Kensi. "Wait, are you going to come in next week and tell us you're pregnant?"

Kensi stiffened slightly, but she was sure only Deeks noticed. They had an appointment with her OB/GYN in a few weeks, and Kensi wasn't optimistic about what they would hear. Her menstrual cycle hadn't returned to normal since her treatment, and was still sporadic at best. She assumed her doctor would say she was in early menopause as a result of the chemotherapy.

Instead she said, "Uh, no Eric, I think this is enough excitement for now. Although I am hoping to be back in the field within the next couple of weeks."

"Which reminds me, we came in early for a reason. And it's not just to ogle at your new jewelry," Sam teased.

"As much as I want to get into some hand-to-hand today, I think we're going to have to limit it to you guys checking out my form and strength with the Nexersys or someone wearing pads because of my central line. I can't risk getting hit or jarred in the chest until it's removed." Kensi was slightly disappointed with the continued limitation, but excited to be able to put her full strength and energy back into fight training.

"Which will be Friday. We have to remember to tell Hetty when she comes in," Deeks said.

"She's in, Mr. Deeks," Hetty spoke from behind the detective, who was not at all successful in suppressing a small flinch of surprise. "And on her way to put a bottle of champagne in the refrigerator. I brought it in to toast to Ms. Blye's recovery after work this evening, but it seems we have something else to celebrate as well." At Deeks' gleeful nod of confirmation, she took each of their hands, "I'm delighted for you both. I know you will make your marriage work as well as your partnership does."

Walking into the gym several minutes later, Callen said to the younger agents, "Now that we're alone with you, Sam and I have something serious we need to discuss."

"What is it?" Kensi was mildly concerned.

Sam started, "You're both as close as family to us, and we want nothing but happiness for the two of you."

Callen took over, "And we're sure you're going to have a long, successful marriage. But – "

"Really?" Deeks voice rose an octave. "The 'If you hurt her' speech? Yeah, I know, if I hurt Kensi, you two will make me suffer."

"Worse," Callen responded. "We'll let _Kensi_ make you suffer."

"And," Sam continued, looking at Kensi, "If _you_ hurt Deeks, you'll have to answer to me and G."

Kensi and Deeks both laughed. "Deal," they said in unison.

* * *

Almost two weeks later, nearly nine months after their helicopter was shot down, Kensi returned to work. She was physically healthy, mentally ready, and most importantly had the approval of her team that her skills were at least as good as they had been almost a year ago.

Pulling into their parking spot, Kensi turned off the engine, but neither she nor Deeks moved to exit the car. Deeks put his hand over Kensi's as it rested on the gear shift between them. "You good?"

"Better than that."

"Nervous?"

"More than I thought I'd be, actually."

"You'll be great. As soon as we're out there and in the middle of a gun fight, or you get to kick some ass, or we need to run from a bomb, the adrenaline will kick in and it'll be like all this never happened."

Kensi smiled sadly. "It'll never be like this didn't happen."

"Yeah, no, that was a bad choice of words. But you know what I mean."

"I do."

"That's right, keep practicing those words, fiancée."

Now Kensi smiled brightly before taking a breath and refocusing herself. "You know what's weird? I'm not saying I'd choose to go through all of this again if given the option, and it's not that I'm glad it happened. But I can't say I'm unhappy about it either, in the end."

"I get that. The events of the past year certainly helped us reprioritize things."

Kensi nodded her agreement. "I've known for a long time that we could get each other through anything, as partners. Because, really, we have. And I believed that we could do the same thing as a couple. But now I _know,_ you know?"

"I do." When Kensi rolled her eyes and shook her head, Deeks defended himself, "Hey, I need the practice too! Don't want to mess it up on the big day."

"I love you." She brought Deeks' hand to her lips for a gentle kiss.

"I love you too, Kensi." Deeks took a moment to look at his future wife and thank whatever deities might be listening that after all they had been though in the past year, Kensi was alive, well, and about to have his back in the field again. At least until they were ready to move other things to the top of their priorities. "You ready to go out and save the world?"

"As long as you're next to me, I'm ready for anything, partner."

* * *

 **AN2** : So this was the last real chapter, folks. There will be an epilogue of undetermined length (could be about this long, could be much shorter), depending on real life and my muse. Unfortunately, I'm not sure when I'll be posting it (as it still has to be written). I'm aiming for next weekend, but again, stupid RL hasn't been all that helpful lately, so I'm not sure how realistic that is. Drop-dead, outside limit in my head is before the last episode of the mole arc airs on February 19, but I'm shooting for much sooner than that. Thanks for hanging in there!

 **AN3** : Confession time: Deeks' "Please, don't get up" line to Don Blye may seem in poor taste to some, but is straight out of my life. Shortly after my husband and I got engaged, we visited his godfather's grave (my husband was very close to his godfather, who by all accounts had a great sense of humor), and I said those exact same words to his gravestone when my husband "introduced" us.


	30. Chapter 30

**AN:** Okay, so I'm a big fat liar. My pants are still on fire, in fact. For the record, my high school English teacher used to describe my writing as concise because I often had difficulty reaching the lower page limit of essays/reports/research papers even though I was able to get my point across well. Also for the record, I started this with every intention of it being the epilogue. But when this first part just wouldn't end and it was almost at regular chapter length, I figured, what the hell, Chapter 30 it is! The epilogue is still to follow, will likely be somewhat briefer, and should be up next weekend.

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** I no longer own the DVDs for Seasons 1 through 7 and I am not making any money from this. Disappointment all around.

* * *

September 16, 2017 (September 17, 2017 in Syria)

It was exactly a year to the day after they survived a helicopter crash half a world away and what seemed like a lifetime ago. The twilit sky was a breathtaking orange and gold as the sun headed toward the ocean. The crashing of the waves and crooning of the seagulls made the perfect soundtrack for the exchanging of their vows. A friend of the bride's presided over the relatively traditional ceremony and was proud to be the first to introduce them to the small crowd of family and friends as husband and wife. Their dog, seated at the couple's feet, barked when the audience applauded.

The groom wore ivory linen pants and a matching button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the top few buttons open. Over it was a cream-colored vest. The bride wore an ivory silk and Georgette maxi dress with tank straps and off-the-shoulder straps. The plunging sweetheart neckline led to a fitted bodice with elegant pleating around the empire waistline. The flowing, floor-length skirt was made all the more eye-catching by a long slit up the side. Both the bride and groom were barefoot.

The party stayed on the beach for a little while as everyone took turns congratulating the happy couple. Encouraged by the mothers of the bride and groom, the guests eventually began making their way to their cars to head to the reception. A small group stayed behind at the behest of the newlyweds.

Once they were clear of the larger crowd, Deeks explained, "Kensi and I wanted to write our own vows. But we realized we couldn't really say what we wanted in front of mixed company, so we figured we'd use the more customary vows during ceremony and then exchange our own in front of you guys. So if you wouldn't mind hanging out for a little bit longer?"

"We are honored, Mr. and Mrs. Deeks," replied Hetty.

"I thought you were going with Blye-Deeks, Kens?" Nell asked.

"I am, especially at work. But Mrs. Deeks sounds good for today," Kensi smiled as she said the name.

"Can we move to the vows, please? I hear Deeks made a batch of his Swedish nachos for the cocktail hour, and I don't want them to disappear before we get there," Granger said.

"I don't think you have to worry about that," Sam muttered under his breath.

"Okay then, let's do this," said Deeks. He faced Kensi and took her hands in his. Looking her in the eyes and momentarily forgetting the people around them, Deeks began, "Kensi. Kensalina. Kick-Ass Kensi, Bad-Ass Blye, Princess, Sugar Bear. Of all the names I have for you, and we all know those are only a few, my favorite is 'Partner.' It's the one that best describes you, I think. One definition of a partner is 'someone who takes part in an undertaking with another, with shared risks and profits.' God knows we've certainly shared enough risks together, and helped each other through some tough times."

Deeks adjusted his grip on Kensi's hands and paused for a few breaths. He smiled at his wife as he visualized what he was about to say next. "I remember being so intrigued by you and those eyes of yours when we met in that gym, and then disappointed when you led me to believe you were looking for a drug source. When I was finally introduced to Special Agent Blye in the boatshed, my first thought was, 'I have _got_ to get to know her better when this case is over.' Before I was invited to join the team, I figured I'd take you out a couple of times, we'd have an intense, but eventually better-thought-of and ultimately short-lived _thing_ , and then I'd let you down gently before you could break it off with me." Deeks looked around at their audience, each member chuckling at the absurdity of that idea.

"But you were no-nonsense and all business, and not at all interested, so there went that plan. Instead, you kind of tolerated me and my LAPD ways as I tried to get you to lighten up. We tossed insults at one another, but we also grew to respect each other's skills. Eventually, even though we'd been paired together for a while, we became real partners, in the sense that not only did we have each other's backs, but we trusted each other to do the same. You drove away with a group of crazy Russians having faith that I'd get you back, and then counted on me to get you out of a room full of lasers rigged with explosives. I understood then the responsibility it was to call each other partner, and I couldn't imagine having that connection with anyone else."

Deeks pushed a loose tendril of Kensi's hair behind her ear as it fluttered in the breeze. He cupped her cheek as he continued. "I thought I might be in trouble when I wanted nothing more than to beat the crap out of some guy who punched you. I recognized I was on a slippery slope when we first played house together on an assignment, and not just because of that 'cover kiss.' I realized I loved you when your beautiful face was the only thing I could see as I was being tortured. And I knew you were the person I couldn't live without when I felt calm and safe enough in your presence to finally nod off and have my first dreamless sleep after weeks of nightmare-induced insomnia.

"I was nervous when we decided to cross the line from work partners to something more because we knew how special our partnership was. If we blew it, we'd never find that again with someone else. But the possibility of more with you, Kens, the idea that we could have it all, made it worth the gamble. And I'm so glad we risked it, because the reward has been incredible." Deeks wiped a tear away as it fell from Kensi's eye. "I love you, Kensi. I love your strength and courage, your loyalty and character, your beauty both inside and out, and even your horrible sense of humor, and I can't wait to begin the rest of our lives together, as your partner in every endeavor."

Kensi looked down and removed Deeks' hand from her face. She drew it to her waist, where he placed his other hand, then ran her own hands up his arms, stopping at his biceps. "I knew I should have gone first," she not so quietly muttered when she met Deeks' eyes again. Their friends laughed, several grateful for the opportunity to subtly wipe their own eyes.

The bride considered the people surrounding her and her groom: Hetty, Granger, Callen, Sam, Nell, Eric, Nate, Michelle, Anna, and Rose. To them, she said, "We didn't share our vows with each other before now, so I had no idea what Deeks was going to say. I don't know what it means that we both started by talking about names."

"It means you're perfect for each other," Nate called out, to the amusement and agreement of their closest friends.

Kensi took a deep breath and returned her attention to her husband. "I think today during the ceremony was the first time I've actually called you by your full name. I know I've never said 'Martin' in reference to you before, and I usually only call you 'Marty' when I'm introducing you to someone or using it with your last name. You are 'Deeks' in my head and in my heart. For me, 'Deeks' is synonymous with love, with home, with safety, with comfort, passion, joy, and humor. If I just say or hear your name, it centers me and brings me peace.

"When we first met, I told Sam and Callen I thought you were hinky. They accused me of being smitten with your fluffy hair and baby blue eyes." The senior agents laughed at the memory. "It didn't bother me because it wasn't true. You were so not my type. Even once we learned you were a cop and would be working with us, you were the opposite of everything I'd looked for in a man. You seemed cocky and irreverent, you made a joke out of everything, and you liked to annoy me by calling me on my crap. And let's not forget that scruffy hair and face. But as we worked together, I realized I was wrong about you. In reality, you were thoughtful, kind, and compassionate under that façade, charming and witty when I actually listened, and you called me on my crap because you respected me and knew I could be better. And eventually, I did become smitten with your shaggy looks," Kensi flashed Deeks the smile that he loved.

"I once told Nate that all the men in my life eventually leave me. That's why I became the best first-date in town; I wasn't planning to ever put myself in the position to be left behind again. But I know you would never intentionally leave me. Whatever work and life bring us, I know you've got my back. You've proven that to me so many times over the past seven years: when you pulled me from that room with the lasers, when you never believed for a second that I was guilty of murder, when you came to Afghanistan to rescue me." At that, Kensi leaned in closer and lowered her voice so that only Deeks could hear, "And I know what that cost you."

Stepping back again, Kensi smiled and spoke clearly. "I've never needed your support more so than in the past year, and you were there every step of the way, like I knew you would be. In countless ways, I wouldn't have made it through this without you. Hell, I probably wouldn't live to celebrate our third wedding anniversary if not for your actions." Now Kensi wiped a stray tear from Deeks' face.

"Deeks, you are the best person I know. You've seen the worst parts of me, and you love me anyway. You trust me with your secrets, your fears, and your dreams. I promise I'll never betray that trust, and I'll have your back the way you've always had mine. You've made me a better agent and a better person. With you by my side, I'll be the best mother I can be one day, and I know damned well you'll be the best dad ever. I love you Deeks, and I'm so proud to be your wife." With that, Kensi put her arms around Deeks' neck and kissed her husband while their team cheered.

* * *

Julia's backyard was magical, just as the beach had been. The patio had been converted to a dance floor and the pergola overhanging it was adorned with tiny white fairy lights. Ropes of larger clear bulbs were strung from a pole in the center of the yard like spokes on a glittery wheel. The round guest tables were dressed with white tablecloths and topped with multi-tiered centerpieces that held pillar and votive candles.

Taking in the sight for the first time, Kensi's breath caught. "Mom, this is amazing."

"Yeah, wow…spectacular, Julia. Thank you so much. You really outdid yourself." Deeks raved as he hugged his mother-in-law.

"I was happy to do it, and Roberta was a great help. It's not every day our children get married." Julia replied, wiping a tear from her eye. "I'm glad you like it."

After a mini cocktail "hour," Deeks and Kensi shared their first dance as a married couple to Deeks' choice: The Hollies' "The Air that I Breathe" because he won the coin toss, literally. They hadn't been able to settle on a song, and ultimately agreed that Kamran Hanna would flip a coin to decide. Kensi's preference, "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys, was the second song played, to which they invited everyone else on the dance floor.

Kensi wore a huge smile sometime later as she watched Deeks dance with his mother to "I Hope You Dance." She had always liked the lyrics, and when she was engaged to Jack, had frequently daydreamed about what it would have been like to dance with her father to that song. Kensi missed her father more than usual today, but felt his presence. He would be proud that she had become a strong, independent woman who didn't need a man, but had chosen to open her heart and her life to a good one. And he would be glad she had renewed her relationship with Julia.

Kensi's illness had served to bring mother and daughter closer together. That was another reason she didn't regret the past year. Despite the many bonding nights and weekends they'd shared since reuniting more than five years ago, Kensi had always been aware that there was still a hole left where the rips and repairs of the typically turbulent late adolescent and young adult years should have been. As much as she loved her mother, Kensi believed those missing experiences left emptiness where that connection and closeness should have developed. But Julia's steadfast presence and readiness to do anything to help during her illness, along with Kensi's own willingness to accept what her mother offered and trust she would provide it, went a long way toward sealing that hole in her heart. Spying her mother on the other side of the dance floor, Kensi skirted the area and made her way over.

Julia's eyes brightened when she saw her daughter, "Sweetheart, do you need something?"

Kensi held out her hand, "I need someone to dance with."

"But this is Marty's song with his mother."

"And it can also be my song with my mother," Kensi insisted. "Come on, they won't mind."

When the song ended with both pairs on the dance floor, Deeks approached Kensi and Julia and kissed them as their friends clapped. "I'm so glad you did that," he whispered in Kensi's ear.

"It felt right," she said.

"I hope this does, too," Deeks said as he held Kensi to his side and spoke to the crowd gathered around them. "If I can have everyone's attention for a moment…" When they quieted down, he continued, "We're going to open up the dance floor to everyone again very soon, but first I have something special planned for my lovely _wife_ ," Deeks exaggerated the word. "Wow, that is so awesome to say." He paused to wait for a few hoots and hollers to stop. "Most of you know that Kensi's father, Marine Master Sergeant Donald Blye, died when Kensi was a teenager."

Now Deeks looked at his wife, "Baby, I know this is nothing like it should have been, but I really wanted you to have that special father-daughter dance." At Deeks' signal to the DJ, a song started playing, and Granger came out of the crowd and approached Kensi and Deeks. To the group, Deeks explained, "This is Owen Granger, a good friend of ours, who also knew Don Blye back in the day."

Granger held out his hand and asked, "May I have this dance?"

Kensi only nodded, too emotional to speak, as she took her Assistant Director's hand and they began to move to the music. She didn't recognize the song, but fought to hold back the tears as she listened to the lyrics.

 _I'll take this slow sweet walk with you. You'll let go of my hand to say: I do. He will discover just how blessed a life can be. I know 'cause all those years ago someone handed you to me._

She lost the battle when Granger said, "I know I'm a poor substitute, but if you close your eyes, maybe you can imagine it's your father holding you. He would be very proud right now, Kensi. You did good, choosing Deeks."

"No, Granger, you're not a poor substitute. I think Dad would be happy to have you looking after me. Even if you did accuse me of multiple murders at first," Kensi winked.

"Never going to let me live that down, are you, Blye?"

"Nope. And it's Blye-Deeks now."

Kensi's looked over a little bit later when she heard a voice say, "May I cut in?"

There was Jim, Roberta's boyfriend, who Deeks then introduced to everyone as, "Currently the closest thing either of us has to a father figure, since he's dating my mother and is a really great guy on top of it."

"I was honored when Marty asked me to participate in this, Kensi. I hope you don't mind."

"Of course not, Jim. Thank you for doing it. You know this means Deeks has accepted you as Roberta's boyfriend, right?"

Jim smiled, "I'll be honest, I didn't think I'd ever see the day."

"I told you all you had to do was be patient and keep being the good man that you are. You know their history; Deeks wasn't about to trust anyone with his mother quickly or easily."

Their brief chat over, Kensi took the opportunity to listen again to the lyrics of the song.

 _Every step that we take brings back the memories. Winter snows and horse shows, dancing on the beach. I can't help thinking that I'm the lucky one. You're still my baby daughter, and now I've gained a son._

She was just wondering where on earth Deeks had heard this song when there was another interruption. The Marine in his Blue Dress uniform nearly took Kensi's breath away as he stood in front of them and formally asked to dance with her.

Deeks once again narrated what was going on, "And this is Marine First Sergeant Elliot Hughes, recently back from a tour of duty overseas. Kens and I only just met him this week, when he, his wife, and their son got to town for the wedding. Kensi actually shares Sergeant Hughes' DNA now like a daughter might, since his son Ben is the young man who donated the bone marrow that saved Kensi's life." At this point, there wasn't a dry eye at the party, including Deeks', whose voice cracked as he finished his introduction.

When she took the man's hand, Kensi shuddered a little. She looked down at his shiny shoes and recalled the times she stood on her father's feet as they danced together when she was a child. Looking up at the Marine again, Kensi said, "Thank you for this. For the dance, for raising a brave and honorable son, for coming to our wedding, all of it."

"I should be thanking you. Ben told me about your actions when Keating was taken over. You are definitely the child of a Marine," he added with a wink and a smile. "And since my wife and I only have sons, I would never have had a moment like this otherwise. I'm proud to be standing in for such a fine man and Marine as your father, Kensi."

When he noticed Kensi staring longingly at his badges, Hughes said softly, "Go ahead, it's alright."

Kensi smiled her gratitude before she stepped closer and placed her cheek against Sergeant Hughes's left chest, where his insignia and ribbons were. She closed her eyes and let out a long, wavering breath as more tears fell.

 _Don't miss a chance to put each other first, now that you've vowed for better or for worse. Don't let the beauty of this life pass you by. In the times of trouble you'll stand side by side._

Catching the latest verse, Kensi asked the Marine, "Do you mind if I finish this dance with my husband?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea. We don't know each other well, but it's easy to see the love between the two of you. That's a good foundation for a strong marriage. Another is the desire and willingness to make each other happy." He kissed her on the cheek. "Go be with your lucky young man."

 _I picture a slow sweet walk yet to be, when you'll take my hand and say: Daddy come see. Then you'll know what it felt like. You won't believe what it feels like. Then you'll know what it felt like when she handed you to me._

Kensi walked into Deeks' arms and held onto him tightly. They didn't dance so much as gently sway to the music as the song ended. "You okay, baby?" Deeks asked, slightly concerned, as he wiped the tears from her face.

Another song began, and others joined them on the dance floor.

"Deeks, that was…I don't even have the words. But thank you." She kissed him, trying to express what she couldn't verbalize. "I love you."

"I love you too, Kens. Always."

"And now I need to go inside and fix my make-up. I wore waterproof mascara, but I'm willing to bet it still ran down my face with all the blubbering I just did."

"You're beautiful. And I can't believe you're really my wife." He grabbed her face with both hands and gave her a quick but hard kiss. "Don't be long, Mrs. Deeks."

* * *

They'd hired two of their favorite food trucks, Kogi BBQ and Lobtsa Truck, to provide an eclectic, if messy, meal for their guests. An occasional special on their menu, Kensi made sure to request that Kogi would have bulgogi available tonight. She was enjoying her fire meat, and Deeks his lobster roll and fish taco when Emily and Jasper walked past with plates of food.

"Hey, young lovebirds, there's room over here," Deeks invited the pair to sit with them. "So how's school going?" he asked both teens as they started eating.

"Second year pre-med is no joke," Jasper said.

"I hope not," Kensi said. "I would hate to think that all you future doctors are able to just sleep through your classes." Turning her attention to her friend, Kensi continued, "What about you, Em? How's your first semester at community college?"

"Not bad. I'm glad I did that rather than a four-year program, at least for now. I'm thinking of getting an associate's degree in child development and education, this way I can work as a teacher's assistant or a student's aide for a while before deciding if teaching is for me. My mom said there's always plenty of work for good TAs and aides."

"Plus she's started volunteering in the pediatric ward at the hospital, doing arts and crafts with the kids," Jasper added with obvious pride.

"That's great, Emalovely," Deeks said. "Sounds like you're doing the right thing, trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up."

"Maybe when you do, you can help Deeks decide what he wants to be when he grows up," Kensi quipped. "Oh, wait, he'd have to actually grow up first."

"Uh huh. You love my boyish charm, Princess. Don't even try to deny it." Deeks leaned over and gave Kensi a sweet peck on the lips.

Emily cut in, "Speaking of deciding, what did you guys finally settle on for the honeymoon? Last time we saw you, Deemarty wanted to go surfing in Australia and Kensi wanted something more lively."

"Crowded," Deeks corrected. "She wants to be with lots of people. On our honeymoon!"

"Just during the day, baby. At night you're the only one I want around. And come on, I spent the better part of the year isolated from the general public. I want to be near lots and lots of people again!"

"So what are you doing?" Jasper asked.

"The art of compromise is a wonderful thing," Kensi said with a smile. "We're going to New York. Three days of sun, sand, seafood, and surfing the Atlantic in the Hamptons, followed by five days of crowds, shopping, sightseeing, and Broadway shows in Manhattan. And then two days of tracking and hunting in the Adirondacks."

"That sounds like a great trip," Emily said. "When do you leave?"

"Not for another week, since deer season doesn't begin until late September there," Deeks explained. "Though I still think I might try my hand at frog and snapping-turtle 'hunting' if the deer are too spry for me." He nudged his wife's shoulder.

"Yeah, and it's only bowhunting season for deer then. I haven't used a bow and arrow since I was a kid, so I'm really looking forward to it. Oh, and we should be able to see some nice fall foliage while we're upstate." The excitement was clear in Kensi's voice.

"Which one of you is the closet Broadway show fan?" Emily wondered.

Kensi not-so-subtly pointed at Deeks while he defended himself. "There's nothing to be closeted about! I dare you to watch a live professional performance and not walk away a fan. Mark my words, I'll have Kensalina singing show tunes by the time we get back."

 _Maybe sooner than that_ , Kensi thought. She had a little surprise of her own planned for Deeks later. They'd agreed to have the DJ play a session of techno music for Kensi sometime during the reception, but Kensi secretly asked the man to change it to Broadway show tunes that people could dance to, for Deeks. _If such things even exist_ , she'd challenged the DJ.

* * *

Talia approached Kensi by the bar as the bride sought a brief respite from all the attention. "So how did I not know that you two are friends with Kip Brigham?" The DEA agent kept her eyes on the basketball star across the yard, which wasn't difficult since he was the tallest person there.

"Because then you would have stopped chasing after my partner, and Deeks would have been heartbroken?"

"Well then this is perfect timing since Marty Deeks is officially off the market. And Mr. Brigham is one _fine_ looking man."

Kensi agreed. "That he is. And thanks for acknowledging that Deeks is unavailable."

"Hey, I'm all about having fun, you know that. But I don't poach once there's a ring involved. Not that I ever really stood a chance with your man anyway. So no more flirting from me. With either of you," Talia crossed her heart to formalize her promise. "However, if things ever need spicing up in the bedroom, I'd be more than happy to help you both out," she winked. "Married sex can get boring, or so I've heard. And I've also been told that the occasional threesome with a trusted person can do wonders for bringing the spark back."

Kensi rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I'm pretty sure that won't be a problem, but I'll pass the offer along." _Or_ _not_ , Kensi thought.

Changing the subject, Talia said, "Hey, I heard it didn't take you long at all to get back in the field once you were medically cleared? Good for you."

"Yeah, I was pretty limited in terms of physical activity, but one day an elliptical machine appeared at work and that really kept me from losing all of my stamina and energy. I also relied on it to get my endurance back once I was on the mend but still couldn't do my regular workouts."

"So would you say that piece of equipment showing up was like a gift from the gods? That it helped save your life, or at least your sanity?"

Kensi looked at the brunette, trying to figure out where she was going with the questions and comments. "Wait, was that you? You're responsible for the elliptical showing up?"

"Well, not just me. Callen helped."

Kensi was stunned. "How? And why? Why didn't you say anything before now?"

"It wasn't that big a deal, honestly. More like good timing. They were replacing the equipment in my complex's fitness center and had the old pieces available for purchase. I'd been checking in with Callen periodically to see how you and Marty were doing after I heard about what happened, and he mentioned you couldn't jog or train anymore, and that it was really bothering you. I told the complex manager that I had a friend who was hurt on a military mission in the Middle East and that the elliptical would be helpful for your rehab, and he donated it. So then I contacted Callen and he arranged to have it picked up and delivered to your gym," she shrugged.

"Wow. Talia, I don't know what to say, other than thank you." Kensi gave her sometime rival a hug. "Oh! Can you give me the name of your apartment manager, so I can thank him as well?"

"You're welcome. And don't worry about Tad; I already forged a very sincere thank-you note from you."

Kensi laughed, "Umm, thanks again?"

"Any time. I'm glad it was helpful. I've hated the couple of times I've been laid up due to injury, and I could only imagine how difficult it must have been for you to be out of commission for so long."

"I think it was harder on Deeks, actually. But no, it wasn't a fun time for either of us."

"Speaking of your husband," Talia said with a sly tone, "He's been watching you pretty intently for the past few minutes. I'd think maybe he was jealous of all the attention I'm giving you, but he looks like he could just… Eat. You. Up. Hope you're ready for a long night tonight, girl."

Kensi shook her head. "And we were having such a nice conversation."

"What?" The DEA agent feigned ignorance. "Never mind. Speaking of long nights, I see Kip is alone again. I'm going to remedy that."

Kensi was left standing at the bar for about five seconds before Deeks approached and took her in his arms. "Do I want to know what that was all about?"

"Most of it, no. The rest I'll share some other time." Kensi gave Deeks a quick kiss because she hadn't seen him in several minutes.

"So I have to tell you, Sugar Bear, you were wrong."

"Wow, only a few hours into our marriage and you're pointing out my mistakes already. What could I possibly have been so wrong about that you feel the need to tell me on our wedding day?"

"You once told me that husbands don't stare at their wives. But I haven't been able to take my eyes off you since you walked down the beach to me this evening." He kissed her longingly. "Which reminds me, have I told you how breathtaking you look tonight?"

"You may have said something once or twice," Kensi blushed. "And you, by the way, can wear this ensemble any time. I do so enjoy it when you get all dressed up." She took notice of the way Deeks was eying her up and down and subtly moving his hands on her body. Kensi smirked, "Still trying to figure out if I'm carrying, huh?"

"Well…yeah, that too."

Kensi laughed, "God, I love you."

Deeks looked down his wife's deep neckline. "I'm pretty sure you're not wearing a bra holster."

"I'd have to be wearing a bra for that." Kensi pressed herself closer to him so he could feel that she was not, in fact, wearing one.

"Oh?" Deeks' interest was definitely piqued. "That doesn't leave too many options, does it?"

"Nope." Kensi flipped off one of the high-heeled sandals she put on after leaving the beach and drew her left foot up the inside of Deeks' left leg. "Can't wear anything on my calf, like you're doing." She continued to feel around with her foot, "That's the knife I gave you for Christmas, isn't it?"

"My magical knife on our magical day. Seemed fitting." When Kensi continued her movement, now rubbing the length of her leg against his, Deeks' eyes widened and he smiled. "And you're wearing yours too, on your thigh."

"Thought it would be gauche to wear a gun to our wedding. I count my Dad's knife as my 'something old.'" She kissed him lightly but didn't pull away. "Besides, I figured you'd appreciate finding a weapon strapped to my thigh later more than you would a garter."

"So no lacy, lady side of my wife tonight?"

"I wouldn't say that," Kensi teased. "You might find something else you like if you unwrap me like a present later."

"Oh, girl," Deeks crooned, the anticipation all but killing him now.

* * *

Their wedding "cake" was made of cupcakes, except for the top layer, which was actually a small cake they planned freeze and eat on their first anniversary. Glasses of champagne and sparkling cider were passed around as Kensi and Deeks fed each other bites of cupcake. Once everyone had a glass, Deeks called for their attention.

He looked around Julia's backyard as their friends and family quieted down. It was the same group that had been at Kensi's going away party, with the additions of Kip, Emily and Jasper, and Ben and his parents. Kensi had been right when she'd said it then: they didn't need anything more than these people.

"Kensi and I want to thank you for coming tonight and for being part of our wedding day. More than that, we'd like to thank you all for being a part of our lives. We could have had a much larger reception with a couple of hundred guests, but decided something intimate, with only the most important and special people, was more our speed. So thanks again for sharing this with us." Deeks tapped his glass to Kensi's as their friends and family did the same in the crowd.

Kensi spoke next. "I also wanted to take this opportunity to publicly acknowledge a few people. You all know about my aplastic anemia and that I needed a bone marrow transplant to have any chance of surviving. But not everyone knows the key players in how that happened. Most of you received an email from my incredible and resourceful husband, asking that you consider joining the bone marrow registry. And I'd like to start by thinking every single one of you who actually did that. The fact that so many of my friends were willing to donate their marrow to me…"

When Kensi choked up, Deeks stepped in quickly and held his glass up to the group, "To good friends," he toasted, taking a sip.

"What he said," Kensi joked when she was able to speak. "And to one of our best friends, Sam, who forwarded that email to his son's military school, knowing the caliber of young people who attend there."

Deeks and the rest of the party repeated, "To Sam," before they took another drink.

Kensi caught the eye of the young man she was about to mention and motioned him toward her. "And this is Ben Hughes, who not only offered to be tested to be a donor for someone he didn't even know, he then agreed to undergo surgery for her."

Addressing him directly, Kensi continued, "Ben, you are one of my heroes. I've told you some about my father, who was my first hero, so you know I have high standards when it comes to that. I owe you my life, and I will never forget it."

As their audience toasted the young man, Kensi gave Ben a big hug, after which Deeks shook his hand and whispered, "You saved two lives, man."

Deeks was surprised when Kensi spoke again, "Finally, a toast to my husband. My Deeks. You got this whole ball rolling, determined to get the best match possible on the registry, and you did it. You've been my hero every day since my diagnosis, and I know I've told you this already, but I want to say it in front of the people closest to us. I wouldn't have made it through without you, and I will spend the rest of our lives reminding you how wonderful you are."

Addressing their friends, Kensi continued, "I once told Deeks, at a time when things were very uncertain for me, that the dying is the cost of living this life. It was kind of morbid, but still true. What's also true, and what I didn't say then, is that knowing this man and having him by my side is my reward for living this life." Kensi held her glass up one final time and said, "To Deeks, my everything."

* * *

 **AN2:** "I Hope You Dance" is sung by Lee Ann Womack. The father-daughter song is "Walk With You" by Edwin McCain. And if it sounds familiar, Deeks' wedding ensemble was shamelessly stolen from ECO's. I have no vision or creativity when it comes to clothes/fashion, and frankly, why mess with perfection?


	31. Epilogue

**AN:** This has been a hell of a ride, friends. My first (but obviously not last) story in the NCIS: LA fandom and my longest (by far) to date, and it's finally finished. I want to thank everyone who favorited and followed, and especially everyone who took the time to write a review (or multiple reviews!) or send me a message. Every single word from people enjoying my story was an absolute thrill for me to read. And now, without further ado, the epilogue (for real this time).

 **Spoilers:** Up through season 7 and including spoilers for season 8. This is speculation on the storyline that will cover Daniela Ruah's maternity leave. Now that the premier has aired, this is officially AU.

 **Disclaimer:** I no longer own the DVDs for Seasons 1 through 7 and I am not making any money from this. Disappointment all around.

* * *

July 27, 2018

"Where are the Wonder Twins?" Sam asked as he and Callen joined Kensi and Deeks at a local restaurant.

"Attached townhouses on Exxor?" Deeks suggested with a grin.

When Kensi groaned and shook her head, Callen chided her, "Hey, you married him."

"And despite comments like that, I'm pretty happy I did," Kensi replied with a nudge to her husband's arm on the table. She looked at Sam, "And to answer your question, it's just us tonight."

Catching the look the senior agents threw at one another, Deeks asked, "What's that all about?"

Sam responded, "Just a little wager we have going about the purpose of this get-together."

"We need a reason to buy you guys dinner?" Deeks' hand went to his heart in ersatz hurt.

"No, but you have to admit that asking us to meet you here tonight when you weren't even at work today is a little suspicious," Callen said.

The waitress approached with menus and Kensi ordered a round of beers. When they were delivered a few minutes later and Kensi took the first healthy swig of hers, Callen pulled out his wallet and handed a bill over to Sam.

Kensi's eyes widened and she barely managed to swallow her mouthful of beer before she sputtered, "Oh my god, you thought I was pregnant."

"And the fact that the whole gang wasn't invited out was our first clue that G was wrong. You drinking alcohol is the second," Sam answered smugly, tucking the twenty in his back pocket.

Deeks put his hand on his wife and partner's thigh under the table and gave it a gentle squeeze. Their team didn't know that Kensi was suffering from early menopause as a result of the chemotherapy. She was technically still in the perimenopause stage, since she did occasionally have her period, but it was not predictable despite the fact that she was back on birth control pills as a method of hormone replacement therapy.

Kensi gave no outward sign that the belief she might be pregnant was like an arrow to her heart, but she appreciated Deeks' silent show of support. _Pretty happy_ that she had married him was definitely an understatement. "Okay, smart-asses. You know us so well, why did we ask you here tonight?"

"To tell us Kensi's leaving NCIS," Sam directed his response at the woman in question. His tone was matter-of-fact, neither happy nor sad. He had always believed, and had only ever shared with Callen and Michelle, that once Kensi and Deeks married, her days as a field agent were numbered. Even if they weren't expecting a child now, Sam figured they soon would be. After all, he'd been down this very road with his own wife.

Kensi and Deeks glanced at one another, mildly impressed. "Not quite," Deeks said.

"But close," Kensi added. She leaned forward as she explained, "When I was sick and I wasn't sure I'd be able to get back out into the field, I reached out to Michael Morgan to see if he had any openings at FLETC, preferably here in LA."

"Isn't he the head of the program at Glynco?" Sam asked.

Kensi shook her head, "Assistant Director for Training at the regional level now. He and I have kept in touch over the years; he calls on me occasionally to take part in Q and A sessions for female agents-in-training. Anyway, he told me they'd probably have an opening or two this year due to retirements."

"I didn't know you were still that involved with FLETC," Callen remarked.

She nodded, "Even though there are more women in the field than ever before, we're still the minority, and there are some issues that are best addressed by and discussed with those of us who have actual experience with them." Kensi shrugged and returned to her story, "So he called me in November and told me they'd have an opening in LA beginning the first of this year if I was interested in applying for it."

"LA's Training Center only offers maritime-related courses," Sam stated.

"True. And since that's not really in my wheelhouse, I would have had to undergo all the training first, which wouldn't have been too big of a deal – "

"But Special Agent Blye-Deeks was already cured and back in the field by then," Deeks interjected.

"Right, so it made little sense at the time. But then he told me something else. The LA site had just been tapped to expand its programming. It won't be quite as big or self-contained as Glynco, but all the basic training for entry into federal law enforcement will be provided in and around LA as of the first of next year. There will also be a newly expanded anti-terrorism course offered beginning in two months."

"Which means they're looking to hire several instructors," Callen realized.

"You're both leaving?" Sam concluded, more surprised and disappointed than he wanted to admit.

"That may depend on you," Kensi responded.

At the senior agents' questioning looks, Deeks clarified, "Kens and I both interviewed for instructor positions today. We think they went well. Of course, they had already talked to Hetty before they even offered us interviews, but they want to speak with you two as well."

Callen sat back, enjoying himself. "So you want us to give you glowing recommendations."

Deeks could see where this was going. "Hey man, we just want you to tell them the truth. Which, let's be honest, should get us hired, given how exceptional Kensi and I are in the field. Or, you can mess with us, because who could blame you for wanting to keep this much awesomeness on the team? But if we don't get the jobs, you have to put up with watching us make googly-eyes at each other for the rest of your careers."

* * *

March 12, 2020

Deeks walked into the mission, exhausted but never happier.

"Hey, what are you doing here? How's Kensi? Why aren't you at the hospital with her? Why didn't you call us? We would have come to you." Nell reminded Deeks of a hyper Chihuahua, tiny and constantly yapping, not giving him the chance to respond.

"Easy there, Nellosaurus. Wouldn't want you to sprain something," the former detective said.

"Then tell us, Deeks. We all want to hear the good news," Sam prodded.

"The mutant ninja assassins are finally here and ready to conquer the world." Deeks announced as he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out three cigars, each with a pink band around it. "Baby A is a girl." He stuck his hand in the other inside pocket and pulled out three more cigars, these banded with blue. "And Baby B stands for boy."

"One of each!" Nell squealed and threw herself at Deeks, giving him a quick but strong embrace. When she released him, she said, "I'm going up to get Eric. And I think Hetty's in the Assistant Director's office. I'll tell them you're here."

"Congratulations, man," Callen offered a handshake and hug next. "A daughter, huh? You are going to be in some trouble, Deeks."

"Oh, I already am," Deeks smiled proudly. "Both have already got me wrapped around their perfect little fingers." He held up his hands and wiggled his own, "Of which they each have ten, by the way. Along with ten toes. Baby A's are perfect like mine but poor Baby B might take after his mother in the foot department," Deeks laughed.

"No names yet?" Sam asked once he had offered his best wishes.

"I want to wait until everyone's here before sharing," Deeks said.

"So now that your little side project is complete, you think you and Kens can get back to work on finding us a permanent fourth?" Callen pointed to Deeks' once-again unoccupied desk.

"Hey, we've always got an eye out, but it takes a special _je ne sais quoi_ to complete this team. I should know, having been that magical missing piece myself. We're not going to steer someone here unless we're confident they'll be a good fit."

"And in the meantime we have to put up with all of these wannabes who wash out after two weeks. If that," Sam complained.

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty's voice carried as she and Granger descended the stairs, "As happy as we are to see you, shouldn't you be with your wife and children?"

Deeks beamed at the sound of those words. "Kensi, my beautiful, remarkable, and awesome wife needed some time to sleep, and it was her idea for me to come here to tell you all in person. As for our _children_ ," his smile shone even brighter, if that was possible, "They are being watched over by their grandmothers, who cannot be more thrilled that they don't have to split their time holding them."

Eric came down the stairs with Nell, shaking a baby rattle in each hand. "Please tell us you're finally getting rid of those things, Beale," the petite former analyst practically begged.

"What? It's only been a day-and-a-half." When the technical operator reached the group, he gave Deeks a warm hug and handshake and presented to rattles to him. He explained, "Ever since you texted us that Kensi's water broke, I've been using these to get the team's attention when a case comes up."

"And it's been an unusually busy day-and-a-half." Callen complained.

Pulling out six more cigars and handing two each to Hetty, Granger, and Eric, Deeks noted, "Poor you, having to listen to Beale make some noise. I'm not sure I'll ever get the feeling back in my left hand, with the grip Kensi had on it during labor and delivery."

"How is she doing?" Sam asked.

"She's incredible, man. And I mean that literally. I thought she was like Wonder Woman before, and I became convinced of that over the past nine months, watching her body change as she grew those babies. Not to mention dealing with how uncomfortable it's been for her the last several weeks, with the two of them practically full-sized and practicing their ninja skills all the time. But I have a whole new level of respect for my Kensalina now. I don't have the words to describe what she did today, and even if I did, you guys wouldn't believe it. Because wow, there were two little humans inside her and now they're outside, and she pushed them out. Without drugs."

"I get it," Sam said. "When Michelle gave birth to Aiden I knew without a doubt that women are the stronger gender, by far."

Deeks nodded in solemn agreement.

"So the gang's all here, Deeks," Nell reminded him. "What are their names?"

Deeks pulled out his phone and tapped and swiped through a few screens. "First, visuals." Looking at Eric, he continued, "Beale, I just sent you some pics, can you put them up on the monitor?"

"Right on it," Eric said as he moved toward the screen that sat next to what used to be Deeks' desk while he fiddled with his tablet.

The first picture was of Deeks sitting beside Kensi, propped up in her hospital bed, both looking weary but ecstatic. Each held a wrapped bundle in their arms, and neither was looking at the camera. Instead, their attention was on the babies.

Deeks pointed to the baby he held. "That's our daughter, older by sixteen minutes." Moving his finger to the other side, he said, "And that's our son." The team could just make out the profiles of the newborns.

"Next one, Eric." When the picture changed, it was of the infant Kensi held. Her face was in contour as their former teammate looked with awe into the eyes of her baby boy. The team let out a communal "Aww" as they took in the child's blue eyes, pink lips, perfect nose.

"I am pleased to introduce Benjamin Robert Deeks, after Ben Hughes and my mom."

"A good, strong name for a good, strong boy," Hetty noted.

The next picture was of Deeks holding his daughter. The pride on his face could not be mistaken, either in the photo or in person, as he gazed at the darker-blue eyes that seemed to stare right back at him. Her lips and nose were shaped slightly differently than her brother's but were no less perfect.

"And that little princess is Donna Julia Deeks, for Kensi's father and mother."

"They're both named after worthy role models, Deeks," Granger approved.

Nell let out a whistle, "You two make some beautiful babies, my friend."

"Thanks. They are something, aren't they?" When Eric flipped to the next photo, one of just the babies in the same plastic hospital crib, Deeks was reminded that he wanted to print that one out and mail it to Ray via the U.S. Marshall assigned to him.

As requested, Deeks had let his old friend know "how it turned out" with Kensi. When Kensi first moved into Deeks' apartment years ago, she snapped a pic of the mess of the living room with her boxes scattered about. They printed it and wrote on the back, "It's official, there IS a thing." They'd subsequently sent a picture of Kensi's newly-bejeweled hand captioned, "She said yes!" after they'd gotten engaged. A shot of both of their hands, decked out in their wedding bands was mailed soon after the wedding, this time with, "She's stuck with me forever now; we said our 'I Do's.'"

Ray, whatever his name now was, had returned the favor, which was how Deeks knew that he and the former Jenna had become the proud parents of a son about six month after the team helped them escape LA and Nelson Saunders. And another boy three years later.

Deeks continued when he was done grinning over his perfect children, "It's a good thing you're out in the field full time now, Nell, and the second generation of Wonder Twins is already separated, because you're about to be replaced by Wonder Twins three-point-oh."

Eric rolled his arm several times as he bowed at the waist, "We gladly pass along the title."

"Speaking of, now that they're here and have real names, are you finally going to stop referring to them by those ridiculous nicknames we've been hearing and getting texts about for the past half a year?" Callen wanted to know.

Deeks was aghast, "Have you not been paying attention all this time? Me, not use nicknames? Besides, what was wrong with Sunshine and Gunpowder?"

"Or Smith and Wesson?" Nell chimed in.

"Fred and George," added Sam.

"Reasonable Doubt and Preponderance of Evidence were my favorites," said Granger.

With a smile, Eric recalled, "Grommet and Gremlin"

"What about Law and Order?" came from Callen.

"Lest we forget Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael, and Donatello," Hetty concluded.

"Hey, you don't know how close little Donna came to being Donatella," Deeks claimed.

"Not close at all, if I know Kensi," Nell countered.

"Yeah, okay, that's true," Deeks confessed, looking at his watch. "I need to get back to my wife and kids now." Deeks shook his head in amazement. "And that is something I just said."

Sam wondered aloud, "Who'd have thought, when we had your driver's license picture up on that screen calling you Wannabe Wyler, that over the next decade you'd become an integral member of this team, be a great partner and then husband to Kensi, and give us a niece and nephew to spoil?"

"Not me, man," Deeks admitted, shaking the SEAL's hand in thanks for the compliment. "But I wouldn't change a second of it."

* * *

March 13, 2021

Typical of most first birthday parties, the event was more for the adults than the kids, but there were still more children present in one place than Kensi ever believed she would be comfortable with.

In attendance at Ben and Donna's celebration was the most of crew from NCIS: Callen, Sam and Michelle, and Eric and Nell, and Hetty (Granger sent his apologies along with gifts, explaining that he would not be able to tolerate the noise of all those toddlers, even if the party was outside); two friends from FLETC and their three toddlers and one infant; Kat and her three-year old, Becca; Mindy, her boyfriend, and their two-year old son, Gavin; Emily, who was a great babysitter when the need arose, and Jasper, now a full-fledged medical student; two families from the neighborhood; and of course, both doting grandmothers.

The party was in their spacious back yard. Julia had helped them find a bigger house, and they'd moved in shortly before Kensi gave birth. Now they could comfortably accommodate two children and keep an office-slash-spare bedroom for whenever a grandmother decided she was too tired to drive home after spending a day playing with the babies.

Their NCIS family were regular visitors. They made sure to plan a dinner or get-together of some sort (Super Bowl Sunday was now an annual event at the Deeks-Blye household) at least monthly with the friends with whom they'd worked for eight years. All of them knew it was too easy to drift away from people you no longer saw every day, so they made the effort to keep each other in their lives.

She and Deeks had been with LA's Federal Law Enforcement Training Center for more than two years now, and while Kensi missed seeing her OSP team every day, she was glad they made the career change. They enjoyed the challenge of training new agents and keeping veteran law enforcement officers updated on the latest strategies and tactics in antiterrorism. At Hetty's request, they continued to keep an ever-watchful eye out for trainees who might one day have what it takes to be part of an elite undercover team. Most important, people no longer shot at them on a routine basis (unless it was a simulation), and not once since they started at FLETC had they had to run from an exploding building.

They didn't spend every minute of every workday together, because they usually taught different classes (with the exception of Close Quarter Combat, which they loved co-instructing), but they saw enough of one another in their shared office. More often than not, one of them, if not both, spent their lunch break with their children in the on-campus day care facility, adorably called Little Rookies. They drove to work every day as a family and drove home the same way.

The last strains of "Happy Birthday" were still resonating in their ears when Deeks and Kensi helped their children blow out the candles on their cupcakes. Backing away from their high chairs after pulling the extinguished candles from the treats, the parents encouraged their twins to tear into their dessert with both hands. It wasn't long before they were wearing more cake and frosting than they had actually eaten.

"Think we could just spray them down with the garden hose before we take them inside?" Deeks joked, sort of.

"If it was a little warmer out, I'd vote yes. Maybe we just let Monty Jr. give them a good cleaning first?" Their beloved Monty had to be put to sleep not long after Kensi and Deeks were married. Monty Jr. was another former police dog, this time a German Shepherd, and a female. She was retired from the job after an injury in the line of duty, but could still be fierce when necessary. And she was very protective of her "pups," Donna and Ben.

The party and kids cleaned up, and their children finally sleeping off their sugar high, Kensi and Deeks collapsed into bed. "Whose idea was it again to implant the last three embryos together even though we knew it would increase the chance of a multiple pregnancy?" Deeks questioned. Over the course of their careers, they had spent many sleepless nights and expended more physical and mental energy than they had today. But raising twins was no joke.

"Wasn't it you who once said that twins were on your bucket list?" Kensi asked, snuggling into her husband's side and laying her arm across his abdomen.

"Not at all what I meant at the time, but this is infinitely better."

"They are pretty awesome, aren't they? Can you believe they're a year old already? God, did that fly by."

Deeks kissed the top of his wife's head. "I didn't think it was possible, especially after their births, that I could be even more in awe of you. But the past twelve months have done just that. You're an amazing mom, Kens. And a wonderful wife. And a kick-ass FLETC instructor."

"You do realize I'm way too tired for sex right now, don't you?"

Deeks chuckled. So was he. "Yeah, no, that's not what I was going for. Though you are spectacular at that too."

"Back at you, babe," Kensi pressed her lips against his chest. "And thank you. For the record, I always knew you would be the incredible father you are, I'm just glad you recognize it more as they're getting older."

"And you think that why?"

"Because you're much more confident in the decisions you make with them now than you were even six months ago. Plus you can't miss the way their faces light up, they throw their little arms open, and they rush over to you as soon as you walk in the door. Even if you're not a detective anymore."

Deeks couldn't deny it. Though he'd never said as much to Kensi, doubts started creeping in right after Donna and Ben were born. Not that he'd be as bad a father as his own, but that he wouldn't be as good as he wanted to be. A year later though, he thought he was doing a pretty good job of it.

Kensi continued, "And if I'm such a wonderful wife, it's only because you're a great husband, Deeks. I learned everything I know about being a spouse from you. I just copy what you do, if you hadn't noticed."

"I can't say I did. So you've been cheating at wifehood all this time? Not cheating in the extramarital sense, of course."

"Are you complaining? You seemed pretty happy with the results a minute ago. And I don't consider it cheating. More like taking my inspiration from you."

"Well when you put it like that…" He fake-coughed and shared his disbelief.

"It's not bullshit, Deeks, it's the truth."

"How about being a FLETC instructor?" Deeks changed the subject as he yawned, for real.

"What, you're fishing for compliments now? Since when do you need me to inflate your ego?"

"I totally don't. I just thought maybe you forgot that part."

"You telling me that I'm the perfect wife and mother kind of outweighed the professional comment, I guess. But since you asked, I think we are both kick-ass instructors, just like we were both kick-ass federal agents. Or federal agent and liaison."

"Do you miss it? NCIS?"

"Sometimes. More the old gang than the constant danger. I won't deny that I like to hear the stories when we get together."

"Is that enough for you? The adrenaline rush by proxy?" Deeks' voice was quieter, as if he didn't want Kensi to hear the question because he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"If you're asking me if I regret leaving NCIS, the answer is no. Unequivocally no. You were so right about changing careers. I wouldn't give up our lives today for anything, Deeks."

"Glad to hear it. Got to make sure I'm keeping my ladybird satisfied. Happy wife, happy life, and all that. Even if it's been a bumpy ride getting here at times."

"Shh," Kensi admonished. "We're probably already tempting Fate by talking about how happy and wonderful we are. No need to really piss her off by mentioning everything we've overcome to get to this point."

"Oh, you mean like a couple of bullets to the chest, a few murder accusations, countless bombs, torture, a helicopter crash…I could keep going."

"Please don't. Except to add the near-fatal illness that resulted from that crash."

"Of course. And don't say it."

"Say what?"

"You were about to thank me for saving your life, like you do every time the topic of your aplastic anemia comes up. We're partners, Kens. We have each others' backs, always. Even fifty years from now when we go to the Super-Secret Agents Old Folks Home."

"At which point we'll also add chin-wiping to the list of ways we back each other up. And speaking of wiping chins, your daughter will be up at the crack of dawn and tomorrow's Sunday, which means daddy makes 'smores cakes for breakfast. We need to get to sleep."

"Why is she always _my_ daughter when she gets up early?"

"Because _my_ son appreciates sleeping in, just like his mother."

"I'll convert him once he's old enough to surf. Then he'll have a reason to get up early, like his daddy."

"Looking forward to it." And she meant it. Kensi couldn't wait for the day Deeks started to teach their kids how to surf; she knew it would be yet another special experience they would share with their father. Like Sunday morning 'smores cakes and tickle attacks.

Kensi rolled over to her other side and Deeks followed suit, spooning into her back and draping his arm over her. He kissed her shoulder. "Night, Kens. Love you."

She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed gently, "I love you too, Deeks."

They drifted off to sleep, ready to meet the next day as they had the past eleven years: together.

 _Hold on to me, never leave  
Forever be what you mean to me right now  
Don't you feel better now?_  
~ _Rob Thomas:_ _My, My, My_

* * *

 **AN2** : Remember way back in the Chapter 3 author's note when I warned you that there would be an original character death? I'll let you in on a little secret: while Detective Tom Gerard ended up filling that role, he was not the character that was marked for death throughout the story. If anyone's interested to know who narrowly escaped the Grim Reaper (and why I changed my mind), PM me and I'll fill you in.


End file.
